Luhan likes to be called "ge", and Jongdae loves the way it feels falling from his lips.

It's one of the many little things Jongdae has unearthed about the soft spoken Chinese boy. Jongdae isn't used to someone so reserved, as he normally gravitates towards people like his best friend Joonmyun, who is always open and upfront. And brutally honest, whether Jongdae likes it or not. But there was something about Luhan's warm brown eyes, and the way they shyly peek from under his ash brown fringe that looks softer than Jongdae's pet chinchilla.

The first time Jongdae sees Luhan, he thinks that he must be hallucinating or having an incredibly vivid dream, because there's no way that any human can be that ethereally beautiful, especially not anyone from Jongdae's high school. He quickly deduces that the boy must be a transfer student, judging from the way he casts worried glances from door to door as he shuffles down the hallway.

Jongdae is so caught up in the boy's delicate features that he almost forgets to be an upstanding citizen and help his classmate out. Thankfully, the other boy approaches him first with wide eyes, his knuckles white from how tightly he grips the straps of his backpack.

"Hi, um, excuse me," the boy says, his voice gentle, but anxious. "Can you tell me where Room 104 is?"

Jongdae definitely must be dreaming, because there's no way that he would ever be lucky enough for something like this to happen.

"I'm actually heading that way myself!" he says brightly. "I'm Jongdae, by the way!"

"Luhan." The doe eyed boy smiles shyly, and Jongdae can feel himself getting giddier by the second.

"Just a warning," Jongdae says as he leads Luhan around the corner and up the stairs. "I don't know what the psychology teacher at your old school was like, but Mr. Park has this morbid fascination with psychological disorders and mental illnesses."

"Oh?"

The new student looks somewhat terrified, so Jongdae jokes, "As long as you don't let it get into your head, you'll be fine. When we were learning about personality disorders last week, I could have sworn that I had each and every one. But Joonmyun assured me that narcissistic personality disorder was the only one I had to watch out for." Jongdae wrinkles his nose. "I really need to get new friends."

Luhan chuckles quietly, his eyes crinkling and twinkling in the sweetest of ways. "I could be your friend," he suggests softly.

Jongdae grins back at him. "I'd like that."

"What do you know about the new kid, Luhan?"

"Who?" Joonmyun looks up from his calculus textbook to cast a confused glance at Jongdae. Being the class president, part of his job is to meet all transfer students and to ease their adjustment into their new school. He wasn't aware that anyone named Luhan had recently enrolled.

"You probably haven't met him yet then. Trust me, if you ever see Luhan, you'll know. He's impossible to forget."

"In what way?" Joonmyun asks warily.

"He's..." Jongdae smiles dreamily and flops onto Joonmyun's bed, his head cushioned by Joonmyun's memory foam pillow. "...Quite possibly the most gorgeous human being I've ever laid my eyes on."

"...Oh."

Jongdae is too busy mentally replaying his brief encounter with Luhan to notice the way that Joonmyun recoils slightly, curling into himself, intently focusing on his textbook. If Jongdae was really observant, he would have noticed how Joonmyun's gaze is fixed, not moving across the words on the page. But he babbles on about doe eyes and soft lips and chinchilla fur until Joonmyun slams his textbook closed, startling Jongdae.

"Isn't it getting late, Jongdae?" he asks quietly.

They've known each other long enough that Jongdae can sense the iciness, the underlying aggression in his friend's words. Maybe introducing Luhan to him wouldn't be such a great idea after all.

"Yeah, you're right," he mumbles. "Thanks for letting me come over, hyung."

When Jongdae slips out of Joonmyun's room, Joonmyun's younger brother scampers across the hallway, chasing after a scruffy looking puppy. Jongdae presses himself against the wall to make space for the pair. Jongdae sometimes wishes that his house was a little more lively, the way that Joonmyun's is with the three brothers and their playful puppy. Now that Jongdeok is in his second year of college, it's only Jongdae and his parents (who are usually never home) in a house that's a little too big for three lonely people.

There's also Chen, his furry gray pet chinchilla. When he got him a year ago, Joonmyun had suggested naming him "Chenchilla", and Jongdae had punched him in the stomach for it. But he still calls him "Chen" anyways just so that he can see Joonmyun's pleased little smile whenever he comes over to Jongdae's house. Kim Joonmyun is a total dork, a fact that Jongdae reminds him of frequently, but he's also so cute that Jongdae can't resist pushing his buttons (and occasionally coddling him).

To Jongdae's disappointment, he sees Luhan nowhere as often as he'd like to. Psychology is the only class they have together, and Luhan is evidently the studious type that doesn't use class time for socialization. Every time Jongdae casts a furtive glance in his direction, Luhan just gives him a tight lipped little smile and looks quickly back down at his desk or up at the teacher. Jongdae doesn't press, not wanting to push the boundaries of their friendship. Friendship? He's not sure if he can call it that since they haven't exactly had a real conversation since they met.

