Chapter 5: Withdrawal

The year that followed seemed meaningless to me.

The week after my return, my brother had his wedding and MiRae officially became Queen, taking over my past duties.  It made my life a little bit easier now that I didn’t have to pretend as often anymore.  I could stay more invisible now that MiRae was taking care of everything with my brother now.  I’ve tried to be as normal as everyone knew me to be before I left, but I’m pretty sure that everyone already knows that I have lost a few screws and that I’m off.  During the wedding, my brother had asked me to sing as he normally did for our huge events.  I guess I hadn’t given it my all or I didn’t sound the same, because thats where the whispers of concern started and rumors sprouted first.  I’ve gotten used to the whispers behind my back, I’ve learned to ignore them little by little.

I don’t even know what I’ve been doing with my life after I came back.  I’ve been more into my own little world.  NamJoon has expressed his concern for my mental health a few times, but I always refused any treatment.  I knew that I was completely fine, besides a huge gaping heartache in my chest.  I couldn’t tell anyone of my adventures or my life there.  The secretive tactic that left people in the dark lead to rumors being spread that I was probably beaten, experimented upon, or worse by the aliens on the planet I had been on for a year.  People look at me with sympathy.  I don’t want that, it’s all futile.

I was bored with life.  If I thought too much, I would want to cry.  I haven’t shed a tear since I’ve been here, besides maybe the late nights I wake up from dark nightmares.  I filled my days with mindless wandering around the castle, the gardens, the kingdom, anywhere my mind took me.  I revisited memories of my alien family, some of my childhood.  A day didn’t go by that I didn’t think about the other planet and the people I missed.  I visited the park often and played with the children.

Children…  My only child Kookie…

No, you can’t think of that…  You promised you wouldn’t cry while you were here.

~*~*~*~*~

About 6 months after my return, I awoke from another flashback dream.  This one was another sweet night I had spent having kimchi bokkeumbap with both boys.  After staying in bed stiff for a few moments to calm myself down, I got up and stretched.  I had banned kimchi bokkeumbap, and told NamJoon not to call me Princess anymore.  Anything that reminded me of them in this house was slowly banned.  All the more reason for my brother to think there was something wrong with me.

I walked into the bathroom where my contacts lay in the case.  I had to start wearing brown colored ones for a reason.

The day after I returned, I woke up to an unfamiliar stinging in my eyes.  It was like that dull stinging feeling you get after you’ve cried for a while.  I didn't recall crying that night before.  I stepped into my bathroom to wash my face.  When I looked up into the mirror, I gasped.  My eyes were no longer brown, rather they were a deep purple color.

“What...the...heck?” I stared shocked into the mirror.

“JinYoungie~~” I heard outside my bedroom door.

“Crap,” I cursed and rubbed my eyes so they would go away.  To my dismay, they didn’t.  “Yes?” I called outside.

“I’m coming in to see you~” my brother’s goofy voice sounded as the doors opened.

My eyes widened as I quickly covered my eyes and bent forward.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he walked over to me curiously.

“I...I think I got soap in my eyes,” I lied.

“Let me see,” he ordered as he moved my head up.

My heart raced in anxiety.  “No no, I got it-”

Before I could say anything, he had tore my hands away from my face and looked into my eyes.  I expected some sort of comment or reaction from him.  But all he said was, “Your eyes aren’t irritated.  I think you were imagining it.”

I blinked.  “Oh...ok then…” I answered dumbly.  “Can you…wait for me downstairs for breakfast?”

“Of course Princess!” he smiled and ruffled my head.  “Meet you downstairs!” he called before he left, closing the door behind me.

“Princess…” I repeated before walking back to the bathroom, sulking over there.  One look in the mirror again made me jump.  Those eyes were back.  I looked in the mirror on my dresser to make sure my bathroom mirror wasn’t messing with me.  I was panicking on the inside.

