part one. summer is coming.
여름까지 {Until Summer}❝여름까지.{UNTIL SUMMER}
________________________________________________________________
One of the definitions of sanity is the ability to tell real from unreal.
Soon we'll need a new definition. -Alvin Toffler
Summer, Early June 2010
“How are you feeling?”
The voice sounded so far away. So distant, yet not distant enough. With eyes closed, Baekhyun wished the doctor would shut up. He felt limp and weightless, sick and lifeless. Baekhyun felt empty. So with a sigh, he answered, “Bad.”
“Your mother is waiting outside; do you want -”
“No.” Just shut up.
Seconds passed in silence. Nothing but the beeps of the heart monitor and the barely audible sound of life filled the room; Baekhyun thought the doctors finally gave up. But of course he was proven the opposite.
“Do you..” The familiar voice of his therapist spoke up hesitantly. Baekhyun could almost guess the question Dr. Kim began to ask, “- want to see Chanyeol? He’s outside too..”
At the sound of Chanyeol’s name, Baekhyun’s eyes opened slowly, almost as if there was weight on his lids. His head turned to face towards the closed doors. He caught sight of his mother whose face was tainted by streaks of tears that seemed to never stop with hands pressed on the window... But Chanyeol wasn’t there..
Baekhyun remembered once calling Kim Minseok his favorite doctor - if any - in the hospital; he took it back. The elder was torturing him. He knew...
Chanyeol wasn’t there.
“Don’t lie..” Baekhyun’s voice choked out. “Chanyeol left,” Eyes now locked on his mother’s, Baekhyun cried. He cried for his mother and Chanyeol.
He couldn’t keep his promise to neither of them.
Spring, Mid April 2010
A pair of large hands clasped over Baekhyun’s eyes, bringing him a sudden darkness with light peeking through the gaps between fingers. A soft stifled chuckle escaped the other’s throat when Baekhyun slightly jumped in his seat.
“Guess. Guess who I am.” The baritone voice spoke closely above Baekhyun’s head. That gave him away. Chanyeol; immediately Baekhyun’s hands found their way over the latter’s and a smile pulled at the corners of his lips.
“You’re here,” He exclaimed as he peeled the hands away from his eyes, recovering his vision, and turned to his right.
Chanyeol was grinning, “Yeah,” which revealed a set of pearly white teeth. He stepped in front of the sitting boy and offered a hand to pull him up. “You missed me?”
Baekhyun scoffed but took the hand anyway. From the strength in Chanyeol’s pull, Baekhyun jumped into the giant’s arms and let out contradicting words. “As if.” Chanyeol stumbled back a bit from the impact of Baekhyun’s small frame colliding into his. As the giant caught his balance, his long arms s securely around the latter’s slim waist and pulled Baekhyun tightly into his embrace.
“Well, hello to you too.” Chanyeol mumbled beside Baekhyun’s ear, tickling the invisible hairs and sent shivers crawling to and down his spine.
Parenthood remains the greatest single preserve of the amateur. -Alvin Toffler
Winter, Early February 2010
"Baekhyun-ah, I'm doing this for you. You know that right?" She was crying. She was shaking Baekhyun's arm, clinging and hoping for Baekhyun's understanding.
Baekhyun doesn't look at her though. He didn't budge at all and neither did his heart waver at the sight of his mother's tears and pleads.
If she was really doing this - sending him off to a mental hospital - for Baekhyun's good, he didn't want it. Nothing in that was understandable.
"Please, Baekhyun. Please... please let these doctors help you? Baekhyun..." The grip on Baekhyun's arm was tight and painful. Her nails were digging into his arm; it felt like a small tug could send his arm falling apart. Baekhyun had the urge to wince and pull away from her, but... he was stubborn. He wanted to cause as much pain as he could for his mother. This was what she'd get for tossing him away. This was what she's get for leaving him in the care of - doctors, ha! - strangers. It was what she'd get for believing he was crazy.
As the doctors in their blinding white gowns came through the automatic doors into the lobby which Baekhyun and his mother sat in, Baekhyun visibly stiffened.
"Patient: Byun Baekhyun?" This was when he'd lose his freedom. He prepared himself with a deep inhale of oxygen and finally pulled away from his mother.
Her hands instinctively reached out to grab his arms again with panic and face pressed against his forearm. Immediately Baekhyun flinched with disgust and pulled away again. He had to leave with the doctors like she wanted, if she didn’t want to lose Baekhyun she shouldn’t have admit him into the hospital.
