Primary Song: Akdong Musician- Time And Fallen Leaves

Genre: Angst (I actually don't know if this'll go under angst, but it has a really melancholy & sad tone)

Characters: Soohyun/ Lee Hi (cameo)

WARNING: This scenario mentions a car accident (multiple times) and PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), so if you have a bad experience with either, please read with caution or not read at all. I wanted to try a slightly darker (?) topic when it comes to angst.

Autumn.

What does one tend to think of when faced with the season of autumn?

Fallen leaves. Orange pumpkins. Chilly weather. Oversized jackets. Furry boots. Whistling wind. Words most people think of when they think of the word autumn.

Now, what does Lee Soohyun think of when the season comes around each year?

Happy family. Car drive. Huge truck. Tremendous crash. Bloody leaves. Hospital stench. Three graves. Those are the words she is reminded of when autumn arrives.

For obvious reasons, Soohyun abhorred autumn. She dreaded the sight of the leaves changing colors, she feared the weather becoming chillier and wind becoming harsher, and she hated wearing warmer clothing because that meant acknowledging autumn’s arrival. Unfortunately for her, the presence of that particular season was inevitable.

Although she had heard successful cases of recovery from PTSD, Soohyun wasn’t sure if she’d be able to do it herself. She’s always been weak, mentally and physically. Her grandmother insisted the trauma would go away after a couple months with psychological therapy, but it has been nearly two years, and Soohyun would still wake up screaming for her dead family who passed away in the horrific car accident.
 

When the first signs of autumn appeared the first year after the incident, Soohyun locked herself in her dark room, void of any sunlight due to the blinds down since she didn’t want to see the outside that was gradually turning orange. Fearful of the reds, oranges, and yellows, she refused to go anywhere. She even received permission to skip school for a week. Still, when it was time to go back, Soohyun nearly had a nervous breakdown because she had to walk to school, and walking to school meant looking at the leaves which were a trigger for her. To this day, she had no idea how she managed to attend school each day last autumn.

Ever since then, Soohyun’s grandmother intensely urged therapy and various other ways to cure her PTSD, and while they’ve been fairly effective, panic attacks would still occasional occur, always leaving Soohyun without any hope that she would heal.

But as the season came around for the second anniversary, Soohyun was determined to make bigger steps towards her recovery. She attended therapy willingly four-five times a week, became closer with her only living relative who resided nearby (her grandmother), kept numerous journals to record her thoughts, avoided possible triggers such as too much TV watching and caffeine, and even exercised and slept more (though the last one wasn’t all too difficult to keep).

To Soohyun's and her grandmother's delight, they could see improvement in Soohyun's case. When faced with reminders of the accident, instead of freaking out, she kept a cool head, took deep breaths, and put her multiple sessions of cognitive behavioral therapy to use. Soohyun also had less frequent nightmares which meant more nights of valuable sleep for both her and her grandmother, who had the task of calming her down whenever she woke up in cold sweat.

As the anniversary of the car accident came rolling around, Soohyun hatched a plan that would hopefully allow her to move on from the past. However, her idea was a rather risky one; if it succeeded, her PTSD will be greatly cured, but if it failed, well, she wasn’t quite sure what’d happen, but she had the feeling she’d have a relapse of terrible panic attacks.

And for that reason, Soohyun didn’t inform her grandmother where she was going on the day after the anniversary. Yesterday was spent quietly mourning in front of her parents' and brother's graves with her grandmother. But today, she was going on a walk through a forest. In order to not worry her grandmother, Soohyun told her she was going to a friend's house.

“Which friend?” Her suspicious grandmother tested.

Soohyun blurted the first friend who popped into her head. “You know Lee Hayi? I’m going to her house.”

“I’m not sure if I remember a Lee Hayi- Oh! Now I remember. She’s the one who is in your singing classes, right? She has a powerful voice,” her grandmother reminisced for a moment. “You sure you want to walk to her house?  It’s a bit far.”
 

"I'll be fine," she reassured her worrying guardian. The day after the accident was usually the worst in terms of panic attacks and nightmares, so her grandmother would much rather have Soohyun stay inside the house, but after seeing how insistent her granddaughter was, Kim Youngja had to allow her to leave.