That morning after breakfast, I needed to head to the market and to the contact lense store with sunglasses on and buy a pair of brown lenses.  I still don’t know why my eyes change color, but I had to cover them up or else the rumors would get worse, and I’d be considered an outsider, and alien.  I’d be shunned completely.

This morning, I felt more tired than usual, strangely.  After putting in my contacts with a little bit more difficulty, I felt nauseous suddenly.  I hurriedly vomited into the toilet next to me.

"Ughh..." I groaned as I collapsed on the tile floor.  My head was still spinning like a washing machine.  Through the dizziness, I tried thinking of something I had eaten last night that may have caused food poisoning or a terrible case of upset stomach.  That's when I realized that I hadn't eaten besides a yogurt and some fruit.  NamJoon had just bought the yogurt a day ago.

"Ok, don't panic," I tried calming myself.  "It's just morning sickness.  You are completely fine, nothing happened."  I weakly got up from the cold floor, washed out my mouth and went downstairs.  The trek was a bit slower due to my increased fatigue and nausea.  A few dizziness episodes came out of the blue and made me stop for a few seconds as well.

The smell of breakfast hit me when I entered the kitchen.  I could pick out the smell of the eggs, maple syrup, pancakes and...bacon.  Greasy, oily bacon.  My nausea came back to settle in my stomach.  I tried to swallow it down and ignore it.  I sat down at at the table where my brother and MiRae were sitting.

"Morning sis!" NamJoon immediately greeted me.  "How was your rest?"

"Good," I replied weakly.  "Pass the syrup?"  After I received the bottle from MiRae, I slathered my stack of pancakes with a little more of the sticky substance than I normally took.  My pancakes were all soggy and my plate was filled with excess syrup.

My brother eyed me weirdly.  "That's quite a bit of syrup you got there."

I raised my fork of fluffy pancakes midway and shot him a look.  "I feel like it, ok?" I said little rudely.

"Ok then..." he put his hands up innocently.

"We have to leave early and we'll be back late, ok?  But Hoseok will be here if you need anything," MiRae reminded me.

"Alright," I nodded, taking another huge bite of my pancakes.  "I'll see you guys later today."

The two of them bid me goodbye and left me to my own device.  I continued eating, but the smell of the bacon made me nauseous.  In order to prevent my appetite from dwindling anymore, I took my plate into the living room and the TV.  In the middle of eating, I had a craving for having orange juice instead of my normal morning coffee.  I set down my plate and went back into the kitchen.  I opened the fridge and looked for the orange juice.  But my eyes set on the large carton of chocolate milk and my mouth watered.  I immediately grabbed it and poured it into a glass.  Drinking half of it down, I refilled it and brought it into the living room with me.

"Hey hey JinYoung!" Hoseok came down the stairs and walked passed me on his way to the kitchen.  He stopped in his tracks and backtracked.  "Are you...drinking...chocolate milk?" he asked slowly.

I looked at him with a death glare.  "Yes why do you ask?" I asked bit harshly.

He put his hands up innocently.  "Just asking, because normally you don't like chocolate milk in the morning, you prefer your coffee."

"I just felt like it today, okay?" I snapped at him.

"Alright alright, I'm not complaining," Hoseok said as he continued his way into the kitchen.

I turned my attention back to the TV.  Soon after, I started tearing up.  "That little kitty was so cute, why would you give her away!?" I bawled.  A few moments later, I was flipping through the channels boredly.  I got a little queasy again.  "Ughhh this is why I don't drink milk for breakfast..." I moaned out.  I was sprawled out on the couch on my back, my arm covering my eyes.  My nausea had brought a headache that made me unable to look anywhere but the darkness inside my eyelids.  I was laying there as a messy, groaning mess.

I heard footsteps.  "Are you okay JinYoung?" I heard Hoseok ask.

"I don't think so," I groaned.  "I feel terrible right now.  I'm so tired, I woke up with morning sickness and I vomited earlier, I'm dizzy and weak, I have weird cravings, I can't stand the smell of bacon anymore, I'm moody and emotional, and now I have a terrible headache."

