We’d Be

Word count: 2,253

Summary: Sehun writes the last song he will sing by himself as he retires

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The obnoxious scent of disinfectant has been torturing his nose for the last two hours and half. He has been sitting on the waiting chair in front of the Operation Room, hands clasped together, and fingers trembling occasionally. Minute to minute his right feet will tap against the tiled floor out of habit. He was usually good with patience, but this time, patience is a luxury.

His breath, however, hitches when the door number ‘5’ swings open. He stands up from his seat, bottom feeling undeniably sore, but it’s gone within no more than three seconds when his eyes catch the gloom on the face of the doctor who has just came out.

The doctor, which is none other than a good friend of his, looks like he’s having a hard time in deciding how he should break the news. “I… we…” the tall man says slowly, more like a whisper, “me and Baekhyun, we’ve done our best, dude.”

His heartbeat exhilarates.

“But he…” the doctor looks down over his feet, “I’m so sorry. Your spouse… is gone.”

Denying the loud ringing in both of his ears, he takes a step backward as another doctor comes out from the room, eyes glistening in tears. “You want to come inside?” the petite figured doctor asks.

He slowly nods. He hasn’t said anything, his throat feels too dry and yet clogged at the same time. He follows both of the doctors into the room, walking towards the only surgery bed in the middle of the space. A beautiful, peaceful-looking man is there, laying lifeless on the bed, with two other surgeons ready to cover his face with the thin white blanket.

“I’m so sorry.”

It’s Sunday when Sehun loses the love of his life.

=

In the morning, when the sun shines too bright

I’d be there to pull the curtains

As your eyes flutter to open

I’d be there to kiss you awake

=

The sun is shining too bright.

Sehun winces as he stands from the edge of the bed he has been sitting on, walking slowly until he stops right before the window and yanks the curtains together to at least prevent the sunlight from burning him alive. The effect of the ray shining through the navy blue fabric makes a beautiful atmosphere in the bedroom; the place he had shared so many intimate moments with his spouse for the last two years of their married life.

Luhan. That little brat loves this thing too much. That’s why Sehun always wakes up right before him to pull the curtains together in the morning, since Luhan always left them open at night because he loves how moonlight shines right into the room. He’d keep the room cool with bluish air around them, and pepper kisses on his spouse’s cheek until the latter wakes up, and he’d open the curtains again once Luhan is ready to face the world.

Now it seems that he doesn’t need to do anything with those curtains anymore. It doesn’t matter to him if they’re pulled together or apart.

He takes a long sigh. His eyes catch the sight of his black dress shirt hanging in front of the door of the brown wardrobe. Luhan always told him to wear bright colors because ‘for God’s sake, you’re still twenty eight, not eighty two!’, and since he doesn’t really care about colors and wears any proper color as long as they don’t look horrendous on him, he complies with any outfit Luhan prepares for him.

But then the shirt is black. Luhan never prepared black for him.

Ah, right. Today is Luhan’s funeral.

=

In the hours when you are happy

I’d be there to capture the moments

As your lips stretch and show your teeth

I’d be there to smile at you back

=

It’s really easy to choose the photo that they would use for the funeral. Sehun has a habit of capturing a lot of moments where Luhan looks the most beautiful. Or maybe it was because Luhan was already beautiful himself. There are a lot of pictures in his phone, his camera, even his laptop, with smiling Luhan in it. Luhan has always been a bright person; smiling is just his nature. People easily fall for his charm because of that smile, which was practically the first thing that had caught Sehun’s attention back then.

They picked the right picture. Luhan, in his favorite baby blue shirt, looking forward to the camera, smiling from ear to ear with his teeth showing. Slight wrinkles formed on each corner of his eyes that had turned into crescent moons. Luhan was beautiful.

Unknowingly, Sehun smiles back. Right at the photo. It was always like that; whenever Luhan smiles brightly like that, Sehun will reply with his own.

But from this time, Luhan won’t be able to see it anymore.

=

Baby, I’ve loved you for so many years

And I’d never ever plan to stop

Keeping you right here next to me

‘Cause life is full of shattering lies and broken promises

But you came in and made it all much brighter to me

I’m thankful everyday that Heaven gave you for me

And for long, I hoped, we’d be together here

=

“They met when Luhan was in his last year of high school. Sehun was in his second.”

“Oh God, they were still so young then, right?” Jongdae gasps. “It means it was… hm, twelve years ago. Sehun was sixteen then, Luhan was eighteen.”

“Do you know they hated each other at first?” Chanyeol grins weakly as his office mates, Minseok and Jongdae, listen eagerly. “Well, I always knew Sehun had liked Luhan but you know Luhan was oblivious at times. You should’ve seen how he was when he realized he liked Sehun so much. Gosh, that man was so hilarious.”

Baekhyun nods in agreement, laughing, until his laughter subsides and his eyes start to burn again. “I’m gonna miss him,” he whispers, “so much.”

Sehun watches from afar as Chanyeol pulls his spouse gently into his arms. Baekhyun’s shoulders are shaking, he can see it clearly. Chanyeol has been having a hard time calming him down since this morning. Apparently it just downed to Baekhyun that his best friend is really gone, although he had practically witnessed each last seconds of the said friend’s life.

Everyone is mourning for Luhan’s departure. Everyone has been shedding their tears. But Sehun’s eyes are still dry even until now. It’s like he’s not affected of the loss at all.

But inside, he’s dying.

