Minseok wakes up to the sound of his alarm. Turning over, he is once again met with an empty space beside him. He doesn't bat an eyelid though, he's finally become accustomed to the sight. 

Today it's the 16th February 2015. Minseok doesn't know the date until he takes a look at phone for any messages or missed calls and see's the date and time displayed, all he does is smile slightly and chucks his phone onto the bed before jumping in the shower.

"What did the doctor say?" Chanyeol asks he, Minseok, Sehun and Kyungsoo all sat together for the first time in a long time over drinks, nachos and a dip
"I should perhaps reconsider the counselling sessions, just for a while though. That and she just continued with my prescription of the pills" Minseok replied, taking a swig of his drink whilst the others listen in on him. 

"I think tonight I'll try and go a night without any pills" 
"But Minseok those pills are there to help you sleep" Kyungsoo interjects quickly, watching Minseok nod his head and set his drink down. 

"I know they are... but I'm afraid of becoming too dependent on them. I would like to try and get back to normality at some point though" he explains and who are his friends to complain or say anything against his choices? 

"I should get going" Chanyeol says, standing up "If I don't leave now then I'll never make that meeting"
"I'm gonna make a move as well, I'm meeting Jongin in a bit after all" Kyungsoo adds as they say goodbye and leave, only Minseok and Sehun are left. 

"I was wondering, if you could give me a lift? I-I just need to stop off somewhere first of all" to which Sehun smiled and nodded his head 
"Of course".

Hospitals were about to become Minseok's least favorite place in the world. They were never a good place to be in, they were a place of life and death, happiness and heartbreak.

Running towards the reception, Minseok had just gotten of the phone to Jongdae's parents. They were on their way, but wouldn't be there for a while due to distance. Until they arrived, it was up to Minseok to gather information, make sense of what was going on and try to find out what had happened to Jongdae. 

"Y-yes hi, I had a phone call saying I had to come here because Kim Jongdae had been involved in a car accident and he was being brought in" watching as the receptionist agonisingly slowly typed on the computer in front of her. 

"I'm sorry sir, but nothing has come up yet on the current condition or situation with Kim Jongdae. If you could please take a seat, I'm sure someone will be out to talk to you soon" 

Minseok hated having to sit there and wait like that.

"H-happy anniversary" 

Placing the flowers down, Minseok crouches down and traces his fingers over the carvings on the stong in front of him. Sehun is there with him, but he is waiting a short distance away, giving Minseok the privacy he needs.

The memories still caused a smile to bitterly grace his face. 

Having to sit there and wait for news on Jongdae, sitting by his bedside and not leaving unless he was asked to or his parents came to visit. The images, though simple, haunted him for months after. 

He could still remember it like it was yesterday; how he was sat there one evening holding Jongdae's hand and watching him, he looked so peaceful. The beeping coming from the machines around him set out a spiral of events whereby one minute he was sat there with Jongdae, the next nurses and doctors were rushing into the room and Minseok was being pushed outside where Jongdae's parents could only ask him what was happening, and yet he couldn't give the answers. 

The image of Jongdae's mum screaming and falling to the floor in tears haunted Minseok for weeks. The image of the doctor walking out and shaking his head signalled the end, there was nothing else they could do. Remembering how Minseok himself collapsed onto the seats behind hi, realising that Jongdae was never going to be around him for the rest of his life... that would haunt him forever.

Tracing his fingers over the date that signalled the end of Jongdae's life, Minseok was quick to wipe away the tears that tried to fall down his cheeks. He promised himself he wouldn't cry anymore.

The nightmares started after the funeral. Every night Minseok would go to sleep and have to dream everything over again. Some nights it was having to re-live himself sitting at Jongdae's bed side and effectively watching him die in front of his eyes. Other nights it would be dreaming over and over the moment the doctor came out and shook his head, Jongdae's mum screaming and Minseok collapsing against the seats. 

On the odd night, Jongdae would appear in the dreams. On those nights, he would ask Minseok why he hadn't tried more to keep him alive, why he never cried at the funeral. It was these dreams that Minseok would jolt awake in a cold sweat, shaking. 

