Silver Bullet

He has a pistol in one hand and a phone in the other. His hums under his breath as he listens to the caller’s voice with his phone pressed against his ear. He wonders what it’d feel like to have the gun aimed at his temple.

The call ends before he can find out.

#

Luhan wraps his fingers around Yifan’s when handing out the brown folder that contains the mission’s details and he imagines those digits wrapped around his neck. He settles with a rope instead.

(He wears turtleneck the next day because the rope was too long and he is too tall.)

#

Once, when Luhan was still a field agent and Yifan’s partner; they go out to have a few drinks in between missions. Once, Luhan looks at him with mirth in his eyes and there’s a hint of playfulness etched into the corners of his lips. Once, Luhan will smile at him over a glass of whiskey as he tells Yifan about puffy cheeks that turns into a cute shade of red during winters and chubby fingers that trace the keyboard when typing codes.

(Now, Luhan has a cracked shoulder blade and a collapsed lung and sits behind a grand desk inside a secured room. Now, Luhan is a voice in his ears and an instruction he must always follow.

But Luhan is healthy and Luhan is alive and that is all Yifan could ever ask for.)

(Now, Luhan avoids his gaze and distances himself.)

#

When he’s working, Yifan’s name is Kris. Jongin calls him as such when he sees Yifan.

“Follow me, Kris.” Says the male and Yifan follows the male out of the room and into the quartermaster’s office. He leaves both of them and return to his station.

Kyungsoo stares at Yifan from across the room, his pencil forgotten in his grasp. He looks at the black turtleneck with contempt and Yifan wonders how long they can keep this up. The quartermaster breaks the silence after three full minutes and Yifan wishes for the silence to return.

He says, lips curling with anger and tone thick with disapproval, “Here’s your equipment.”

Yifan reaches for the small black box Kyungsoo just put on the desk and opens it. He laughs bitterly and asks “No special gadgets for your favorite?”

The quartermaster replies with biting words “I’m doing you a favor aren’t I?”

The agent gives him a sad but genuine smile and Kyungsoo glares him out the door, squaring his jaws as his nails carve red crescents into his palms.

#

Once, Yifan had a team or maybe two; he lost counts. He forgets most of their faces and names. Because their faces blur behind his closed eyelids and they do not exist beyond his memories.

(None of them exist. They are just names with no friends, no family and no story.)

But he remembers Luhan because he worked with Luhan the longest. Because Luhan pushes him off the helicopter and takes a bullet for him. Because Luhan still lives until this day and smile at him with his pretty red lips and sorrow in his eyes.

He remembers Luhan because Luhan told him to pull the trigger.

#

Yifan returns to HQ with a limp in his right foot, a bleeding wound and two bruised ribs. Nothing he can’t handle. However, Luhan waits for him at the entrance and walk him to the infirmary, the reports forgotten and protocols disregarded.

Yixing narrows his eyes at him, pointing toward one of the beds and Yifan sits down with obedience as the doctor turns to Luhan “I’ll make sure he gets some rest.”

Luhan nods his head firmly and glances at his best friend one final time before leaving with great hesitancy. Yifan waves him bye-bye and Yixing slaps his hand, hard.

“Take off your clothes.” Yixing mumbles.

“Aren’t you a bit too eager today, Yixing?” Yifan asks slyly as he undoes the buttons on his shirt.

“I learn