=

In the night, when you feel too upset

I’d be there to accompany you

As your tears fall on your cheeks

I’d be there to wipe ‘em and hug you tight

And baby, I’d love you for so many years

And I would’ve done it all, for real

If only you’re still here, next to me

=

“You really sure you’ll be alright?” Jongin asks quietly. “You know I don’t mind staying here for a night. I can ask Chanyeol and Baekhyun to drop Kyungsoo home.”

Sehun frowns before he lets out a weak chuckle. “I’ll be just fine, Jongin. It’s not like I’m gonna cut my wrist open or overdose myself with sleeping pills. We don’t even have sleeping pills here.”

Jongin heaves a sigh. “That’s not what I mean.” he says. “You know, the silence could be too much sometimes. At least you won’t be alone.”

“I’ll manage. Seriously, I don’t want to burden any of you.” Sehun tries to smile at his best friend. “But well, since it’s still nine, can you stay until ten? You’re right, the more I think about it, the silence can be overwhelming. Just…” he trails off, “let me prepare for it.”

Patting Sehun’s shoulder, Jongin offers a soft smile too. “Eleven. I’ll ask Chanyeol to drop Kyungsoo off at home.”

Jongin goes to inform his friends about the settlement, while Sehun crashes down on the couch. He remembered times when he found Luhan crying silently at carpet in front of him, missing Beijing and his deceased mother too much. Sehun would sit right next to him on the carpet, saying nothing, letting Luhan pour his heart out first. Then when Luhan decides to let him know that he had noticed his presence, Sehun would smile warmly at him and reaches out to wipe the tears stains on Luhan’s cheek with his thumb. And then Luhan would throw himself into Sehun’s arms, while the latter would hug him tight, listening to the reason of his spouse being upset. He’d whisper calming words, and eventually would make his spouse laugh with ‘your crying face lacks of esthetical value but I still love it and you nonetheless’.

Those moments feel like a dream now to him. Luhan was there with him, but now Luhan is nowhere to be found. It still feels too unreal for him.

He notices a movement next to him, finding Jongin making himself comfortable on the couch.

“You know,” Sehun says quietly, “how I always told you that muses are very important for a song writer, because without them, the song writer won’t be able to write a song. Let alone singing it.”

Nodding, Jongin looks up at his friend.

“Then,” he looks down over his laps, “what should I do if my muse is… gone? What if… what if I can’t write songs anymore?”

Jongin loses every single word he can offer.

=

‘Cause life is full of shattering lies and broken promises

And I had believed when you said you’re not leaving

But I need to understand that Heaven’s taking you back

And really, I had wished, we’d be together here

In your old days, when you can’t recall

I’d be there to remind you of things

As you ask me what day it is

I’d be there to greet you a Sunday

And remind you of my love

=

Jongin has left, and in the silence that starts to consume him alive, Sehun thinks of how he always expected him and Luhan to grow old together.

Maybe they’d be in a medium sized house, with beautiful garden in the front where their grandchildren are already chasing around on in the morning. It would be Sunday, when their big family gather for an early lunch. Their daughter with their daughter in law would be in the kitchen, preparing the foods, while their husbands would be in the garden with the kids. He would, as usual, wake up before Luhan.

And then Luhan would open his eyes and stare at him, disoriented from sleep. Luhan would ask, ‘hey, what day is it?’ and he’d laugh over how Luhan’s eyes stay round even with those wrinkles around them. ‘It’s Sunday, Lu’ he’d answer as he takes Luhan’s hand in his. Luhan would nod and grin at him while hurrying to get up and meet the kids on the garden.

He had dreamed so many things with Luhan in it. Now that Luhan is gone, he doesn’t know what to do with them anymore.

=

I’ll love you for so many years

And I will never ever stop

Waiting until we once more meet

=

Sehun wakes up in the morning.

The sun is not shining brightly into the room. The curtains are closed, no one left them open last night. He’s still wearing the all black outfit from yesterday.

He dares to look at his side, where Luhan has slept since forever. But no one is sleeping on it. Luhan is not sleeping on it. No one to give morning kiss to. No one whom sleeping face he could admire. No one to share his bed and his love with.

Sehun finally cries.

=

‘Cause life would be so bright if only you’d stay longer

Through the years you were supposed to have, with me

But I’ll pray everyday that Heaven spares me a spot

Right next to you, so we’d be together there

I hope we’d be together there

=

Singer Song-writer and Composer Oh Sehun Retires from Stage with Last Self-Sung Song, Promises Fans that He Will Still Write

Oh Sehun (28), one of South Korea’s golden package of singer, song-writer and composer, decides to retire from stage as a singer. He said that now he chooses to completely take over the CEO seat of ORS Entertainment, which has been his father Chairman Oh Ryungseo’s wish for his only son ever since Sehun was twenty five. However, he promises his fans that he won’t stop writing songs if he ever finds muse again, because in his heart, he loves music too much to completely retire from it.

Many has speculated that Sehun retires because of his great loss over his late spouse, Lu Han, who passed away last month in his thirty years of age after being in comatose state for two months because of a serious wound he got from a nasty car accident back in early February. Sehun even gifted fans with his last song, ‘We’d Be’, which fans assumed to be directed to the said late spouse. Sehun and Lu Han were married back in early 2013 after long years of dating. The last song will be released in April 20, right at Lu Han’s supposedly birthday.

Let’s just wish Sehun the best and cheer him up with supporting his last single!

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