As Baekhyun walked away he could still hear his mother crying and calling after him. He could feel her tears trickle down his arms when she pressed her face against him earlier. The voices of nurses that tried to calm down his mother and assurances of her right choice didn’t go unnoticed either.
“Mrs. Byun, Baekhyun will get better under our doctors’ care.” Baekhyun’s fingers curled at the nurse’s voice. She was wrong.
There’s nothing wrong with me.
"Baekhyun!! Baekhyun-ah, please, let these doctors help you!! Please!!" Baekhyun opted to ignore the words she called out to him as he followed the doctors through the automatic doors. He ignored how his hands trembled at the sound of his mother crying and ignored the heaviness in his chest when he fought to look straight ahead, his expression solid without emotions.
This was what his mother deserved.
Yet, as he heard his mother cry out "eomma loves you!" his heart cringed. Baekhyun felt as if on fire and his chest burned with stinging throbs.
She shouldn't say words she doesn't mean, Baekhyun thought, his eyes shooting glares at nothing in particular and the painful pounding of his heart doesn't stop./span>
The doctors escorting him came to a halt when they were standing in front of a set of elevator doors.
Yep, this was the end of his freedom.
_____
The place wasn't too bad... if you didn't count the other patients that roamed the halls and rooms. If you didn't count the doctors and nurses that attempted to make you more sociable or better as some doctors liked to say; healthy was also one of the words to describe - you know, not crazy. Oh, and let's not forget how the doctors would pull you out of your room just to leave you in a room with other patients so you could make friends and help each other. They called it the activity room - so creative right?
Technically, the place was awful. There was something to complain about every corner you turned. Why? Because every corner you turned, there was someone or something you didn't want to see. Doctors, nurses, patients, plastic plants, etc., you name it. Even the white walls annoyed Baekhyun. In fact, they were the only walls Baekhyun saw. Every room was painted white after all.
Admitted into the white hell hole he sat in now and every day, without any explanation or reasoning, Baekhyun had every right to hate and despise - well, the whole world. Thanks to his mother of course, for abandoning him in a nut house, him despised his mother for taking away his humanity and officially labeled him as yet another person with mental and psychological problems. Baekhyun was just another psychopath, and the nut house was exactly where he belonged.
During the first week after being admitted into the mental hospital, the time mostly spent on taking tests and medical check-ups. But aside from the tests, Baekhyun was given time to adjust to his new environment. He had a bedroom, painted white from corner to corner, with only the basic furniture: a bed with hospital white sheets and pillows, a desk, a chair, a drawer and a trash bin; anything else came from Baekhyun's suitcase. The room was spacious and... empty.
There was no feeling of being at home, it was just hospital. And the doctors showed no attempt to make the experience less hospital like. Each patient had a schedule for when they'd eat, sleep, and even what they ate. The decision to leave a room was also the doctor’s choice to make. If the patient, for example Baekhyun, decided the schedules were absurd and trivial, he'd be reminded that he was a patient for a reason and that they were the doctors.
_____
"Baekhyun, it's time for you to come to the activity room." The nurse called from Baekhyun's doorway.
As most patients had to take medications or some who even took medical examinations due to their episodes, Baekhyun was only assigned to taking therapy sessions thrice a week. Baekhyun was antisocial, his therapist, Kim Minseok, noticed almost immediately during their first session - on the fourth day after his arrival - when he noticed Baekhyun's dead and unfocused eyes. After his therapy session, the nurses changed his schedule the following day. Now, going to the activity room became a large section on Baekhyun's daily schedule.
Baekhyun glanced in the direction of the nurse with annoyance. The said nurse had barged into his room without knocking and now she was telling him where to go?
"I don't want to go." Baekhyun called, eyes locked on the nurse's. The activity room was basically an interaction room. For the past three days, all he has done in the activity room was sit and watch the other patients. They were the actual definition of nut cases. Real maniacs which some talked to themselves, believing that there’s someone else in themselves, and some who talked to the air, believing that there’s someone with them. Crazy people.
Then there were more dangerous ones who hear voices that tell them to do things, usually consisting self-harm and suicides. Those required hourly, twenty-four seven, supervision and chaperoning. Baekhyun wasn’t considered one of those maniacs; that was something he and his mother could at least agree on. Baekhyun wasn’t any of those; he was just a bit antisocial. But according to his therapist, his a bit - in air quotations - was actually a lot.
