When I was four, I remember him stretching out his hands in front of me because I just transferred in China and he wanted to be my first friend. I was five, I remember him inviting me in his house with his mom when I was left alone one winter night and my parents are at work and I'm scared about the monsters under my bed, When I was seven I remember him bringing a cake and guitar in my room because it's my birthday and I wasn't supposed to celebrate it alone. When I was nine, I remember him hugging me tightly because his mom got an illness and said she's dying but he needed to be strong. When I was twelve, I remember him squeezing my hand with his trembling fingers because he couldn't cry in his mother's wake. When I was thirteen, I remember him making my heart jump in a different way whenever he's close to me and my stomach calls in butterflies as I feel my cheeks glow. When I was fourteen, I remember him wiping my tears with his thumb at the airport before he went somewhere far away.

And I know him not just a childhood crush, I was fourteen and he was seventeen when he kissed my forehead and said goodbye as he took my heart with him.

Yixing was my first love.

 

A second of silence passed before the crowd started cheering for an encore. But the man on stage gave a polite smile and nod signalling that he's about to go instead.

Buzzing came through my ears, I started walking towards the direction of the stage, faster with every step and when I realize it's almost impossible to reach near the stage due to the number of crowd clustered at the center, I took the sideways instead. 

I watch him as he walks on the stage, I'm almost running, I didn't realize I'm also holding my breath  until I bumped into someone's chest.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I cried, stepping a little to give space between us with the chance of catching my breath.

"It's okay, are you alright?" I hear the guy asked but I didn't quite listen to him because I turned to look at the stage once more and see Yixing going down the stage. Panic rushed through me,

Oh no, I need to catch up to him...

I slightly yank down the hands that lightly rest on my arms, as I was about to walk again, I felt the same hand gripped my elbow.

I turn to face him, "I said I'm sor---" this time, he got all my attention.

Stunned. Yeah, I'm stunned. The guy holding my arm is one of the Growl members. The center guy. And he's much much much more intimidating up close. He can held you hostage with just a stare.

He's so freakin' hot, it almost burns and he knows it very well. He sensed my dazed state and as if finding it amusing, he asks, "Are you alright?" repeating his question but with a hint of tease.

"I--"

"Oh there you are!" I hear Seulbi exclaimed from my back.

I turn to her as she finally catches up to me, "Man! Here I thought you'll be chasing Lay but I find you here with Kai instead." she added.

Oh shoot! I look up the stage again and see no one there anymore. Not even a sign of Yixing that I'm chasing.

I'm about to go forward once more when I felt the hand gripped tighter. I look back at the guy, "I'm sorry." I said failing to hide my shaky voice. But I'm starting to feel a bit irritated too, can't he see I'm in serious hurry right now? Or he just feels so important, he thinks the world revolves around him and me being part of it should do the same?

"No, I'm sorry. I should have realized sooner that you have something important to attend to." he said sounding like he means it. I look down on his hand that is gripping mine as he eventually lets go.

"No. It's nothing really..."

"So, am I right that you were going after Lay just now?" Seulbi asks.

"Lay? Who's Lay?"

"The guy singing just now in his guitar! You were looking at him like you... know him, I don't know."

"Oh his name is Lay?"

"Well, everyone calls him that..."

Oh. Must be saved from humiliation! I was about to get friendly towards someone completely a stranger for thinking he's my childhood friend!

"So...?" Seulbi asked waiting for me to explain.

"Oh, nothing really, just thought someone I know..."

"Hey, aren't you going to introduce us?" Kai directed the question to Seulbi

"Oh right. Yeonsoo, this is Kai, my cousin." Seulbi gestures with her hand as she introduced us to each other.

Oh... so he is the cousin, after all. 

"Kai, this is Yeonsoo, my bestfriend."

"Oh... so you're the friend staying over at Seulbi's?"

"Y-yeah..."

"Now this is interesting." He smiles like he's knowing something

The cousins seem to be talking with each other and I glide my sight around the stage again; I know now that he's not my childhood friend but he made me think of Yixing...

