That one unforgettable moment that made me realize that I was in denial all this time yeah denial. We met unintentionally on one Saturday morning and again on the next Saturday and so on... 

"Hey" that was what I wanted to say but I couldn't get myself to do it why? (chuckles) because I am a girl with a low self-esteem no more like I just didn't have the confidence.

December 8th, 2012 

"Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear ___, Happy birthday to you!" 

(smiles) "Thank you so much guys!" 

As I stare over to you, you gave me an eye smile that made my heart beat raced 

January-August

We see each other almost every Saturday for what? Well lets just say we are fond of children yup every Saturday I spend 3 hours of my time playing with homeless children from the community center. Although theres a language barrier, who says we can't have fun? (smiles) 

I never had the guts to speak to you but maybe just maybe you didn't have the guts too? hehe

I see you look over to my direction most of the time or was it just me who is doing it? 

September 27th, 2013 

(One new friend request) "Oh...its him" (smiles) 

November - December 

"You are really cute" said him 

"hehe thank you!" said __

"I am glad to have you as a friend, but I wish we knew each other earlier" said him 

December 7th, 2014 

"Happy early birthday __!!!" said bestie

"Awwww thank you so much!!!" said __

(After playing with the children from the community center) 

Bestie rushes to prepare something 

A group of boys from the community center begins to dance (bboying) 

(eyes widend) __

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear __ happy birthday to you" 

"Make a wish and blow out the candles" said him while holding the cake 

I close my eyes and made a wish, wondering what I wish for? Well lets just say its a secret :) 

"Here this is my present" said Bestie 

(Pulls out a white dress that I love) "OMG! HOW??? Thank you so much!!!" __hugs bestie tightly 

"Hey there are some other people here who wants to give you their presents too!" said my teacher (smirk)

I turned around and he was standing right there with his friends with teddy bears in their hands 

One by one they came "Thank you!" said__

And then it was your turn "Thank you so much" said__ 

I smiled looking at the bears specifically the one he gave me 

"So which bear you like the most?" my teacher teased me 

I blushed and said "I like them all" 

Truthfully it was a lie and it was just me who can't seem to see it...

January 1st, 2014

3, 2, 1 Happy New Year!!!!!

(One facebook Notification) "Happy New Year ___!"

"Thank you so much!!! Happy New Year to you too!" I smile towards the screen as if he could see me.

In the middle of January 2014

"Can't you see that he has feelings for you?!?!?" said bestie 2 

"I don't think so guys I think you are just over reacting.." said__

But my hearts thinks otherwise.."does he really have feelings for me?" 

"Well... everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you" said bestie 2 

February 12th, 2014 

(Facebook messaging) 

"Hey __ can we meet up? I want to give you something" said him

My heart starts to race, my mind is a mess 

"Bestie what should I do?!?!? I don't want him to think that I have feelings for him or otherwise, I only like him as a friend!!" said __

"Well then you should tell him how you feel" said bestie

"Hey! I need to tell you something, I really appreciate all of the presents you have given to on my birthday and christmas but I don't want you to waste your money" said __

10 minutes later "Oh.. __ I didn't realize...those are just gifts for you, you have been a great friend to me and I am not expecting anymore than that, sorry for making you feel uncomfortable" said him 

(tears starts to well up my eyes) "I am sorry for making you upset but you are not making me uncomfortable" said __ 

"I am really sorry its just that you have helped gain confidence in my studies...what should I do?" said him

"I am sorry for hurting your feelings I...I just think there must be a misunderstanding between us." said __ (sobbing) 

It was the first I have cried so hard since my grandmother passed away, I don't know what this feeling was but all I felt at that moment was pain in my heart 

(Scroling down the newsfeed I came across) "Bad Valentine" posted by him 

I bitterly laughed at myself as the pain in my heart adds on...

February 14th, 2014

(One new message) "Happy Valentines Day __" said him 

"Happy Velentines Day!" said __

From that day onwards it was pretty awkward for both of us our chats became shorter until one day 

"This is for you" said __ (smiles)

(Someone tagged you) "Thank you so much __ I really like it!" 

I smiled to myself hopefully we could put the past behind us

One day in August 2014

"Hey __ do you want to go watch a movie with me?" said him 

"Sure!" said __

"Shall we watch "The Fault In Our Stars"? said him

"Sure! I have been waiting to watch it!" said __

(one day before the movie) "I am so sorry __ I can't make it :( I have an exam tomorrow" said him 

"Oh its alright you should concentrate on your exams first" said __ (feeling slightly dissapointed?) 

"I am really sorry...will you wait for me though?" said him

"For what? To watch the movie?" said __

"Yeah" said him 

"Haha sure!" said __ (slighty smiles) 

I look over at the bear he gave me, the bear that I would usually hug when I miss talking to him, the bear given by him who was able to comfort me when I am sad..

September 2014 

"Hey! Can we meet up? I am leaving to study abroad soon and I have something to give you" said __

"Sure! I have something to give you too!" said him

"Alright! When do you have time?" said __ (smiling crazily) 

"Hmmm...let's meet on Sunday? said him 

"Alright then see you on Sunday!" said __

The feeling of dissapointment of not being able to meet him came back but it was not the feeling of dissapointment that hurt me, it was the feeling of not being able to see him for the last time before I leave. 

I guess this is where our journey ends however, I have a feeling that we may meet one day maybe just maybe fate could bring us together but for now I would like to keep things the way it is though I am still no so sure whether or not I have feelings for you...

Lets just let fate decide...but for now its goodbye 

 

Thank you for reading and please don't forget to comment :)