After learning from Dr. Kim, the day before during his second session, that Baekhyun was required to spend more hours in the activity room than other patients in the hospital as a futile attempt to cure his unsociability, he grew annoyed with the schedules.
Why couldn't he stay in his room? All he did in the activity room was sit alone and watch the other patients go about anyway.
That was improvement, Dr. Kim, would've said. At least he wouldn't be seated in a lonely room where no social interaction could occur. At least, he had actually paid attention to the existence of other patients in the activity room. That’s improvement, Baekhyun could almost hear Dr. Kim say so and he mentally exhaled a heavy sigh.
"Baekhyun," The nurse raised a brow, she voice was stern. "You know you have to. It's for your good."
Baekhyun shot her another glare with narrowed eyes. "Everything is for my good," Baekhyun mumbled as he began to stand from his chair. Like abandoning me in this hell hole, for example. It was a better idea to sit in the activity room than to argue with her. That’d require him to talk...
Spring, Mid April 2010
"What's that?" Chanyeol blinked at Baekhyun with surprise and confusion at the sudden question. "Did you bring me another painting?" His puppy-like eyes glistened with excitement.
This time, Chanyeol grinned.
Chanyeol was a painter, a painter of the world's beauty. He was the only person Baekhyun knew who could bring out the beauty of the world when in reality the world wasn't. But now, like Baekhyun, Chanyeol was also yet another psychologically challenged boy. Somehow, despite that, Chanyeol was still able to smile and paint the world as a heaven.
Baekhyun barely knew Chanyeol longer than a month, but the collection of latter's paintings and drawings that he hung up in his room made it seem as if Chanyeol was his lifelong friend.
"Yeah, for you." The framed painting was shyly handed to Baekhyun.
Oh. It was a portrait... of him.
Of Byun Baekhyun.
The spring of love becomes hidden and soon filled up. -Max Muller
Spring, Early March 2010
The couch sunk as a tall, curly haired boy took his seat next to Baekhyun. Immediately, annoyance crept its way into Baekhyun's system. He was never a fan of people being within arms' span to him and this stranger had just yet intruded his space. Baekhyun couldn't help but show his annoyance with a spiteful glare, he barely managed to hold in his snarl.
The boy didn't take notice of Baekhyun's glare. He was too busy sketching to notice. And that annoyed Baekhyun more. Though what could he say? Move? Sit somewhere else? No, Baekhyun couldn't just say that and tell the boy to move when the problem was his own. So, he decided to look for another seat. To his dismay and surprise, there were no other seats available. They were all occupied by groups of other patients who scattered about, and having a quietly sketching away accompany was better than being surrounded by talking ones.
Damn his schedule, if only he could go off to his room.
Reluctantly, the only option Baekhyun had left was to stay in his seat and suffer the remaining twenty-thirty minutes until he'd get called to the dinner hall.
Sitting on a couch alone had never felt as awkward as it did with someone next to you. Baekhyun was used to sitting on the couch curled, with his knees tucked into his chest, and watching the other patients like watching a boring drama unfold. Now, he couldn't help even focus on his daily activity room drama. His curiosity kept gathering and sooner or later, Baekhyun caught himself taking peeks at the sketch which the boy next to him was making. He watched the taller boy's hand move gracefully with his pencil secured in hand and creating on the contrasting white paper.
Time didn't seem to exist anymore, and Baekhyun forgot to countdown the seconds remaining until he was released from the activity room. He forgot; the idea seemed impossible when that was everything, aside from judging and watching the varying patients in the room with him for that past month or so, Baekhyun had ever done. He forgot... merely because the stranger boy next to him showed up with a sketchbook; all it took was a sketchbook. Was that actually believable?
Over time, Baekhyun's eyes trailed away from the other's hands and up towards his face. For the first time ever, Baekhyun took notice of another patient's features. His curly hair was chestnut-brown and looked soft but untamed. The boy had doe eyes, at least that was what he seemed to have, Baekhyun couldn't say exactly since the artist's eyes were down on his drawing. Baekhyun noticed the long lashes that fanned out evenly over his eyes. Even the slightest twitches in his eyes and lips when he smiled in content and approval didn't go unnoticed.
