B#5 | Songs Of You | VIPuntilWhenever880
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Title
Author
Characters
Category
Genre
Status
Songs Of You
VIPuntilWhenever8808
Jiyong and Choi Seunghyun
(BxB)
A lot of Angst (seriously) and some Romance + M-rated
OG (4 Chpt)
Description
After Big Bang disbands because of a scandal involving G-Dragon, all members go different ways. For some, life is normal and peaceful, for others such as Seunghyun and Jiyong, life is about to take a turn for the worst. Jiyong finds himself falling into depression once again; the difference is, Seunghyun isn't there to pick him up anymore. This time he's falling with him.
Title
The title sounds ordinary, but congrats, there’s no other fic with the same title as yours. There are titles like ‘a song for you’, ‘song for you’, but there’s no ‘songs of you’. The title is appropriate to the genre and doesn’t have any technical errors, but I find it not that relevant to the story, or you haven’t emphasized it that much yet. Yes, I know that GD is an artist there and he is making songs, but in the chapters, I found no scene where GD is writing songs about Seunghyun. So basically, I don’t feel your title that much. Emphasize the meaning of songs in the story, since that’s your title.
Descr.&Forew.
Your description is okay. It doesn’t give me the wow factor, but it doesn’t give me too much meh. If a reader is looking for some more creative description, they won’t like your description. But if the reader is just looking for a simple sneak peak of the story, then your description is enough for them.
Graphics
You don’t have a poster and background, so there’s no credit point here. Sorry.
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Char. Dev.
Your characters are realistic enough. They have their own flaws. They have feelings. However, you were not able to describe them well enough. Try reading the character development section in this link:
http://jerz.setonhill.edu/
writing/creative1/shortstory
After you read that, you will realize that your characters’ descriptions are lacking. You were not able to introduce them well enough to the readers. Beware of that, because the readers will find your characters still strangers even after reading many chapters if you don’t create a clear image of them. Your fic is still ongoing, so I can’t see much development yet. Maybe as the story progresses, their development will be much obvious. The characters do not have much impact to me. Maybe because they are just your common characters that can be found on other works.
Appearance
Your font is just enough. But I must say that I am not a fan of the default font. It seems to me that the author did not even make an effort to make his/her fic look good. Maybe you can try other font, a font that is fit with your story. Plus, maybe you could also justify your chapters so it will look neater.
Orgin.&Plot
Your story seems ordinary, but I can see your effort of making it originally yours. You are putting your own twists, and that’s good. So GD is a biual who has a daughter, but then he has a relationship with Sunghyun. So his daughter and the mom hate him. There’s one thing though. Why did you not name the mom? Did you intend her to be nameless, or I just missed her name? Your plot is actually simple. But you know, I wasn’t able to enjoy the plot that much because of your writing. You know, no matter how cliché a plotline is, if the writing is very creative and amazing, readers will still definitely enjoy it. Yours however, seems cliché, and yet, also doesn’t have a good writing. I didn’t have any ‘wow’ moment in your plot, and your writing didn’t help either.
Flow
Your flow is really nice. Not too fast, not too slow. It’s just the right thing.
Writing
You need to practice creative writing more. Show, don’t just tell. Read the article on this link:
http://jerz.setonhill.edu/
writing/creative1/showing/
Then, apply what you’ve learned from it. I really wasn’t able to enjoy the story because of your writing. It sounds robotic. Practice and practice until you can master it. Read and read published novels, especially romance since it’s the genre of your fic, and observe how the authors do it.
Your writing is understandable. You have used simple words and that’s good since you made it easy for readers to understand. But still, you need to improve your writing. Your writing must be more creative. Use figurative language so it will have more impact.
Gramm.&Spel.
You know, your grammar is good. I have no particular problem with your grammar, though there are minor errors that can be corrected after some proofreading. I would love to correct the errors here, but sorry, I think you must rewrite your story first. I won’t correct them because I want a more creative writing.
Gen.Enjoym.
As I’ve said, I didn’t enjoy your story that much because of your writing. The emotions could have been better felt if you have a better style. I wasn’t even able to feel the “seriously lot of angst” you have put in the genre. Please improve yourself. I can see your potential, and you have to develop that. Fighting bae!
Title : 8/10
Description & Foreword: 7/10
Graphics: --/10
Character Development: 7/10
Appearance : 8/10
Originality & Plot: 8/10
Flow: 10/10
Writing: 7/10
Grammar & Spelling: 9/10
General Enjoyment: 7/10
71 / 90
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date : 24 / 02 / 2015
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