❝여름까지.{UNTIL SUMMER}    
________________________________________________________________

                                   For happiness one needs security, but joy can spring
Like a flower even from the cliffs of despair.
-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Spring, Mid March 2010

“What are you doing now?” Baekhyun asked as he made his way towards Chanyeol. The two were in the activity room; Chanyeol was sitting on the couch which Baekhyun had finally allowed Chanyeol to join. They had gotten closer since their second meeting, especially when they seemed the most sane out of the crowd and occasionally shared the same thoughts.

Chanyeol slowly looked up, distracted, to meet eyes with Baekhyun’s and smiled. “What I always do.” The giant replied as he watched Baekhyun take a seat besides him.

“I can see that. What are you drawing?” The elder peeked over Chanyeol’s long arms, curious. “Flowers again?”

To which Chanyeol grinned with a short response before returning his attention to his sketch. “Yep.”

“You draw them so much.” Baekhyun’s eyes followed the graceful added to the white surface. Chanyeol’s long fingers that wrapped around the pencil so lightly he had so much control over the . They landed everywhere, connecting lines like puzzles, and slowly they revealed yet another flower. Soon they would form a boutique. Or an garden. Or a parallel sketch to the first drawing Baekhyun received from the latter. The only differences were in the flowers - whatever types Chanyeol knew of - and the fact that color was probably waiting to be poured on them; hinted by the varying colored pencils sticking out from Chanyeol’s gown.

“Why flowers though?”

“Because,” Chanyeol began; his caramel eyes were focused on his work as he did so. “They’re pretty.” A grin sprawled across his face as he gave the sketch a few last . “I like pretty things, so I draw them.”

Baekhyun nods. “Well, obviously. If you didn’t like them, why would you draw them?”

“Dunno. Maybe to remember it?” Chanyeol picked up an orangish color from his pockets as he replaced the space with his sketching pencil. Baekhyun hummed in response. Fair enough.

“I want to see it.” Chanyeol suddenly said after a short moment, catching Baekhyun’s attention.

“Huh?”

“My reason is because I want to see it.” Chanyeol stopped for a moment, placing all of the pencils in the pocket of his hospital gown. With a stretch, Chanyeol continued. “I want to see these flowers. Call me a sissy or whatever, I’ve always like wild flowers.”

Baekhyun laughed. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say. If I were to ever call you a sissy, I’ve would’ve done so as soon as I saw you draw the first flower.” Taking the sketchbook from Chanyeol’s lap and brushing, softly, the eraser marks away. Chanyeol watched the elder silently. “And if that makes you a sissy, then what am I?” Baekhyun’s eyes met the latter’s. He smiled as their eyes met, “I want to see it too. Maybe that’s why I kept your sketch.”

“You kept it?”

“Yep,” Baekhyun grinned. “I like it. It makes my room look less dead.” He handed the sketchbook back to Chanyeol. The said boy hummed and couldn’t agree more. The white walls were sickening. The thought of coloring and drawing on the walls were always present on his mind.

“Maybe, we can see them one day.” Chanyeol leaned into the couch, making Baekhyun sink towards his side.

“Yeah, let’s go see them in the summer. Maybe, we’ll be out of here by then.”

“Promise?” The cheesy grin that seemed to reflect lights and the sparkles in Chanyeol’s twitching eyes seemed to melt Baekhyun’s cold heart.

Thus, he agreed without hesitation. “Yeah, promise.”

_____

“So, I heard you made a friend?” Baekhyun was barely seated when Minseok spoke, but that was one point about the doctor which Baekhyun liked: Dr. Minseok was straight to the point. He didn’t bother cutting around bushes and asked ‘Is there anything knew?’ like other doctors liked to ask.

That sped up their session too. Just imagine how long it’d take for Baekhyun to actually bring up a topic.

Dr. Kim was seated behind his desk comfortably, he shuffled through files - probably schedules too - a few times before looking up to meet Baekhyun’s eyes with expectant.