He was a new patient, Baekhyun realized. And for the first time, he wondered why the said boy was admitted into a mental hospital like himself. The taller boy, hovering over his paper, seemed - at least to say, sane. He seemed normal.
He was just a boy who liked to draw.
In a snap of a finger, while Baekhyun was still dazed in his thoughts, the newly arrived boy grinned when his sketch was finished.
"Oh, do you want to have this?" The boy spoke in a baritone pitch when he noticed Baekhyun ogling his drawing. He held the picture up with pride and showed it to Baekhyun. It was a flowerbed. Not just any flowerbed though, but a flowerbed; a beautiful one from out of a fairytale picture book.
Baekhyun was caught off guard. He stumbled over words to deny his interest, stuttering.
"Oh, don't be shy!" The boy teased. While Baekhyun grew flustered at the boy's tease, the other ignored his oppositions. "You can have it if you want." Another grin flashed on his face as he handed the picture to Baekhyun, despite his protests.
"Dinner!" A nurse called from the doorway, catching Baekhyun's attention. Annoyance ironically coursed through Baekhyun at the thought of leaving the activity room. He had always anticipated any chance of escaping from the said room, but - hey, there's always a first. This definitely was.
When Baekhyun turned back to the artist boy, he was nowhere in sight.
Baekhyun huffed with a roll of his eyes. Rude bastard. I even allowed him to sit on my couch.
He must've been hungry. Baekhyun stifled a chuckle at the thought of the taller boy scarfing down his food and gnawing meat with his pearly teeth. Although funny it wasn’t an amusing image and a shiver of disgust crawled down his spine and he hastily shook off the image.
He glanced at the picture in his hand, I guess.. I’ll just have to accept this... His eyes scanned across the details of the drawing with admiration and of course he couldn't miss the sloppy handwriting that signatured: Park Chanyeol.
Park Chanyeol. A smile engraved itself on Baekhyun's lips. Park Chanyeol, he repeated in his head.
Thank you...
Somehow, Baekhyun almost immediately took a liking for the said name. Park Chanyeol, the name sounded so familiar. Almost as if his heart knew the name even before he met the tall, chestnut-haired artist... Now, the name was carved in his mind and heart.
_____
Park Chanyeol. The boy didn’t exist, Baekhyun was almost convinced - almost, but who was Baekhyun to kid with? He had saw the boy only days ago. Four to be exact. That was three days short a week! What was the chance of seeing a patient whose schedule seemed so bipolar that he’d disappear for the majority of the week? Baekhyun, of course, never looked for the said boy but to be honest, he was curious. Chanyeol, he could tell, wasn’t just any patient. Chanyeol didn’t have constant schedules as he did. Needless to say, Chanyeol wasn’t those patients who required hourly surveillance either - at least he didn’t seem to be one.
If Baekhyun had to honestly answer how he felt about that, with one simple word, he’d deadpan with eyes locked on yours: envious. Then if his patience snapped faster than usual, he’d probably add “the boy didn’t have to waste his time in an ACTIVITY room!!” with raging eyes that accused you for his misery.
To summarize his complaints: Baekhyun was annoyed at the wild-haired boy’s absence - though they've only met twice; he’d never admit that though.
It was dinner, everyone - sane enough - gathered in the dining room. Some chattered away with nearby patients while some were lead into seats by nurses. Baekhyun was seated already. In the farthest seat from the group, of course, and there he watched everyone settle. He didn’t even have the appetite for food, but anything to look healthy.
“Why aren’t you sitting with everyone else?” Baekhyun heard the all too familiar voice of his therapist as he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. The younger boy doesn’t answer, he refuse to - it wasn’t a therapy session after all. Instead, he shook the hand off with annoyance. Then with a toss of a glare at the doctor, he wish for the Kim male to back off. “Hey, hey. Hey, I’m just wondering. You’re not getting any better by blocking people out, you know?”
Baekhyun shrugged, eyeing the tablecloth as if to wish to burn it up. Go away, go away. Baekhyun chanted in his mind.
“Just try sitting with someone.” Dr. Kim urged with a small grin. “They won’t bite - oh, wait - they might.” The doctor joked. Haha! Very, very funny. “You just have to find the right ones to approach.”
“Thanks, I know not to go near any now.” Baekhyun answered and at the sound of his therapist sighing, he smirked.
Thinking that he has succeeded in driving his therapist away, Baekhyun sinks back into his seat; but only seconds later, to stiffen under another tap on the shoulder.
