***Okay. so it's been so long since I posted something in AFF, it took me like three minutes to figure out how to add a chapter. The button on the left that actually said "Add Chapter" is not working. Refreshed the page and it did nothing. Clicked on "Manage Chapters", not working either. How useless are those buttons.

 

 

1

I really want to believe that Kwon Jiyong does not have a problem with me. But when the guy walked out on me even before I started to say something to him, what was I supposed to think?

He’s avoiding me.

“Jiyong, wait!” I yelled. But my attempt wound up useless because he was already at the door, leaving the classroom. In a damn hurry.

I was so sure that he had heard me though. He just chose to pay no heed to me.

To be honest, I didn’t care if he wants to ignore me for the rest of this semester. I could do the same; that wouldn’t be too hard. What I cared about was that in times like this, when we had to discuss something that was class-related, he should at least forget whatever his problem was with me and talk to me.

Why did the universe even connive with Mr. Nam to partner me up with Jiyong? I wasn’t his biggest fan. Nor I was with him. Not that we’re enemies. We’re not even fighting. What we were was that we hardly talk to each other. Hardly.

Trust me I did try to be friendly with him, seeing that he seemed to be a nice guy despite his rugged look in his torn jeans, dark shirts, and tattoos. And simply, I wanted to get to know each of my classmates.

Sadly, my two attempts to do just that didn’t exactly thrive like I would have wanted it to. On the first occasion, when I had overheard him tell his friend that he forgot his pen, I graciously offered him one of my extras. And you know what he said? “I’m looking for one with a blue ink.” Then on my second try, in which I said nothing but an affable “hey” when he passed by my chair, he looked at me like I grew an eye on my forehead, before he wordlessly turned away and headed to his seat.

.

Okay, maybe it’s wrong to judge him of that filthy word based solely from those two occasions that he did act like an to me. I mean he had never really done anything awful to me other than those. Which now that I thought of it further, probably wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t initiate both encounters.

Wait. So was it my fault now? But I was just trying to be nice…there’s nothing wrong with that!

Nonetheless, I learned my lesson. Because ever since my last attempt, I’ve never bothered Jiyong again. Until today. When we both got paired off for a class presentation that was due three days from now. And judging from his attitude? Nope, this wasn’t going to work between the two of us.

Then it dawned in me, wow, this was the third time he’d been actually rude to me. How was that possible? I mean how could you act disrespectfully three times in a row to someone who hasn’t done anything wrong to you?

At least from what I can recall, I hadn’t done anything wrong to him.

Or have I?

But I refused to let it perturb me at this time. Jiyong didn’t want to work with me, fine. I’ll assume leadership, work solo on dividing subtopics, and then just hand his assignment out to him later.

That is if I could see him. I didn’t even know where I’d start looking for him.

 

2

After about 20 minutes of meandering along the grounds of Hanyang University, on the trail for Jiyong’s profile to finally furnish him his task, I quit. I couldn’t find him.

Good thing I saw his friend—the one he always sits beside with at our Logic class. Youngbae’s back was against me but I perfectly recognized that jacket he was wearing. Not to mention, that outrageous platinum Mohawk he was sporting.

“Hey.” I tapped him on his shoulder before I stepped to his right side so he could see me.

He instantly greeted me with a smile. “Hey, Dara, what’s up?”

“Uhm, I’m just wondering if you could give this to Jiyong?” I handed over a sheet of paper to him. “I was trying to find him but I couldn’t. This is his assignment for the class presentation we were both supposed to do in Logic. I took the liberty of splitting work between us since he wouldn’t talk to me.”

Youngbae took the paper. “Okay, sure, I’ll give this to him.”

Then he started to leave. But I remembered Jiyong’s unfriendly conduct toward me and I thought maybe Youngbae could enlighten me with some explanation about that. They’re buddies. He must know why Jiyong’s behaving differently with me.

I caught up with him. “Can I ask you something?”

Youngbae tugged the strap of his backpack over his shoulder, a questioning look on his face. “Yeah.”

“Does Jiyong have a problem with me?”

His smile widened first, the corner of his eyes arching down, before he chuckled good-naturedly, confidently shaking his head left and right. “I don’t think so.”

