They say love conquers all. They say love is such a beautiful feeling. They say love is blind. They say love should last forever. They say love is patient and kind. They say love makes the ride worth while. They say love moves in mysterious ways. They say love hurts.

Junhyung says love is sacrificing—even his own happiness and welfare.

He says love is—loving Jang Hyunseung.

As he took a look once again, Junhyung found hiss elf alone in his apartment. Even Hyungnim is not here to cheer him up or at least cause a little distraction from his pathetic and ty life. He will remain lonely and wrecked like the usual even though he just came back from a vacation with Dujun and Dongwoon in Hawaii. They were supposed to enjoy and relax and unwind or should he say the two actually did but he didn’t. He just can’t do it. He couldn’t do it no matter how hard he tries to fix his self; because to be honest he deserves this. No amount of vacations or whatever cheer-him-up-scheme it is can save him from his misery. Let alone trying to forget about everything that happened. How all of this was his damn fault.

It is so hard.

Walking away from the one you love the most—you cherish the most—you worship the most—you care the most; yet he is a complete for still doing it.

Because this is what is supposed to happen.

This is the right thing to do but he feels totally wrong. Love is supposed to be wonderful but bitterness is what thrown at him. Is what he chose.

People say we shouldn’t be together

Junhyung is such not a fan of love. But when fate cornered and aimed him—he was hit pretty hard. He didn’t believe in this love and love at first sight is a ridiculous saying. How could you love someone who you just actually meet for the first time and not knowing the person thoroughly? He doesn’t know because one day he just happens to be a victim of the so called love.

And undoing is not as easy as how falling in love is.

For the first time he laughed at his self for being a sappy lovesick when he met the man who stole his heart at first sight. He never thought that he will find his soulmate and everything in him. The guy is just so special he can’t deny it.

Those big doe eyes where what stand out the most as their gazes met and Junhyung did stare at him quite longer than he did to the rest. There is nothing special with the kid with killer eyes; nothing also to the small kid with button nose; same with the small yet muscular kid and the tall guy as well. But when he glances towards the kid with silky black hair, smooth pale milky skin, cute chubby cheeks, sharp nose, small pink lips, undeniably y adam’s apple and stunning doe eyes—he thought the kid in front of him is extremely elegant and gorgeous and beautiful and endearing and breath-taking and he was caught tongue tied after.

Hyunseung is beyond usual beauty and there is something in him that made Junhyung’s heart skipped a beat for a second. Hyunseung deserves to be stared at. He was such a nice view.

“I’m Jang Hyunseung, eighteen years old. Nice to meet you.” The pretty male introduced with his deep yet shy voice.

Those few seconds that their eyes met were special for him. Now he can agree when they say love can happen at first sight.

We’re too young to know about forever.

Junhyung realizes as days goes by that he is crushing on Hyunseung too much. To the point that he became scared because what if the other doesn’t feel the same way. They may be closer than before but he doesn’t know how Hyunseung feels for him. He doesn’t have a definite answer and risking their friendship for his own desire is not what he wants. Yet he still considers it.

Hyunseung only became more beautiful each day. He is like a delicate human doll that walks beneath earth’s surface gracefully. He knows he doesn’t even deserve someone like him but the sudden urge of claiming him is setting a toll for him to handle. He is not sure if he can resist more. He is like a time bomb that will explode anytime, anywhere if these feelings inside him will continue to stay hidden in his chest.

So one night when an opportunity was dropped in front of him he didn’t waste any time and immediately grabbed Hyunseung’s neck and smashed his lips against those small ones.

Hyunseung was shocked obviously but he is not backing down—not this time. He kept holding the other closer to him and he kept on kissing him to earn some response. yeah when he felt Hyunseung’s lips are moving with his own. God, he could not believe that the feeling is mutual! He can ing die now happily. This is more than being on cloud nine. This is amazing and heavenly and ing perfect. He doesn’t want to stop anytime soon because he still wants more. He needs more. He needed everything about Hyunseung. Absolute everything.

And he knew, love is in deed magical.

That was the best day of his life.

But I say they don’t know what they’re talkin’ about

“You two seems to be awfully close these days huh.” Dujun once told him and is obviously pertaining to Hyunseung as him when they are having one of those breaks during practice.

Hyunseung and Dongwoon went to the rest room to do their business. Yoseob and Gikwang left to buy dinner. Leaving him and the leader having this talk.

“Can you actually keep a secret?” Junhyung asked the man at his side who is also leaning against the mirror while sitting on the floor.

