CAP(Minsoo) POV

            My head is hung low, the dark brown bangs of hair covering my eyes. I’m alone in my apartment. Or what was once my apartment. Now it’s just a destroyed- no a completely annihilated – mess. Torn sheets, smashed furniture, cracked and splintered drywall. Bottles of beer litter the floor, some half full, but most half empty. As I sit among the aftermath of my anger, I feel something strange. No- I don’t feel it, I hear it.

         Something is dripping, like water droplets from a leaking faucet, I look around warily, but then I realized that the sound is coming from myself. I glance down, and see the floor next to me has droplets of a red, shining liquid splayed across it. I trace the droplets source to my hand. As I see the blood dripping slowly from my palm, I vaguely wonder what happened. I notice that I am tightly clutching a large shard of glass.  Shakily, I drop the piece and sigh heavily. How did that happen?  I look over to the window, which shows the night-time lights of the city through the splintering panel of glass. I remember punching the window, I think…….

Soon the fogginess of intoxication takes over, and I can’t help but remember why I’m here, and what happened to lead me to this point .

CAP(Minsoo) POV, Flashback

“You have a rare and terminal condition of your brain. It’s purely physical and degenerative. It is quickly deteriorating the condition of your most vital organ.” Says the grey haired man in the white coat.

I’m bewildered. I knew that the recent aching headaches that lasted for hours, the sleepless nights filled with pain resonating from my temple to the base of my skull, and the unexplainable swings of depression and sadness, were not normal. But I thought it was just insomnia, or at the very worst I was developing bipolar disorder.

But the man said my brain is physically deteriorating. I know what that means. It means it’s literally falling apart.

I look up in to the elderly man’s face, meeting his eyes. Instantly it’s clear that there is no cure. There is no way to save me from my imminent, looming, demise. I can’t help myself, I ask the question that I only thought actors in movies or dramas ever said out loud. I asked the doctor how long I have. How long I have to live.

He looks at me with pity, and holds up a bottle of pills. “If you take these daily, you’ll live for a year, maximum. But if you don’t, you’ll only have one month- give or take a few days.”

  I take the bottle, barely glancing at it, and I slide it into the pocket of my sweatshirt. I stumble my way out of the room, nodding grudgingly at the man in white.

Before I know it, I’m back in my apartment. I sink to the floor, buried in my own worries.

I only have a year to live. I only have a year to live. I whisper to myself, trying to comprehend the blatant truth.  But only if I take the medicine that the doctor gave me. The medicine…. The medicine…..

I pull the bottle out of my bottle, and really look at it for the first time. It’s not the long and complicated Latin-based name that catches my eye, but something else entirely. Two small, yet bold words “Side Effects.” I scan my eyes over the list and I am appalled. “May cause sudden mood swings, violent actions or tendencies, coupled with anger induced fits towards others near you……” the list goes on, but I  stop reading in disgust.

There is no way I am going to take these pills…… the possibility of me getting angry, and… and of hurting someone I love is to hard to think of.  The images flash back to me, of the people that I love and care about the most.

But one face sticks in my mind the most. My love. My girl. My Ree Kyu. The memories of her flood back to me.

The two of us, strolling through parks, studying for exams, huddling together on the bus on rainy days…….. always being met in those places by my best friend since childhood, LJOE. The three of us playing games, taking selcas….. The three of us smiling…. laughing, always so bright, always so sunny and full of hopes and dreams. My love, my best friend, and I. We promised that we’d be friends till the very end….

I shake my head in anger. There is no way I can take this medicine. I throw the bottle across the room, it hits the wall and clatters to the floor forlorn. I rather live for a month as myself than live for a year as a drugged up monster.

A new thought runs through my mind.

How am I going to tell them?

I can’t….. It would cause them so much pain…..

How do I live with myself if I hide something this big from them?

Everyday would be so hard…. But I can live with it if I can spare them the hurt and worry I know they will have. But I have to make them forget me. I have to make them hate me. I need to make sure that when I die they will be able to easily move on and forget about me. I need to make myself a bad memory…. Something and someone to be hated and despised.

I can do that…. Somehow… but with LJOE and Ree Kyu still be friends after that? Will they take care of each other after my death and make sure that they get through it together?

