I'm ing brainless...how couldn't I see this coming! I loved him with all my might...but he never did...all those nights I would lie beside him and pray those moments would never cease to exist...but they soon going to...

My fingers were trembling as I tried to smooth the edges on my sculpture...my eyes were soaked, swollen and reddened. The taste of salt on lips seemed to disappear but not the pain I feel inside.

The phone won't stop ringing and every time it did...my heart bled through it's fresh wounds...can't he get a hint?...

...I thought that I...could end up loving her...but Younha never left my heart... Hyung, what do I do? I can't be with her anymore... I will only cause her more pain.

Oh Xiumin...you don't know how much you've already hurt me...

I thought we would marry and have some kids and stay together until the bitter end...

So stupid and naive...

"Yah!! Aera! Open the door right now!"

His harsh cold voice startled me...there was no concern in his tone. I wish I could hide myself away but there was no hiding from this, in my small studio... I made small steps over to the black door, hoping that my old Xiumin was out there, waiting to embrace me.

Don't be stupid...his old self was just a sweet lie that I believed in countless times...

I turned the knob slowly but the door was busted open before I could open it...ouch...

His eyes were so angry and vicious, I could barely recognize him anymore. How could he change so much over night?

"Why have you been ignoring me?!"

He came to yell at for ignoring him while I'm in this state. More tears slipped after his mean question...

"I have my reasons," I looked down trying hard to control my waterworks.

"Tell me!"

I shook my head, I can't confront him...not now...not ever!

He growled at me and knocked a vase from the table near him. He gripped my shoulders rather hard which made me wince,"You better tell me, now!"

I looked up to see his flared dragon eyes that held fury while my dead ones were pathetic ones were pointless. This wasn't Xiumin...wait...how were I to know? He's been deceiving me all this time..

"Tell me!"

"NO!"

Slap.

I was on the floor and the sting began to spread on the surface of my left cheek. My eyes looked up and met his to search for an explanation...none. That was the last strike...

I sighed deeply before dragging myself from the hard floor. Slowly, I limped myself away from him. His strong hand gripped around the wrist, forcing me to face him. My patience was running low.

 I pushed him away from me, " you, Xiumin! You come here to ask me stupid questions and to hurt me! Are you here to use me more, huh? To play me like a ing fool that you can laugh at?! I trusted you with everything! I was always there when you needed me...but I was never in your heart...was I? Ever? Did I ever ask too much from you? Why couldn't I be the woman in your heart instead of that Youn-"

I felt his hand cover my mouth harshly. Xiumin's once happy filled eyes...were colored with anger and hate...

"You have no right to ing say her name!!"

"I don't care! Why would I care about the woman who has your heart when I gave you mine back in high school... How fair is that?? Was my cooking bad? Did you not enjoy my help...my presence...my effort? Was I too boring? Tell me?!... Xiumin...I gave you my all but you never cared did you?... Am I not pretty enough? Am i too fat? What is it?"

He looked at me with rage-filled eyes...my pain didn't even soften him...not even a bit...

"... You...would never be her...I will always love her..."

I swear he killed me right then and there...I wanted to run faraway and never look back again...

"Xiumin...I know that... If that were to happen I would have won your heart before these 11 months... I wish I could be her and I envy her so ing much...she has you longing for her... While I'm here following your every move, wanting to catch you if you fall or support you in whatever you may want to do...but it wasn't me who you wanted to do that right?...

He was quiet...I got my answer. My vision began to blur and my legs felt like jelly...this was it..

I looked at him, who was trying to recollect himself, "Xiumin...go to her...she came back didn't she? You said that...give her what I wanted the most...your love... Goodbye, Xiumin...and good luck with her, okay? Don't you dare give up on her!..."

He was quiet and sort of stunned? I was too...I was letting go of him...something I'd never thought I would do... I can't believe what I'm saying...I stopped fighting for him.

I took one more glance at his beautiful face. His once loving eyes... It was enough to make me fall for him all over again...

One more kiss, Xiumin...

I approached him and leaned myself in, placing my dry lips on his soft ones...I'll miss this feeling... Wrapping my arms around him, I deepened the kiss...but received no reaction from him... It hurt so much to kiss your first love and real boyfriend and not have him kiss back...

Gathering the last bits of pride and control, I pulled myself away from him and looked into his dreamy orbs. , Xiumin...you make me feel pathetic. I gave him a slight grin and then felt my feet subconsciously dragged into the bathroom nearby. My trembling fingers traced my lips as I waited to hear that door close in the other room...I love you, Xiumin...

The sound of the closing door was my cue to let out everything inside. I yelled, my screams echoed the quiet studio that contained hurtful memories. My feet stomped outside kicked down my unfinished sculpture to the cold floor. I dug my fingers deep into the undried clay. Cursing everything I could think of...  I yelled out more and cried into my knees. What now? He was the only friend I had here...my family is back in Japan...will they take me in?

I walked over to the sink and stared at the mirror. I was never good enough...was I? My hair was a mess, my eyes still were colored red and my expression was very bitter and sad...what has he done to me?...

It's been almost three weeks and I wondered what I got myself into. She hasn't said much lately...her manager said she has been calling in sick which is weird. Aera loves her job and she wouldn't stay away from it for too long. I am starting to worry but I know I have to right to see her...

God, I knew we would end up like this... I'm so stupid for using her like that... Younha...she didn't even give me a chance. She couldn't... She was expecting a daughter soon anyway...guess I was too late...

Aera...I'm a bad man...I'm sorry...