My nose scrunched up automatically out of confusion. That wasn’t the answer I was expecting to hear. “Really? Because I’ve got this feeling that he doesn’t really like me. And don’t tell me I’m hallucinating because I’ve got three instances to back that claim up.”

Youngbae took a deep breath. “Let’s just say he’s awkward around you.”

I blinked in utter surprise. Awkward? And I swore I wanted to find out more, but Youngbae had to run to catch his next class.

As I walked to my dorm, I pondered about our conversation. Jiyong was awkward around me? So he does have a problem with me! Because why otherwise would he be awkward? And of all people, with me?

I was the awkward one. Back in high school, I wouldn’t talk to anybody unless it was completely necessary because I had been extremely shy. I had buried myself in my books, studying. It was only recently, when I got to college, that I was able to open myself up more voluntarily. Although I still have to get this socializing thing worked on, but I was getting there. Slowly. With the help of my roommate Chaerin.

Going back to Jiyong, was it because I was too talkative? In the class that we share, I do participate in the discussions a lot. And by ‘a lot’ I mean I grab every opportunity to raise my hand when Mr. Nam asks something about our lectures. Sometimes I even just blurt out my opinions without permission.

Or is it the way I dress? Do my bright-colored dorky blouses offend Jiyong’s dark rock star T-shirts?

Okay, you know what?  I don’t care. If he doesn’t like me, then so be it. I wasn’t going to change who I was just so he’d be comfortable around me.

When I got to the dorm and entered the room I share with Chaerin, I found her fumbling through her closet. She turned to me as I shut the door, a glittery gold fabric in her grip. Grinning in excitement, she held it up for me to scrutinize.

“What do you think?” she asked.

“It’s…shimmering?” I answered with full uncertainty as I walked to my bed and plunged my on it, not sure as to what exactly she was looking for from me to see in the dress.

I was never good with clothes, or fashion. Personally, I’ve always picked what’s comfortable to wear, hence the array of T-shirts and casual jeans in my drawer. I had never been adventurous either, although I did try out ensembles out of my norm when I shop. Then again, I still end up buying tees that Chaerin had labeled the minute she saw them to be boring and cringe-worthy.

“Is it good?” she prodded.

“Uh, I guess?”

“Okay, try it on.” Then she tossed the thing to me.

Surprised at her statement, I wasn’t able to catch the garment in time. It hit my face before cascading on my lap. I held it up with my fingers and saw up-close what it really looked like. It was a gold tunic sleeveless shirt. In the middle was a fairly large black flower made up of little sequins. Turning it around, I noticed the back was totally see-through.

I stood up to amble close to Chaerin and handed the dress back to her, dread clearly etched on my face. “No. This won’t look good on me.”

She crossed her arms, keeping herself from taking the garment. “But you haven’t even tried it yet.”

“I don’t have the confidence to wear this.”

She rolled her eyes. “When you see how gorgeous you’d look in that, confidence will come charging in like lightning. Come on. Just try it.”

I stared at her defiantly at first, before I finally gave in. Halfheartedly. Walking to our little changing area, I asked what the dress was even for. Because Chaerin doesn’t let me try her clothes on unless she wants me to actually wear it so I could tag along with her to a party or event she’s invited into.

“I’m going to my boyfriend’s gig tonight and I want you to come with me.”

See? I was right.

My mouth easily puckered out in a mix of puzzlement and shock. “You have a boyfriend?”

“Yes. Remember the guy I have been dating for the past week?”

The pout on my face just went sharper. “Really? Him?”

“Yes. Him.”

Seungri was a drummer for some rock band. Not that there’s anything wrong with that; I just didn’t realize Chaerin’s type were heavily-tattooed, junkie-looking, pierced guys. Let’s just say she’s a little too chic for a rocker. But who was I to judge? When love hits you, appearance doesn’t factor in. Apparently, so did time. It’s amazing how she could launch a relationship with a guy she only dated for a week.

I made myself visible to her, now donned in the dress, and I was frowning because I was skeptical about the way I looked. I had no idea as there was no mirror in our changing area. I probably seemed ridiculous and trying hard.