Suddenly, I had a moment of clarity.  My eyes shot wide open.  "Oppa, call me a doctor," I demanded, my voice a little shaky.

~*~*~*~*~

"Good morning,  Princess JinYoung," a short, surprisingly young doctor walked into my bedroom with a soft smile.  He walked up to me and extended his hand.  "I'm Doctor Kim Junmyeon.  It's a pleasure to meet you."

I sat up in my bed and shook his hand.  "Same to you."  I like this man's soft aura already.

He smiled a little wider.  "Let's see now."  He pulled up a chair next to my bed, took out a book and pen, and adjusted his glasses.  "What seems to be the trouble?"

After telling him all the events that happened that morning, he finished writing and took off his glasses.  "If you don't mind me asking, Princess, you have have a royal family doctor, don't you?  Why not call him instead of asking Hoseok to call me?" he asked curiously.

I stared at him warily.  "I share the same doctor as my brother.  And if he hears anything about me asking to see the doctor or anything about the visit, I would be in trouble."

"Very well then," he nodded and put his glasses back on.  "I will not mention anything related to this visit either.  I think I know what is going on, but you must answer me a couple more questions."

"Alright," I agreed.

"Are you ually active?"

I stammered a little bit, taken back a little by his straightforward tone.  "Not lately."

"When was the last time you engaged in ?" he followed up.

"Around 6 months ago," I answered.

He chuckled.  "Now I understand why you don't want the king finding out about this."  The doctor met my eyes with a gentle and comforting gaze.  "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

I smiled at him gratefully.  "Thank you doctor, but now what?"

~*~*~*~*~

"Well, Princess JinYoung," Doctor Kim adjusted his glasses and stared at me, still casually sitting on the chair.  "I'm pleased that my hunch was correct, but from that look on your face, I don't think you are."

My back was pressed up against the door of my bathroom.  My mind had went blank as I stared straight ahead.  My heart had stopped beating from shock.  The tiny plastic in my hand showed two bars.

"Nonetheless, congratulations Princess.  You are pregnant."

So many emotions were going through my mind at the moment.  How the hell did this happen?  This is impossible.  It's been too long for this to happen.  It doesn't matter right now.  I can't have this child!  How will I explain this to NamJoon?!  How do you tell him that I was in a ual relationship with my "kidnapper" and now I'm having his child 6 months later?!  He's gonna have a cow and then kill me!  This is such a disaster!

My heart was pounding in anxiety.  "I can't have this baby, Doctor."

"I was thinking," he started.  "6 months ago, you were still on another planet.  I'm guessing you were either having an affair or you were , and your brother doesn't know about it nor do you want to tell him."

"If you had said friends with benefits, you would have hit it right on the bullseye," I chuckled darkly.

"And you loved him, but he didn't feel the same?" Junmyeon asked.

"Right there," I nodded.

"Well..." the doctor paused.  "I'm really not a fan of doing this, but I have something that will help you."  He reached into his doctor's bag and pulled out a small plastic bag of pills.  "Take two daily, morning and night, for the next 5 days starting tonight.  You will start urinating often with bleeding every day you take it."

I stood up, still shaking, and took the bag from him.  "I hate doing this."  I brought one hand up to brush my stomach.  "I've always hated people who kill their babies and now I'm doing it."

"I know how you feel," he placed a hand on my shoulder and gazed at me sympathetically.  "But it needs to be done sometimes."

I sighed, feeling disgusted with myself.  "Side effects?"

"You will have to stay bedridden for the next 5 days.  You will turn pale and incredibly weak, you won't even have the strength to get out of bed," he informed.  "You can easily pass this off to your brother as a flu."

I huffed again.  "Just great."

He chuckled slightly.  "I'll come back to check on you in 6 days."  With that he left the room with a final goodbye.

I stared at the bag of pills and sighed again.  "Here we go."

~*~*~*~*~

The 5th day after that, I was ready to just die so I could be put out of my misery.

I groaned out after receiving another mind crushing headache for the nth time that day.  “Why do I have to always get myself into these positions?” I scolded myself.

