Author's Profile Link: TitaniaFireHeart
Story Title: My Death Angel
Genre: Supernatural
Story Type (Oneshot/Chaptered): Chaptered
Story Status (Ongoing/Completed): Ongoing
Characters: Erza DevilLuke (you), Daehyun, Bap, Kikwang, Jessica
Rated (Yes/No): No
Summary:

"Hello. My name is Erza DevilLuke and I'm here to kill you." 
What would you do if the Princess of Angels comes down to see you....to kill you? Erza DevilLuke is a Death Angel (Angels that are mixed with demon blood). Her job is to kill badmen. Angels have the same job as the Death Angels....but the cure them instead. Both Species hate each other's guts but choose to avoid bloodshead. When a unlikey alliance with Death Angels and Angels comes up, what would she do? 

Title:

1. the title is alright. not really interesting, its a little simple for me? it's straight forward to her role in the story.

2. but my death angel? isnt herself a death angel? or is my death angel was referred as daehyun's pov? maybe you could get rid of the "my" in my death angel because that isnt neccesary.

Description:

1. the description is alright, but it wasnt the kind that makes me excited to read. but i was wondering... what is the actual purpose of the story? btw, theres an mistake in one of the sentences. check it out. 

2. i realize in the description erza and bap hate each other guts... but in the story why are they in good terms?

Chapters: 

okay. first thing first, i suggest you should not put any punctuations for the titles for chapters like "......." especially. also, its best to find a word to represent the whole chapters.

Chapter 1 and 2 is alright. it was actually interesting.

Chapter 3: why did you have to describe what a kitchen is for... etc? also, does she not live in a house before with her parents? even if she used to live in a mansion, there was a kitchen, am i right? 

also, try not to do a "sudden" capitalized sentence with full of exclamation marks. it makes it feels like a journal instead of a story and try to make a proper full sentence.

"TODAY WE HAVE SMOKED HAM!!!!! SO GOOD!!"

does it feels like a journal? instead you should write it like this:

"we had smoked ham and it was good." or something because that sounded boring lol.

not forgetting the title of the chapter... you could write like "a new home" "a new start" "or something. like, doesnt she used to live in a home? why whats a house?

the rest are fine until chapter 7.

Chapter 7: why is doing a project in someones house a date? and why is she getting all fussy and throwing tantrums?

Chapter 8:

1. oh no. ?! ??? you cant joke something about that! 

2. also, how did she "picked her outfit" and transform herself in public? and, she complaining to the demons ruining her date is kind off unprofessional of her? especially when shes a princess?

3. also, they didnt start doing the projects and actually playing with the kids? and she leaved like minutes later and gikwang didnt like ask why. doesnt he not suspect anything if she leaves before doing the project? and whats up about erza saving gikwangs life? did i miss out a chapter? all she did was to clean up his wounds! 

Chapter 9:

1. how is going on a date and doing a project means liking you? like does jessica know that much and assume? and when jessica asked erza who she liked more and she said gikwang, when in previous chapters she found him arrogant and flirty. and how is gikwang interesting when she barely actually talk to him? and they became a couple?? so fast and soon? that escalates really quickly. or if a month or something actually passed throughout that, you should stat it.

2. the part where daehyun "insulted" her saying shes a monster... her mood changed too quickly.

3. there was this one part which is ridiculous. maybe its fine for you to let someone (even a girl) to come into a bathroom with you , but how could she not freak out when she see her wings? 

4. also, isnt she also living with the rest of bap? "the last time ive met" sounds like they never live together.

5. i wonder how could they smile in a battle. i thought everything would be serious.

Character Development:

1. it was weird that daehyun has 3 personalities but its fine.

2. also, its weird how jessica and arza instantly became super close at the second day of school (or is it a month past already or something i have missed out?) you should explain like "almost one month of school has past and..." and then you continue. and also she saying like ALWAYS surrounding by hot guys, but it was only once and she wasnt really surrounded by them. (or maybe you should state like gikwang following you from the start instead of a sudden introduction.)

3. and gikwang. erza at first seem fine with him like looking cute and stuff. and then the next day when they got paired and all he did was just saying "hey", erza's like he's arrogant and flirty. where was all this from? and then some point after that erza liked him they became a couple. theres no connection about their relationship there.

Grammar: quite alot of spelling mistakes but theyre minor. and a few grammar errors too. also, you have a few present tenses in some of the sentence. and sometimes forgetting to put punctuations. avoid putting to much exclamation marks. also, dont write "omg!" like i mean you could, but please write in a full form.

Vocabulary: good! very detailed especially in describing.

Overall: the starting was alright until it gets to chapter 3. you need a main purpose for this story. 

 Special request for suggestions for future chapters:

i was thinking to make gikwang evil (following the story as daehyun finds him fishy) and then he tries to kill daehyun out of jealousy because he sees erza and daehyun together all the time? and also he knows that daehyun finds him fishy so he wanted to kill him before erza knew? but somehow she saw the fight and gikwang had no choice but needs to kill her too? ended up daehyun got seriously injured because gikwang was too strong for him. erza "really liked him" and couldnt bring herself to kill him, but ended up still killing him. she then realized she actually liked daehyun, but as soon as daehyun is about to loss conscious, he tells her he likes her. somehow he did manage to survive, and they became together.

If you realize i remove the "poster" and "plot" section because it was too short.

youre the first person ive reviewed, so thank you for using my review shop! do upvote if you like my review. pm or comment for any questions youre confused! if you want another review, please edit them so i can review them again!