CAP POV

My face is planted on the floor of my apartment, the grogginess of a fitful round of headaches is broken by a obstinate ringing noise. I lift myself up slowly, and locate the source of the noise.  The phone on my bed table is ringing. I stare at it for a moment, watching it vibrate with each ring. I’m hypnotized by the burst of noise it makes that bounces of the walls around me. It’s only when the phone rings the final time, it occurs to me to pick up.

“H-Hello?” I breathe.

“What the hell is wrong with Ree Kyu?” screams a voice from the other end. It’s LJOE.

I stare at my end of the receiver, did Changjo not tell him?

“W-what do you mean?” I ask, trying to buy myself time.

“Don’t tell me you don’t freaking know! She’s screaming, and crying, and there are crashing noises coming from inside her apartment! She won’t let me in her damn room! What the hell is wrong?” LJOE hollers.

I wince, not knowing how how to answer. My Ree Kyu…. my love is crying because of me….A fleeting image of myself running to her place, dressed in a suit, with a bouquet of her favorite roses, leaning against the door, begging for forgiveness….. apologizing for something that never happened, just so I could stop her from crying. I shake my head. I can’t let that happen. I can’t go to her…. that isn’t my place any more… it belongs to LJOE…. it will belong to LJOE...

I stay silent for a moment too long, because LJOE’s angry voice comes through yet again. “Changjo told me that you did something to make her like this. What did you do to her?” he says, in dead solemness.

I stay quiet, how do I tell him?

“Let me ask you one more time, WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND?” LJOE yells.

When my mouth finally opens, it’s not my voice that comes out. Instead, the voice is harsh, cool, with a razor blade edge to it “Do you really think she was the only girl I was with?”

“W-what?” LJOE sputters, the hurt obvious in his voice.

I swallow hard and continue speaking. “I was with loads of other girls at the same time, Ree Kyu found out yesterday. It’s not like it matters to me anyway. She’s just a girl. There are millions like her in this world.” My face feels numb as I force myself to spit out the lies.

LJOE is quiet for a minute, it gives me the chance to down another beer.

“She was your best friend. Just like I am. your best friend.” whispers LJOE.

I can’t take it….. “Not anymore.” I say bluntly, then I hang up the phone. My throat catches, and I choke back a sob. Collapsing on my bed, I look down on my still bleeding hand, and realize that I never covered it up.

Sighing, I get up and walk to the bathroom. I glare at my reflection in the mirror. Shakily, I grab the soap dispenser and smash the face of the disheveled man in the mirror. The glass shards scatter across the tile floor. There….now everything in this apartment is destroyed… including myself. I step away from the mess slowly, I feel lightheaded and disoriented. Why should I wrap my hand up? I’m dying anyway. I might as well speed it up. I tear up, and my face crumples.

I stumble out of the bathroom, and look around my destroyed apartment. My eyes fall on the one thing that has been in the same spot for one month. The damn bottle of pills.

I inch myself towards it, and unsteadily pick up the bottle.

My hands are trembling as I drop it as soon as I lift it.

I’m scared.

For the first time I learned of the truth, I’m scared.

I don’t want to die.

I don’t want LJOE to hate me.

I don’t want Ree Kyu to cry.

I don’t want to die while living a lie.

My head is spinning.

My heart is aching.

My breath quickens.

One of my resolves break.

I kick away the bottle and race to my phone. My fumbling fingers slowly dial the number that I could never forget.

The phone rings.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Four Times.

She isn’t going to pick up… is she…. just as I am about to drop the phone in a wave of depression, I hear a voice on the other line.

“Why are you calling me?” I hear a sobbing voice. “I told you I never want to see you again! I hate you!” Ree Kyu yells.

“Ree Kyu, I’m” I try to say, but I am immediately cut off.

“Don’t you dare say sorry! I will never forgive you” she screams.

I sigh, my head is still spinning.

“You don’t have to forgive me. J-just listen to what I have to say.” I.  stutter.

Something in my voice caught her attention, she tells me that I have two minutes to tell her what I want to tell her.

I don’t hold out.

I tell her everything.

About the medical condition.

About the Doctor.

The medicine I never took.

The side effects I never wanted.

The day I told Changjo.

The pain.

The headaches.

The sleepless nights.

The blessed month I had with her and LJOE.

The day when Chunji came over, the photoshoot with the strange girl.

The excessive drinking of alcohol.

The lies I told her and LJOE.

The reasons why I wanted them to forget me….

The reasons why I wanted them to hate me….

As I tell her all these things, I can hear her crying. My head is pounding more now than ever, and I fall over, and am now on the floor, still talking through the increasing haze of grogginess.

I look at the clock on my wall. “My two minutes are up….” I say resigned.

Ree Kyu cries….. “ Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry, but I love you.” I whisper, my head throbbing.

“We could’ve done something… anything...to make you better.” She wails.

“I’m sorry. You must hate me.” I say softly, grabbing a fistfull of my hair.

“Minsoo….. oh my god…… Minsoo….. I don’t hate you…..” She gasps.

“I wish you did.” I mutter.

“Minsoo…. please…..” she trails of, breaking into sobs again.

I feel time around me literally slowly down. Somehow I know…. that my time has come.

“Say that you don’t need me. Say that you’ll be fine without me.” I plead.

“W-why?”

“Because I love you.”

“B-but-”

“Please!”

“No!”

“Ree Kyu, please!!”

“I love you! Don’t leave me!” she sobs.

My heart skips a beat. “ I Love you. Let me go.” I whisper. “Please Ree Kyu….be my bright star forever…… please my love, my star, my angel…

let me go in peace.” I say, my voice slowing down.

“I-I don’t need you Minsoo. I’ll be fine without you.” she whispers.

A slow smile of relief floods my face. “Thank you, my love.” I whisper. I close my eyes, and let a final image of my angel and star stay imprinted in my memory forever. My breathing slows, my heart beat weakens, and finally,the pain stops.

Hey guys......... one more chapter to go

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