SEUNGHYUN

I bent over, my hands on my knees as I took deep breaths. I closed my eyes as I tried to focus on getting air into my lungs. Why am I running out of breath for just a few kilometers of hiking? Damn, it seemed like I need to exercise more. Or maybe I'm just getting old.

And yet you're still alone, a part of my brain mocked me, making me swear out loud. I straightened up, my hands on my waist as I let a string of curses flew out of my mouth. The thought of being alone made me remember Dara. The thought of Dara reminded me she's now married and she's probably now on her honeymoon.

I've never believed in promises. I've never believed in love. I don't believe forever existed. . . until you. There's only one promise I'll be sharing today. I promise to love you forever, Sandara Park.

Yeah, call me a masochist or whatever but I had Jiyong's vows etched in my mind. I didn't even realize I've perfectly memorized it - word for word.

But with Dara's personality, Jiyong perfectly nailed his vow. He does know her. Those words would definitely hit Dara right on the spot. I wish. . . I wish I could have said those words to her. I wish. . . I met her first. I wish. . . 

I shook my head. No, I should stop thinking of her in that sense. I didn't leave Hye Ji behind just to get swallowed up with jealousy and regrets. I know I can't stay away forever. I know I can't stay away for that long. Hye Ji needs me. That kid, for some reason, became so clingy to me. I swear if her mother, Bom's still alive to witness her daughter clinging to me like that, she would have had gutted me inside out. I know Hye Ji is not my responsibility but I somehow felt responsible for her. I'm not running away as well from that. I'm out here on my own because I want to forget. I want to. . . damn, I want to bawl my eyes out. Ugh, damn it.

I threw my head back and closed my eyes. I freely let go of the tears I didn't realize I was holding back. She belongs to someone else now. She could never be mine. I could never. . .

I'm glad I was alone. I'm glad no one's here to witness me break down.

I really have to let go of Sandara now. I really need to learn to let go.

I have to let you go now, Dara. Be happy.

And I hope I'll find my own happiness one day.

 

CHAERIN

I exhaled in relief and slumped down on the carpeted floor. I've already managed to put Hye Ji to sleep after about hours of trying to get her to stop crying for her uncle TOP. The kid was more than devastated with Seunghyun's disappearance. Maybe I was partly at fault for not explaining it well to the kid but I seriously thought she won't understand anything I said. I mean, she was just a kid for Pete's sake!

I sighed again. I guess kids are different nowadays. Or maybe Hye Ji is just special because her parents were special.

I closed my eyes as prick made its way to my heart at the memory of Bom and Youngbae. I never thought for even a moment before that we would lose the both of them like that. Back then, I thought we'd all die of old age or something else but never from a war, from a fight.

A lot of things has changed since then. Who would've thought we'be like this now? We used to just mind our own business until Jiyong falling for Dara happened. I'm not blaming her for anything. But she sure did brought a lot of. . . changes to our lives. Truth be told, I envy her. I'm jealous of her. I know any sane person would probably question me right now but that's how I feel. I'm not jealous because I have feelings for Jiyong. No, Jiyong is a friend, like a brother to me. But I'm jealous of her life. Crazy, I know.

Dara's life hasn't been easy. She went through a lot. I can't imagine what it might have felt going through all of that. Not all could have survived that. Not all could have gone through that and still has the room to smile, to laugh, to love, to live, to feel.

Who would want to go through all of that? No one, except perhaps me. Okay fine, I'm not entirely jealous of all that pain. I guess it's more of how she felt all those things. I want to feel something. I'm starting to get scared with how I'm just feeling almost. . .nothing, as if I'm not even living. I'm not saying I've become numb. No, that's not it. I can still feel but it's barely there that it's almost nothing and I'm starting to feel like I'm nothing.

My thoughts drifted back to the wedding. And a sense of longing suddenly blossomed in my heart. I also want to know what it feels like to love someone so passionately, so completely to the point that it's hard to even breathe if you're not with that person. I want to know how it feels to be so undescribably happy knowing you'll be with someone you love for as long as both your existence would allow it. I want to know what it feels like to be love back by someone you love. . . I want - my train of thoughts stopped as I heard my phone started ringing. I immediately accepted the to stop it from ringing as it might wake Hye Ji up.

My eyes went to the sleeping kid. She was still asleep. She didn't even stir. I stood up and placed the receiver in my ear. "Hello?" I whispered.

There was silence.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the caller ID. "Sohee?" I asked as I placed the receiver back to my ear.

"Chaerin," Sohee wheezed.

I froze. "What happened?"

 

DARA

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks were red, well, my entire face actually. Even my neck and ears were red. I stood out against the beige tiled wall of the humongous bathroom of the hotel we were checked in. This was Seungri and Sohee's gift to us - a night in a five-star hotel. After this, Jiyong and I will be heading on a cruise. That's his gift, as he called it, to me.

The thought of Jiyong made my heart was beating fast against my chest. It felt like its about to jump out of my body. He's just on the other side of the door, waiting. I leaned my hands over the sink and started taking slow, deep breaths. I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's not like this is my first time with him. It's not like we never had before. We have lots,