“What do you mean?” Dujun turned and looked at him confusedly.

Junhyung contemplated at first and weighed the situation if he will tell or not something deep and important to their leader. Nonetheless he still said it.

“Hyunseung and I are together.”

“What?! As in together?!”

“As in together.” He chuckled a little when he looked at Dujun’s reaction. The older man is looking at him as if he is expecting some I’m kidding but to disappoint him it will not ever come.

“Come on. It’s not that of a shock.” Junhyung shoved Dujun’s shoulder playfully.

“I mean yeah but Hyunseung is.. he is so fragile, man. You know his past and it is not that I do not trust you. I just don’t want him hurt.”

“Are you saying I’m gonna hurt him?”

“Oh you’re so capable of that.”

“I know and I will try not to. I promise.”

And that day Junhyung knew that promises are made to be broken.

‘Cause this love is only getting stronger so I don’t wanna wait any longer

Junhyung and Hyunseung are going out for about a year now and the rest of the members were so much aware about their secret relationship. They ended up telling them all in the end weighing that there is no point in lying at them. They are like family. And the others gladly accepted them saying that they kinda expected for it because they were just so obvious.

Junhyung felt happy but it is not easy to keep everything hidden especially when people around them started to notice that there is something going on suspicious between the two of them. Fans were skilled at catching them too. And way way quicker and precise above anyone else. He started on feeling uncomfortable because Hyunseung started to stressed out. He is not in favor for this kind of set up at the first place but Hyunseung beat him with his fears and insecurities and doubts; thus leaving them two hiding and sneaking behind shadows.

He can be a little optimistic and look at the brighter side where Hyunseung is still at his side which is the most important thing but somehow when he is alone and thinking in his room, he cannot help but wonder: What if Hyunseung and I are never a secret?

Of course it will be chaotic.

Too much drama and the media will only feast on them which he doesn’t want to happen to anyone of them. Most especially not to his Hyunseung. Who is he kidding when their career could be at stake just because of his selfish desire? They all aim to reach the top and he is not some kind of a bastard who will only waste what they’ve worked hard. A lot may hurt—can be hurt.

He badly loves Hyunseung but he loves B2ST too.

And that is when Junhyung started sacrificing for love.

I just wanna tell the world that you’re mine

A lot of people didn’t accept and criticized them by the disgusted faces and frowns when Junhyung and Hyunseung ended up telling them the truth. They were caught once again and this time they are so ing tired of hiding. Love is not supposed to be kept hidden. They said that their love is wrong that is why. There is no such thing as right or wrong when it comes to love. When you’re in love, you just love. You don’t hurt people. You don’t hurt someone who you thought will always be there for you. The two of them felt disappointed with their label company.

Although CEO Hong didn’t utter a single word and just remained silent the whole time, the rest were completely against them. Even some of their managers. This is when Junhyung realized that he needs to protect his Hyunseung from these sick homophobic bastards who is not having second thoughts to ruin them. How could he be such a fool and risk his precious love in front of them? This is one of the biggest mistakes he has done in his life. And until today he regrets the most for agreeing to be their exploiting coy.

Thus Junhara was born.

Without Hyunseung’s awareness of course that Junhyung left him for his own well being. He was so stupid for lying and letting go of Jang Hyunseung.

And so he knew love hurts and it is not a good hurt.

They don’t know about the things we do

The loud ringing of his phone is what awakens him forcefully. He groaned when too much sunlight hit his puffy eyes and the sudden movement from lying down to sitting made his head ached like hell. It’s breaking and really not pleasant at all.

ing hangover.

“Hello?” He answered with a hoarse voice after picking up the device on his night stand. Luckily he made it to his bed this time though he didn’t actually remember how.

“YONG JUNHYUNG WHERE THE ARE YOU?!” Dujun’s irritated scream was heard from the other line.

His headache is worsening and Dujun’s shouts are not helping either. It was the last thing he wants to face now for Christ’s sake!

“Shut up Doo! I’m at home! Where else do you expect me to be?!” He answered irritatedly at him too.

“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE STUDIO AN HOUR AGO DAMN IT!”

“Hmmm?” He just hummed in confusion.

“I’M GIVING YOU THIRTY MINUTES TO DRAG YOUR HERE!”

And the line went dead. That fool obviously hanged up on him.

Junhyung is not sure what they are supposed to do today. What seems to be so important that he needs to be at the studio today? As far as he can remember nothing is plotted on his schedule today. So why is Dujun so fed up with him not being there?