“Can you stop? I’m really not going over.” Baekhyun didn’t bother to hide his irritation and shook the hand off violently. “You should know that, at least.”
“I should?” The reply came. It wasn’t the response Baekhyun had expected. It wasn’t even the voice he had prepared himself for; instead of the doctor’s gentle yet joking voice either, a deeper voice - a rich baritone voice that could only belong to Park Chanyeol - reached his ears. Baekhyun’s immediately turned to face the giant boy, his surprise completely exposed. “I must know you well then.” The latter teased the elder with twitching eyes and a wide grin as he pulled up a chair beside Baekhyun and sat.
Baekhyun doesn’t give any response. He was too speechless to. Never had he ever expected Chanyeol to suddenly show up and talk to him again after his four day disappearance.
“So...” Chanyeol began as he looked around the cafeteria as if he had never seen the room, but his eyes wondering stopped when they landed on the other patients tables away. “Why won’t you go over?” Baekhyun’s surprised was washed from his eyes and replaced by an emotionless look. He’s still unresponsive, and that began to scare Chanyeol. “Um.. They don’t seem that bad..?”
“Please,” Baekhyun finally spoke, but his voice was lathered with such disgust that Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he regretted or was happy to hear the boy talk. “As if you’d know, you’re new here aren’t you?”
“Yeah but I’m sure they’re not that bad.” The question was no longer heard in his statement. “I mean who’d be worse than you?” Chanyeol joked, earning a glare. “Just kidding!”
“If I’m so bad, go sit with them.”
“I was kidding,” Chanyeol sighed. “You’re no fun - nevermind, that should've been expected,” Baekhyun was once again unresponsive, staring out at nothing in particular, and silence fell on the two boys. “Hey,” Chanyeol finally began. “They bite..?”
Baekhyun refocused his attention at Chanyeol with a roll of his eyes. “Is that the only joke around here?” But at the sight of the frightened look on Chanyeol’s face, he followed the direction the latter stared. With disbelief Baekhyun stared hard; there, was a patient playfully whacking her friend - quite hardly actually - as he gnawed at her arm.
“Yep.. I’m definitely not going over..” Baekhyun declared quietly as he watched a nurse shriek and run over to break the two apart.
“I take it back,” Chanyeol replied just as quietly and Baekhyun turned to face him confused. “They’re much worse than you.”
Baekhyun smirked but refrained himself from saying: “I told you so.”
There are always flowers for those who want to see them. -Henri Matisse
Spring, Mid April 2010
"Is this...? For me?" Chanyeol nodded sheepishly and a shade of pink brushed over his cheeks.
Baekhyun felt his heartstrings pluck and his heart jump with joy. But along with the joy, he felt heat flush to his ears and face reddened with embarrassment. This was the first time he'd gotten a portrait of himself as a present. Also the first time he had gotten so embarrassed and shy because of a painting. But, the painting was of... him.
Chanyeol painted a portrait of him.
"T-thank you," Baekhyun managed to mumble amidst his embarrassment and shock. He held the painting his hands and stared, gleaming eye admiring while also judging.
Chanyeol held his breath as he watched Baekhyun; his face was flushing to another shade of red as each second passed with Baekhyun's eyes frozen and scanning over the painting. "Do you," A pause. "- not like it?" Chanyeol questioned uneasily.
Baekhyun's eyes immediately snapped up to meet Chanyeol's. His head shook violently as he assured the giant. "No, it's not that." Baekhyun breathed out. "It just.. looking at the painting.." The latter cocked his head in a questioning manner and his brows lifted up, confused.
"I mean, it's a painting.." Chanyeol nodded, yes. "But you painted with only monochromatic colors. Black and white... it looks like a raw sketch, A pencil sketch..?" Baekhyun voiced an awkward laugh, but Chanyeol sent him a toothy smile.
"I'm glad it does then," Chanyeol claimed. "Remember the first drawing I gave you?" Baekhyun nodded. "That one was in sketch, so I wanted to make your portrait in sketch too. Like the first, when we had first met." Baekhyun nodded again, his mind was a bit dazed now. Chanyeol's words... he felt special hearing those words. They sounded loving.. Almost romantic. In the most cheesiest way in fact.
Just then, Chanyeol's eyes snapped wide open, they almost seemed to bug out even more than they did originally, and his breath hitched.
