“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, we have landed. Once again, we thank you for choosing to fly with us and we hope you have enjoyed your flight.”

Yunho tightened his hold on his backpack as he slowly walked towards the exit. He done all his procedures and finally stepped out into the cold outside. He slowly breathed in the cold air, crossing his chest furiously as if he is protecting himself from the invisible pain. He bit his lips, trying hard not to just run back into the airport. No, Yunho is not weak, he is stronger than this silly struggle. He makes his way to the taxi stand while thinking if he really had made the right choice. Yunho didn't have to wait for very long, soon he was in the taxi and going somewhere where he believes he can seek for some comfort.

Four years. It had been ing four years since Yunho had seen any of his friends. It had been four years since Yunho saw Changmin’s face in person. The closest encounter with Changmin was actually Yunho sobbing his little heart out while hugging the magazine which had Changmin’s face printed at the cover page. It had been four years yet majority of the people still do not know the real reason behind TVXQ break-up. They definitely did not know that actually Homin is real. Was real.

This four years had been long and tiring for Yunho. He spent most of his times lazing around his new house in Australia till he cannot even stand himself anymore and started to become a part time dance instructor at a dance academy which was not more than fifteen minutes away from his house. He did not keep in touch with any of his friends which was tearing him apart. There are two gaping holes in his heart – one is Changmin had left him and one is that he was forced to stay away from his friends, best friend especially Heechul.

He took a deep breath and slowly let go his hand from the strap of his bag and knocked softly on the door, secretly hoping that the other will not hear it. However, he can clearly hear a child running around and some shuffling sounds behind the door before it opened.

“Hi.” Yunho smiled, voice sounds not less than just a whisper.

“Yunho?” Heechul asked.

“Are there any more Yunho here?” Yunho tried to joke but failed quite badly when he was suddenly pulled into a bone-crashing hug.

“Holy , Yunho, you are back. You are finally back.” One or two tears slipped out of Yunho’s eyes. He felt as if like tons

of bricks were finally removed from his shoulders. “It's been forever.” And Yunho can feel himself nodding.

“Daddy, who is it?” a small voice came from the door. Heechul laughed a little before letting go Yunho and pulling him.

“Come, my little buddy, do you still remember the uncle I always mention to you.”

The little boy nodded his head and squealed, “Is it uncle Yunho? Your very very very best friend?”

Yunho smiled at the cute boy and squatted down so as to reach the little boy’s height, “Yes, I am. How are you?”

“Daddy said you speak the best stories in the world! Can you tell me one now?”

Best stories? Yunho frowned a bit before looking back to the flustered Heechul.

“Come my little buddy, it is time for you to sleep and Uncle Yunho will still…” Heechul looked at Yunho silently and seeing Yunho nodded, he continued, “Uncle Yunho will still be here tomorrow morning and you will have your story.”

The little boy pouted cutely and went into his room before grabbing his teddy bear and shouting goodnight to both his daddy and Yunho.

“Beer or water?” It is time for some serious talk.

“Can I sleep instead?”

Heechul sighed, “Yunho, you know you can’t run away forever. Do you know that Changmin still…” “NO!” Yunho rubbed his forehead, “Not now please.”

“Can I ask you a few questions then?” Yunho thinks for a while before deciding that few questions will not kill him and giving Heechul silent permission.

“I’m really glad that you are here and I ing miss you so much till I feel like punching you for leaving me without any notice.” Heechul grinned a bit, “But why are you here? As in why so sudden?”

Yunho shrugged, “Missing you guys too much and I just snapped yesterday morning, I guess.”

“So you bought an air ticket and hopped on to a taxi?” Heechul joked.

“Are you thinking that I will fly here?”

“HAHAHA, Yunho, you still have your humour!”

“Heechul…” Yunho cracked slightly, “You look really good, your boy looks good and everything is good. That’s all I want to see from you.” Yunho’s tears are already flowing uncontrollably, “I miss you really… a lot… I thought…” Yunho tried to breathe in but it is harder than he thought, “I thought I will lose you too.”

