Since you live dreaming of a colourful world,

He silently held his breath when she appeared, almost like Aphrodite had decided to grace lowly humans like him with her presence. She was different from the girls that surrounded him; they were slim with the tiniest of curves in their bodies displayed by curve-hugging dresses, make up layered on their faces like they were going to go on a stage to perform. She had kept it simple, not drowning deep in a made up façade of public images and glamour. The royal blue fabric was snug at the top, hugging a full bust and slim waist, flaring out a couple of inches above the knees to reveal a svelte pair of legs and a simple pair of black pumps on her feet. Curled lashes tickled the top of her cheekbones every time she blinked and a small tilt at the edge of lips that looked like they were stained by cherries. Bright hazel hues reflected the lights from the crystal chandeliers hanging above.

He started to walk over to her, slowly, his steps dragging out as if to stall him from his destination. His eyes then focused on the male that had made his way over to the girl with an ecstatic smile – the reason why her lips tipped up into a smile in the first place. He paused; count on Key to be the social butterfly at any event. Speaking of his hyung, the man noticed him and waved him over, causing the woman’s eyes to shift and meet his. He walked over this time, a timid curve on his lips and his heart racing every time he made another step closer.

And closer.

Until he stopped right in front of the pair. He took slight notice as to how she tilted her head up to meet his eyes as he approached. He barely paid attention to his hyung’s voice, but took care in catching the name of the long haired brunette, who bowed to him with a welcoming smile and a hand out in offering, to which he hurriedly reached out for and greeted in turn. A slight warmth spread from the tips of his figures, blazing as it made its way up his neck and ears. He was hoping that the female wouldn't take notice, but with a small giggle and Key’s joking grin, he knew he was caught. Key patted his shoulder with a laugh and comment that made his face feel like it was burning from the heat his body was exuding. The older male waved him off and turned his attention to another person who had caught his attention. He nervously shuffled as he noticed her attention was fully on him and she had tilted her head to meet his eyes again with a comforting gaze, telling him that she was sorry if she had embarrassed him. He wave his hands in front of him, his head shaking side to side, insisting that his hyung was just being who he was.

A small conversation had followed, nothing like the lively bustle around them, but something very calming, almost like she had managed to separate him from the muted neutrals of the outside world for a few minutes. Though calm and peaceful, her presence was much more vivid than everybody else around him. Even when he was greeted by his ex-onscreen wife, whom he did find quite endearing, the vibrancy of the female couldn’t be dulled. It was a strange, yet pleasant sensation.

After meeting her that day, he never saw her until months later.

Many thoughts of asking for her number from Key had entered his mind, but he couldn’t work up the nerve to do it. And once again, he had sunk into the monotony of idol life. Being told what he had to eat, when and how to speak, what and how he had to sing; he stared at dull shades of gray that surrounded his being. He drove in the night, the window all the way down so the wind could blow and hopefully clear his mind. Yet, his heart was still yearning – reaching out for that colourful aura that had embraced him once before. She enticed him, and he wanted nothing more than to sink into her world once more. His breath hitched. It was a red light. And he saw her.

Once again, nothing was complicated about her look; it was just a simple dark washed chambray shirt with the front tucked into a pair of black skinny jeans and a pair of high tops. Only when she was walking across did he once again catch the details. The back of her shirt was sheer black chiffon that trailed behind her when she stepped forward, and the soft rose-pink detailing popped from black leather shoes and the pure white tell-tale stripes stood out. He rarely paid attention to these specifics, and yet he could point out everything about her.

He pushed the horn with certainty, making the female turn her head with a startled expression to his car. He stuck his head out with a broad smile and a wave, trying to conceal any signs of anxiety he had as he tried to calm himself down. She looked at him in shock as he waved for her to get into the car before traffic would get moving again. Her face broke into an amused grin as she walked around and opened the door to the passenger seat and taking a seat. She raised an eyebrow while putting the seatbelt on and turning to him to ask why he was driving around at nearly midnight of all times when he was typically supposed to be practising. He blinked in surprise, asking her how she knew that.

“Ki Bum was whining to me about it only a few minutes before.”

Damn it Key-hyung.

“Though I guess he understood why. He said you looked quite distracted these days, so the rest of the members covered for you saying that you were going to go visit somebody.”

So they had noticed... His smile couldn’t help but dim slightly. They really did know him well.

“If you want, you can talk to me. Though I would understand if you don’t since we’ve only met once.”