“Chanyeol’s not my friend.” Baekhyun deadpanned as he pulled up his cushioned seat.

“I didn’t even have to mention the name huh?” The older male smirked. After a month of sessions with Dr. Kim, Baekhyun could conclude that the doctor, although older, his behavior was not much different from any high or middle school. Minseok was just as immature and liked to tease and joke with his patients.

Baekhyun didn’t return the smile. instead he scoffed. “You know everything in this place don’t you?”

“Well, I am a doctor-”

“Therapist.” Baekhyun corrected.

“Doctor. I’m no different from the other doctors, you know?” Dr. Minseok defended. “I’m just too smart that I became a 2-in-1 doctor and therapist.” A stupid one, Baekhyun added mentally.

“Are you my doctor?” Dr. Minseok mirrored Baekhyun’s blank expression for a good few seconds before he sighed with resignation. “No? I thought so.”

“Anyways-”

“Yeah, I know: it’s progress.” Again the doctor was cut off and an exaggerated huff of annoyance escaped the elder’s lips. “So why do I still go to the activity room so much?”

“Byun Baekhyun, if you’d let me get that far, you’d know by now!” Baekhyun blinked with expectant eyes, waiting for the doctor to continue (and to piss him off more - it’s always interesting to find a supposedly patient man go off). A sigh escaped the elder man’s lips, “Thank you.. Anyways… You’re-”

“Can’t you just tell me already?”

Kim Minseok just added another reason for Baekhyun to like the therapist as he let out a groan; he was the only staff in the hospital that didn’t bother to mask their anger. It was Baekhyun’s turn to smirk this time.

_____

“Chanyeol..?” The said boy hummed to Baekhyun’s call as he was too busy sketching away to look up from his work. The two boys were again sitting on their couch in the activity room. “Why are you here?” Chanyeol lifted his head to offer Baekhyun a confused look. “I mean why are you in here? What did you do?”

Chanyeol appeared to ponder the question with eyes dazed out but he responded with a shrug when the answer didn’t come to him. “Dunno, I don’t remember. Why are you in here? Baekhyun’s not crazy either.”

A sigh ripped through Baekhyun’s lips, “Same here. I don’t know... My mom sort of tossed me in here one day.” Baekhyun’s chest felt empty as he spoke of his mother. He lost the strength to even hate her anymore.

“I guess you could say my mom did that to me too.” Chanyeol offered a subtle smile and reached over to Baekhyun’s hand with comforting circles. The smaller boy flinched slightly at the encouraged skinship as he was never use to it. He softened only seconds later and even returned the gesture and ran his thumbs over Chanyeol’s backhand.

“Do you hate her for it?” Like I do - I did..? Baekhyun’s voice was small, almost barely an audible whisper.

“Nah,” Chanyeol’s baritone voice whispered back. “It’s tiring to hate, you know..? And before you know it.. Someone will tell me she did it for my good - for real.”

Chanyeol looked as if he was on the verge of tears - it was then that Baekhyun realized that Chanyeol was in fact a thoughtful and soft person - so, Baekhyun gave Chanyeol’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“I don’t either...”

_____

“Are you sure this is okay?” Chanyeol’s eyes were wide - and in a creepy way - as he scanned the halls. Baekhyun was practically tugging the giant down the hall; they were headed to Baekhyun’s room.

“Yes, for the hundredth time, Chanyeol!” Baekhyun gave his eyes a roll, “Mr. Kim gave me permission.”

“What about me?!” Chanyeol looked genuinely worried with his eyes practically bulging from his sockets.

“Please, you’d think he’d give me permission to drag away another patient without excusing you too? What is this - kidnapping - to you?” A sense of familiarity struck Baekhyun’s chest when he spoke those words but he brushed off the feeling as quickly as it came.

“Hey, you’d never know!” Chanyeol retorted as his pace fell besides Baekhyun’s; his long legs walked faster than the smaller boy’s petite ones anyway.

“Oh? Is that what I am to you?! I’m a suspicious person huh?” Baekhyun teased Chanyeol with mocked hurt and surprise.