Heechul dies a little bit, seeing his once strong best friend breaking down once again in front of him. He rushed to Yunho and hugged him tightly, “Hey, calm down. Trust me, you will never lose me. Despite not seeing for four years, no one is able to replace you. Yunho, you are way too important for me.”

Yunho let Heechul hug him while wiping his tears. “I don’t deserve you, you are so kind.”

“No, Yunho. Llisten, you deserve the best thing to happen in your life. You have always been so patient and kind. I can’t think of anyone else who is better than you.”

“Your mother, maybe?” Yunho tried weakly.

“Funny enough, you deserve the best. That’s it. Nothing more to continue this topic.”

Yunho looks away as he stepped out of the hug, refusing to acknowledge that he had cried again. “I am tired, do you think you have a spare bed?”

Heechul smiled and leaded him to the guest room, “Rest well, we will talk tomorrow.”

The next morning fills with a shouting of not-so nice words and a screaming of a little boy. A lively house. Yunho is not used to it. He is used to waking up to cold and quiet house. Even though, it is loud and Yunho hates loud, he did not find that it is unpleasant.

Suddenly, the door opened abruptly, seeing a small head peeking in.

“MinKeong, how many times must I tell you not to disturb your Uncle!” Yunho laughed at how cute MinKeong is actually making ghost faces as he listening to his daddy’s shouting.

“Uncle Yunho! Daddy said when you are up, we can go to park together and play!”

“Well, I’m up!” Yunho grinned.

“Do you want sandwich or toast?” Heechul asked as Yunho walked into the kitchen.

“Toast is fine, thank you.”

“Are you okay with going to park?” Yunho nodded his head since his mouth is full of food.

Heechul just turned away and starting shouting again at his boy to get ready while Yunho continued eating.

Yunho cleaned away his plate and walked towards MinKeong, “Are you ready?” MinKeong smiled widely and started running to the door.

MinKeong bolted to the playground, leaving Heechul and Yunho sitting on the bench.

“Do you know that Siwon and Donghae miss you a lot, especially Donghae. He cried for two weeks, thinking that he is not good enough at protecting you.” Heechul cringed at the memories, “He thinks it is his fault for not able to be a good friend.”

“Oh god… I…I” Yunho grabbed at his hem of his jacket tightly, controlling his tears not to fall again, “I didn’t mean it that way… I just…I…I am so sorry.”

“We don’t blame you at all, we all know you need some time alone but four years without any news is a bit too much…Yunho, I just want to know why.” Heechul voiced softly, “I want to understand your action. I thought we mean more than that to you, just because you and Changmin ended does not mean you have to go.”

Yunho looked at the ground, he can’t bear to look at Heechul right now. He was so guilty. “I…I am afraid.” Yunho breathes out slowly, he is going to let it all out. “Ever since, the five of us separate, I looked like , I behaved like . I cried a lot and trashed a lot. I still can clearly remember the time when I looked at the mirror, I screamed. Heechul, I screamed because I cannot recognise myself. And that moment, Changmin was there to hold me, putting pieces of me back again. I remembered you and Donghae still had to drag me out of the pub, threatening me to call my mum. I felt so ashamed of myself at that point of time. I don’t know how to face you all especially Changmin. And when everything is getting better then this happened, I… the love of my life just cheated on me. The one who put me back again breaks me. I feel pathetic as if I don’t deserve anyone at all. I just don’t bear to see you all sad faces again, knowing that it was caused by me. I need time and I took four years to able to see you again.”

“… I’m so sorry. I don’t know that you are going through so much. I am such a bad friend. I…I am so sorry.” Heechul sobbing out loud, not caring the fact that he is actually in the park. “Yunho, I really don’t know. I am so ing sorry. I should have be there for you, I should just tie you up.”

Yunho smiled awkwardly and patted his friend’s back, hoping to calm him down a bit.