"Thanks Yeol" Baekhyun blurted out embarrassed after he awkwardly surprise kissed Chanyeol's left cheek.
Baekhyun's heart was hammering against his chest - the painting long forgotten and placed safely to the side - now, as he questioned himself internally. What he had just done?!
"You- you can't just.." Baekhyun pulled his attention away from his fumbling fingers and waited for Chanyeol to continue. Oh, he was blushing too. "- one side and leave the other side out." Chanyeol said, his eyes twitching slightly, with a toothy smile as he motioned to his right cheek. Heat crawled to the tips of Baekhyun's ears. Chanyeol was testing his luck and.. Baekhyun gave in.
The chaste kiss landed on the apples of Chanyeol's cheek, but as Chanyeol shifted his angle - just a bit- the chaste kiss was on his lips. Baekhyun didn't seem to notice, which didn't seem possible when the two textures were so different. It was either that or he had just accepted it.
He had accepted the kiss, of course and only took two seconds for Chanyeol to realize so, before he applied more pressure into the kiss.
_____
Kissing your friend wasn't normal, even for best friends, especially if the kiss was on the lips. But neither boys cared, in fact, the kisses were enjoyable. And when one kiss was involved, there was bound to be more. As Chanyeol had said, Baekhyun had to be fair.
Chanyeol wasn't being fair.
By the end of the first kiss, which seemed to last a lot longer than even lover kisses, both were sporting bruised lips. Baekhyun pulled away from Chanyeol blushing with a vibrant taint of crimson red on his cheeks and pink dusted on the corners of his ears. They rested their heads against each other's foreheads, and breathe unsteadily ghosting over the other's lips.
"You can't just kiss me like that.." Baekhyun whispered between his breathless huffs. Chanyeol's head snapped back with a blush on his cheeks and regret in his eyes. "You said.. it wasn't fair, but you kissed me."
Baekhyun didn't wait for Chanyeol to react; he boldly grabbed the front of Chanyeol's hospital gown, pulling the taller boy down and smashed their lips together. Blood rushed to Chanyeol's ears as his eyes widened with surprise. Though, his surprise was quickly brushed off when he felt Baekhyun's hands snake around his neck and pulled him deeper into their kiss. Reflexively, his long limbs slipped around Baekhyun’s slim, feminine waist and holding the smaller boy pressed against his strumming heart.
When one kiss was involved, there was bound to be more.
_____
Curled up in the long and protective arms of Chanyeol, Baekhyun felt fluffy with warmth. His heart fluttered with a light, feather-like feeling and the citrus scent from Chanyeol wrapped around him filled his senses. Baekhyun was finally in his sanctuary, and ironically, his sanctuary was found in the mental hospital... He almost felt the need to thank his mother for thinking he was insane. At that thought though, Baekhyun couldn’t help but let a comical laugh slip from his throat.
Chanyeol stirred at the sound of Baekhyun’s laughter and questioningly, he pulled away from their embrace to gaze at the small boy’s face. But as he felt Baekhyun snuggle closer into his chest, he was immediately distracted and easily brushed off his curiosity.
No words were exchanged since their kiss, but nothing spoke more than the loving silence and company of each other.
_____
Baekhyun’s face was flushed with a dark shade of red as he trailed behind the nurse.
He was pulled out of his room due to a scheduled visit from his mother - which he had been reminded the night before. He excused, or rather bolted, himself from Chanyeol's arms with a startled jump and gasp when the nurse called. She had barged into his room - as always - and didn't seem at least a bit fazed despite seeing the two boys cuddling.
Normally he would’ve mumbled a complaint but Baekhyun was far too embarrassed to care at the moment; and he still was. He couldn't even manage to look at the nurse's face while she escorted him to the visitor's room, hence his head held low and focused on the marble, white tiles and his pace far behind.
_____
“Baekhyun!” Mrs. Byun shouted to the said boy as he stepped into the visitors’ room. Her voice was muffled by the glass barrier between them but still piercing loud.
Through the clear, thick, bullet-proof window - it was a mental hospital after all - Baekhyun couldn’t exactly tell if his mother was surprised or happy to see him. Perhaps, even both.
Baekhyun hasn’t seen his mother since his enrollment into the institute. Although her appearance hadn’t changed much, if they were to meet outside of the hospital, Baekhyun wouldn’t have recognized her. Two months - almost three - drifted the two, mother and son, so far apart.
As he sat across from his mother, Baekhyun could then identify his mother’s joy. Her brows were upturned; though, in a worrisome gesture but greeted him with another smile nonetheless.
Confusing emotions crawled under Baekhyun’s skin as the sight of Mrs. Byun’s smile. He could almost remember - perhaps it was ages ago - when he loved to see that smile. Almost, except he couldn’t.
But then again, he couldn’t remember much anyway.
“H-hi, mom.” The words tripped its way out on his lips as he greeted his mother back. The word “mom” never sounded so foreign on his tongue as it had then.
_____
By the next hour, Baekhyun was back in his room. Chanyeol was - of course, no longer there. He plopped on his bed, faced down. His mind was clouded with the thoughts and conversations he had with Mrs. Byun. The conversations were very short and unsure. Their topics hopped from one to another, none with sincere meanings. The longest a topic lasted merely five or six minutes and that was about life (Baekhyun’s) in and (Mrs. Byun’s) outside of the hospital.
Both had trouble opening and warming themselves to each other. That was understandable, in fact an understatement; after all, Baekhyun has blamed his mother for leaving him in the hospital for the first past month of his enrollment. Baekhyun still felt a bit unsure about his mother despite the many times Dr. Kim assured him that Mrs. Byun had, in fact, sent him to the institute with good purpose. Well wasn’t that what all patients were told?
Baekhyun remembered the way Dr. Kim told him about his mother’s request to visit him night before. He hadn’t said it as if the visit was already written in Baekhyun’s schedule, already planned. Dr. Kim had asked him if he was ready. That was a common question asked when the patient was known to throw an episode when their family was involved. Baekhyun wasn’t one of those patients, but the - considerate, Baekhyun might add - doctor asked him anyway.
Dr. Kim had became a therapist Baekhyun personally liked, although he still didn’t share too much with the doctor. The doctor truly cared about what his patient’s thoughts are, that was the least Baekhyun could tell.
Baekhyun was ready for his mother’s visit and he told the doctor so. Besides, Baekhyun has a hunch that his mother had requested a visit a few times before. Kim Minseok may be a very professional doctor and therapist but he was quite obvious if Baekhyun cared to notice. Questions about his mother and outside visitors were often brought up during Baekhyun’s sessions, after all.
That didn’t make sense though.
The Mrs. Byun Baekhyun remembered didn’t worry too much about her son as the Mrs. Byun-who-visits-mental-hospitals did. Then again, the reason why she sent him to a nuthouse was also a mystery to Baekhyun. Although, Baekhyun didn’t mind being in the hospital as much as he had when he had first arrived, the thoughts of her abandoning him still haunted him.
_____
Darkness was everywhere. It was pitch black and Baekhyun was not a fan of that.
Was it night already? But he couldn’t remember the institute ever being so dark. So.. where was he? If not the institute; home? But he didn’t remember going anywhere...
Panic and fear flooded his systems. His heart was pulsing angrily and heat rose to his chest and face. Where was he?
There was weight on Baekhyun’s arms and chest, almost tying him to wherever he was and suffocating him on the spot. This was definitely a dream... right?
Baekhyun, honestly, couldn’t tell if he was conscious or not. The darkness - disabling his vision and his most reliable sense - wasn’t the familiar darkness of dreamless nights. It wasn’t a foreign darkness though, either. Somehow the darkness was familiar, but definitely not something that he saw daily.
That didn’t matter, though; at the moment, Baekhyun went into panic with doubtful assurances along the lines that he was only dreaming. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead and lips dried with each intake of breath and his throat felt the cold rasp air. Even the idea of having a nightmare would’ve calmed him. All would be better than what his semi-conscious knew. This wasn’t a dream. But being visually paralyzed and senselessly numb in his limbs, Baekhyun couldn’t accept the obvious truth. After all, “this is only a dream” were the only words chanted in his head.
Suddenly, the pitch black darkness grew to a dark brownish orange.
“Please stay... I need you to stay.” Baekhyun didn’t notice that his eyes were shut tightly but as he heard the sudden spoken voice, his eyes snapped open with alert. The silhouette of a boy was sitting in front of him speaking. With the room suddenly lighted with a dim lamp sitting in front of him - also across from the mysterious boy - it didn’t seem possible to have a silhouette.