Chanyeol, teeth reflecting the light in the halls, let out a bellowing laugh and strings of joking apologies followed. The younger boy now excitedly gripped Baekhyun’s petite hand in his and dragged him - Baekhyun, to his room.

_____

“So what are you?” Baekhyun rose his head to Chanyeol’s question.

“What do you mean?”

“Well.. you must be some creepy stalker or something; you have almost all of my paintings up on your wall.” Chanyeol joked as he scanned his eyes over Baekhyun’s room walls. It felt like an art exhibition on one side of his room and then a plain hospital bedroom on the opposite. The wall was covered by sketches and drawings in a collage style - none overlapping another.

“What the hell, Chanyeol? There’s only six on my wall. And how is it ever stalking if they are pictures you gave me?”

Chanyeol didn’t reply to his questions, instead he offered a silent: “It looks nice.” He smiled as he turned to Baekhyun. “At least it’s not the usual lifeless white walls.”

A scoff came from Baekhyun before he replied with a smile of his own. “I don’t know if you’re praising me or yourself.”

Chanyeol followed along with a smirk, “Of course, me. I’m the great Park Chanyeol!”

“Yeah, of course you are.” Baekhyun replied sarcastically.

I’m the great Park Chanyeol... Somehow, unlike the feeling he had when he first learned of Chanyeol’s name, unlike the warm feeling of finding familiarity in the name, Baekhyun found his heart drop. Why did Chanyeol’s name sound so doleful all of a sudden?

The word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
-Carl Jung

Spring, Early May 2010

“So Chanyeol is the first friend you made here?”

“Yes, he’s really nice.” Baekhyun replied with a subtle grin; as his all-knowing mother, Mrs. Byun found that to be bad sign.

Mrs. Byun has been visiting Baekhyun weekly since their first visit a month ago. Now, the two - mother and son - were finally warming up to each other but their main topic happened to be Chanyeol; almost as if there were no other possible topics to bring up to Baekhyun.

To say that Mrs. Byun was displeased with her son’s affection towards the boy was an understatement. The displease was far deeper than that; she could almost hate the tall, chestnut-haired boy. Of course she didn’t make her hatred obvious, masking it with her best attempts, to Baekhyun as he was too happy - since a long time - when he spoke of the said boy. Sadly and reluctant to admit, Chanyeol was also the only thing that kept Baekhyun distracted from hating and blocking out her. Her son probably felt safe with Chanyeol’s presence - even if Baekhyun was only saying the name.

Baekhyun blabbed on about the paintings Chanyeol made, how they covered his walls in his room, and things of that sort, including the new drawings the latter had made. These things were tuned out by his mother though; she only nodded and feigned joy with forced smiles whenever it felt necessary to show Baekhyun otherwise.

She was dying internally as she watched her son talk so happily about a boy she’d never approve of. Mrs. Byun could tell Baekhyun’s relationship and feelings towards Chanyeol was anything but just friendship. She didn’t like the idea of her son spending anymore time with the Park boy.

Why - of all people - did it have to be Chanyeol?

Asking for Dr. Kim’s help didn’t seem helpful either. The doctor didn’t seem to even care of her precautions.

Wasn’t it obvious that Baekhyun was in love with Chanyeol?

Didn’t he see how bad Baekhyun’s condition had gotten? And he was the doctor.

_____

Baekhyun was sitting silently on his bed, his legs were curled up, tucked to his chest. His lips and fingers trembled with the cold and his eyes focused ahead into the room of dark nothingness.

It was a habit. He couldn’t remember from where or since when but he felt the most comfort when thinking in a dark room. And so there he sat - thinking.

“I just wanted to frighten her.”

“So... you committed a crime..?” Baekhyun’s voice came out skeptical and sarcastic.

“Hey - it’s.... It wasn’t - at least I didn’t kill anyone.”

With a laugh, Baekhyun replied, “Ah, I knew that much. You’re obviously too much of a chicken for that,”

“Yah! You should be thankful!”