“Wow,” Chae drawled, her eyes blinking and shining clearly with awe as she inspected me. “You look amazing in that dress. I swear to God, Dara, guys will be all over you begging for your number with that.”

What…

I sauntered to the mirror hanging at a wall near our door so I could see for myself if she was telling the truth. She must be exaggerating. There was nothing in here—and I’m talking about the entirety of me—that would trigger any guy to ask for my number, let alone turn his head on me.

And yes, I was right. Scanning at my reflection, I could totally say that Chaerin was blowing my look out of proportion. Though in a good way, I couldn’t help but wonder if she was blind. I mean I admittedly didn’t look bad, but to say that guys—not just one—will be all over me with this dress was a complete overstatement.

“That is so what you’re going to wear tonight,” Chaerin added with a satisfied grin on her cherry-tinted lips. “Just match it up with a pair of black shorts and wedge and you’re good to go.”

I instantly whisked my head to her. “No, I’m not going with you wearing this.”

An eyebrow of hers lifted and a hand lodged at the side of her waist. “What’s wrong with that dress?”

I stalled for a few seconds to ponder over the question.

I got nothing.

“Okay, it’s not the dress,” I said. “I just don’t feel like going out tonight.”

“Are you sick?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Then you have no excuse, sweetheart.” She turned to her closet, I presumed to find a dress of her own to wear for tonight.

“Actually—”

She quickly twirled her head to me, ferocious eyes piercing at my meek ones. I nearly balked in fright. Damn, she had the ability to incite fear if she wanted to. She said, “Don’t dare give me the I-have-to-study excuse because it’s Friday today and you have the entire weekend to do that. Besides, you told me like a month ago you wanna get out and mingle as much as you can because you never got to do that in high school. Does that story ring a bell?”

Oh, yes it did. It rang all kinds of bells in my brain. But I remembered I was also high at that time from my excitement from finally getting into college, moving into the dorm, growing up, and having all this freedom that I just blurted out anything that came into mind. Basically, I didn’t know what I was saying.

Chaerin continued. “And here’s an opportunity I’m trying to bestow upon you now. Didn’t you enjoy the last one? I mean come on, that frat party last week was like the bomb.”

That frat party was way too intense for a first timer like me. I think I just got scared of parties now more than I liked them. But I didn’t admit that to Chaerin. She’s really trying to exert some effort to help me out here, and she wouldn’t have had to if she wasn’t a nice person. I owe it to her to at least appreciate what she’s doing for me.

“Fine, I’m going with you at your boyfriend’s gig tonight.”

Chaerin threw both hands up in the air, smiling roughly from ear to ear at my concurrence. “That’s my girl!”

 

3

Zensai was the bar Chaerin and I were destined to be at 7:00 tonight, but we made it a little earlier so we could grab good seats. It was one of the nearest to Hanyang University so it wasn’t a surprise to see that most of the patrons were college students like us.

“Find a table while I grab some drinks,” Chaerin said, and I nodded before she hopped away to the bar.

I began to look for a spot for us.

“What in the world are you doing here?”

I was so immersed with looking around so it came to me as a complete shock to have somebody asking me—in a rude manner, may I point that out—about my presence inside the bar. Shock had even multiplied tenfold when I discovered who that somebody happened to be.

Jiyong.

I had this strong urge to retort in the same fashion that he did. Because really, he didn’t have to right to talk to me that way. Wasn’t it sufficient already that he ignores me for no reason at all, and now he attacks me?

Ah, but I wasn’t audacious enough to attack him back. Especially when for some reason he looked stunning tonight, rendering me temporarily dazed and dumbfounded. He never looked more befitting in this place than in any other. With his tattoos and his rock star T-shirt, this bar was definitely his kind of scene. The very idea was even reinforced when a guy on stage shouted at him, asking him to get up on there so they could start the show.

Great, he was part of the band.

And so was Chaerin’s boyfriend.

What a coincidence.

Daze over, I started to speak. “Uhm, I’m sorry. I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed here. I didn’t even know you’d be here. Look, I don’t want any trouble so I’m just leaving. Let me just look for my friend and I’ll be on my way.”