“Yunho, I just want to tell you that Changmin still loves you. I had been a total jerk to him for the first two years. But he keeps crying and begging me to tell him where you were. He thought that I've hid you somewhere. I even locked him outside my house on a rainy day but he didn’t leave. That’s when I know he's still in love with you. He never change, Yunho. He is still your Changmin.”

Yunho’s heart breaks even more, hearing this. “I don’t know. I really don’t know. First, it was just typical couple quarrel, followed by cold war and finally he left even though I begged him not to. I cried so hard that day, I hugged his waist, begging him but he just removed me away. And next day, he told me he had slept me with some random girl.”

“Yunho… I not asking you go back with him. I just want you to know that maybe, just maybe he deserves second chance?” Heechul said carefully.

“After saying so much, you still think he should have his second chance?! I can’t believe what you said.” Yunho spat angrily, he is just so tired of all these thing. He just miss his friends and want to see his friends. He does not want to see Changmin, which is what he tells himself every day.

“Hey hey, calm down! I’m just saying and of course whatever you do, I will support you!” Heechul raised both of his hands up as if he is defending himself.

“Let’s stop this topic, I can’t handle anym-“

“Daddy! Daddy! See who give me this?” MinKeong runs happily towards Heechul while holding gummy bear high up in the air.

Heechul frowned and said strictly, “What I have told you all the time? No accepting thing from stranger!”

“But Uncle Changmin is not stranger!” MinKeong proceeds on tearing the packet.

“What? Changmin is here? Heechul, I… did you?” Yunho’s jaw dropped and completely shocked.

“, I didn’t plan this. I don’t know why he is here.”

“ … I can’t” Yunho mumbled, breathing deeply.

“ Yunho calm down or not you going to get panic attack.”

“I’m not ready at all, I didn’t even plan to see him at all. I just…”

“Oh my god, Yunho, you're still in love with him right?”

Yunho just want to leave right now and he can do it but his legs wouldn’t move. He continued standing there, trying to catch his breath like a fish out of water.

“Hey buddy, why you are taking so-” Everything froze as Changmin saw Yunho. Changmin’s reaction is almost as same as Yunho. Jaw dropped, completely in shocked.

“Yunho”

“No no no. This is not right, you are not supposed to be here.” Yunho keeps shaking his head while unknowingly shifting himself behind Heechul.

“Heechul, please give us a moment, I got so much thing to need to say.” Changmin pleaded.

“No. Not right now. Not when Yunho can have panic attack at any moment.”

“I…please Heechul, just a minute then.” Changmin begged repeatedly.

“NO!” Yunho squealed and out of sudden, he feels like he has the energy to run off so he just rush off randomly as long as Changmin is not near him.

“Yunho!” Heechul shouted at the same as Changmin.

Heechul turned back to Changmin, feeling angry at Changmin for coming at the wrong timing, angry at god why he is making their lives so difficult.

“Changmin, please take care of MinKeong, I need to look for Yunho before he disappear again. I promise I will try to plan a meeting for you.”

Changmin nodded sadly, knowing that Yunho is probably still hate him, “please take care of him. I love him very much.”

Heechul gave up after searching for three hours straight, he went back to his house, totally not expecting Yunho will be sitting on floor playing with MinKeong.

“You here! Do you know how much time I had been searching for you? I thought you are gone again.” Heechul screamed in frustration but that is because he is worried.

Yunho pressed his lips into one thin line and walked towards Heechul and hugged him. Yunho wants to feel protected, he continued hugging until he heard Heechul calling MinKeong to go into his room and play.

“Come Yunho, you know we need to talk.” He carefully leads Yunho to the sofa, fearing that Yunho will break down again.

“Yunho, are you okay now?”

“Yes.”

“You are not over Changmin… am I right?”

Yunho looked away, thinking what he should say will be suitable. “You know you can tell me everything and anything, I just want you to be happy and , and you are still hurting. I thought you are okay since you are back…again.”

Yunho smiled sadly, “I want to be okay but it is hard… I thought I can forget him but how can I forget when I can see him on magazine from time to time. Pictures of him hanging out with some random girls or some weird famous people. I… just can’t forget him. I really love him a lot…and I am afraid that right now I am still deeply in love with him.”