“Why - hey! that eraser of yours is dirty! - and why would I ever be thankful?!”

“You said you wanted to escape anyway. Toss that back?”

“Don’t throw it at me, if you wanted it back! Aish, you ungrateful kid.” Nonetheless, he tossed the eraser back as asked. “Escaping never meant to get someone to kidnap me.”

“You were awfully calm to even call this a kidnap. You’ve ever met any idiot kidnappers that would bother to sit down and talk to you?”

“Yeah - you; I wasn’t even surprised when you apologized.” With a small smile, the puppy-eyed boy continued, “You cried awfully too much to be a kidnapper, anyway. You'd probably look like the victim rather than me.”

The reply didn’t come immediately and when it did, it came stuttered. “... I wasn’t sure, okay.. I’ve never - I just.. needed to threaten them.”

With a scoff, Baekhyun rolled his eyes at the latter’s excuse. “I’m pretty sure threatening your mom didn’t need to get yourself jailed up.”

“Threatening her, no, but my dad.. I do. I need something big.”

Something big? To the extent of kidnapping someone..? “Wouldn’t that be a bad idea if you’re planning to be an artist?”

“For an artist? A little crime probably wouldn’t kill. Besides, he could cover it up.”

“Yeah, tell me more about your parents’ riches, okay?”

“That’s not even something to be happy about; not when they expect you to do this - then do that.”

“I guess.. So do you think - will this even work?” All jokes aside, the room fell quiet and tense. Baekhyun’s question was something they avoided. They were both committing a crime in some way or the other.

“I-”

“Honestly.” He cut the latter off. Maybe it was something in his voice that made it sound like Baekhyun needed assurance. Though not regretful, Baekhyun didn’t sound so confident with what he was doing. What was he doing anyway?

“I don’t know.. That’s why, I need you. Stay with me?” Without looking at Baekhyun, those words were spoken shyly and while they were cheesy and romantic words, it had the opposite effect.

At that, Baekhyun laughed at the other’s behavior and exclaimed loudly with a snort, “Oh gosh, make it a drama already! I’ve already spent three days here with you for gods’ sake!”

“Why do you always ruin the feeling?” The other whined as his hid his face in his hands; as if his embarrassment would be masked by simply a pair of hands.

“Ha! Looks who’s speaking; if you want a feel at least look at me when you talk - actually no, don’t. Go back to drawing.”

Pain pounded in Baekhyun’s heart and head as he woke up from his sleep. It was as if he lost something when he stepped back to reality. His fingers felt dead and numb, his eyes were clouded with sleep and tears - all to which - confused him more.

Baekhyun had cried again in his sleep hadn’t he?

That annoyed him. It was the worse way to wake up, any day - actually the sun wasn’t even up yet!

Make that worse and add Baekhyun’s bad memory to the case; he couldn’t remember much of his dream. The only thing Baekhyun remembered clearly was that he had a long conversation with some stranger and that he had been crying in a room - barely recognizable - as his bedroom at... home?

Why was he always crying anyway?!

_____

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun continued as he heard a hum from the said boy. “Did you ever think.. about becoming an artist?”

Another hum. “Yeah - something like that. Why?” Chanyeol mumbled softly as he snuggled into the silky soft strands of Baekhyun’s hair. “Why do you ask?”

Baekhyun doesn’t reply right away. Instead he listened to Chanyeol’s heartbeats through the thin layer of their hospital gowns and wrapped his arms loosely around the younger’s waist. “Do you ever feel like you’re just wasting your time here?” The hesitant question slipped silently from the older’s lips as he pulled away to look into Chanyeol’s eyes.

The latter’s lips pulled up revealing a small smile, “Honestly? Yeah, of course - but it’s not so bad once I got use to it. As long as I can draw, any environment is fine really.”

“But don’t you ever wonder why they put you in here anyway?”

