4

Regret

A feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done

After Taehyung's death, Kyungsoo had been moved into a room with a patient named Hongbin, who had been suffering from withdrawal. Two whole months later, Kris had finally recovered from the initial shock of the death of his closest friend. Kyungsoo sat in the visitor's room with Chanyeol's younger brother sitting directly across from him. “What.” Kyungsoo blatantly stated without showing any remorse. Jimin just sighed before rubbing the back of his neck. “Look. I just need to finish telling you what I've been trying to tell you for the longest time. It's about Chanyeol. He only bought that ring as a cover up. He was cheating on you. I told him he was a for even thinking about trying to buy that ring for you.” Kyungsoo tuned out what the other male had been saying and tried his best not to cry.

“Please go. You have said enough.” Kyungsoo had started to get up from the table but Jimin grabbed his wrist over the table. “Look. I understand you're trying to clear your conscious, But it's of no use now. He's dead. So go. You've cleared your conscious.” He ripped his wrist from the younger male's grasp and stormed off out of the visitor's room with the sounds of foot steps behind him. “Kyungsoo.” He stopped in his tracks trying to resist the urge to hug the person behind him. Kyungsoo slowly turned around and saw Kris standing in the hall wearing a bright yellow button down shirt and a pair of black jeans. “Taehyung. In his journal, He instructed you get his journal.” He held a bright green notebook with unicorn stickers decorating the front of it. Kyungsoo grabbed it an tucked it under his arm before staring warily at the older male. “Your hair..... You dyed it black.” Kyungsoo reached to touch it but Kris took a step back as he tried not to make eye contact.

Both males jumped at the sound of someone clearing their throat and they both looked to see Hyunsik in the middle of the hall behind them. “Am I interrupting something? I could come back later.” Kris just shook his head before walking off down the hall leaving the two males just standing there in an awkward silence. Hyunsik just rubbed the back of his neck as Kyungsoo stared at him. “So. How have you been?” Hyunsik tried his best to not laugh awkwardly as Kyungsoo has begun to grin. They both stood there in a thick silence before Kyungsoo divulged the details about the events that transpired since he was left here. “That..... Sounds like you have been through a lot. Sorry I haven't been by to visit.” Hyunsik whispered the last part and Kyungsoo lightly traced the outline of the stickers with his fingertips. The awkward feeling came back as they both sat in silence until someone cleared their throat. They both turned to see one of the nurses had been tapping her foot. “Visiting hours are over sir. I would kindly ask you to leave.” Hyunsik was about to say something smart but the nurse decided to crack her knuckles and he kept his remark to himself. He quickly departed leaving Kyungsoo to wander off back to his new room.

He opened the door just a crack and peered in to see Hongbin sleeping soundly which surprised the shorter male. Hongbin had been going through withdrawal symptoms ever since he had arrived. Kyungsoo quietly tip toed into his room before sitting on his bed and staring at the journal. His curiosity had been at battle with his conscious about if he should open the journal and read it or not. He cautiously opened the notebook and skimmed the first couple of journal entries. One particular entry jumped out at him in particular.

Date: February 14^th, 2015

Journal Entry: Unknown

Dear Journal,

My new roommate is very quiet. The last one was a bit angry that I read his journal ,Fanny is also taking a liking to the new guy too. His name is Kyungsoo or something like that but I'll call him sooey. He likes to roll his eyes a lot but he doesn't realize how adorable he is.That Jimin has been coming around often. After the accident with Seokjin. He's bringing up memories I want to forget. I miss Seokjin. We never should have let him drive home. Namjoon came shortly after me but we don't know what happened to Yoongi or Hoseok. They never visit. Jimin changed after everything happened. He dumped Jeongguk and started sleeping around. Jimin turned into a bad bad person. Namjoon is so broken though. He no longer smiles whenever I see him.

Does he blame me for this too? Maybe that's why Yoongi and Hoseok don't visit. They all hate me...