He shook his head and told her that it was fine. And it really was fine, better than fine in fact. He could once again see specks of colour in his vision, a beautiful contrast from the usual.

“Oh, there’s a really good café at the corner of the street over there. It’s very quiet, so I don’t think you’ll be stalked by fans. Or at least, I hope not...”

He couldn’t help but laugh as she trailed off with a jokingly thoughtful expression. He followed her instructions to the café with little question. It really was a quaint shop. The scent of strong brews mixed with a hint of sweetness surrounded him with warmth and gave him comfort from the slightly chilly weather that had started to settle in Seoul. And once again he had noticed the hues of the outside world she thrived in. Seated on a stool at the café front, looking out at the dim streetlights, the occasional car, and stumbling drunks on a Friday night, they were once again able to seep into a conversation as naturally as they did the first time. He didn’t fidget this time, and they exchanged numbers. His group mates raised their eyebrows in confusion the next day when he arrived at the practise room with a giddy smile on his face.

They sent messages almost every day, and maybe a call whenever they could find the time to sneak away from their responsibilities. He felt like he was having a secret affair with how he had been acting – his hyungs were very insistent in wanting to know who he was texting all the time. He never let out a peep about her, which resulted the latter to get bombarded with messages and calls from a certain nagging member in his group. She would then send him a message containing an emoji with a deadpanned expression and a sweat drop on the side of its face.

“At least tell them that you’re just messaging me. Ki Bum is getting annoying,” he could almost see her eyes rolling in mock irritation.

He felt like telling his fellow members, once, before shaking away that thought. He liked his exclusive nightlight. She had managed to illuminate his surroundings, and it made him feel. He wasn’t quite sure what the feeling was, but he was becoming quite fond of the sensation he got from reading her messages, and especially when he was able to talk to her. Though, as the days pass by, and days turn into months, he can never supress the need to see her. Because calls and messages are never enough. Though they had tried Skype, it really didn’t feel right seeing her from a laptop screen. He knew what he was feeling then: desperation. Like how humans needed oxygen to survive, he needed her to continue living in a world where everything was clear to his two eyes and he didn’t feel numb.

So, he decided to get in his car and head to the café from their second meeting. He just wanted one moment with her. Just a glimpse if that was all he could manage. When he arrived, she was there with that radiant smile and carefree aura, but she wasn’t alone. Donning a hat and scarf to conceal his face was his constantly mothering hyung.

Why?

Why was he always there?

Stop smiling at her.

Stop laughing with her.

Hyung...

A scream of his name knocked him out of his reverie and brought his attention to a group of girls that had spotted him. He looked back at the window to see the two friends staring at him in what could be perceived as confusion, and maybe just a hint of shock. Either way, the girl tilted her head down and calmly walked to the counter to pay for their drinks. Key had said something to her before exiting the shop with an apologetic gaze and a frown directed at him. He looked down and allowed for the older male to take his keys from his hand and entered the car without even a sound. He seated himself in the passenger seat and sat in silence.

“How could you be so careless? You could have at least pulled up your scarf over the bottom of your face. Heck, anything would do.”

He didn’t raise his voice, but the tone was nonetheless stern. He was simmering, though maybe not completely angry, but definitely disappointed. But Key didn’t need to be, he already felt a deep pit in his stomach for leaving himself so vulnerable. He was so blind, so oblivious... He drew attention to himself and spread it, not only a fellow member, but also his secret saving grace. How could he be so stupid? He couldn’t stand for her to be muddied, and yet here he was. Those girls could tear her apart, leaving nothing but a container just like himself. He didn’t want for that to happen. This wasn’t what he envisioned at all! His fingers clenched, finger nails digging deep into his palms.

“At least you recognize that you’ve done something reckless. Let me guess, you’ve been talking to her the whole time. That’s why you’ve been looking happier these days.”

He nodded; there was no point in hiding now.

“Do you like her?”

He tensed. He did. He liked her. He liked talking to her, having her support. He liked the lucid feeling he got when he was around her. She was the fresh breath of air he craved for.

“If you think you can handle a relationship, then ask her out. It won’t hurt; she’s single after all.”

If you think you can handle a relationship. He wasn’t sure what to take those words as: a challenge or a warning. His hyung was daring him to try and drag a civilian into a battle that didn’t concern her. And he knew that he couldn’t. He couldn’t expose her to his unhappiness, to the world of smoke that was thick enough to suffocate anyone and everyone.

