Please save it in a blogpost or as a chapter in your Fanfic. I will delete this chapter after sometime. So don't link the review back here thanks. Do not bash us because we're only reviewing your story honestly :) P/S Poster not made by Chocolate creams. P/S Copy and paste every single word after the line.

‘Inside the 'Bluesky'’ Review
Story by HazelBrown
Reviewed by helloiloveys
©Chocolate Creams

Title – 3/5 {It all makes sense since the story revolves around the group ‘bluesky’. Normally, the preposition usage, ‘inside’, is a little off. You could probably choose something like “In blue sky”. There you have it, short and sweet. But that’s in my opinion so, yeah.. –shrugs–}

Overall appearance – 3/5 {I actually award 5 points for suitable poster and another 5 for a suitable background. But the background part wasn’t applicable to you since you left it blank. Anyway, I could see that you made the poster yourself. Something to note is that you should credit yourself for the poster. For example “storyline and art by HazelBrown”. I hope you get what I mean. And the quote is too long, without any focus. Quotes should usually be the representation of characters’ feelings. The fonts are a little unsuitable too. Also, the photos used in your poster is not very professional, since wordings can be found on them. For example, the YoonA and YuRi one. It wouldn’t hurt to request for a poster in chococreams, right? ^^}

Foreword/Description – 4/10 {Your description is a little confusing. Firstly, you used the members’ original name in the description and you wrote the story with their stage names so I couldn’t really follow. It’d be better if names in the description are written as “Tiffany Hwang” and “Jessica Jung” rather than “Hwang Miyoung” and “Jung Sooyeon”. Secondly, behind every member’s name, there’s their personal description, which I totally don’t understand. You mixed both nouns (E.g. “Love”, “Choice”, “Rise”, “Fall”) and descriptive words (E.g. “Calm” and “Funny”). I strongly recommend that you change all the nouns to descriptive words, because it’s really difficult to understand the current description. For the foreword, you could have a longer prologue rather just that one sentence since it doesn’t give me enough information to capture my interest.}

Plot – 15/20 {Idea need not be completely fresh but it should not be too clichéd at the same time. The way you linked all the events is rather interesting. I like how you actually included an element of disability which in this case, is Sulli being mute. I’ve never really come across many storylines that includes mute or deaf characters. Most people avoid writing on them as they are discriminated against and they’re a really difficult topic to touch on. But I think you did quite a commendable job in describing Sulli ^^ However, I do find the meeting of the group and Tiffany a little clichéd, with Taeyeon already knowing her/ their reunion, Jessica being all mean/ showing her dislike for Tiffany and stuff was a little unoriginal. }

Grammar – 7/10 {I’m usually strict on English. However, since it’s not your first language, you’re not penalized that badly ^^ But please remember this, bad grammar makes the story difficult to understand and causes the reader to be easily-irritated. Maybe you could get a good friend to be your co-author and he/she can edit your language whenever you complete a chapter ^^}

Mistakes [O; original sentence| C; corrected sentence]

O: " Hi, I'm Kim Taeyeon. My band is Bluesky. I'm the guitarist. This story is about me, and my band. There's friendship, dream, hope, and love which bring us to tears but also laugh. But first of all, let's met my band. "

C: “Hi, I’m Kim Taeyeon and I’m the guitarist of the band, “Bluesky”. This story revolves around my band mates and I. Dreams, friendship, hope and love which brings us both laughter and tears. First and foremost, let’s meet my band.”

O: I jerked up from my sleep when someone rocking my bed with earthquake power.

C: I shot back to reality as I felt someone shaking my bed with great force.

O: I try to ignored the person and pulled the cover over my head. But she keep moving around make the bed give a weird sound.

C: I tried to ignore the person and pulled my quilt cover over my head. But she kept moving around and her actions caused the bed to give out weird squeaky sounds. {The verb that comes after “to” is always in present tense.}

O: After 20 minute. I walked out of the bathroom as fresh as ever. Put some shirt, jacket and jeans. And wear my favorite cap. I look in the mirror and smile satisfied before get out from the room.

