ii

To Find a Meaning

After the night where he claimed to have found his spark, Myungsoo abandoned his extreme studies to pamper himself.  In a span of two weeks, Myungsoo spent his free time taking long baths, exercising, and sleeping for at least 8 hours a night.  Of course, however, he attended every class, and took the time to finish schoolwork,  but never fretted into it as much as he usually would.

He still magnified photography, taking several pictures every day.  At this time, Myungsoo prioritized the garden, experimenting with every angle possible from his vantage point.  Other factors he considered were the time of day, and how flash affected the appearance of the garden.  

He even put more time in practicing the guitar and piano, compiling chords together to maybe compose a song or two.  With the camera, he would record his improvisations for three minutes, and would listen to them while rereading some of his favorite novels.  Myungsoo especially liked reading with the subtle flavor of accoustic guitar and piano combined.

Although he felt empty inside, rejuvenating his body and mind put his desires of purpose to ease.  Myungsoo called it "me-time," and felt that it was strongly needed.  He didn't see the female stranger after that night, but had a strong hunch that she would appear again.  For no particular reason, he wanted to get to know her; he thought that maybe, just maybe, she could be his first interesting acquaintance.  The girl held a thoughtful motherhood aura towards the garden, a bond that Myungsoo wanted to share and understand.  He wanted to see beautiful things flourish as a product of his work, and by acquainting with the girl, he thought he could find that.

One Saturday in a few weeks after his semi-vacation, Myungsoo decided to take a morning jog.

It was a bright day outside, around 80 degrees with a slow and singing wind.  Whenever Myungsoo opted to take a morning job, his forte was to jog for entertainment, rather than for keeping himself fit.  He was on the lean side of men's build, and simply wanted to jog around the lit city.  The enjoyment wasn't necessarily involved in the running, but more in watching people as they quickly passed by the speedy guy Myungsoo was.  He enjoyed the art of watching people, and liked to see the stories of people who were happy.  He liked to know that someone was happy in place of him, who wasn't happy at the time.

Myungsoo checked the time on his watch, to find out that he had been jogging for an hour already.  Suddenly, an intense pain surrounded the front of his head and he grew dizzy.

Heaving a sigh, he decided to walk to the coffee shop nearest him and get a drink to relieve the overwhelming dehydration.

Bae Sooji looked down at the box enclosed in her hands.  The contents inside included her favorite scented candle, two small potted sunflowers, and a series of slightly worn-out envelopes.  She neutrally looked up at the house of 20 years and drifted her eyes toward the familiar sunflower garden stationed to the right.  Moving for her was a bittersweet experience, as it had been her sixth time doing so in the same year, yet she had been looking forward to living on her own for once.  

After her mother and father moved to work overseas in the United States, Sooji found herself moving through distant aunts and uncles who already had families of their own.  Although her relatives always treated her kindly and equally as one of their own, no one came close to the familiar bond that Sooji had with her family.  That bond became nothing more than a non-existent recollection in the past the day they left Sooji with a letter and an empty house.

Moving back to the house in which she grew up originally was somewhat of a sequel to an old novel.  She had forgotten the details, but the plot stuck to her in blurry memories.  She eyed her house once more, before approaching the front porch.  She felt neutral about taking her first step inside.  The house was just like how she left it before-- empty.  She wasn't nostalgic about it, because she knew that yearning for the past is merely wasting time in the present.  However, she did feel emotional.  Looking at her small and fragile figure being surrounded by emptiness once again was sad, and hence, she became sad.

Her lower lip began to quiver and her eyes started feeling heavy with fluid.

Sooji's cousins Sungjong and Sungyeol entered through the front door, working together to carry a large box which contained Sooji's house belongings.

"You at this, Sungyeol!"

"You dirty kid with no manners, shut up right now!"

Sooji wiped her eyes with the tips of her fingers and turned towards the step-brothers who were struggling to endure the heavy box.  Finally setting it down roughly against the floor in front of Sooji, the two let out a series of pants.  Sooji let out a chuckle at the sight of her cousins, who were both tall and lean, making them easily exhausted.  The two exchanged glares between each other before turning to Sooji and noticing the few fallen tears on her face.

"Hey, you see, your rude demeanor has brought Sooji to tears now!" Sungyeol said jokingly.  He frowned at Sooji as if to show concern.  "Everything alright?"

Sooji looked up and wiped her face with her hands once more.  "Yeah, the emptiness in here is just sad."

The oldest one nodded, and fished a razor knife from his pocket to slit through the tape sealing the box.  "We should help you place this stuff."

She decided against being bashful and was thankful for the help from her cousins. "Thanks, guys."

Sooji wandered upstairs, emerging into a long hallway, displaying doors to three basic bedrooms, a bathroom, and a master bedroom.  She chose the same room she once had as a child.

