'But JAE, you just don’t ask a question like that during the first date. It’s so disrespectful and totally unromantic’

If it weren't for his beloved Junsu talking, he would have bashed the bastard’s face in.

‘Yeah, you’re so rude. It’s like you were raised by the wolves’

Yoochun, on the other hand, was not his beloved Junsu so he hadn't the same reservations regarding this guy. If needed he was more than willing to rip Yoochun a new one.

‘You have no manners’

‘And you talk with your mouth full’

'You have no shame'

'And dress like a prostitute on budget'

‘So after all our efforts...’

‘-no wonder you’re still single’

Yes, that much was true. Jaejoong had been boyfriend-less for an eternity now. How could someone with a face like his manage to do that was beyond Jaejoong's understanding but still- did these two have to attack him in their perfect tandem?

‘Maybe if he shut his mouth the problem would be solved?’ Yoochun suggested and Junsu looked at him like some kind of a new-age messiah.

‘Screw you, fuckers’ Jaejoong mumbled, now feeling extra peeved.

How these two had managed to drag him out of his apartment after yesterday’s disaster he didn't know, but there he was, sitting at a disgustingly optimistic lake watching some disgustingly optimistic swans swimming in some disgustingly optimistic water.

Wonderful.

‘I guess we’re not going to hear from Changmin anymore’ Yoochun said what the other two were thinking and all three of them sighed in unison.

So yes, Jaejoong’s date had been a disaster. He reasoned it was because of his stupid question at the beginning as everything had gone downhill from there.

He shouldn’t have done that, probably should have listened more carefully when Junsu had gone on and on about the guy for months. But, as destiny had set, there was not an ounce of chemistry between them both despite Changmin being Jaejoong's type.

The guy was smart and witty and really good looking but he was also too young and too much of a smartass. Or maybe it was because Jaejoong was too crude?

Honest, he thought, that's the word I'm looking for

If anything, they had developed a difficult family problem rather than that the blooming love affair Junsu had imagined. What he hoped for was that from this day onwards Changmin would avoid him like the plague because he didn't even want to remember.

‘So much for your awesome deduction skills, Junsu. You truly find the best of ‘em’

Nothing seemed to lift Jaejoong's mood today. This was, after all, how most of his dates ended. At first things were going great and expectations were high but the moment he opened his mouth the illusion was shattered.

‘It’s just that my face doesn’t match my personality’ he sighed like he was to breathe his last breath and stood up. He had enough of this annoyingly happy park with all those dovey-eyed couples and Junsu and Yoochun in the middle of it.

Lately he couldn’t stand being around the two, feeling like he might end strangling one of them if pushed to his limits.

If only his lovely Junsu would leave that undeserving Chunface and come into his awaiting arms.

They were a match made in heaven, destined to be forever and ever and all that stuff if only Junsu realized that Jaejoong was his destined one.

Any day now. He could wait.

No one knew him like Junsu did. He knew and he understood. He didn’t treat him like a prince only to discover that he was the evil step-mother instead.

How was this his fault that he enjoyed drinking and staying out late and maybe pigging out and laughing too loudly at unfunny things?

‘Where you're off to?’ Junsu asked when Jaejoong stood up. Not feeling like answering he brushed the question off with a wave of his hand and headed for the gate.

---

Despite all odds Jaejoong decided to go out that evening.

It wasn’t good for his heart, stomach, liver or sanity nor did he want to go for a one-night stand but he also didn’t feel like tagging along the dream couple or staying home alone.

The life of the lone wolf was the life he had chosen to follow from now on which meant no more friends, no more happiness.

The music was blasting his brains out and he was filling up on drinks those some plain-looking guy was supplying when a strange creature entered the bar, catching everyone's attention.

People like him never went to shady bars like this, not without a good reason.

The guy with his designer suit and silk tie and gold watch and polished shoes and neat hair and super-handsome face and absolutely superior physique was totally out of everyone’s league, but it was fun to dream.