That was why he supressed himself. He buried as many of the frivolous desires he could deep within himself where light could never reach it. He still messaged her as usual, talked to her when he could, but vowed never to expose himself without being cautious. She had called him not long after he had arrived back at the apartment with his hyung, obviously worried for their wellbeing and hoping that they got home without a problem with the fans that had started to gather. He masked his voice, hoping that a chipper voice would distract her from his internal turmoil. Though she wasn’t so fooled, he could tell by her quiet words of acceptance, she didn’t push him. He handed his phone to his hyung who had walked off in order to speak to her, quick words being exchanged in low tones and small frowns. And in a long time, he had allowed tears to slip from his face onto the pillow. The members never said a word the next morning, even with his bloodshot eyes.

The vicious cycle continued once again: work, a few messages, work, perhaps a phone call, food, more messages, and sleep. He was on automatic, and it was starting to be painful for everyone around him. But they never said a word, only giving silent pushes of encouragement to do something he couldn’t work up the guts to do. It had been over three years since he had first saw her at the spring wedding. Their coffee rendezvous was practically two and a half years ago, but he could remember the green leaves that were tinted with the slightest hint of yellow. He could practically feel the cold of February just shy of two years ago where he had last saw her with a smile on her face and felt the ice biting at his fingertips. Two years and he had never seen her face in person.

He was submerged into the ocean with weights on his feet just dragging him down as he struggled.

“Lee Tae Min, you and I are going out next week since we both have the night off, and I won’t accept any excuses! Oh, and I’ll be the one driving. Can’t have my date get stalked now, can I?” He could practically feel the joyous vibes emitting from her like she was right beside him. She called him her date. Her date. Her date. He almost felt ecstatic at that statement, but pushed it aside knowing she most likely meant it in the most casual manner as possible.

It was another Friday night excursion he pointed out to the driver with a chuckle. She laughed as well, saying it was just a funny coincidence. Either way, the feeling of their gallivanting was light. Nothing was ever serious as they laughed at each other’s dry jokes and pranced the streets without a care. Though, it wasn’t as if he was attracting much attention, everybody else seemed focused on their own pleasure going into the weekend, which just lifted his spirits up even more. He felt happy. Much more than he had in a while. Instead of just basking under the rays of light his companion shone, he felt alive once again. It was a strange, yet seemingly glorious sensation that engulfed him. When did he start to feel his own happiness in comparison to when she was happy, and he was content with the fact that she was.

She skipped across the stepping stones to get to the other side of Cheonggyecheon and took a look back at the former with a much softer smile on her face as she noticed his vivacity. She could remember how he looked before today, always so lost and searching. She knew those feelings too well, and she only had herself to make things brighter for herself. And when Ki Bum had pestered her into meeting the youngest member in SHINee, she had a feeling of why he did that. He wanted her to do what she had done for him once before; to bring colour into his life. He wasn’t alone, he had many people who were prepared to extend their hand to him if he were to just reach out a bit farther. But, until he learned to do that, she was willing to continue to be the hand that will reach out to him first. It would be a long progress, but she was certain that he could let go of her hand one day. She had time. The weight of the diamond ring on the chain on her neck told her that someone would wait for her after all.

She also hoped that before then, Tae Min wouldn’t notice until he attained his own happiness.

I don't want to make it end.

A/N: Wow, this is probably the longest one-shot that I have written so far. I’m more of a drabble/ficlet writer when approaching one-shots, so it is a bit weird for me. Anyway, this is very (very) loosely based off the lyrics of TK from 凛として時雨’s flower, which was a song that I had on repeat for the longest time when the flowering album was released in 2012. I revisited the album after hearing Ling tosite sigure’s i’mperfect album released last year and just fell in love again. It never occurred to me that I would end up writing anything, but TK’s newest single unravel for the manga/anime Tokyo Ghoul convinced me otherwise. If you haven’t noticed, yes I am a er for Japanese pop and rock music, which just so happens to be a love that has lasted just about as long as Korean music has been, perhaps even longer.

The flowers in the poster are Lilies of the Valley. They do have several meanings, as all flowers do, but I liked one of the meanings for it, which was: the return of happiness. I found that to be quite fitting in this situation. Though, another meaning for the flower was "you've made my life complete". Which could work in a sense, but the happiness one fits better. Anyway, comment (or ask questions), upvote and/or subscribe. Any or all would be appreciated.