Two weeks after the funeral something had turned up in the post for Jongdae. Minseok was about to send it back and tell them that Jongdae no longer lived at his house, that he no longer existed, but seeing that the envelope had a stamp of an airline in the corner, curiosity got the better of him. Opening the envelope up, Minseok pulled out to tickets for Venice. 

Three weeks after the funeral, Minseok finally decided to clear out anything that was Jongdae's. Sifting through his jumpers, a box fell to the floor. Opening the box up, Minseok found a ring. Finally he was able to put two and two together; why the air tickets had turned up, why Jongdae was constantly working overtime. It was there Minseok finally broke down and for the first time since Jongdae's death allowed himself to cry. It was there that he just completely broke. 

Some days Minseok thought that Jongdae was there. Most mornings he would wake up and Jongdae would be there already awake, staring at him, smiling. Minseok would blink and then he would be gone, remembering that Jongdae was no longer around. 

His friends noticed changes in Minseok; from the bags under his eyes to the amount of weight he had lost in such a short space of time. Other times they thought they could hear Minseok talk to himself, cook a meal that was meant for two instead of one, how he would say his phone was ringing when it wasn't. They tried to help him, tried to get him to go see someone to talk about how he was feeling, get the help he needed. He always refused and it just got to the point where his friends could no longer sit back, they had to help him somehow. 

"Kim Minseok!" 

Minseok would hope that Chanyeol would stop pounding on the door and leave him soon. 

"Kim Minseok open the ing door or I'm breaking it down!" 
"Oh don't be so dramatic" 

Why did Minseok ever show Kyungsoo where he kept the spare key to his place? 

"If I didn't answer the door then surely that's an indication that I didn't want to see you" was the only thing he said, his friends taking in his appearance before Chanyeol leant down and began shaking him. 

"Cant you see what you're doing to yourself? This needs to stop! Look at you!" he shouted 
"Chanyeol please we agreed to not be so rough on him" Kyungsoo begged but Chanyeol wasn't listening. 

"Minseok you are killing yourself! Look at you, you looked like you haven't had a good nights sleep in weeks, you are as skinny as a rake... you're becoming a shell of your former self!" 
"Minseok, please, you need to go get help... it's not just the eating and the sleeping, you're driving yourself crazy! You keep speaking to yourself, thinking that someone is ringing you when they're not... it's hard to watch!" Sehun tried to get the message across but Minseok didn't seem to be listening. 

When Chanyeol ran out of the bedroom, Minseok thought that he had, had enough and was going to leave. Chanyeol would not give up so easily on his friend though, he was going to try any method out to get the message into Minseok's head. 

"Look at this" as he a picture of Minseok and Jongdae on their first holiday together in front of Minseok's face 
"Look at him, do you really think that he would want you sitting here wasting away like this? Breaking down like this? No he wouldn't! It's going to be difficult Minseok we know but there are people here who care about you and hate seeing you like this. Please, think of what Jongdae would be feeling like right now if he saw you like this". 

It's after having a good cry and Kyungsoo cooking him up his first decent meal in weeks that Minseok goes to seek help. It was difficult in the beginning and he was reluctant to speak to some counsellor, but he was getting there. The nightmares began to stop when Minseok was put on the pills. Some nights he had no dreams and other nights he only dreamt of the good times. 

Even now he still thinks he can see Jongdae. Sometimes he even likes to talk to him, cook him a meal. It always comes as a stab to his chest when he remembers that Jongdae is no longer here. He's slowly moving on though, he has his family and friends who are there to help him. It will be slow but he will eventually get back to a life where he no longer has to rely on his dreams to get him away from his reality. 

"I'm ready to go now" and Minseok gives Sehun a moment to himself to visit Jongdae's grave. He's sure that he can hear Sehun say something, but he's not paying enough attention to hear what he says. The two of them leave the graveyard with Minseok spending the rest of the day watching home video's that he and Jongdae had taken over the time they had been together. 

That night Minseok dreams of the lips that curl in the corner and of the glistening eyes of Kim Jongdae, the image that has been etched into his mind since the day he had first met him...

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Ahh please forgive me! But this was planned from the beginning!

I'm sorry if it's all confusing! :S