"Don't forget to wear your scarf and mittens," Soohyun's grandmother fussed, and the seventeen year old merely nodded.

"I'll be going now." Soohyun pecked her grandmother's cheek lightly before leaving.

As Kim Youngja watched her granddaughter stroll away, she prayed softly, "Please come back safely. Please come back in one piece." And she didn't mean just physically. More than anything else, Kim Youngja wished for Soohyun's mental state to come back whole.

Soohyun hummed quietly to herself as she slowly walked to the park, using music as her distraction from the many, many fallen leaves scattered all throughout the landscape. On the houses, on the roads, on the stores; they were everywhere.

She reminisced about how she and her brother wanted to be musicians together because they both adored music. Her brother particularly loved composing music and strumming to his guitar, often staying up late to do both whenever he had a of inspiration. Thinking about her brother hurt a little, but much less than it used to.

A gentle yet brisk breeze blew onto Soohyun, causing her to shiver and rub her arms together. The same wind forced a few clingy leaves off their branches and twirl down to the ground in a graceful dance. Despite her fear of leaves, Soohyun thought their fall from the trees was a rather elegant one, filled with twirls and spirals to put on a show, rather than just falling off.

When she got to the park, she was pleased to see not many people around. After the accident, she had become an introvert seeking solitude. Although she was now working on becoming more social like how she used to be, Soohyun often enjoyed alone time when she could just be herself without caring how she looked like to others. People’s judging stares whenever she had a breakdown had placed a scar onto her already damaged heart.

Although the weather was rather chilly, the sun was shining brightly enough to provide a welcomed warmth. Soohyun had a sudden urge to take off her boots and walk barefoot through leaves, so she just did that. She giggled as the grass blades tickled her feet, and she wiggled her toes for extra effect. With a rather content smile settled on her feet, she boldly kicked the leaves away.

‘Hah, take that,’ she childishly scorned the leaves. By kicking the leaves, she felt like she was kicking away the past and her troubles. With one hand holding her boots, Soohyun continued walking through the park, splaying the leaves everywhere.

One forceful kick sent the leaves flying into the air before descending to the ground, and as she watched the leaves being blown away by the wind, she was no longer in the park for a walk, but in the car with her family, minutes before the car accident.

She was watching the leaves drift by through the windshield, some landing on the glass before being pushed away by the windshield wiper. Her brother was sitting next to her right, jotting things down into what Soohyun recognized to be his music composition notebook. He never allowed her to read it, saying his music notebook was full of inspiration for future songs he wished to compose and that it wasn’t for little annoying sisters to see. Soohyun could see how deeply in thought her brother was for his eyebrows were knit together and he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, a sign of intense concentration.

Her parents were in the front seats, joyfully singing along to some old trot music coming from the radio. Soohyun briefly reflected about how she and her brother must have gotten their musical abilities from their parents. Her mother was an excellent pianist with a beautifully clear soprano voice, and her father was a guitarist genius and although his singing wasn’t as great as his wife’s, he had a smooth deep voice that accompanied hers perfectly.

Soohyun smiled and allowed herself to enjoy her family’s presence because she knew they’ll be gone soon. She glanced outside to the window to gauge how much time left till the accident but was disappointed to see that everything looked the same, so she had no idea when the fated moment would happen.

The girl knew what she was seeing was just a memory. The details of her family’s faces were slightly blurry because even after just two years, she was slowly forgetting them. The thought of forgetting how her parents and brother looked terrified her. At least she had pictures to help her remember.

Not even for a moment did Soohyun take her eyes off her beloved family who she missed so much. Seeing how happy they seemed, even for a while, brought tears to her eyes. When she was in the car two years ago, she had never once imagined that in a few moments, her family would die so suddenly. It’s almost incredible how one second could change everything.

As Soohyun watched her parents singing in tune with one another, her heart hurt when she realized how ungrateful she was to them. She should have expressed her gratitude to them for everything they did and for just being there for her always, but now it was too late. How cruel life could be, always teaching lessons the hard way, always making people realize things too late.

She then looked over to her brother and recalled the times they fought over what she now understood to be trivial issues. How often did they name call each other rude labels and made the other cry? If she knew how soon he’d die, how fragile his life was, she would have nev