“Hm... sometimes.. but I try not to,” The reply came after a Chanyeol's short ponder. “But you don’t; you think about it a lot, don’t you?” Chanyeol questioned as he lifted Baekhyun’s face up from his chest and landed a chaste peck on Baekhyun’s small nose. Baekhyun squirmed with a giggle but his crestfallen expression returned right after.

“I want to know.. my mom keeps being cautious around me; it’s always me that does the talking - I don’t even remember why I’m here or what I did wrong...” Baekhyun’s eyes glistened as a thin layer of tears coated his vision. Immediately, Chanyeol’s gentle touch landed on his face, cupping the elder’s cheeks, again.

“Baek, I’m sure you didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe she doesn’t want you to get hurt, okay?” Chanyeol dipped down to peck Baekhyun’s lips lightly before he continued. “And I might even say I’m happy that you don’t remember; I wouldn’t want you to be hurt.. especially if Mrs. Byun is already so cautious.” A heavy sigh escaped the giant’s lips and he pulled his fragile hyung closer to him, almost swallowing the latter into his embrace, which Baekhyun allowed wholeheartedly as he smiled into Chanyeol’s gown. “I said that I don’t think about why I’m here.. but I do wonder - what if we were just meant to be?”

“You’re so cheesy!” Baekhyun couldn’t help but slap the other’s chest when he heard the cheesy words fall from his lips. Embarrassed red painted his cheeks and a foolish smile pulled on his lips. A low chuckle was emitted from Chanyeol’s throat as Baekhyun’s reaction was just as expected.

“But you’d never know!” A shade of Chanyeol’s favorite shade of pink dusted across Baekhyun’s cheeks again.

“Stop it!” Baekhyun pushed at Chanyeol’s chest with a laugh.

“Hm... But you’re blushing,” Chanyeol teased as he snuggled into the dip of Baekhyun’s shoulder, his untamed hair tickling the older boy’s sensitive ears, causing Baekhyun to giggle and squirm. Then quietly Chanyeol continued, “I like it.”

“As if you’re not.”

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like
a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. -Oscar Wilde

Winter, Mid February 2010

“But what do you remember?” On good days - as good as it could ever get in a mental hospital - Baekhyun wasn’t questioned about his past and memories. “Or at least, what do you last remember?” Obviously, today wasn’t a good day.

Baekhyun wasn’t greeted with a session about how he felt that day; the questions that usually came after, about his previous day when he didn’t visit Dr. Kim, weren’t spoken either. Instead, he was offered a cup of coffee and a request for him to share his memories. Frustration was building up in the young patient’s chest.

”Why do you keep asking? What does my memories have to do with how insane I am?” Thoughts that questions his memories piled into his head, despite his opposition.Everything was normal to him; everyday was filled with boring and pointless classes and nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing out of the ordinary, yet, Mrs. Byun decided to admit him into an asylum. The therapist was messing up his brain with those protruding questions. It only caused him to build up anger and frustration towards his mother; while his own thoughts instigated in between.

No matter how he’d tried, for the past few weeks in the hospital, Baekhyun could never find any reason for his mother to abandon him in the hospital. Why - if everyday he spent leading up to February - did she suddenly find him insane? Baekhyun couldn’t remember doing anything that would cause her to think of him as a nutcase. Nothing, about the week leading up to his admission, made him even appear crazy. If ever, all he did those days were attending droning classes just as any other day of the year. They provided blurred images of his classworks, notes and homeworks that were given throughout the year of his attendance. Of course that wasn’t all. Baekhyun wasn’t a top student and was active in performances. He even remembers performing, on the stage he had practiced for, that fall. But after that, his club activities ceased and everything returned to quizzes and tests. None of that was worth his time to remember; neither did he bother to. Nothing new was taught before he was plucked out of school and taken to the far end of the city and tossed into a hospital gown anyway.