Kyungsoo noticed the page had tear stains on it and couldn't help but feel sad for the boy. Hongbin grunted in his sleep and the older male silently shuffled out of the room. The dull hum of the flourescent white lights filled the stark white halls with the only remnants of sound in the abandoned halls. His feet started moving without a destination in mind. His feet led him to the common room where a familiar blond had been reading a dingy book on the couch. “Um. Hello?” The blond looked up and met Kyungsoo's eyes with a startled expression. It was in that moment that Kyungsoo remembered that the blond's name was Ren.

“H-Hello. If you want some alone time I can leave.” Ren started to stand but Kyungsoo shook his head before plopping down on the couch next to him. “It's a free country. You shouldn't have to run off. I'm Kyungsoo by the way. Never got the chance to formally introduce myself.” Ren picked up on the slight pleasantness in his tone and sat down without letting his guard down. The two males sat in a heavy silence until Ren coughing broke their silence. “So. If you don't mind me asking. What did you do for a living Kyungsoo? Did you happen to have a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend. Whichever your preference is.” He let out the last part in low mumble but Kyungsoo just stared at him as if he had just asked him to go to mars. “Um. A little bit personal. But I used to be a secretary for my friend in his dental office. I....I did have someone special... His name was Chanyeol. But I messed that up big time.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he thought about Chanyeol for a brief moment.

“It's all your fault and you know it Do Kyungsoo. It's your fault Jimin doesn't have a brother anymore.” Chanyeol's voice rang clear through Kyungsoo's mind. His eyes widened as he ducked his head down to wipe the tear that was forming with a quick swipe. “I'm sorry. I can't lie to you anymore Do Kyungsoo. My name isn't Ren.” Kyungsoo's stomach started to churn for some unknown reason but despite his body's urge to flee the room, He protested by continuing to sit still. “My real name is Minki. Choi Minki.” His face was hidden behind his blond hair as the male muttered his name. The name punched a hole in Kyungsoo's chest as he remembered back on the night he lost Chanyeol, To the voicemail he listened to that caused all of the problems. “You. You were the one.” His mind had been racing at a million miles per second but only anger seeped onto his face. Both males stood up but Kyungsoo put all of his might into on punch as he aimed for Minki's face. The other male fell to the ground clutching the right side of his face. “Hey! What's going on here?” The new voice startled the angered male and he turned to see Kris standing in the door way with Namjoon by his side. Namjoon ran to help Ren to his feet as Kyungsoo stood there in a slight shock at his actions.

“It's his fault. You're the reason why he's dead! I loved him and you took him away from me!” Everybody's eyes turned to Ren who had managed to get up and was charging at Kyungsoo. Everything slowed down when the younger male tackled him to the ground and started raining his fists down upon Kyungsoo's face. “He was my first love!” One punch. “We could have lived together!” Another punch. “He was leaving you for me!” Another punch. “He was special to me!” Another punch. “And it's all your fault that he's dead!” Kyungsoo anticipated a fifth blow to his face but the only thing that hit him was a tear drop. He opened his eyes to see Ren had started to cry before standing up and letting out a strangled sob. “I hope you get what's coming to you Do Kyungsoo. You're going to die alone because of this.” Without saying another word, Ren scurried past Kris ,who had been staring at the scene in a state of shock, and disappeared into one of the many rooms. “Are you okay?” Kris managed to stutter once he had snapped himself out of his state of shock as he ran over to Kyungsoo to help him up. Kyungsoo just brushed the older male away as he stood up on his own.

“I'm fine. I'm just going to find that psychopath and end him.” His tone was completely monotone as he picked up the discarded journal. Kris tried once more to grab the younger male's arm but he pulled away as soon as he made contact before casually walking out of the room. He successfully made it back to his room before he locked the door and sat on the floor in front of the door. That was when he finally let out the broken sob he had kept trapped in his chest. Each passing second made his heart feel heavier and heavier as he tried to muffle his crying noises so he wouldn't wake up his roommate. “You have to cry sometime. Loss isn't easy.” Hongbin muttered loud enough for the sobbing male to hear. “I lost my Hyuk because of my addiction. He was murdered because I owed someone money due to something I was dependant on. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't want to break down and cry. But one thing you have to remember is you have to live for them.”

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So I finally had the free time to actually post a chapter.

I apologize for going months without updating. Work and other stressful things have been plaguing me.

Mainly work

I hope you enjoy the update