I was pretty much bedridden for the past few days, as the doctor warned me.  I woke up the morning of my first pill and I could barely make it to the bathroom to pee.  When I did, it was completely red.  I was kind of relieved at first, but then the dizziness started and I was too weak to stay out of bed.  Regarding my contacts, I haven’t put them in since the I’ve been taking the pills.  I told everyone that tried to come in my room to just hurry up, drop off whatever soup for a meal, and then leave quickly because my sickness was “contagious.”

I’ve been regretting this decision so much.   Every limb in my body was in pain, my skull felt like it was gonna crack open any minute now, I was switching between fever and chills, and I kept coughing and sneezing my lungs out.  Doctor Junmyeon was right, they were flu symptoms, but he never explained that it would be this bad.  I couldn’t even try to sleep because of my frequent urination, even at nights.  It’s not that I wasn’t used to insomnia before (believe me, ever since I came back I’ve barely been sleeping), it’s just that the constant feeling of my bladder being full was not a pleasant feeling to be getting every 1-2 hours, especially a feeling that prevents you from sleeping.  Very annoying more than anything else.

But today was just unbearable.  The symptoms were too much for me to handle.  I was actually getting afraid that my body wouldn’t be able to withstand the symptoms and that I was actually getting sick from this pill.  I thought I wasn’t gonna make it to tomorrow when the doctor comes back.  I tried to tell myself It’s just the last pill tonight and it’ll be all over by morning.  Then you’ll have enough strength to kill that doctor.  But it wasn’t enough motivation for me.  I was really scared that I was gonna die that night.

That’s why I decided on calling Jungkook.

I just had to tell him what happened and what was going on.  Besides, he still has a chance to call me afterwards.  I rolled over weakly towards my bedside table and grabbed the communicator.  I always left it on my nightstand so I can hear it.  I pressed the button in the middle and waited for the call to go through.  I was nearly shaking with anticipation.  I wanted to see how my Kookie was doing.  I’ve always wanted to call him because I missed him, but nothing important came up for me to call him.

“Noona?” I heard his voice come out a little worriedly on the other line.  His face soon came into view.  He seemed to be in his room, his lamp since it was probably late at night.

“Hey Kookie,” I greeted a little weakly.

“You’re so pale.  Are you sick or something?”  He paused before his eyes widened.  “Wait a second, if this is an emergency and you’re pale - noona, you can’t be dying already!”

“Well, I sure feel like I’m going to, but I’m not going to, I’m pretty sure,” I chuckled before coughing.

“Well, you look terrible.  Eyebags, pale face, sweat; it doesn’t suit you at all,” he shook his head.  “So what’s the emergency?”

I bit my lip and took a breath.  “Jungkook...I was pregnant…”

His eyes widened even more and he sat up straight.  “YOU’RE WHAT!!!???”

“Keep it down,” I hissed.

“It’s hyung’s child, wasn’t it?” Jungkook asked, suddenly angered.  He got up.  “You’re carrying his child, he doesn’t even know it, and he left you.  He’s not getting away with this-”

“Jungkook, it’s dead already,” I stated.

He fell silent.  “What?” he whispered.

“I found out that I was pregnant a few days ago.  I called a doctor and I told him the situation.  He gave me some pills to take to...well...make me have a miscarriage,” I explained.

Jungkook’s facial expression was like a stab in the chest.  “You...killed...your baby?” he asked in a hushed tone.  He fell back down on his bed.  “Why...Why did you do that?”

“Jungkook, I had no other choice.  I...would have loved to keep this child, but the situation I’m in wouldn’t allow it.”  My eyes welled up.  For the first time, I would say these thoughts out loud.  “I would have loved to have a child of my own to take care of.  I wanted to watch it grow up and live a happy life, but how could I?  No one knows about me and…”  I shook my head.  “Having a baby out of nowhere would force the truth out and cause worse rumors than I’ve already had to deal with, and people would judge me terribly.  My brother would kill me.  Besides, even I was able to have it, I have no one to share my happiness with.  How could I explain where his father was, and what happened?  If I was to have this baby, Jungkook, I wanted to have it with him by my side.  Taking care of my child without him would only kill myself further.  I’d rather be in a more depressed and broken state than I was before and have no one else know why than to have the truth spill out and be exiled socially by everyone else.  Besides, I have to punish myself for loving.”