Chicken, I thought to myself about myself as I turned another way to begin my search for Chaerin. Possibly, I was being a wimp. But I didn’t want to deal with Jiyong tonight. Experiencing yet another one of those deeds to show his obvious dislike for me wasn’t what I came here for.

I found Chaerin still at the bar, but coming up to her was put at a halt when I felt a gentle yank to my arm.

It was Jiyong. Again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude,” he said at once.

I was about to reply, but the guy on the stage defeated me to it and shouted at Jiyong again.

“Just a sec,” he yelled back before turning to me. “I didn’t have the right to question your being in here, so just stay…with your friend.”

“No, it’s okay,” I quickly rebuffed, shaking my head. “It’s not like I wanted to be here in the first place. My friend just tagged me along to see her boyfriend who happened to be your drummer.” I took a glimpse over at the bar, but Chaerin was no longer there. Then I made a quick sweep of the area to look for her but she was as well nowhere in sight. Great. “And now I can’t find her. Can you just tell her boyfriend to tell her that I already left?” I wheeled around and headed straight for the door.

I knew the conversation was just between Jiyong and I, but why did it feel like I was humiliated in front of the whole bar? Tears rise to the corner of my eyes, but with everything I had I kept them there. There was no way I was going to cry over that. It didn’t warrant my tears.

I made it outside and the cold evening gust nipped at my skin. Ugh, why did I listen to Chaerin not to bring a jacket with me? Ah, yes, because she said it would ruin my overall look and I had believed that.

But the only thing that was ruined here was my night.

I knew I had misgivings coming with her; I just persuaded myself that this was an adventure, an experience, and that it could be fun. Matter of fact, I was feeling it already when I entered Zensai, but then thanks again Universe…thanks for the second time for conniving this time with my roommate so she could bring me to a bar where his boyfriend will perform with his band, which coincidentally Jiyong was also a part of!

“Hey, Dara, wait up!”

Speaking of the devil, I swiveled to find him coming up to me, and it was safe to say that I was every bit bewildered by that.

I was already leaving; I was pretty sure that’s what he wanted for me to do too. So why was he trying to hold me up from actually doing it?

“Don’t leave,” he added. “I’m sorry about—”

“Jiyong, I told you it’s okay,” I cut him short, before I turned around to be on my way again.

“Wait—”

I whirled briskly to his direction, feeling my impatience spiraling by the millisecond. “Look, I don’t know what your problem is with me, but I am not going to waste another second of you treating me the way I don’t deserve.”

Now there’s the audacity I was looking for earlier. Unfortunately, it came at the wrong time. Those weren’t what I was supposed to say anymore, damn it. Feeling a little ashamed, I swiftly turned around again and marched ahead, firmly deciding this time that nothing he says or does can stop me from leaving.

“I like you.”

Okay, fine. Those words stopped me in my tracks, moreover left me standing frozen and stiff as they registered in my head.

“So damn much that I don’t know how to act around you.”

What in the--

Finally gaining some sense of motion, I spun around to face him. “Are you on drugs?”

His countenance instantly played a range of emotions—amusement, surprise, confusion. “What, no.”

“Then what are you going on about?”

He turned his head to the side, stalling. And I think I saw his cheeks had changed color. That, or it was just the red blinking light emanating from Zensai’s signage. He turned back to me, hands in either pocket of his jeans. “Exactly what I said.”

That he likes me? No. He had proven more than enough in the past month that he didn’t. What he’s trying to pull here, it must be a ploy. But why? To hurt me? Lying that he likes me so I could fall for it and then hurt me in the end?

So ignoring me, running away from me, and denying my attempts to be nice to him weren’t enough he had to sort to…to this?

This is crazy! He is crazy!

“Holy ,” Jiyong uttered. “Are you crying?”

I didn’t even realize I was until he pointed it out. And I swore for the next five seconds, I tried to contain the tears. There was no use to it, however. It was already too damn late. All those times I refused to believe that he perturbed me came crashing down upon me.

I sniffed loudly. “Why? Why are you doing this to me?”