“Will ever want to see him again? Do you want to talk to him?”

“I… I seriously don’t know. I scared I will lose control again and I don’t want that to happen. I scared I will be urging for his hugs and kisses. All the memories will just keep flowing back and it is drowning. I don’t know. I don’t want that to happen.” Yunho rubs his hands on his head as if he can rub out some define answers.

“Yunho, it has been a long day for you. I think you will just catch some rest. Don’t stress yourself so much. I will have to check MinKeong right now.”

Yunho ignored Heechul as he walked back to ‘his’ room. Little did everyone know, Heechul just planned something in his head.

The next few days were long for Yunho, he had been afraid to go out, fearing that he will see Changmin hence everyone- Donghae and Siwon decided to crash in Heechul’s place. They had a group hug and of course not forgetting lots of crying and laughter. Right now, Yunho actually is alone in the house since Heechul had brought his son back to his mum’s place for a few days. Yunho wasn't really concentrating on the television, his mind was at somewhere else. And then suddenly, a doorbell rang, thinking that it is Donghae or Siwon or both decided to accompany him. Yunho opened the door and there Changmin standing in front of him, staring at him intensely. Just as Yunho going to close the door, Changmin immediately pushed himself in and instead he is the one who locked the door.

“We need to talk.”

“No. Heechul is coming back soon.” Yunho lied.

“Heechul will be at his mum’s for a few days.”

Yunho’s eyes went wide open, “How do you know…oh… that bastard!” Yunho shuffled backward nervously, “I can’t do this right now.”

“Yunho please.” Changmin begged, “I haven’t see you for four years and suddenly you are here… I…”

“I'm not here for you!” Yunho quickly injected in, “I am here because I miss my friends. Not for you.”

“So you still hate me?” Changmin implied sadly.

“No.” Yunho swore he can see a glint of happiness in Changmin’s eyes, “But I still haven’t forgive you. I can’t.”

“It been four years since the incident happened, why can’t you be more like an adult and talk this out.”

“So you are saying I am behaving like a child?”

“No Yunho…what I mean is-”

“What’s there to talk about? You cheated, I left. That all.” Yunho cut off quickly.

“Yunho, it’s not one or two weeks. It is ing four years and you haven’t let it go? Come, let’s talk.”

“Let it go? Forget about it?” Yunho’s voice almost hysterical, “I seriously don’t know what is there to talk. About how you so happy without me or how guilty you are? Or maybe are you going to invite me to your wedding. Changmin, there is nothing to talk about. We are over. Over.”

Changmin immediately crashed his lips on Yunho’s despite the older man struggling furiously. Changmin pushed Yunho into the nearest wall he can find and press both of his hands back on the wall before he continued kissing the smaller man harshly. “Don’t you dare to say it is over! You ing left the next day without any word. We have no closure! You didn’t give me a chance to explain!” Redness cover both of Yunho’s cheek, his body trembled in anger, “Explain how she is ing good in bed, isn’t it?” Tears rolling down both Yunho and Changmin faces. “No! I was drunk, I don’t know what I was thinking, I will never do that to you. I love you so much. It kills me to know that I caused all these pain.” “I…I…” Changmin pressed his lips again on Yunho’s prevent him to say anymore hurtful words. Changmin shoved his tongue into Yunho’s mouth even though his chest is already hurting from all the hitting given by the shorter man. Changmin grabbed Yunho by his waist and pulling him inward, “There’s no one day I don’t love you. I 

love you every day, every hour, every minute, and every second. These four years are killing me, I had totally gone crazy. Yunho, I love you. Only you, no one else.” Changmin cried out the last part.

Yunho just let himself fall to the ground, Changmin lower himself with Yunho, hands not leaving his waist.

“Baby?” Changmin is really scared of what Yunho will response, he scared he will break all over again.

“What you want now? Forgive you and get back again with you?” Yunho speaks weakly, he wants to sleep now and never wake up again.