Jungkook just silently absorbed everything.  He finally sighed.  “So I guess you don’t want me to tell him either?”

“Exactly,” I nodded.  “If no one else knows, he can’t know either.”

“Alright,” Jungkook said, defeated.  “I’m gonna go now.  Please take care of yourself, noona.”

“I’m sorry Kook,” I apologized.

“You don’t have to apologize,” he smiled slightly.  “I understand.  Love you noona.”

“Love you too, Kookie Monster,” I responded before the call ended.

~*~*~*~*~

Following the end of that terrible routine, I was plunged into a much greater depression than I imagined I would be in.  Naturally, women that go through miscarriages and abortions would be subject to such a feeling lingering afterwards, but it hits hard.  It’s like a fastball suddenly being thrown at you, punching holes in your heart.

If I was antisocial before, I was living under a rock now.  I was barely ever seen outside of the castle territory.  If I ever wanted fresh air, I would just sit in the garden for a while and do nothing.  Sitting out there in the garden day in and day out help me sort of befriend two boys that had escaped the ambush that happened on us caused by Yoongi a while ago.  One was Park Jimin, the other was the one that I had hated, Kim Taehyung, otherwise known as V.  Jimin was originally from Busan, a different kingdom near Daegu.  When he was young, Yoongi raided Busan and Jimin’s family was captured.  To avoid being killed like the rest of his family, he had no choice but to become one of Yoongi’s spies.  On the other hand, V was part of a travelling family that was from Daegu.  He moved between Daegu and here often, living in different areas in our kingdom.  Yoongi didn’t like the moves since he thought Taehyung’s family had no “loyalty” and took V in to become his spy as well.  Both boys hated doing his dirty work, but the only difference was that while Jimin openly stated his hate for the king, V was able to conceal it in hopes of overtaking the kingdom later and killing him.

The boys were great to be around, but I never got too close to them.  They were just people that I would talk to just to pass the time.  It was mostly them fighting over childish things, but I didn’t mind, especially since I didn’t have to talk much.  I was pretty much lifeless.  Even when my birthday came around and NamJoon threw a whole big bash for me, I didn’t even remember all of it because I didn’t care to.  I had become a zombie.

Now, it’s been a whole year since I left, and my biggest accomplishment this entire time has been that I haven’t cried once for it.  Hoseok left me in charge of his kids for an hour so he can go run an errand for his wife while she was at work.  She’s a breadwinner in the house and she still doesn’t get credit.

“Gomo?” JaeSeok pulled on my sleeve.  We were sitting down in the kids’ bedroom, toys surrounding us.  I had asked a maid to go get us some ice cream and now they were happily eating it up.

“Hm?” I hummed in response, braiding MinHee’s hair.

“Why do you have two earrings on your right ear?” he asked with his wide eyes.

I smiled sadly.  I had kept the couple earring on, along with the plugs Jungkook had given me.  I never took them off, I could never bring myself to.  I may want to forget them, but I just couldn’t push the fact that they are still a part of me away.  “Because I went to get another hole in my ear.  I just like it that way,” I answered him.

MinHee yawned and her eyes drooped, while JaeSeok was rubbing his eyes.  It must be nap time for them now.

“Alright you two, get to bed.  You need to sleep if you want to grow up healthy,” I warned them.  I picked up MinHee, keeping her on my hip, and lead JaeSeok by the hand.  “Go change into something you can take your nap in.”

Once they were all dressed, they climbed into their two beds and got under their covers.  I was just about to get up and leave.  “Can you tell us a story, gomo?” the little boy asked.