Jiyong bowed his head for a moment, before he brought it back up and took a deep breath. I supposed he was about to respond to my question, but the same guy who kept on interrupting us came out of the doors of Zensai. And judging from the way his face creased, he was annoyed. “Dude, show’s about to ing start. Come on!”

Jiyong was growing impatient himself, his jaw clenched. “Okay, I’ll be there.”

Once the guy got back in, Jiyong turned to me, his voice sounding earnest. “Stay. Please.”

Wiping my tears away from my cheeks, I nodded. But the moment he dashed inside the bar, I turned the other way and headed back to the dorm.

 

4

I stirred up from my bed the following morning, finding Chaerin already awake. I thought that to be odd because, one, I was sure I hit the sack earlier than her so it just makes sense that I get to wake up first before her. And two, I guess I wasn’t expecting her to be here at all. I assumed she’d spend the entire night with her new boyfriend.

I sat up from the bed, rubbing sleep out of my eyes when I felt Chaerin settled beside me. She stared at me with a weird smile on her face, and I honestly didn’t know if I should be frightened about that or not.

“What?” I asked. Wasn’t she supposed to be angry at me because not only had I left Zensai, but her as well, prematurely? “You’re creeping me out, Chae.”

“Did anyone by any chance contact you?”

I held my stance rigidly on my bed, oddly staring at her…oddness.

She continued. “You know, anyone who goes by the name of…Jiyong?”

That’s when I loosened up, my eyes rolling as I assumed an Indian seat position. “Why would he contact me? He doesn’t even know my number.”

“Uh, I gave it to him last night.”

“WHAT!” I practically screamed, and it must have scared Chaerin off because she backed away from me.

“He asked for your number, what was I supposed to do?”

“And you just gave it? Chae, that guy’s a jerk to me!”

“Well, I’m sorry I didn’t know.” But she didn’t sound apologetic. “I mean when he was talking to me I didn’t think he was a jerk…so I thought it was safe to give him your number. He was actually worried, you know. When they finished the first set, he came down from the stage with Seungri to my table, asking about you. I said you were feeling suddenly sick—according to your text to me—that you had to leave. And then he requested for your number because it was important that he talks to you…”

Chaerin continued to ramble on about his conversation with Jiyong and I pretended I was listening. I reached out for my phone from the side of my bed and saw I have three missed calls. There was also a message from just an hour ago.

Can I see you today?-Jiyong

“Three missed calls,” I blurted out. But I left the message to myself. Judging from the way Chaerin’s acting right now, she would make a big deal out of it and then force me to go see the guy. And I didn’t want to.

After last night, I was more intent on not getting myself worked up on him. The crazy -hat didn’t deserve it.

“Three missed calls?!” No longer feeling threatened, Chaerin scooted nearer to me. “Oh my God, Dara, the guy likes you!”

I like you…so damn much I don’t know how to act around you.

His words harked back in my head and I nearly snorted. Liar.

“No, he doesn’t,” I contradicted as I stood up, marching to my closet to get my toiletries so I could take a shower. “If he does, he wouldn’t be a—”

Halting abruptly, that’s when it finally hit me. The realization of Jiyong’s confession. And it swirled and swirled in my head, combining with a wave of disbelief, I felt dizzy. I had to grab on to the wall to support myself.

“Are you okay?” Chaerin asked.

I like you…I don’t know how to act around you.

So Jiyong’s basically acting like a jerk because he doesn’t know how to deal properly with me? Because he likes me?

“Uhm, I’m okay,” I answered, which was half-true, half-lie.

Okay, never mind that I finally understood what Jiyong was telling me last night, but I couldn’t reconcile with the fact that he does like me. That’s just purely impossible. Because no sane attractive, badass-looking guy like him would be interested in an awkward, nerdy girl like me!

“Uhm, I’m going to take a shower now.” I scrambled for my toiletries and my towel and headed for the door.

 

5

I spent almost half the day at the library, finishing my own task for the class presentation for Logic on Monday.

Being occupied had helped me forget about Jiyong and his request to see me today. Well, at least until after I remembered that I was going to do the class presentation with him and then realized that I probably did need to see him today.