Before I knew it, I'm already being dragged back in the counter by Kai. I'm a little surprised at his show of familiarity; he's the type of guy who knows no one can resist him. I just sigh.

When we were in the counter, we were met by the other members. Tao gave a sweet peck on Seulbi's cheek and wrap his arms around her waist before spinning her around so her back rests against his chest and his chin leans on her shoulder as he finally notices me.

"Yo Zitao! 'been a while..."

I chuckled when he frowned. He hates to be called by his full first name.

Tao was saying something in Korean again but his accent turns the words into a slurred mumbling and I was about to mimic him but someone already did in an exaggerated way.

"Hajima, Baekhyun-hyung..." Tao said to the mimicker guy who's arm is now rested on my shoulder.

Laughing, the guy called Baekhyun turned to me and asked, "So who's this beauty here?"

And you can't help but blush at that, this cute guy calls me beauty and he's smiling like he's flirting.

"Stop flirting with my new roommate, hyung." Kai says shaking his head.

"Eveyone, this is Yeonsoo, my bestfriend and so obviously off-limits." Seulbi warns jokingly and continues her introduction, "You already met Kai and Baekhyun-oppa is the charmer next to you, then there's Kyungsoo, and Sehun and yeah, Tao. Meet the 'Growl'."

 

After a few chat with Seulbi and Growl members, Seulbi noticed that I'm getting a little dizzy tired. She nudges my shoulder and I turn to her just in time she excuses me from the members. She asked me to wait in the car for a while. I told her that I'm fine and she could stay until what time she wants to but she insisted on making me do what she says.

 

And that's how I'm in the passenger seat of the car right now. A July night in Seoul is warmer than I expected so I decided to get off the car while waiting. The location of the bar has a great view being on the higher ground. I walk towards the railings and stays there taking in the top view of the city.

And I don't know why I feel like crying when there's really nothing dramatic about the view or this scene around me but I do. So I close my eyes to hold the tears back. I inhaled deeply.

I smell the scent of summer.

I feel like I'm finally home.

Then I thought about dreams.

When I opened my eyes, I halted for a moment seeing Kai is next to me. I was so surprised that I didn't notice we were staring at each other until he releases a breath like he's been holding it and says,

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you... and to stare."

"It's okay."

He puts his hand on the side of his neck, looking sideways, "Seulbi asked me to check you and you were not in the car and I saw you here. You were..."

He's trying to explain and I find it cute so I smile at him and he stops.

"Hey, it's okay." I said once more before turning to walk back to the car. I feel him following closely behind.

I hear him vaguely mumbling, "...saying she's off-limits but putting me in this situation..."

I turn to him, "Huh?"

"Nah." He says shaking his head.

When we get to the car, I'm still in the passenger seat and he's on the driver's.

"Where's Seulbi?"

"She'll be here in a minute. Texted her that we're going to leave her behind if she doesn't hurry her in here."

"You didn't have to pressure her like that."

"I have to. Besides I want to go home now."

"Why?" the question was asked aloud before I can stop it.

"Some girls were really persistent tonight." he answers with a wicked smile.

"Oh. yeah right." I answer back with a flat tone.

"Hey I'm not being vain." He smiles now as if he knew what I'm thinking.

I'm thinking he's so vain but it's not like his fault. He has the looks to be vain for.

"Okay." I smiled back and turned away. I leaned my head back and close my eyes, pretending to fall asleep.

"Whatever." I hear him mutter. I feel the corner of my lips curl up. 

 

Then I think about Lay. The guy in his guitar who looks so much like my friend, Yixing. Is it possible for two people to be so much similar, not just the face but also the voice? And the way they make you feel? I wonder if I will see him again... if I come back to this place, I might get a chance to see him again... I wonder when that will be. Then I feel real sleepiness is slowly taking up to me.

Good night.

 

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uwaaaaaaaaah been so long since i posted here. damn i miss writing. i miss fangirling. hahaha. i'll promise to do better. and write faster. and upload more chapters soon. good day everyone. thanks a lot for the subs. lemme now your thoughts about this fic!