I stopped from moving from their beds.  “I don’t have any stories to tell though,” I confessed and sat back down.  I got a stupid and foolish idea.  “Alright, I have one.

“Once upon a time, there was a princess.  She lived a happy life with her mother, father, and her older brother.  One day, when she was young, the girl’s parents passed away.  But she was still happy to be living with her fun brother.  One day, her brother was getting married, and they threw a grand party at the palace.  Then, there was trouble.  An evil king wanted to take the princess away and keep her.  The princess’s brother and his guards tried to stop the evil king, but it was not enough to protect the princess.  But, the princess was saved by a prince who was from another star.  The man took care of the princess along with his younger brother that lived with the prince, and the three of them became great friends.  The prince took care of the princess well.  He took them shopping, celebrated her birthday, took them on vacation, and got her anything she could ask for.  The prince even took the princess to see her first sunset.  They were a very happy group of friends.  She soon fell in love with the prince that saved her, but he didn’t know.  She didn’t know how to tell him, but she never got the chance to tell him.

“Months passed, and the princess‘s brother had sent someone to look for her and ask her to come home.  She did not want to leave because she loved the prince.  It was at that time that princess finally told the prince that she loved him.  But instead of her staying, the prince told her to go back and be happy with her family.  So she did, but she could never be happy again without the prince.  And she still waits for him to return to save her, even when she has completely lost hope in him.  The end.”  I was completely broken by the end of the tale, my tale of all things I decided to tell.

“That can’t be it,” JaeSeok groaned.  “It’s not a happy ending.”

“Well, you have to learn that there isn’t always a happy ending,” I ruffled his hair.

“But why wouldn’t the prince come back for the princess?” he pouted.

“I don’t know, little one,” I smiled sadly.

“But the prince loves the princess, doesn’t he?”  I turned my head towards the soft voice.  MinHee was a quiet girl, unlike her older brother.  She took after her mother while he took after his father.  “That’s how it always is in fairy tales.”

I walked over to her and caressed her hair.  “The princess wishes that he did, but this isn’t a normal fairy tale.  The prince doesn’t love her back, darling.”

She just blinked at me.  There was something about this little girl that made me question if she was an all-knowing child.  She had that look in her eyes as if she understood everything despite her young age and innocence.  But I didn’t want to question it; it wasn’t my business to know why.

After kissing both of them, and JaeSeok falling asleep right afterwards, MinHee called, “Gomo?”

“Yes?”

Her eyes dropped as she rolled over into a comfortable position.  “I know that the prince loves the princess,” she said tiredly.  “Even if the princess doesn’t know it, he does.  And he will come to see her again, and they will live happily ever after together.”

I gaped at the now sleeping child.  Only the sound of steady breathing could be heard in the darkened room.  I took that as my cue to run and lock myself in my room.  I immediately dropped onto my bed and finally cried everything out.  All of my grief, my guilt, my regret, my anger; everything just came pouring out like a waterfall.  Reminiscing through a children’s bedtime story was not one of my better ideas, but the fact that a child knew what was going on and was trying to see positively for me made me realize just how dead I was.  If a child could see that something was wrong with me, what was I doing with my life?  Was I really that miserable?

“Some children just know, huh?”

I quickly wiped my eyes and turned around.  My brother was standing at the door that I was stupid enough to leave unlocked.  “What do you mean?” I asked dumbly.

"I heard the whole thing."  He walked into the room and closed the door shut.

"Who said anything about the story being about me?" I laughed nervously.

"I just know you that well."  NamJoon sat down next to me.  "Besides, the princess had an older brother, their parents died when they were younger, and an evil king tried to ruin the brother's marriage.  That sounds a little bit too familiar, don't you think?"

Busted  Why does he have to know me so well?  "I didn't know you were listening," I mumbled.

"But I have a feeling that there were things that you didn't tell them.  Things that aren't kid friendly," he eyed me.

I squirmed nervously.  "You don't have to know that..."