Usually, these types came here to look for someone - a sister, a brother, an underaged child or an inappropriately dressed older relative in the worst case scenario. Whatever it was it didn't concern Jaejoong so he returned to chatting with his plain-faced companion.

Mr. handsome scanned the room with an intense gaze until his eyes found what he was looking for and ‘Uh, Jae, I think-’ the bartender, which he had come to known as the thoughtest guy around, stuttered at him while haislity pointing his finger at something behind.

‘What?’ Jaejoong rolled his eyes and turned, half expecting to meet some drunk bastard wanting to pick a fight with him but was faced with the Golden Adonis from before instead.

From the looks of it, whoever the stranger had been looking for, was either similar or had something to do with Jaejoong.

The tall and handsome looked down at him with a disapproving scowl before asking in a strict voice.

‘Are you Jaejoong?’

The words were uttered with such authority that for a moment Jaejoong considered lying before stopping himself from doing something so foolish. There was no use in pretending to be someone else because nobody else could ever be him.

Ready for whatever trouble he had managed to get himself into this time, he nodded.

The next thing he knew was being dragged out of the bar and left shivering in the cold air while his jacket was still hanging on the stool back in the warm club he missed already. In the presence of the stranger he felt like a small child who had misbehaved.

‘I shall tell you that I highly disapprove of your behaviour and I hadn't expected to find you in such a dirty establishment’

Hello, what? Was this his mom in disguise? What a wicked idea but he hoped that wasn't true. Umma wasn't that tall...

‘Um, I’m not sure what you-’ he tried to explain but the other interrupted him, acting as if he had been born to lecture Jaejoong.

‘And what kind of clothes are those? I expect you to be dressed with the utmost elegance and style, not in such rags’

Now, wait, hold that thought. Insulting his personality was fine but his clothes? That was too much. This guy was taking it one step too far.

‘From this day on I expect nothing but respectable appearance or I will absolutely not allow you to date my brother’

No. Noooo. No friggin way. This had to be someone's super straight brother, worried about the family name or something equally trivial and acting like the world owed him one. This had nothing to do with Jaejoong.

'Ok. Seriously. Stop’ he put his hands in front of himself in defense and took a deep breath, ‘listen to me well-’ this was going to be a pain to explain.

‘Whomever you have mistaken me for or whomever you believe me to be I am not that person. Got that? Great'

He took another deep breath, 'You see, I am NOT currently dating anyone and even if I were I would stop just to avoid the trouble of dealing with someone as stuck-up and close-minded as you are. You obviously have got you nose up your own ass and don't even know it smells’

You go, girl, Jaejoong cheered himself on for being so strong and independent.

The stranger seemed to be taken aback at the sudden attack but managed to recover surprisingly well, this time talking in a calmer manner.

‘So you are not in a relationship with my brother Changmin?’

‘Oh god no. Definitely no’

‘What a relief’

The look of absolute ecstasy on the stranger’s face pissed Jaejoong off and he frowned. Was he really the lowest of the low? What had he done so terrible to deserve being treated like this?

Fucking bastard.

'Yeah, nice for you and everything but I’m freezing my ass out here so if you have finished your gloating I'll just head back to join the rest of my lowlife friends'

He could feel some tears stinging his eyes which was shocking because he had thought himself strong enough. He had gotten used to the rude comments and insults people threw at him but something about the absolute relief on the man's face hurt him more than all the ugly words combined.

The stranger turned from ecstatic to confused and at least that made Jaejoong feel something similar to satisfaction.

Had he thought that people like him couldn't be hurt?

He choked out a chuckled to stop the sob from escaping and turned to leave.

‘No, please, I must apologize' a firm hand on his shoulder stopped him. Oh gosh, could these white collars with their feeling of superiority ever live a moment without shoving their pretentious kindness in everyone's face?

'Let me buy you dinner’

But then again, they usually didn't offer to buy him dinner. Jaejoong turned around, intrigued.

‘And I’m terribly sorry for not introducing myself earlier. My name’s Jung Yunho’

The man smiled what seemed like a honest to god smile and extended his arm for a handshake.