I hopped off the bus and walked alongside the familiar sidewalk. The same ice cream stand stood at it's corner. Children are walking home with their friends. Cars ride along in peace while I have uneasiness in my heart.

There was the building. I looked at the window which I use to look out of almost every other night when I spent the night over. She had the best night view through that window. I jogged myself into the building and made my way near the elevator. I waited and realized a body stand beside me. It was a middle aged man. The doors opened and we both stood inside, heading for the same floor.

The doors opened once again and we emptied the elevator. Heading the same way, I see him pull out a key and stand in front Aera's door. What is he doing?

"Excuse me, why are you going inside the room? It has a owner."

"Ah, yes. Miss Aera dropped her key off last night. She told me to throw out any stuff behind. Do you perhaps know her?"

"Yes...she left? What? Did she say where she was going?"

"No she did not. I'm guessing you two had problems, since she didn't want you knowing her current whereabouts," he unlocked the door and opened it for me. I hesitantly walked in into the empty apartment. Everything was gone. There was no more warmth in this place...she took it with her...

There were two boxes in the living room beside one another.

"There it is," he looked at me, "Maybe there is something in there for you to keep?"

I shrugged and got closer to the boxes. The man told to take anything I want and to help him throw out the rest. I agreed without having my eyes leave the boxes. Kneeling before them I examined the boxes. They looked full from the outside...one way to figure out...

I can't deny that I...feel scared of knowing what she left behind...

The first box was opened and there were photo albums...lots of old...familiar ones...

She had all of these photos in which she labeled and lived happy memories through them but I'm the jerk that ruined it for her...

Aera...she was so organized and girly with the photos...hearts on every image with a sweet short caption. My heart began to ache when I realized how much we went through...

My award ceremony...

My first day as a teacher...

My birthday party...

Her birthday party...

Our trip to Galapagos...

The annual carnival in Japan...

Our first concert...

She took so many pictures of me...she adored and loved me...what every man hopes to find in a woman that was not only beautiful but pure hearted...

There were pictures that I never knew were taken of me...she managed to capture that captivated the real me...

I opened the other box...

There were clothes within...clothes in which I had the matching pair back at home. They were all in this box. I pulled out a shirt but something hard fell from it on to the wooden floor.

It was a camera...

It only contained a 12:40 footage long video, I was curious and decided to let it play...

 

Flashback

I pressed the record button and smiled right at it. I had to look nice for my Xiumin.

"I'm finally back from the U.S.! Those three days were hell to me. Oppa~ I missed you so much! You're mean for not picking me up! I forgive you though but remember next time okay? Hah, well I'm on my way to your class. You should have released them by now so I'm headed there right now!"

I feel happy... I'm about to see him once again. I have to tell him something really important! Just last night, he called me to remind me that he loved me. I just want to feel his arms around me and his sweet lips on mine...

"Here we are! You're right in here. Now all I need to do eh-"

I noticed him talking to Kai oppa, I haven't seen him since his wedding day. Xiumin looked frustrated and Kai looked angry. It wasn't none of my business but i don't like that look on my face. I stuck my ear out a bit more to listen.

"Oppa, what did you do?"

I whispered while paying closer attention to the two.

"Xiumin hyung! You cannot do something so cruel to her like that! Younha was only a bad influence on you and you know that. She wasn't there for you like Aera was. Didn't you tell me that Aera loves you whole and that everyone else knows that? Younha didn't even bother contacting you when she came back. If you go back to Younha, I swear to God, you'll regret it. Women like Aera aren't easy to find, do you really want to give her up?"

"Look Kai...I already told you from the beginning that Aera was suppose to help me forget her. But that plan didn't work at all! I still crave for Younha...I need her! Aera was always so willing to be with me so I knew I could get with her so quickly."

My world was collapsing in the most slowest and most painful way. Am I hearing this correctly? Is this a joke? Was I only living a fantasy that I wanted for 6 years now?

"Xiumin hyung...do you realize what you want to throw away? Did Aera ever mean something to you? Have you ever thought that you may actually love her? Aera, your number one fan... The girl who admired you since high school. The girl who stood up for you whenever someone badmouthed you. The woman whose heart was doing cartwheels when you asked her out. The woman who left her parents in Japan to be with you? The woman who probably saw a beautiful future with you? The woman whose life you may ruin if you abandon her like this?"

I felt my heart beating fast...please Xiumin...say yes...please!

"...No."

Kai sighed loudly, "Hyung...you have no idea how hard I want to knock some sense into you...but if that's what you decide...set her free before you make her wound bigger..."

I couldn't listen to anymore. Quickly I tip toed away and as soon as I was far away I ran like crazy. Still recording. I'm sure you couldn't see anything but only hear my sobs. The campus was empty today, thank God...

There was a nearby park that was empty as well. I looked into the camera, not caring how I looked.

"Why?..." my voice croaked, "You told me you loved me yesterday!"

"What happened?!! You're so cruel! All this time you made me believe you were happy by my side... I cared for you sooo much...you knew that... I'm sorry Xiumin...for not helping you forget her...If I knew... I would have tried harder and harder..."

The love of my life...

I never had his heart but had mines for the longest. He knew that but he never cared for it...he's giving it back broken and beat up...

"Goodbye Xiumin..."

 

Present

She was there...
She heard it all...
She felt it all...

That word again, Goodbye.

Aera...if I could take everything back...I would have treated you better.

You were so good to me...I was so stupid to not realize sooner.

Maybe I have already...but I was afraid?

No. I was stupid...

I looked into the small box one more time and saw something all the way in the bottom. My hand dug for it and took it out.

A white stick...with a positive sign...

...she's pregnant?

The end?