C: After 20 minutes, I walked out of the bathroom, feeling as fresh as ever. I put on a comfortable attire and wore my favorite Nike cap. Before heading for breakfast, I looked into the mirror for a last check. With a satisfied smile, I left the room. {Don’t. I repeat. DON’T use full-stops as commas.}

O: I give Jessica my deadly glared but she still oblivious with what happen around her.

C: I shot Jessica a glare but she was still oblivious of her surroundings.

O: Seohyun chuckled a little to see her two unnies bickering like a child while Yuri just smirked to Jessica before gain her attention back to show she was watching.

C: Seohyun chuckled silently upon seeing her two unnies bicker like little children do over lollipops. Yuri, on the other hand, simply gave Jessica a smirk before turning her attention to the television set once again.

O: I still pouted. I know Jessica can’t stand my pouted.

C: I pouted again, knowing she can’t stand it when I do that.

O: “ Yah, Sica, I thought we go here to cheers up Taeyeon with some ice cream, not become your slave. “ Yuri protest and look at shopping bag which hanging in her hand and Seohyun hands.

C: “Sica! We came here to cheer Taeyeon up, not to be your slave!” Yuri protested and pointed angrily at the shopping bags hanging from both Seohyun and her hands.

O: There’s a pause a moment after her mother heard that question before answer it softly. “ I don’t know honey, he’s working aboard. “ she answer her unsure.

C: Her mother paused for a while before giving a reply softly, “I don’t know, honey. He’s still abroad.” She answered with uncertainty.

O: I closed my eyes after hearing it. I know I shouldn’t said that, but I dislike when people started to told me what should I do and not to do.

C: I closed my eyes after hearing the commotion she made. I knew I shouldn’t have said those harsh words. But I really dislike it when people start bossing me around, telling me what to do and what not to.

O: I heard Tiffany sighed before walked towards me. She bent down to collect all the papers Jessica throw to the floor before leave room.

C: I heard Tiffany heave a loud sigh before she made her way to my bed. She bent down to gather the papers that were strewn all over the floor.

And the list goes on…

Spelling – 3/5 {In fact, you misspelt Hyoyeon’s name in your description. Spelling is important so as not to confuse readers as story progresses. You should pay more attention to it ^^}

Vocabulary – 3/5 {Although English is not your first language, I’m surprised to find words that even I don’t normally use. I really applaud you for that! –standing ovation– A wide range of vocabulary is vital to keep readers entertained instead of reading the same few adjectives over and over again. Keep it up!}

Writing Style – 6/10 {The conversations between the characters could be left like this -> “Hey, let’s go out for a drink!” instead of “ Hey, let’s go! ”, without the spaces between the colons. Can you follow? Also, I liked how you italicize the thoughts of Taeyeon. It could be improvise by adding single colon. For example ‘what the hell!?’ The only thing lacking is the colons. Your story could be more spacious in between paragraphs. The fonts used are a little boring and dull, which makes me a little sick while reading. But overall, I didn’t find any big mistakes~ :DDD}

Character development – 7/10 {Okay, so Seohyun is the stereotyped good girl and polite maknae, exactly the same as reality; Jessica is the ice princess with a fiery temper; Taeyeon is nice and friendly; Sunny is all aegyo; Yuri is cool and chic while Sooyoung likes eating a lot. Everything is clear from the start and it was consistent. Nice, I like it ^^ But it was too clear cut from the beginning and there wasn’t much room for development which could be a little boring sometimes.}

Flow – 8/10 {The part where feelings developed between Jessica and Taeyeon was a little abrupt. Other than that, everything was rather well-paced. (: }

Ending – {I actually award 5 points for this, but your story is not completed yet so it’s not applicable again! Do update soon, it’s not a good idea to leave your subscribers hanging.}

Bonus – 3/5 {I liked how Seohyun is portrayed in your story and she’s my ultimate bias in SNSD. That explains the bonus; especially love the way you showed her love for keroro in the story xD}

TOTAL – 62/95 including bonus

Conversion= 62/95 x 100%

                   = 65%

Grades:

A – 80 and above J

B – 65 – 79

C – 50 – 64

Ungraded – 49 and below L

Comments: You actually asked for purichu but she doesn’t review yuri fics. That’s why I’m doing it. Sorry for taking such a long time to review this! Hope I wasn’t too strict. Tried my best to be lenient though, since your first language isn’t English ^^