The voice sounded familiar but muffled and nasal. The boy sounded as if he was crying; the sound of his unsteady breathing met Baekhyun’s ears. He was afraid?
“What?” Baekhyun was baffled. “Who... who are you?” The boy didn’t seem to hear and the sound of his breathing grew louder. Baekhyun tried again, louder. Yet, silence responded.
Louder, Baekhyun told himself. “Who are you!” The boy’s head slightly rose. He had heard.
Turning his head to face Baekhyun - the lamp was flickering as the boy did so - Baekhyun’s heart was pounding with fear, and undeniable curiosity.
Just as the side of the boy’s face came to view the light burned out...
“Let’s be friends even after this.. even after you leave.” That was Chanyeol’s voice right...?
It was pitch black again; only this time it was the welcomed darkness of his sleep.
So it had been a dream, relief washed over him at the realization. But when had he fallen asleep? Baekhyun couldn’t remember.
_____
Woken by a nurse - male this time - Baekhyun was the first patient in the activity room, which didn’t happen often. He was sitting, legs tucked into his chest, on his end of the black leathered sofa and waiting for Chanyeol to show.
The taller boy didn’t though. That wasn’t something new to Baekhyun, though; it had happened plenty times before. In fact, Baekhyun had waited two days till he saw Chanyeol again in the activity room after the first time the two boys had first met. His curiosity had lead him to questioning the taller male, which was how he found out about Chanyeol’s schedule. It was different from his of course and Chanyeol often got visitors so sometimes his schedules got pushed back; Chanyeol said it was often visits from his sister or his mother.
Baekhyun sat alone on his couch, now legs stretched out and in front of him on the couch, waiting for dinner time to come. That was one schedule that never changed and Baekhyun was restless to see Chanyeol again.
_____
The wood of the frame creaked under Baekhyun’s touch as he picked up the painting. He was back from dinner, back from Chanyeol, with the small smile still pulled on his face.
Again, Baekhyun’s eyes swam the surface of the painting. A sense of deja vu washed of him, it was like the first drawing Chanyeol had given him; the sketched drawing of the flowerbed. Only now, it was actually painted with the illusion of a sketch.
Just when had Chanyeol painted this? Baekhyun wondered silently as he eyed the painting with confused emotions. Chanyeol was too artful if he painted the said painting in Baekhyun’s presence. And it wasn’t possible to remember someone’s face down to every detail right? It was as if Chanyeol had a camera taken picture as reference - which was out of question, they were in a mental hospital after all.
Definitely impossible, unless Chanyeol had superpicture memory.
As if in a trance, his eyes glued to the painting’s. They were his own eyes.
It was creepy.
Staring into your own eyes like that? It felt almost haunting. And Baekhyun could only sigh with gratitude and relief that Chanyeol hadn’t drawn him head on.
Just imagine the feeling of being watched by yourself... Baekhyun shivered as goosebumps scattered his milky skin and he shook the thought off. He should be touched by the painting not creeped out.
What were you looking at? Baekhyun asked himself - well not himself, but the painting.
The painting was painted in a more three quarters view. His face was slightly turned to the side, eyes lowered and focused on whatever Baekhyun was focused on when Chanyeol drew him. With Chanyeol’s great sense and skillful hands, despite the monochromatic colors, Baekhyun could imagine the colors in his face; the peachy volume of his skin and the shade of his lips - which appeared awfully chapped in his opinion. Chanyeol was awfully too talented for his own good. Every detail was on the painting with measured volume on the painting from frame to frame - top to bottom and left to right. Everything looked too real. The shading was balanced and swept along his jawlines softly. His eyes even glistened! Chanyeol must’ve spent hours painting to get such a quality.
Baekhyun held the painting up, hooking the frame onto the few unoccupied nails on his wall.
He turned then to his bed and sunk into the soft cushions slightly as he sat. From his bed Baekhyun could see all of the drawings, paintings and sketches from Chanyeol.
Even in an insane asylum... I see a garden.. of Chanyeol’s heavenly flowers.
A single rose can be my garden...
A single friend, my world. -Leo Buscaglia
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✉(A/N).
01.25.2015 - This is the previously updated five parts put together, nothing changed, nothing aded. To bring my story back to being what I planned which is an oneshot, I'll condense future chapters into another part. The plan is to have three or four parts at the end. This chapter consists 6.618K words of the entire story, which is still predicted to be about 13 to 15K. Thank you for reading and for putting up with me.
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