I bury my face in my hands and try to think. For some reason I can’t help but look at my memories in a different light.

LJOE…… he has always seemed to be the best friend I could ever ask for. He was always there…. No matter what Ree Kyu or I needed, no matter what problems we were having. LJOE was always there for us. For some strange reason I remember the look on his face the day I asked Ree Kyu to be my girlfriend. He smiled, but for some reason there was a twinge of sadness in his eyes. And then it hits me. LJOE loves Ree Kyu the same way I do. After I’m gone…. He’ll be there for her. He’ll take care of here. He’ll love her.

But first I need to make Ree Kyu hate me.

How do I do that?

How………

I reach over to the old dial phone on my bedside, and dial the number of the one person I know who can help me. The one person who is strong enough to take the truth. My younger brother, Changjo.

The phone rings twice, and I hear his voice.

“Hyung! Annyeong!”

“Hey Changjo. What are you doing?”

“Just hanging out with Niel and Ricky, the usual.”

“Listen. I need you to come to my apartment.”

“Why?”

“I need a favor.”

“What favor?”

“Just get here and I’ll tell you, pabo!”

“Okay, okay, keep your shirt on! I’m on my way.”

Twenty minutes later, he arrives – easily getting in the room with his spare key. He grins at first, until he sees my serious expression. Automatically he knows something is wrong.

I don’t bother hiding it from him. I tell him everything. Well, almost everything. I don’t tell him about the medicine. I don’t tell him that if I take it, I would live longer. I only tell him that I have a month to live.

I tell him my plan. I tell him that I need the love of my life to hate me. That I need her to forget me. That I need my best friend to take care of her. I need them to be happy together, even without me.

Tears well up in Changjo’s eyes, but he doesn’t let them fall. He knows he has to be strong. He nods in understanding and tells me he knows what to do. He knows how to help me. I know I can rely on him.

I ask him what I should do. He tells me to wait. He tells me to live my life to the fullest, give all my love to Ree Kyu, give all my friendship to LJOE. For three weeks.

At the end of the time, when there is one week left in the month. Changjo will help me.  He will tell me what I need to do. Until then he need to get things ready. And I need to enjoy the little time I have left

 He is my younger brother, and I trust him.

Three weeks pass by quickly. Too quickly. The time feels like it is literally slipping through my fingers. I savor every single moment with Ree Kyu. I smile, and laugh at every single joke LJOE makes.  

Every day I wear a mask of happiness that barely conceals the pain I feel.

Every night I bury my face in my hands- trying to deal with the intensity of the whacking headaches that hit me at odd hours.  The bottle of pills still lies in the same place I left it, taunting me. Sitting there, trying to turn me into something I’m not, just so I can live a little longer.

Times passes by until there is only a week left. The day comes when Changjo knocks on my door. He has another man with him. He introduces the man, and says his name is Chunji. Chunji is a professional photographer. I raise my eyebrows, wondering why we would need a photographer.  My question is answered when this girl struts in the room. She’s wearing fake designer clothes and smells like cheap perfume. She is obviously foreign, and from the red light district…..

I immediately understand her role in Changjo’s plan.

“We’re going to make it look like I’m cheating?” I whisper, knowing that it would crush Ree Kyu’s heart. Especially since it was almost her birthday.

Changjo and Chunji nod yes to my statement, while the unnamed girl looks me up and down.

I sigh deeply, and tell them to proceed. We spend hours arranging the scene, I posed with the girl, beer cans, clothes strewn all over the place, Chunji even asks me to take off my shirt as I reluctantly and warily let the girl hold me in various ways.

Finally the tortuous unforeseen photo-shoot ends. Chunji looks at me with pity, and speaks, gesturing over to the girl. “I’ll take her over to Ree Kyu’s place, and leave the photos for her to see.”

I nod, and the girl walks out of the room with the photographer.

Changjo glances at my sullen expression. “Hyung, come with me.”

He takes me to a run-down bar, and we both sit there silently, attempting to drink the pain away.

The next day comes, and again I’m alone in my apartment. Changjo wanted to stay with me, but I told him I needed to be alone.

I’m sitting down on my bed, crunching an empty can of beer against my hands. I learned last night that the alcohol does make the throbbing in my head subside for a while.

I sit in silence, until I heard the door burst open. Ree Kyu  storms in, tears streaking across her face. My jaw drops, not expecting her to come in like this. Before I can stand up, she grabs me by the collar.

“You bastard!” she screams, smacking me across the cheek.

“How dare you do this to me!” she cries pulling out the incriminating photos from her purse, and throwing them in my face.

I didn’t say anything to her, and I just gave her a cold glare. She kept screaming at me, and hitting me with her fists, her purse, and anything she could grab. I stood there and just took it.

She stopped to gasp for air.

“Are you done?” I asked her stoically, even though my inside emotions were having a mental breakdown.

Ree Kyu looked at me with disgust. “I hate you. I hate you.” She whispers.

I shrug as if I didn’t care. “I know.”

She shoves me away, and turns her back. “I never want to see you again!” she screams, running out of the apartment and slamming the door.

When she is gone, I can’t help but cry in my solitude. The heartbreaking sobs I release echo as they bounce off the walls.

I grab another can of alcohol, and down it in in a matter of seconds. Soon I can feel it numbing the pain. Both the physical and the emotional pain.

I drink and drink all night and into the morning, I think I remember calling someone over and over, and telling them something. But I don’t remember who it was.

Hours pass by, and I finally have enough stability to call Changjo, and tell him to tell LJOE the same lies I told Ree Kyu.

After that I collapse on my bed, too tired to fall asleep.  

L.Joe POV

           I wake up with a jolt. My face feels wet. Sweat? I bring my hand up to wipe my face. Tears….I don’t remember what I was dreaming about, but I have a really bad feeling.

I sit up with grunt. My body feels achy and pained all over. I swing my legs over to the edge of the bed, throw my blanket, and stand up. I stretch my arms up high and yawn.

Today is the day CAP and I are suppose to buy a birthday present for Ree Kyu. I look at my watch. Crap! Aish! I had slept in. I take a shower, brush my hair and teeth, get dressed and head out the door.

I giggle to myself thinking how Ree Kyu is going to act once she finds out we both pitched in money to get her a really nice, and expensive, present.

           On the way to CAP’s place I notice that my phone had 14 missed calls. I looked at whom they were from. The id screen says CAP.

Why would he call me so many times? Was he drunk again? I let out a long sigh and continue to walk to CAP’s apartment, when my phone rang.

           “Hello?” I answered.

           “L.joe”

           “Ah, Hyung! What is it?”

           “I don’t think I can go with you today.”

           “Did you drink too much last night, again? Let me guess, a nasty hangover.” I asked jokingly.

           “………Yeah…….”

I stopped joking immediately when I heard my hyung’s voice. Usually he called me stupid and asked me to shut up, but something was off.

           “Hyung, do you want me to bring you some medicine?”

           “……Medicine?” He lets out what seems like a sad laugh.

           “ No, I’m fine. I’ll just sleep it out today.”

           “Ok, Hyung….If you need anything else call me.”

           “ ‘Kay. I’m hanging up.”

           “ ‘Kay,”

As I hang up I just stand there and stare at the ground for a few minutes. I wonder if CAP really got hit with a hangover harder than usual…..I start walking back the other way to where the jewelry store is. CAP and I had planned two months before to buy Ree Kyu a pink diamond necklace in the shape of three hearts.

I’ll just go with Chunji then. Then my phone rings. It’s Changjo.

“Hey L.Joe Hyung…..you might want to check up on Ree Kyu.”

“…Wae?” I ask curiously.

“She found out about…well….something about CAP-hyung. I am just a little worried about her, so stop by her place, ‘Kay?”

“Araso.…..Bye.”

I rushed to her house, but when I got there the door was locked.

“Ree Kyu?”

I knocked on the door a couple times.

“Ree Kyu are you there?”

I heard a faint sound that sounded like her. Then I heard her crying. Heart breaking, tear jerking sobs.

“Ree Kyu open up!”

I started pounding on the door.

“Open up its me, L.Joe!”

I started screaming it.

“OPEN UP!”

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