I still didn’t bank on it if truth be told, but I wasn’t sure if Youngbae had handed the paper I asked to give to him. And if he didn’t, would I want Jiyong to look like a fool on Monday when we present our topic in front of the whole class and he had nothing to say? Even if it had been his choice in the first place to not talk to me yesterday?

As much as he irks me and that I was already dead-set in totally ignoring him, I didn’t have the heart to make anybody look stupid when I have the power to prevent that from happening.

So I reached out for my phone from my bag and sent him a text message.

To: Jiyong
Did Youngbae give you the paper I asked him to give to you?

Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes.

From: Jiyong
Nope.

Ugh.

To: Jiyong
I gave him your assignment for the class presentation. Just ask for it. He must have forgotten.

From: Jiyong
Sure. But the problem is he’s gone. Went home for some family emergency. Won’t be back ‘til Monday.

I groaned, wincing as if in pain. This was not the news I was gearing up to hear. 

Brooding over for a reply to him, my phone buzzed.

From: Jiyong
We can discuss it if you want?

Discuss it if I want? Did he seriously suggest that?

To: Jiyong
Last time I tried to do that, you ran away from me.

That is something I wouldn’t admit to him. I don’t know what’s happening with me, but after last night, I had this sudden streak of boldness in me. Was it the fact that just because I knew he liked me gave me this much power to be defiant of him?

Wait, no. He doesn’t like me. He doesn’t.

My phone hummed, alerting me with a text message.

From: Jiyong
Where are you?

Oh, I knew what he was doing. And no, I wasn’t going to meet up with him. He came clean with his feelings, so what? That didn’t necessarily call for a follow-up discussion.

Ah, but damn it, the class presentation!

Grudgingly, I typed in my reply to him.

To: Jiyong
West Wing. Library.

From: Jiyong
Okay. I can be there in 15 mins.:) Thank you.

True to his word, Jiyong made it to the library in 15 minutes. Probably even lesser. And it took everything I had to contain my pounding heart the moment I saw him at the door, his head swinging in all directions to search for me. But I wasn’t doing a good job because up until he walked to my table and sat across of me, my heart just pounded a little harder, leaving me catching for breaths.

Geez, he was the one who looked like he went for a run and I was the one panting. How terribly wrong was that?

But this is nothing more than just nervousness, Dara, I convinced myself. This is normal for you. Remember when you had to tutor Donghae from high school? You have this weird reaction with attractive guys. You get uneasy and anxious and—

“So what’s my task for the class presentation?”

That. Right.

I managed to quickly get a rein of my nervousness, before I started rounding up to him the subtopics I assigned to him, referring to a piece of paper laid in front of me on the table. I was in the middle of it when he suddenly interrupted me.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

I blinked for a moment, trying to process inwardly what he just said. “Uhm…It’s not hard,” I said a few seconds later, assuming the class presentation was what he was talking about. “I mean, the research part is taxing, but—”

“No, it’s not that.” He stalled to smile at me. “I mean I can’t lie anymore. I’m not really part of Logic class.”

Then I must have looked at him like his head turned to a chicken. Or that he plainly had said something absurd. Because that’s what that was. Absurd.

He clarified. “I was just sitting in for that class.”

My eyebrows creased together in more confusion. “But it’s been a month now. Don’t tell me you’ve been sitting in the lectures all that time?”

Jiyong’s head bobbed up and down, a fairly huge smile of amusement on his lips. I didn’t think any of this was funny, however.

“Yes,” he answered.

“And Mr. Nam knows about it?”

“Yeah. He noticed my name was not on the master’s list and called me to stay at the end of the class and asked me what’s going on.”

“What exactly went on?”

“Initially, I was running away from this girl who’s acting quite creepy around me. It was Youngbae who had the Logic class and I thought I could sit in just for that one day to avoid her.”

“And then you just enjoyed it that’s why you stayed?”

He turned to the large windows for a moment, seemingly weighing something in his mind, before he swung his eyes back to me. “I guess you could say that. But it’s not the class per se that I stayed for.”

Grasping what he meant, I kept my mouth zipped. No, we are not going there. We are not going to the conversation we left from last night.