"JinYoung, I knew something was wrong with you from the moment you came back.  You just seemed...dead.  At first I thought it was just a temporary thing, and you would come tell me, but you didn't.  You just became different.  I thought we were closer than this, but now I want to know, did I do something?"

I couldn't look him in the eye.  “I just...didn’t want you to get mad at me.  And...I was afraid of what you would think of me after I told you.  I don’t want you to look at me any differently after I tell you.”

“JinYoung, I’m your older brother, I’m supposed to pick at you first, but I always understand in the end, don’t I?” NamJoon assured me.

I thought about it for a moment.  “I’ll tell you.  But I don’t want anyone else to know.  Hoseok already knows because he witnessed it, but that’s all.  You can tell MiRae unni if you want to, but that’s your choice.”

“Alright,” he nodded and crossed his legs on my bed to get comfortable.

I adjusted my position to lay on my stomach and propped my head up on my fist.  “Where to start…”  I thought about what I had just told Hoseok’s kids.  “Well...first of all, you remember Jungkook?  He’s the guy that lives with him, but they’re not brothers, he’s just there as a friend that sometimes does work for him.”

“Jungkook’s an alien?!” NamJoon perked up.  “No wonder he looked so unique…  He’s quite a handsome kid.”  I looked at my brother weirdly.  “Hey, it’s the truth.”

I shook my head and ignored the comment.  “The night of the party when the huge massacre broke out, Yoongi had managed to corner me.  He had injected some kind of drug into me that made me pass out.  At the last minute, I was saved by this guy I had met outside the kingdom-”

“YOU WENT OUTSIDE THE KINGDOM WALLS?!!  I TOLD YOU NOT TO-”

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” I hushed him.  “So he saved me and at first, he didn’t want me to leave when I had insisted that he take me back.  Then, I kind of warmed up to him, especially since he reminded me of you.”

NamJoon snorted.  “I never in my life kidnapped a girl, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It wasn’t that.  I don’t know, but he did.  He even made kimchi bokkeumbap and called me Princess like you do.  And he wasn’t really a prince, he’s a ex-prince because his parents blamed him for not taking care of his sister and she ended up dead and they kicked him out of the house.  He says that I remind him of his sister, which was why he wanted me to stay.  So...we kind of grew closer.  Jungkook pointed out that he thought we were a married couple and that I loved him.  Yes, I had fallen for him, but I never told him.  Don’t give me that look, you were a scared chicken to confess to MiRae unni.”

“I’m a sangnamja, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he defended.

“A sangnamja wouldn’t become nervous before he was about to serenade his fiancée and ask his younger sister for help,” I pointed out.

“...Point taken, now continue,” he blushed.

“We had gotten really close.  It was true, we acted like a married couple.  Especially after…” I trailed off, blushing a little bit.

“After what?”  His older brother instinct kicked in.

“Uhhhh…” I my back and stared at the ceiling.  “One day, he was really pissy.  He woke up and he was really cranky and rude and moody and he didn’t even want to eat anything-”

“He had a that day from a dream he had,” my brother cut me off as he settled on his back.  “Continue.”

My eye twitched for a second, I was speechless.  “I’m not even gonna ask how you know that.”

NamJoon shrugged.  “It’s a guy thing.”

I shook my head.  “So he came home a little later than usual that day because of work and…” I trailed once again, hesitating.

“JinYoung, what did he do to you?” his voice grew stern.

“...He...kinda sorta...almost...umm...had his way with me?” I squeaked.

“What do you mean kinda sorta almost?”  I felt his death stare on me.

“...There was...a kiss...then some contact...and that was it,” I said uneasily, getting red in the face.

“Contact??!!  What do you mean contact!?”

“Well, do you want me to say that he pulled me to feel his crotch on my stomach for a second cause I was too dumb to understand when he called it a ‘problem’?!” I yelled at him before covering my face.

NamJoon had a weird expression on his face for a moment.  Then he bursted out laughing.  “You’re too innocent JinYoungie!”