“I…Do you still love me?” Changmin tried.

“What? That what you want to know the most? Fine, yes! I am still ing in love with you because no matter what I do, it reminds me of your stupid face. But it is so hard to trust you again, I don’t know how to trust people. You break me.” Both of them still hugging each other tightly, refusing to let go, tears slipping out of their eyes, not suring what to do next. They continued lying on the floor for more than ten minutes until Yunho finally spoke again, voice quiet and shaky, “Am I not enough?”

“No oh my god, have you been thinking of that all the time?” Changmin hurriedly pulled Yunho out and forced to lift his face up to see him clearly. The sight is just disaster. “No, please no. Never think that, it not true. You are enough for me, it was me.”

Yunho looked away, wiping away the tears that still rolling down, “I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry. It is my fault that we become like this.”

“ no. Look at me please, Yunho.” Changmin is on the verge of tears again, he wants to kill himself right now, letting Yunho thinking of himself so lowly, blaming himself for everything. Changmin is the one who is not enough, never good enough for Yunho. “Yunho, you are killing me. I am the one. I am the one who don’t deserve you. I got insanely drunk and made a biggest and horrible mistake that nobody should ever make. I… it was all my fault. Never yours. You… you are never in wrong. I’m the one who walk away when you are begging on your knee. It was me. I don’t deserve you but please give me one chance. I will do anything for you. I love you so much. I hate myself for breaking you and myself at the same time. I need you, Yunho.”

Both of them are on full crying, hands gripping each other arms. Shivering despite heater is on. “But…I…I am boring… this 

is why you left…this why you wouldn’t stay…it was me.” Yunho trying very hard catch his breath.

“No! Never Think About Yourself That Way! I am sorry. It was all my fault. I got used to have you there for me, I took advantage of you. Thinking that you are here every day. I was stupid at that time. I thought you will always be there for me. Yunho, it was my fault.”

“Changmin, this is too much… I… I can’t do this anymore. It is hurting me too much.” Yunho keeps shaking his head, “Don’t hold me like this… I am afraid…”

Changmin dies a little again, “Why afraid?”

“Afraid that I can’t let go.”

“Yunho, don’t push me away. Not anymore. We are hurting each other long enough. I love you and you love me. I don’t want let you go anymore.”

“I… I need to sleep. I can’t talk anymore. I want to sleep.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Changmin asks brokenly.

“No.” Yunho gripped Changmin’s arm tightly, “stay please. Don’t leave again. Please.” Tears are threatening to flow again.

Changmin quickly sweeps Yunho up off his feet and carries him back to the guest room. He put Yunho slowly on the bed and pulled the blanket up to Yunho’s chin. “Sleep here please?” Yunho whispered. “It is okay if you don’t want.” Changmin says nothing but quickly slides in from other side. “Can I hold you?” Changmin asks. Yunho just lifts his blanket up and Changmin rolled beside him. Changmin carefully holds Yunho while Yunho lie his head on Changmin’s chest.

The next morning, Yunho wakes up, feeling cold and empty. He turns to his right side and finds out Changmin is gone, as always after their fights. Tears are going to sprang out again and then suddenly bedroom door opened, seeing Changmin standing in front of him, Yunho immediately jumped onto him.

“Hey baby, what’s wrong?” Changmin asks worriedly, he never see Yunho behaving in this way.

“I thought… you are gone again…I thought everything you said yesterday is a dream…” Yunho trembled hard, “I thought… there’re no I love you.”

“Oh baby…”Changmin winced, feeling bad for leaving early because he wants to surprise Yunho with breakfast, “I will never leave you, stupid once is enough. Come babe, I had

prepared breakfast. Let’s eat, alright?” Changmin leaned in and kissed Yunho’s forehead and having Yunho closed his eyes.