He groaned as he lied down again and checked his phone for messages.

Dujun did actually text him. Saying that they’re recording a new song for their Japanese album today.

Of course he didn’t happen to read that last night because he was drunk as a he can barely remembered what he actually did. Leaving him no choice, he still got up and dashed towards his bathroom to at least sober up a little before facing his work mates, his band members and him.

Now is not the right time to flaunt at his former lover that he is in deed broken—pathetic—loser—liar—lost—alone—and lonely. Definitely not the time to mop about his great lost.

They don’t know about the I love yous.

After driving for about twenty minutes, thank God for a smooth traffic, he is already inside Cube Studio. Miraculously facing a not so furious Yoon Dujun now.

“Hey, man.” The leader nodded at him while slowly patting his shoulder.

“Sorry I was late. I didn’t get your message last night.” He replied casually.

“What have you been doing? I sent it to all of you.”

“I know.  I was just.. incapable?”

“You’re drinking again? Dude, quit it. It won’t do anything good to you.”

“Where are the others?” he asked instead obviously ignoring what the latter said. He is not in the mood for some teachings please.

And like him, Dujun ignored his question too.

“I’m serious, Jun. You’re lucky they covered your drinking addiction the last time with that Mario stuff. Are you that stupid for even posting it on instagram?”

“I didn’t tell for them to hide it!” he snapped annoyingly at the other.

“Why do they always make me hide and lie to people? I’m so sick of those bulls!”

“You’re an idol Yong Junhyung. Don’t you ever forget that. You live by standards and rules and your stupid reckless actions can bring you all the way down.”

“Are you seriously giving me that ? Are you saying that loving Hyunseung is stupid and reckless? I thought you understand, man.”

“I’m saying that your drinking addiction is stupid and will not help you ever. If you want Hyunseung then fight for it. I honestly understand you. But what you’re doing to your self is really pathetic. You’re one selfish bastard.” Dujun hissed before leaving him alone again.

Junhyung pondered everything what their leader said. He is absolutely right in many ways. Junhyung is so selfish. He knew why Dujun said that because he is much aware about the consequences of his every action—of how B2ST will be affected too. Of course Dujun is only protecting the group. He is not alone in this career yet what they’re making him feel is as if he really is. Why is he the only one hurting? Why is he the only one not happy—who is tired? He wished for this to end. He wants for all the lies to stop from spreading like a poison that slowly kills them.

He will surely end this for sure despite of being a coward like he always been.

He realizes love is complicated even more the people involved.

But I bet you if they only knew they would be jealous of us

The memory of the biggest lie he ever told to anyone is constantly replaying in his mind. It is like embedded to his core soul and no amount of time and trying can help him to at least ease the pain whenever he remembers it. Forgetting is almost impossible and after all these years it just won’t go away.

Never. This is a curse.

The brokenness shown in Hyunseung’s eyes is killing him straight on the spot. He wants to hug him and kiss him like before and hope that every pain he caused to this wonderful man will be taken away—as if they were never there in the first place.

Instead Junhyung still uttered those words like suicide.

“I don’t love you.” It took everthing in him to say those and bull it hurt a lot! So ing much he wished Hyunseung will just kill him physically right on the spot instead of torturing him to witness this heartbreaking scene.

Hyunseung remained not moving from his spot and his face mirrored all the emotions he felt that time. His eyes that were once full of life were suddenly dull. His words killed the both of them unfortunately and Junhyung is very sorry for that.

But sorry is just not enough he knows.

“You’re lying.” Hyunseung replied after regaining his composure and slowly shaking his head in disbelief.

“You told me you love me. I love you, Jun. why are you suddenly doing this?”

“Is it because of the company? Do you want us to be public? Okay, okay I’ll do it! I’ll agree to it. Just don’t lie to me.” Hyunseung said while slowly reaching his hand for comfort. Maybe the other thought that if he will do this, he will change his mind. It is not that easy as it sounds.

“Are you leaving me?”

“Yes I am.” Junhyung replied coldly not looking at the pleading man in front of him.

“Don’t leave me, please. I promise I’ll do anything. I love you, Jun.” Now Hyunseung is hugging him and it almost broke his shield of lies but he must do this.

“I told you I don’t love you!” Junhyung tried his very best to pry away the smaller man from him.

“I never did and never will. You get it?”

“You were just a good and nothing else. How could you be so stupid to