“Baekhyun, I know you hate it in here.” Dr. Kim began with a sigh. “I can help you out faster, if I can understand why you’re even in here. I can’t conclude anything based on your performance for the past weeks here either. Your memory - or lack of - is telling me, for the past weeks that, you may be suffering head trauma, resulting memory loss. Otherwise-”

“I remember fine,” Baekhyun scowled. “And if it’s memory loss, why am I here? Shouldn’t I go to a normal hospital? Instead of one that just might make me go crazy?”

"I assume that means you have no memories of your visits to regular hospitals?" Dr. Kim responded; his eyes watched for Baekhyun's reaction as he jotted down a few notes.

Baekhyun stiffened. The puppy-eyed boy doesn't respond right away; there was no need to. The answer to the doctor's question was already clear as day, as Baekhyun’s brows danced with confusion. The last hospital visit in Baekhyun's mind was a year ago, when he had a fractured leg injury. "What do you mean? When-?"

"Based on your records, you were admitted into a hospital in December, Baekhyun. I have records transferred from the neighboring hospital you were admitted to." Dr. Kim answered, trying to pull up any possible memories. Baekhyun only continued to stare. “Still no memories?” No. No memories whatsoever. Baekhyun remembered going to school and that was all. His days in December was vague and blurry, but he’s sure that it was spent going to school. Nothing in his memories told him otherwise. But if that was the case... Why doesn’t he remember?

“If I was sent to the hospital before,” Baekhyun finally answered, “What did they say? You have my records; why are you even asking me?” An emotionless expression was pulled across Baekhyun’s face like a mask; though inside, Baekhyun was troubled. Why was I sent to the hospital? What made me go?

“There are many causes that can lead to memory loss. Your records states your case as head traumatic amnesia, from falling down a flight of stairs.” Minseok responded, answering the unspoken questions that ran through Baekhyun’s head. Another question sprouted in the young boy’s head; I fell down a flight of stairs? No signs of remembering, the therapist noted before continuing, “But if that was the case, your amnesia shouldn’t last this long. Your injury, from the fall, took four days to heal; you only had a surface cut on your head and a swollen bruise on your temple. Nothing was recorded about memory loss in that visit.” Dr. Kim stated as he flipped through Baekhyun’s hospital records. All the while, Baekhyun remained silent. His mind blanked out. This seems like a make-believe story. “Though it is possible that you developed amnesia after being discharged, it's very least likely. But still, the gap of your memory loss is too big to be considered merely from a head injury. It has been since December... That’s two months ago. Normally your memories should return by now.”

Dissolving the new information, Baekhyun sat in silence for a while. Baekhyun felt skeptical towards his therapist. Baekhyun couldn’t tell if the doctor was sincerely concerned for his good - but how can he? the therapist can’t possibly have that much time in his life to care about all of his patients - or if Dr. Kim was just too stupid for his own good to concern himself with Baekhyun’s mentality. Dr. Kim was being too obvious with his lies, Baekhyun couldn't help but to think.

“What are you trying to say then?” Baekhyun questioned when finally found his voice. “If it’s not because I fell down stairs, then what?”

“Do you remember falling down the stairs?” Dr. Kim hoped, his eyes glistened with anticipation. But answered by Baekhyun’s eyes, Kim Minseok felt as if he has shrank before his patient. His disappointment, obvious.

Too bad you couldn’t get the improvement you hoped for. I won’t tell you anything just so you can earn your money, Baekhyun glowered beneath his mask. The therapist had yet to understand Baekhyun (and vice versa).

If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?
-Khalil Gibran

________________________________________________________________

✉(A/N).

05.27.2015. Once again the chapters were condensed. This chapter contained 4.311K words total, which is a lot less as compared to the first part ;-; It’s more than 2 whole K less >n< The story itself is coming closer and closer to the end, though.... With now 10.929K words total updated, I’m guessing that another part will do... So I guess 여름까지 {UNTIL SUMMER} will be a three-shot? With so much to read, you must have something say about this story~ So~ Please comment!! ^-^ Don’t leave me hanging and wondering how this story is going >n< Thank you for reading <3

Subscribe for notifications on future updates.

( h a r l e q u i n. )