“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”

Macbeth ― William Shakespeare

It was acknowledged by many how even the purest thing such as love would turn disastrous when introduced with passion, lust and possessiveness ─ a known inevitable fact that when all of them collide, lovers were bound to clash.

Siwon and Kyuhyun were no exception.

There were obstacles in their relationship like there were obstacles in any other relationship; but for the two of them, it was stardom and the unorthodox nature of their love, forcing them to cloak the bond that they shared in secrecy. And then there were other obstacles, which involved their being two different and contradicting personalities trying to compromise into an agreeing consensus.  

But perhaps the hardest was distance – not only the physical kind that was measurable by units and numbers, but also the kind that was the mixture of both emotional and physical distant separating them further and further away; inch by inch, minute by minute.

It was the distant when they were in the same room – only an arm reach away – yet they could not embrace each other.

It was the distant when they shared the same stage, having so much to say towards the other but a meaningful stare, a nod and a cryptic smile was all they could afford to exchange.

Those hurried kisses and lingering touches in between the time they spent apart might feed their longing temporarily, but they were never enough; for time was scarce, precious and treasured for people like them.

Yet what seemed to be a harmless conversation could turn into a destructive blow into what once was a sturdy relationship. And at times, silence and ignorance had the ability to carve scars into a person’s heart even deeper than those of hurtful speeches and piercing words.

Difficult was not enough of a word to justify what they have been through; it was eating them up, consuming them and taking a toll on their limits. So then they learned; that in love perseverance has its life span – and here they were, tiptoeing at the edge of a cliff, waltzing closer to heartbreak.

They called it quit eventually – though it was hazy who did it first or why and how did it happened – because all that was woven on their brain was just how painful they felt and how suffocated their chest was that they just needed to get away from each other.

Nonetheless they remained acquaintances, mostly for professional reason, avoiding any trivial and unnecessary contact with all their might. If only the separation could serve its role as a remedy for the two. If only the turmoil and heartache they had experienced within would subside after it.

Sadly it didn’t.

Alas love was an invincible being – an entity you could not kill; it was something that would prevail until it voluntarily committed suicide by its own will. So their love persisted; though it thrived in the kind of way that poured acid to their open wounds.

They were aware how it slowly rotted them, yet if there was anything they have in common was that they were the prideful type.  Kyuhyun in particular, was not the type to look back. He walked, marched on, though he had to drag himself with a limping heart every step he had to go. Still, he needed a distraction. Thus, in his desperate attempt to cope with his pain, he found someone – a pretty and kind woman.

He was just dying to show her off to the world afterwards; proclaiming his love to her in front of the members and bragged about how perfect she was. Unless, the boasting was dedicated to his old love, a progeny of his ego to flaunt to Siwon that he was indeed had moved on – happy without Siwon.

However life had its wits; and that the biggest joke it offered was when Siwon announced his engagement not so long after, as if doing it purposely to taunt him. And the worst part was, he found out when he was waking up during one of his free day and saw it all over the news.

Kyuhyun felt betrayed, though technically he was the one who moved on first. But at least he had the decency to tell it right in the man’s face since it was just such a jab in the gut to find out about it the way he did.

That day his world crumbled down.

Who was he trying to fool? It was Siwon all along, never another person; because if the kisses he shared with her ignited a spark, with Siwon it was scorching fire burning him into ashes. If she gave him that tingling feeling in his chest, Siwon made it explode.

She was a temporary infatuation ─ a mirage ─ while Siwon was his eternal reality; an obsession so ceaseless that Kyuhyun had no power to overcome.

If only the two of them could see,

because their love was the kind that inflicted pain to each other due to unnecessary and preposterous reasons.

“Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.”

– Lao Tzu

***

He knew that unfolding the innocent paper would just shatter his heart even more, yet he did.

The crafted paper was white, with the name of the love of his life engraved on it alongside the name of a woman he didn’t recognize.

It did feel surreal, how words that he read on the sheet threaded the memories of their times together. It made him sick to his stomach; for all that he could recall was the happy moments he shared with Siwon – at the same time a brute reminder of how they would never repeat themselves ever again.

Then once he dropped the wedding invitation in his hand, Kyuhyun did everything in his might to find a schedule that will keep him from flying to the States and attend the ceremony.

***

“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.”

The Picture of Dorian Gray – Oscar Wilde

Disappointment was an understatement of what Siwon was feeling that day. He needed that one last push to know whether or not it was the best decision to actually go through with the ceremony.  Yet hearing from his fellow member about Kyuhyun’s inability to be present just ripped apart any frail of hope that he had already had left about them.

Siwon glued his stares on the church’s entrance with an expectant look. His unfocused eyes were on the beautiful woman in a white dress and veil carrying a rose bouquet, yet at the same time he was yearning for a certain pale boy to walk in and just take him away from the scene.

His heart crumbled piece by piece at each step his glowing bride took, symbolizing the hopes that withered away at every inch of distance disappearing between him and his bride.

But it wasn’t the fear of disappointing his parents nor breaking his bride’s heart; it was Kyuhyun’s absence and the fact that the chance of their being together was so slim and close to nonexistent that encouraged him in muttering those “I do”.

Then before he knew it, somewhere along “you may kiss the bride”, his tears finally streamed down the corner of his eyes.

He could hear the faint gasps from the audiences, misinterpreting his cries as tears of joy. Alas, these attendees blessing his holy matrimony could not have been more mistaken.  The tears he was shedding were the epitome of his devastation; because right then and right there, that “I do” officially marked the end of Kyuhyun and him.

“I have outlasted all desire, My dreams and I have grown apart; My grief alone is left entire, The gleanings of an empty heart.”

- Alexander Pushkin

***

I have finished this just still indecisive about the ending, so will update quite fast

Anyway just a nonsensical band!fic I came up with because I need to channel angsty mood somewhat

Enjoy ^^