This moment, Yunho is preparing himself so he can be ready when Changmin comes and get him for dinner date. Wait…not date, it is just a dinner, nothing more, Yunho chided himself gently. These past few weeks, Changmin had always been with Yunho, not leaving his side till he found out he really have to go home so he can wear comfortably. Yunho had gotten so much skinner, none of his clothes really fit anymore. Changmin promised that he will bring Yunho out for dinner date and it is today. Yunho looked at the clock and it showed seven but Changmin did said he was coming at six-thirty. Yunho is getting anxious, Changmin never late or maybe he had changed during these four years. Yunho is scared, his mind is running wild.

Did Changmin forget him?

Have Changmin find someone better him?

Is Changmin sleeping with other people right now?

Yunho looked at his phone, but no call at all. He broke down on the floor of Heechul’s flat, secretly thanking that Heechul is out with his son so they do not have to see how pathetic Yunho is…Without Changmin. Yunho continued sitting on the floor, sobbing out loudly for the next thirty minutes then suddenly there are few heavy knocks on the door. Yunho wants to ignore it but the knocks do not go away. Yunho dragged his feet, answer it and Changmin immediately took Yunho into his arms.

“Yunho? Baby? Are you alright? Why are you crying?” Changmin is panicking. He doesn’t expecting to Yunho crying so badly. What has happen?

“I…I thought…”Yunho continued crying. “Calm down babe, take your time, I not leaving.” Yunho takes in shudder breaths, “I thought you not coming again, I thought…you find someone … better…” whispering the last word out and tears start flowing again.

Changmin continued hugged Yunho, “No… babe, I am not going to leave you again. The road I taking had occurred a car accident so all the cars could not move and I left my phone in my house. Babe, I am not leaving. You are the one I love.”

Yunho sniffled a bit and looked down on the floor.

“Baby, do you still want to eat?” Changmin asks softly and receiving a shaking head. Changmin sighed but tried to smile 

again, “Let’s watch some movies then?” This time, Yunho said yes.

Halfway through the movie, Yunho snuggled into Changmin’s arms and lied his head on the other’s chest. Changmin just tightened his hold in return.

“I am sorry…about just now.” Changmin looked down and saw Yunho was still looking straight into the television.

“No, it is alright.” Changmin played with Yunho’s hair lightly, “I understand.”

“No!” Yunho sits up and faces Changmin, “These few weeks you had proved me enough but I don’t know why there is a voice in my head keeps telling me that nothing is going to be alright and I just snapped and assumed. I am sorry.”

Changmin smiled warmly, “Baby, this takes time. Trust me, I love you and I will never leave you again. Just take your time, I can wait as long as you want.”

Yunho blushed as he looked away, “What if I don’t want to wait anymore…”

“Oh baby…”Changmin’s tears come up at the rink of his eyes, “Thank you so much, thank you so much, I… I know I don’t deserve you but…I love you too much to let you go. I love you, Yunho.”

Yunho just smiled, and leaned up to kiss him before mumbling, “but…there are a few rules you need to follow.”

“It doesn’t matter if is hundreds or thousands. It doesn’t matter anymore if I have you.” Changmin whispered as he continued kissing Yunho.

Yunho smiled slightly before sat up straight and looked directly into Changmin’s eyes.

“First, we will talk whatever we have in our minds. No more avoiding.” Changmin nodded his head eagerly like a child.

“Second, only drink when I am around, do you think you can do this?”

“Anything for you, babe.”

“Thirdly which also happened to be the last one and that is… no more leaving. You can’t just leave after we had a fight. We can stay in different room but walking out of the house is definitely not one of the options.”

Changmin held Yunho’s face gently, and said, “Leaving you once is enough. I wouldn’t never make the same mistake ever again.”

Yunho just closed his eyes and nodded, “I know this relationship will take quite a long time before it becomes normal again like in the past but I love you.”

“Yes, me too. I love you, Yunho.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First of all, I want to thank my friend helping me to beta. It was really kind of her to do it for me because she has no reason to. And it is my first time trying out this kind of style so i hope to read some comments. be it is good or bad, i just want to learn. Lastly, i really hope you guys have enjoy it. (: