“If I were rain,

That joins sky and earth that otherwise never touch,

Could I join two hearts as well?”

― Tite Kubo, Bleach Volume 01: Strawberry and the Soul Reapers

I couldn’t hear the others calling out to me. I didn’t have to look back just to get an idea of the words coming out from their mouths. I know what they’re saying. They’re all telling me to find shelter, to keep myself protected from the unforgiving downpour. However, I ignored them. I didn’t even look back. They might think that I’m a fool, but that’s the least of my concerns right now.

I wandered aimlessly for some time until I was certain that I was completely drenched. I felt defeated. Lost. Humiliated. Rejected. Alone. She is the only battle I was willing to die for, and yet, she told me to surrender before I even put on my armor. I was shot right to the depths of my heart, rendered incapable of breathing, and most of all, devoid of that part of me that could make me whole.

I cried aimlessly, not giving a damn if others would call me weak and derisible. I sat and wept, letting all these emotions take hold of me. If I sit in the rain, maybe I can drown in something other than my own thoughts. Maybe if I stay out here, the rain would wash away my tears. Perhaps the pain would precipitate along with it.

I told her I love her, and she said nothing in response. I bared my heart and soul, and yet she just ripped it apart as if it meant nothing. As if I was no one. Her silence was enough to fracture my existence, and even if they say time heals all wounds, I know this one wouldn’t. I wish I could hurt her like she hurt me, but even if I’m given the chance, I know that I don’t have what it takes to go through it.

If I were rain that joins sky and earth that otherwise never touch, could I join two hearts as well?  Why couldn’t I get through to you? Why couldn’t I reach you? How come the distance remains as is, even if I’m worn out from keeping up with the chase? Why don’t you see me? Why can’t you fall in love with me?

She tried to reach out to me, but I shut her out. I can’t bear to listen to her apology. I don’t want to hear her say that she loves me but only as a friend. I refuse to listen to her explanation because I know it won’t change anything in the end. I try to be as far as away as possible, because I’m afraid that the minute we see each other again, I’d give in to her request to remain just friends. How can a dead man die once more?

I sobbed and blamed myself for such foolishness. I let the rain continue to envelop me, hoping to find warmth, only to be embraced by the cold. I wish that I could fade away, but I know it’ll be stupid to end my life this way. I let myself be lost in the sensation…willing myself to be numb to my pain. I tried to let go of her, but just as the sea won’t dry up in the blink of an eye, I succumbed to the fact that it is impossible.

I kept my head bowed low, until such time I could no longer feel the rainfall. I held out my palm, hoping to catch a drop, but there was none. How could this be? Would nature mock me by having the sun, rise on this spot I am in right now, while letting the rest of the world be flourished with the drizzle? I’ve had enough of these emotions, and I can’t add up another set of confusion.

So then, I lifted my head slowly, and that’s when my eyes clashed with hers. Seo Joohyun. The very reason I’m here right now.

I felt my heart’s revival, but I’m afraid that I’d get lost in my hopes once more. I broke the eye contact and that’s when my gaze caught sight of the umbrella she was holding out to shelter me from the rain. That yellow umbrella I gave to her on the day we first met. On the day wherein my destruction began. The pain didn’t hesitate to make a comeback, and just when I thought I made the mistake by looking back at her, I knew right then and there that it was the right move after all.

I saw it. That look in her eyes which says it all. The window to her soul. I can’t believe I’d been so caught up with my selfishness, stupidity, and blindness to recognize the signs. Maybe I’m a fool after all. Another tear escaped from my eye and she gently reached out to my face to wipe it with her thumb. I closed my eyes, not wanting to open it again, for fear that this was just an illusion that reality could shatter any second. I stayed still, letting my cheek rest on her palm. If this is a dream, then just let me live in it a little longer. Perhaps a minute or two would be enough.

“Yong…”

I heard her sweet sounding voice and I felt my heart lurch from the confirmation that this is real. She is real. And she’s here with me. I looked up once again and noticed how her hand, the one holding the umbrella, trembled slightly. Our eyes met once more and even with the words left unsaid, I knew that I found what I was looking for. I don’t have to be the rain anymore, because in the midst of all the confusion, heartaches, and chaos, I now know, that her heart and mine are one and the same.

For the first time since I could remember, I felt myself let out a genuine smile.

~End~

Author’s Note:

Finally! A 3-paged one-shot!!! YES! I did it! If you’ve read my previous works or the recent one-shots I’ve posted, you already know how this was such a struggle for me. I consider this piece as an accomplishment. The 1% success rate to the 99% failed attempts.

I wanted to write something dramatic, or at least, something that’s not of TVLF’s genre. I’ve had too much of fluff and I just needed a dose of the angst pill to keep the feels in balance. I’m not sure how this one-shot turned out to be. I think there are a lot of questions or the ending constitutes a sequel which I’m not keen on doing so at the moment. This is one of those extinct moments wherein I’d rather not delve too much on the details and let you figure out the entire thing itself. I think this isn’t that complex if you take out the dramatics of Yong’s soliloquy and focus on the part wherein Seohyun made an appearance. It’s all in there. :D

I think this still sounded very much like me but I also like to think that it’s a different one compared to what I’m used to or ended up writing. Do tell me your thoughts on it. I'd appreciate it a lot. That’s all. Thanks.^^