“Dear Yunho, I saw you at the dance studio today dancing your heart out. I feel very happy that you enjoy dancing and dance with so much passion. Are you tired? Go and take a rest! ^^ 15 March 2009” Jaejoong finished off the letter and folded it and put inside the box where all his letters written to Yunho were kept. Every week, he’ll send all these letters to Yunho in hopes that he’ll read it and maybe even reply to him. 


It has been a year now. How tiring it was, to write without receiving but because it’s Yunho, Jaejoong carries on doing it. He thinks that Yunho will write back one day despite Changmin telling him that it’ll never happen and Jaejoong can only smile at him.


*-*

“Dear Yunho, how are your exams coming along? Are you studying hard? Are you going to top the level again? Work hard and get good grades! Fighting! 22 march 2009” Another week pass and as much as Jaejoong wants to be optimistic and tells himself Yunho will write back, he also knows that deep in his heart he won’t. He smiled bitterly at that thought but dismissed it quick with a smile and said to himself, “Yunho will surely write back! I just have to believe”


“Why are you still clinging on to him Jae? You know he doesn’t care about you”. Those words cut deep into his heart, like a blade slashing it as Jaejoong’s face pained. Even if he knew that this was true, the last thing he wanted was another person to confirm his doubt.


Why did Jaejoong like him so much? Yunho saved him before, when he almost got and since then, Jaejoong admired and slowly developed a crush. That crush turned into an obsession ever since. It wasn’t like Jaejoong wasn’t good looking he was actually. ‘I’m not gay’ was Yunho’s excuse.


*-*

“Dear Yunho, you look sad and tired today…Did anything happen? You know that I’ll always be here for you! Cheer up! Things will always be better for you! I’ll remember to pray for you ^^ 27 march 2009” He puts down his pen on the table and folds the letter as he puts the stamp on it. He prepares to post it to Yunho again but can’t help but think if things really do get better since it did not for him. Again, he dismissed it and posted the letter. He waited but no reply came back.


*-*

Shoutings can be heard outside Jaejoong’s room as his parents quarreled viciously throwing harsh words at each other. “Do you think I’m scared of you?! Who do you think you are to treat me like this?” her tone was filled with anger and threatened to snap. “When did I treat you badly? YOU are the one bossing me around!” as if her voice isn’t loud enough, Jaejoong’s father voice roared compared to hers.


Jaejoong put his hands on his ears as he lied on the bed; he closed his ears as tightly as possible to mute the fights happening outside. Sooner or later, he thought, they will divorce. Jaejoong broke into tears as fear overtook him at the thought of his parents’ divorce.


‘Wait, I cannot be negative’ he stopped himself from crying as he breathed deeply. ‘Ok Jaejoong, don’t think about this. Just write to Yunho about this and maybe he will reply’ as he walked to the table, took out a new sheet of paper and started writing.


“My parents are having a fight now and I feel so afraid they would divorce. What would happen if they did? I feel so scared now Yunho, I can’t breathe properly. Can you please reply me this time??” He folded the letter quickly, stamped it and proceeded to send it. ‘He will reply me. He will’ he thought as he gave himself false hope. His parents fighting didn’t stop and worsened even. They completely ignored and avoided each other as much as possible. Sometimes, they even took it out on him but he didn’t mind. Waiting for Yunho’s reply was the only thing that kept him going.


‘If Yunho didn’t reply me once at all, why would he now?’ a part of him can’t help but think this way. ‘No! This time it’s important, he will reply me’ 


But he didn’t. 


It was a week now and Jaejoong’s parents indeed divorced. Yunho didn’t even care and continued to ignore him. “Why did I even give myself false hope?” Jaejoong snorted and laughed bitterly with tears in his eyes. His heart clenched in anger and pain as he held onto his heart tightly. Why didn’t he reply me when I needed him most? Why?! He stood up and hit his table with his hand loudly, causing the papers used to write letters flew into the air and fell. Jaejoong laughed again as he saw the papers in the air as they dropped slowly. “Yes, why do I need you anyway? Drop for all I care!” as he kicked the table hardly one last time and walked out of the room with tears decorated on his face.


He made his way to Yunho’s house with anger boiling in him. He reached the entrance of his house as he pressed the doorbell continuously and impatiently without care. After a minute, the door flung open with Yunho saying “What?!” as he hissed menacingly. After he realized it was Jaejoong, he looked irritated, “It’s you. Why are you here?”


“You. I put all my feelings into you and hoped desperately you will reply at least one of my letters and what did you do? YOU COMPLETELY IGNORED MY EXISTENCE! I tried to tell you that I was feeling sad and begged you to reply me but you didn’t. I guess you threw away all my letters without reading right?” he snorts. “YOU ER, I HATE YOU SO MUCH.” Jaejoong was so raged his whole face was red as he let out all his anger. He punched Yunho on the face as hard as he could; trying to make him feel the pain he was feeling and walked away. 



He walked and walked to a deserted place where few people were around. As he saw the people laugh happily and play with each other, he couldn’t stand it and burst into tears. “Why are all of you so happy except me?! Why?! Are you mocking me?!” The pain arose in his heart again as he cringed. He wailed, not caring if people heard it as tears poured out from his eyes. He hit his chest a few times, trying desperately to make the pain subside but it didn’t and he could only laugh bitterly. How could Yunho’s pain be compared to this? He snorted again as he sat on the floor which was decorated with his tears.


It seems that his sobbing and pain never stopped as sadness filled his world until when someone spoke.


“Why are you crying mister?” a soft and angelic voice said as he looked up through his teary eyes and saw a young girl asking and tilting her head. He smiled painfully at her as appreciation overwhelmed his heart and his heart wept.



A/n: Just an additional note, if you noticed how Jaejoong always starts off with a dear yunho and ends off with the date, did you notice that when he wrote about his family problem he didn't do it? Well, I'm just saying, the rest is for you to think:)