893 words …. What did I write??? This is supposed to be small drabble..

Anyway, here is in Dear Jiyong’s POV

--------------------  ----------------------

I am a cruel person

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

Beats of silence that answered me

In synch with every beat of my drumming heart

I am a cruel person

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

The number you are calling is busy please …

Beep

Have the silence ever this deafening?

Your wordless sadness sounds too loud

Even, even when you are miles away

Why I can see your tears

Your shadowed eyes

Seemed so dark and unforgiving

I am a cruel person

Have I driven you away now?

Have you known better now?

Love…. Love…  Love

You know, right?

I’ve always been this cruel

So have you had enough?

Have you step away from the line?

I am a cruel person

 I dare to try to have you

Try to cage you with my hugs

Try to bind you with my kisses and promises

When all I have is love with flaws

When I can’t embrace you with my whole being

Being too scared, being too doubtful

Of our love, of you, of me

How dare I make you fall for me?

How dare I make you need me?

How dare I make you mine?

I am a man with so much confidence

I know what I am doing

Sure of where my life goes

But not with you

I become a scared child

Lost in the new world called future

With so much judgement

With so much uncertainty

Where are we going with love with no future

I am a cruel person but I..

Tried to tear myself apart from you

From your shining smile

From your beautiful laugh

From your soft and kind heart

Oh gorgeous sweet amazing baby

I tried and I fail every time

And I …

Tried to find another

Trying to remove your love, my love from my being

But how can I?

When you already there in my every heartbeat

When you are there when I close and open my eyes

When I have your name in my every breath

When you have nothing but all of my love

I am a flawed, flawed man

I stay when I need you the most

I left when doubt come eats me

I left when fear swallows me

When I fear they come to hurt you

When I fear my love will broke you down

I hurt you, every time, every time I left and come back

But you keep taking me back

So I do it again and again

Wanting to be better man every time I come back

Wanting to be the bravest between you and me

The one who is the surest of our love

The one who stay and will reassure you when you are in doubt

I promise myself again, again, again

Don’t mess this again

Don’t hurt you again

I think I can, I think we can

To love the right way

But words come to me

How they become doubtful of us

How they start to suspect us

How they start to talk about you

No.. not my baby, I don’t want you to be hurt by their words again

By their cruel, cruel words, by their cold, cold eyes

And I left… again

But it seems this is your last thread

It finally snaps

And you left

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

And I … and I …

Hurting …. Lost … Empty

Dying …..

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

What is life before you? I can’t see it

Ring

What is life without you? I can’t bear it

Ring

Who am I without you? How can I live without my heart?

Ring

I am a cruel, flawed man but more than that, I am a blind man, was

And now, with you out of my reach

Forever may lost from my sight

For once… I start to see… without veil of my cowardice

The truth that been so glaringly obvious

I hurt myself to save you

But I didn’t save you, I scarred you, I broke you

I hurt you more with my cowardice

When all you ever offer is acceptance to my fear

To try to endure it together

To brave the world for our love

The number you are calling is busy

Love, where are you?

Ring

Ring

A selfish man I am

Here I beg you for forgiveness

For another chance to find my heart, to be with my soul, to have your love, to be your love

Ring

Ring

Here I vow my love to you and for you to be the only one

Can you find it in your heart to accept this selfish man?

To try again with me

Ring

This time with me embracing all of my fears

Ring

And seeking the bravery to fight against them all with you

Ring

This time You and Me, We, Us, against the world

The number you are calling is..

Love, love where are you?

Click

My Love

Do you want to call this person? Yes

Beep

Hello, this is Seungri, Jiyongie’s Seungri, wait, can I say that? Oh never mind this is private phone anyway, I’m out so please leave message yo! After this beeeeep, ‘k?

Beep

"Jagi – ya,

Can you …. I … can we talk? Please?

Just this once let us talk… please.. please

Love…"

(My last plead, My last wish)

a.n:

I promised this last week, but school had been busy and I need to write my final paper so it’s kinda delayed, I’m sorry.

Last week and this week have been a rollercoaster for me. As I believe most of you know what had happened. Too many jumbled emotions and thoughts but I hope this come out good. Please do comment.

And the last:

O the rocking boat

Sail you until the end of world

Even when waves come crashing you

Even when storm come drowning you

As long as you still alive

And I will believe

Bleh, that’s lame.. =.=  *gotta run to hide* *swagly*