Although she considered nostalgia as something that lacked purpose, she felt a pang of it coming to her upon entering the bedroom she once had as a child.  She looked through the gigantic window with no blinds, stationing herself on the window seat, and remembered stargazing at the exact spot with her parents when she was 8.

She might have felt nostalgic, and she might have missed such a dear memory, but she also felt resentment and abandonment.  She resented her parents for never letting her know that they were in trouble.  Mostly, she felt empty.  She thought she could trust her parents to never think of abandoning her.  She was too stubborn to tell herself the truth: she missed them.

Looking down towards the window occupying the neighbouring house, she noticed a box placed on the outside of the balcony.  There were curtains draping over the sides of the window, revealing a wooden desk with various papers sprawled over the desk messily.  On the side of that rested a guitar and a keyboard.  When she packed her belongings and left, she recalled a young man standing in front of the door, holding boxes of his own.  Somebody must have moved there when she had left.

Retrieving the potted sunflowers and two pot hooks, Sooji hung the pots onto the curtain rail.  Sooji had a certain love for sunflowers, as they grew towards the mother sun.  She remembered when she was younger, and believed that if she cared for a sunflower, Sooji herself would also gain light from the sun like sunflowers did, and the sunflowers would grow towards her.

Sooji heard someone approaching the hallway and faced her head towards the door expecting either Sungyeol or Sungjong to come in.  The latter, thin and pretty, emerged through the door to Sooji's room.

"Hey, Sungyeol and I emptied the boxes so we're going to get going soon."

"Okay, let me see you out to the door."

Sooji and Sungjong made their way together down the staircase.  "Why were you crying earlier?" one cousin asked the other.

Sooji looked up from her moving feet to Sungjong's face.  "Eh? Oh, it's nothing.  It just had me a little emotional coming back here."

"And you're feeling better now?"

"That's right," she replied and proved with a bright smile.

"Good," he replied with a similar grin.

"Good."

Most would find these kinds of conversations awkward, but the thing Sooji enjoyed most of her cousins was that she was able to say few honest words to them without feeling uncomfortable, while Sungyeol and Sungjong were capable of doing the same.  The three were close as friends, and disagreed from time to time due to their close age spans, but since Sooji and Sungjong were only related to Sungyeol by marriage, the trio rarely argued.

 In fact, the Sung brothers and their parents seemed to reach the closest to the same bond that Sooji had with her parents; Sungyeol and Sungjong were nice to have as practical brothers as Sooji was an only child and rarely had friends when she was a child.

The three stood in front of the door in silence for a few minutes before the oldest of the three finally spoke.  "It was nice having you, Sooji."

"Thanks for the help with moving and all."

"No problem!" Sungyeol and Sungjong said simultaneously, before glaring at each other once more.

"Okay, now get out!" Sooji said in a sarcastic tone.

Sungyeol affectionately patted her head.  "Keep in touch, yes?"

"Will do, cousin," Sooji said with a chuckle.

Sungjong did the same thing, ruffling her hair.  "Just remember who's more attractive," he said in a serious tone.

Sungyeol pulled his hand away and started walking out the door while pointing at his own head. "This guy!"

Sungjong glared at the man from far away and yelled, "You're wrong!"

Sooji watched as the two chased each other out of the house and into the car, quickly drifting away.

Myungsoo emerged from the coffee shop with an iced water topped with slices of strawberry and watermelon.  It was beginning to heat up in the sunny Seoul air, so he decided to take a walk leisurely to his house.

 From the area Myungsoo was in at the moment, the walk took half an hour.  By the time he had reached the front door to his house, Myungsoo had finished his largely sized drink and recycled the empty plastic cup.  From downstairs, Myungsoo took the time to open the windows' curtains and let in the light.  

He loved everything about the daytime, especially on summer days, when the radiant sun gave him a small purpose.  He loved how everything appeared beautiful under the sun, and beauty in the world added more happiness to people, people who Myungsoo didn't know.  It gave a nice glimmer to a page in their story.

From a window in a corner of the first level in his house, Myungsoo eyed the house neighbouring his once more.  He grew more interested in the house day by day, starting the day he saw the gardener.  Suddenly, he shifted his eyes, and saw a familiar petite figure.  He recognized the long, straight hair.  She was dressed in a crew neck with dirtied converse.  She sat on her porch, with a neutral expression-- soft eyes, her expression was gentle.

She held a sunflower in her hand.

Myungsoo knew this was her.

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HannahKate
7/10/17; the past few updates have been short and ill-thought out. i apologize. i've been more pressed for content, but i guess that's the whole point.

Comments

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arnicutie #1
Chapter 5: Please update soon..
Meredithaan
#2
Absent first..:)
Finally I got new Suzy fic..