For the first time that evening Jaejoong didn't feel so cold anymore.

---

‘So it’s a date!’ Junsu chirped as he busied himself around the small apartment.

It was quite the pitiful place to live, suited only for the most hardcore of bachelors. But it was somewhere to sleep and it was cheap which was great for Jaejoong who barely made the ends meet after wasting all his money on clubbing.

‘It’s not a date’ he grumbled in return while watching the other pick a shirt out of the pile of unrecognizable things.

He was bad at laundry, so what? Junsu sometimes came over and took care of the situation. Why couldn’t his cute angel fall for him instead?

‘So when’s the date?’

‘Uh-’ so hopeless, ‘I don’t know and it's not really a-‘

Junsu gave him a dirty look.

'Six. In the evening. Friday’

‘Excellent’ there was a strange determination in his friend’s voice, ‘that gives us three more days to make a civilized person out of you’

As much as Jaejoong wished for that to happen, it was, sadly, impossible.

‘What do you mean by making a ci- ci—whatever the word was - person out of me?’

‘I think you managed to illustrate my point perfectly just now’

Junsu stood up and brushed some dirt off his clothes. He moved fast, with such speed and grace that Jaejoong realized that something was wrong only when he found himself pinned against the nearby wall.

‘Do you want to find a man for yourself or not?’

Ow. Junsu had turned into a maniac and it was all Yoochun's fault.

‘No hesitating, Jae, you must be ready, you must fight and you must be ready to fight!’

Or he was doing drugs. The judgement was still out in the open.

‘I’m tired of seeing you wasting yourself on people who don't deserve you,' Junsu's eyes had turned soft and all shiny and Jaejoong could barely resist the urge to kiss him.

'Be a someone finally, I believe in you’

More than I will ever believe in myself, angel Jaejoong smiled and patted his friend’s round cheek instead.

So cute. So innocent. It was good that he had Chunny on his side as someone like him wouldn’t survive in the real world on his own.

‘Ok ok’ Jaejoong gave in if that made his friend happy, ‘as you wish, master’

Junsu’s eyes lit up strangely and his innocent wide-eyed face twisted into a much darker and sinful expression.

Jaejoong shuddered.

Had he been wrong in assuming that Yoochun was the corrupted one?

---

‘Don’t talk with your mouth full!’ Junsu yelled at him the moment he tried to get a word in their terribly stiff conversation.

Yoochun was standing beside the table as their acting waiter and Jaejoong had to admit that he was pretty amazing at serving people.

That thought made him chuckle which earned him another disapproving look from Junsu.

They had been at his ‘manner training’ for two days now and if Jaejoong had been excited at first he was bitterly disappointed by now.

First, Junsu shared his place with Yoochun and he'd seen the bedroom- only one bed.

Second, Junsu was a terrible host.

‘I just wanted to tell you that-’

‘Don’t!’ Junsu shot down the reasoning without even giving him a chance to reason.

'But-'

‘Jae, just- don’t’

‘Don’t what?’

‘Talk’

‘But what should I do instead?’

‘Smile’

‘And?’

‘And nod when asked a question’

Smile and nod? He could do that.

No, wait. This was getting ridiculous. Or maybe this was not getting ridiculous and had been full on retarded from the very start. It’s not like he was even going on a date or anything. It was just an apology, an act of pretensious kindness. That Yunho guy probably didn't even remember his name.

‘Now you’re just torturing me’ Jaejoong shook his head, leaning his chin on the back of his palm.

The strange gleam in Junsu's eyes returned.

‘Shut up and look pretty, that's the one thing you excel at. We're having a civilized conversation here and whining doesn't belong at the table’

‘But Su! What am I, a dog?’

‘If that’s what your master wishes’

The creepy look on Junsu’s face spread and Jaejoong shuddered. Unwillingly, his mind slipped in that dangerous territory where he knew exactly the reason Yoochun was so good at serving.

A/N: I feel like puking. Ate too much nuts *insert other significant information here* Thanks for reading!