Unfortunately, Jiyong wasn’t up to doing the same thing.

“You know the first time I saw you at that class,” he began, leaning over with his forearms propped on the table, “you walked in with this weird clip on your hair. Only to realize seconds later that it wasn’t a clip but a dead cricket.” He let out a good-natured chuckle. “Your expression was priceless. Your eyes went big and your jaw was hung open, as if you were so shocked and embarrassed that you’ve been carrying that on your head for a long time.”

I remembered that. Well, who would want lifeless bugs on their hair?

He went on. “You were so adorable I thought I had to introduce myself to you after class. Which obviously didn’t happen. All because you crushed my confidence by your own. The way you answered Mr. Nam’s questions during the lecture that day. The way you voiced out your opinions. You were so smart and so beautiful, I was…dumbfounded.”

I could totally swear I was shocked by what I was hearing. And maybe blushing at the same time. I probably looked like when I discovered that dead cricket on my hair. This clearly man of attraction was complimenting me with adjectives I’ve never heard of directed to me before.

Well, sure, I’ve been told adorable, smart, and beautiful…but those came from my mom and my dad and my grandparents. Which were wonderful but totally understandable why they would say those things.

But to hear them from a guy? A good-looking one no less? I was damn uncomfortable. I knew it the moment my body started heating up and sweat formed on my back despite the chilly atmosphere in the library.

Jiyong was sensitive enough to have noticed my discomfort, his face creased with worry. “I’m sorry. This is exactly why I avoided talking to you. I would only embarrass myself and make you feel uneasy—”

On the contrary, he wasn’t embarrassing himself. Nor was he making me feel uneasy. I was causing it all on my own.

“—I’m sorry. If you could just write down the topics you assigned to me and I’ll—”

“No, no, no. I…I’m not just used to a guy…” I swallowed hard. It was difficult to add the next words but I had to, “…liking me…and…and spurting out all these nice compliments about me. I cannot even believe I crushed your confidence. You were supposed to be loaded with it since you perform on stage…”

A ghost of a smile made its way on Jiyong’s lips, shaking off his feelings of humiliation. “I guess there’s that one person who’s bound to sweep you away no matter how strong or confident or fearless you think you are. And that’s what you did with me. You swept me away.”

My stomach tied in army knots, pushing up to my throat all the breakfast I had this morning. Except breakfast had been three hours ago. It was actually past lunch already and I haven’t had it yet.

I cleared my throat and took a deep breath, my eyes shifting from him to another every second because I didn’t have the ease to aim them at him firmly. Geez, I don’t even know what to say to him. How exactly do you respond to a guy who made clear of his feelings for you?

As much as depressing this was to admit, I didn’t have a memory or history which I could rely upon when I needed it in times like these. I’ve never had a guy confess to me. Though I’ve daydreamed of that in a lot of occasions with Jaejoong, none of it actually transpired. Well, of course, Namwon High School was swimming with gorgeous girls. What does an awkward duckling have to compete against them for the attention of the campus heartthrob?

“Hey.” A girl with the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen suddenly came up to our table. She was looking at Jiyong with utter delight glimmering from her eyes. “What a coincidence. I can’t believe you’re here, too!”

I swung my gaze toward Jiyong’s way and I instantly noticed his discomfort.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, but it was like his throat was caught up with thorns I could imagine the difficulty he went through just to extract that reply from him.

Just like that, I understood that the girl must have been the “creepy girl” he mentioned earlier.

I found myself staring at her, and though I did try to be inconspicuous about it, there’s no helping it.

She was beautiful.

Why on earth would Jiyong avoid her? And then settle for me? What is freaking wrong with him?

I didn’t realize my incredulous stare had shifted to Jiyong only when he turned his head to me. Shaken out of my stupor, I recognized the pleading in his eyes.

He was begging for me to save him.

And I didn’t want to. I didn’t.

I didn’t know how.

How?

But instinct was there and guided me through it.