My eye twitched again.  “That’s what he said too...which was why he didn’t continue.”  I hit him when he laughed harder.  “Shut up, you sound like a hyena when you laugh!”

He coughed and shut up.  “Go on.”

I rolled my eyes.  “After that, the next step in our relationship came the night before my birthday.  I wanted to confess to him that day, but I was...scared.”

“Now who’s chicken,” my brother retorted.  “Love you!” he shouted nervously when I shot him a look.

“Instead, I ended up...losing my ity that night,” I quickly said before covering my face with a pillow and waited for an explosion.

“You...did...WHAT!!???” NamJoon yelled.  He started screaming out a string of curses along with death threats and “why would you do that” and “are you crazy?!”  He was hopping mad.  Literally.  He was jumping up and down like a little kid because he was so mad.

“You promised that you would understand!” I reminded him.

“I can’t understand how refusing to confess leads to y times!!” he yelled.

“Well...sasileun nado molla… (Actually I don’t know either)” I whispered.  “All I asked for was a kiss and then both of us wanted a little more.”

He just stared at me incredulously.  “It’s so hard to understand you sometimes.”  He got back on top of the bed.  “He better have been gentle with you.”

I smiled at the memory unknowingly.  “Yes, he was.”

“Ughh,” he gagged.  “I don’t want to know details, let alone have you flashback to that now.  Just get on with the story.”

“Well...it eventually became a bit of a regular thing for most of the week…”

Instead of exploding, NamJoon shot me that Are you kidding me? look.  “It’s really so hard to understand you now.”  He laid back next to me again.

“So, after that we got a lot closer.  We really started acting like a couple.  Jungkook sort of became a little sick of it and told me to stop.”

“Smart kid,” he nodded.

“And I was so bothered by it that I skipped that night.”

“Good girl,” he nodded again.

“But I had a terrible dream that night.”

“Ugh, what was it?”

“He... me...and then went after a different girl,” I said quietly.

NamJoon was silent as well.  “Well...hopefully that wouldn’t happen.”

“But it really hurt.  He was the sweetest guy in the world, and he treated me like his beloved wife.  He never took advantage of me or anything, but after Jungkook said certain things...I guess some fears started piling up.  That dream was like what I hoped wasn’t true.  I woke up crying in the middle of that night and woke him up, so he stayed home with me.  Things were great until Hoseok popped in unexpectedly.  I had to confess right there so I could convince Hoseok to let me stay.”  My mood darkened as I remembered what happened after that.  “He...he said he loved me...but more like a sister.  And he wanted me to go back.   He didn’t want me to be hurt by one sided love anymore, especially since I was just...his little !”  I bursted out crying at that.

NamJoon hugged me.  “It’s alright, it’s alright.  You weren’t a .  I’m sure your relationship wasn’t like that.  I’m sure he loves you too.  It just doesn’t make sense for him to treat you so sweetly and then just call you his little sister.  He doesn’t know it yet, but he loves you.  Trust me.”

“He didn’t even say goodbye.  It was like we became strangers in a matter of minutes,” I sobbed.

“Then he’s an even worse sangnamja than I am,” he joked.

I laughed slightly at that.  “And you’re a total dunce at love.”

“Yes I am, but you’re always there to help me sis,” He hugged me tighter and kissed my forehead.

“Oh I forgot to mention one thing.  Remember that time when I was really sick for almost a week?”

“Yeah?”

“I was kind of carrying his child, but I was taking pills to get rid of it,” I confessed.

NamJoon paused for a moment.  I was afraid I had struck a nerve and broken him.  “I didn’t need to know that.  Now stop ruining the moment and shut up before I track down this idiot and kill him.  If I was going to be a legit uncle, I want to meet my maeje first.”

Sorry for lack of update yesterday! It;s Friday so I had Sabbath and stuff XP Not sure when the next one will be up, but I'm gonna give a heads up to you guys: Next chapter will be the last offical chapter, but there will be an epilogue after that.  The epilogue will take a lot longer to publishs because of schoolwork and stuff like that.  So yeah, just warning you guys for later