“Hi,” I cut Creepy Girl’s short of her speech, my voice cracking a little. “Uhm, I get this impression that you like Jiyong?” Her cheeks colored, denoting her answer to the affirmative. “And that’s okay because he’s attractive…and he seems to be a genuinely nice person. But the thing is…” I shifted uncomfortably on my seat. “The thing is he’s interested in someone else already. And you see, this girl…”

I abruptly stalled as I conjured up this imaginary girl in my head I was about to describe. But then I realized that I didn’t have to imagine her. I just had to picture…myself. Because wasn’t it me that he was interested in, after all?

“You were saying?” Creepy Girl urged, a look of concern on her face.

Maybe I didn’t have to lie to save Jiyong.

“This girl…she’s waited for someone like him to notice her for the things that other guys weren’t able to.” I risked a glance at Jiyong, who was looking at me seriously now, before I turned back to Creepy Girl and went on. “I was thinking, maybe, if you could re-direct your feelings towards someone else? Maybe someone who would sweep you off your feet, you know, and leave you dumbfounded and speechless…”

Creepy Girl—and I honestly felt shameful for referring to her with this moniker, but I didn’t know her name—bowed his head, at thought. Then she brought it back up and looked at me with a small but sincere smile on her lips. “This girl you’re talking about, she’s…she’s very lucky.”

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. “You think so? Well, I bet she’s going to find that out soon. When they start dating.”

I hazarded a glimpse out of the corner of my eye at Jiyong again and found him staring at me, this time smiling. At that, my cheeks flustered…as if they weren’t already.

Creepy girl heaved a sad sigh. “Okay. I guess I should be going now. Bye Jiyong.” She turned to me. “Bye.”

I watched her walk out of the library and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. Until shame for myself crept in. Because although I meant every word I said just awhile ago, it wasn’t in my nature to do that.

“So…” Jiyong broke off my silence, and I looked at him anxiously. There was something about his grin that set me on edge. “This girl that I’m interested in, do you think she’d go for a movie and dinner tonight if I’d ask her?”

Unease washed away, a smile broke out of my lips. “I think she’d love it…though you have to know something.”

“Sure,” he said quickly, and I was a little taken aback but satisfied at the same time at his eagerness.

“Uhm, she’s never been on a date before.”

Jiyong beamed, as if he just heard the most wonderful news in the world. Then, reassuringly, looking straight into my eyes he said, “I will take very good care of her.”

 

epilogue

I stood in front of Logic class, my heart pounding a little from nervousness. I’ve done this so many times before during high school and I’ve managed to pull through without making a mess. This should be a piece of cake for me.

I took a deep breath, and as soon as I let it out, I began to speak. Or at least I tried to when out of nowhere Jiyong stole the stage from me.

“Can I just say something before we go on with the report?” He looked at everyone, then at me, then back to our audience. He wasn’t seeking for an answer, not that I would have given him anyway. I was too stumped and shocked to respond. Him speaking first was not part of this presentation.

“I just want to be honest and say that I’m not really part of this class,” he began, and I could already feel my hands rising to cover my face. This was going to be embarrassing. “So I thank Mr. Nam for letting me sit in this room this far in the semester, and most of all for partnering me up with the most awesome girl I’ve ever met.” He looked at me, his smile as y as his voice when he sings. All I could do was blush and laugh sheepishly, throwing out a few short statements of denial of his confession.

“That’s not true, guys… He’s lying…”

But the class just giggled, clearly entertained by the scene.

“You’re the man, Mr. Nam,” Jiyong continued, pointing to the professor with both index fingers.

I peered at Mr. Nam, who was sitting at the back. He just rolled his eyes, and although the rest of his face looked impassive, the little twitch of the corner of his lips told that he was also amused by what’s happening.

I directed my gaze, or more like a glare, to Jiyong, who just winked at me. I could not believe he just did that. “Floor is yours, babe.”

I silently gasped. Babe?

I was about to question him for the term of endearment; we’re so not in that stage yet. We just dated once. How dare him call me “babe”? But Mr. Nam’s clearing of throat brought me back to the realization of what was I supposed to do at that moment. The class presentation.

I turned to my classmates, smiling apologetically.

But wait, what was I supposed to say now again?

Oh, man…

 

~*~

 

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