Every time he tries to approach the shy Chinese boy after class, Luhan always slips away before Jongdae even gets a chance to say hello. He'd be concerned that Luhan was trying to avoid him, if it wasn't for the way that Luhan looked at him whenever they did make fleeting eye contact. There's a softness in Luhan's eyes, a kind of wistfulness that Jongdae could only describe as longing. And he only sees it when Luhan is looking at him. Luhan's eyes snap immediately back to a neutral, focused hardness as soon as he looks away from Jongdae.

Jongdae catches a glimpse of Luhan again in another empty hallway, a flashback to the situation in which they first met. He walks up to him slowly, as if approaching a skittish animal.

"Hey," he breathes.

Luhan looks up at him with wide eyes. "H-hi, Jongdae."

"How have you been? We haven't had a chance to talk much. Make any friends yet?"

"N-no." Luhan looks down, and Jongdae realizes he's standing so close that he can see the shadows Luhan's eyelashes cast across his cheeks. He knows he should probably keep a polite distance between them, but something about Luhan draws him in, and Jongdae can't find the strength to tear himself away.  

"Hey, it's okay, it's tough making new friends, I know. I could introduce you to some people, would you like that?"

"Thanks Jongdae, but the thing is...this always happens to me. It's like people don't see me, even when they're looking straight at me. Like I'm not a person to them."

Jongdae's chest tightens, and he reaches out to place his hand on Luhan's elbow in sympathy.

"I'm so sorry you feel that way... To be honest I can sort of relate, too. Not at school so much as at home. It wasn't so bad before my brother left for college, since we always had each other. But now, my parents...they're always so wrapped up in their own problems and worries, that I think they sometimes forget that there's another human sitting there with them at the dinner table."

Wordlessly, Luhan squeezes Jongdae's hand. A little surprised by the gesture, Jongdae looks up and sees Luhan smiling gently at him. But there's a sadness in the soft angles of his face.

"It's okay!" Jongdae says cheerily, hoping to dissipate the sadness. "We can be friends now, right?"

"Yeah," Luhan concurs. "Friends. One friend is all you really need, right?"

Jongdae's mind flickers briefly to Joonmyun before he finds himself agreeing. "Exactly. Hey, do you want to hang out at my place after school today?"

On Mondays, he usually goes to the library with Joonmyun to do homework, but he figures that Luhan needs him a lot more right now than Joonmyun does. He pushes the brief twinge of guilt aside. The bright smile he gets in return from Luhan is definitely worth the disapproving frown he'll most likely receive from Joonmyun tomorrow.

"Jongdae, can you do the dishes tonight?" his mom calls from the living room as Jongdae leads Luhan up the stairs to his bedroom.

"And that's basically the extent of our conversations," Jongdae mutters as he shuts the door. "No 'How are you doing today?' or 'Who's your new friend?' Charming woman, my mother."

"Hey, I'm sure your parents love you, okay? They're probably just exhausted and stressed out from their jobs. Working too hard for so little...it's hard for us to imagine sometimes."

Jongdae doesn’t remember telling Luhan about his parents’ careers as mental health caseworkers who have spent the past couple decades dealing with other people’s problems in addition to their own. But he supposes that the nature of their job was obvious enough. It's true, he can’t imagine what it must be like for his parents, who have each had over twenty years worth of people’s stories and garbage crammed into their heads. Sometimes he’s more than a little grateful that his parents don’t talk about their jobs, since they must hear about and deal with horrific tragedies on a daily basis, things that Jongdae can’t even begin to comprehend.

“I guess. That’s something that Joonmyun tries to tell me all the time. Strangely, it sounds a little more convincing coming from you,” he admits. “It’s weird, I know we’ve basically just met but I’m really glad that I have you. I feel like you can understand me, even better than Joonmyun does, I think.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Luhan says with a smile. “And I’m glad that I have you, too. I feel like you can see me, like I’m a real person to you. I’m...not used to being seen as a person.”

“Don’t worry, I swear I’ll beat up anyone who ever tries to objectify you,” Jongdae promises solemnly.

“Thanks, Jongdae,” Luhan chuckles.

When Jongdae checks his phone the next morning, it’s predictably blown up with texts from Joonmyun.

Hey, sorry but I'm running a bit late don't wait for me outside it's gonna start pouring

We're pulling into the parking lot see you in a couple min^^

I'm here~

Where are you??

?????

Are you in the basement?

Holy that was scary I'm never going down there again

Jongdae?

I'm just going to find a study room for us

Are you stuck in traffic or something?

...I'm sorry I just ate all the snacks I brought for us

(That's what you get for being late mister)

Jongdae what's going on?

Are you even coming?

Is everything okay?

Jongdae?

I just called your mom, I'll see you tomorrow.

"," Jongdae hisses under his breath. An earful of Kim Joonmyun, just what he needs first thing in the morning.

He's expecting a thorough berating from Joonmyun, a lecture on responsibility and checking his phone more often. What he isn't expecting is the way that Joonmyun's brow is scrunched in worry, with something resembling hurt in his eyes.

"Jongdae, is everything alright?"

Before Jongdae has a chance to answer, Joonmyun quickly closes the space between them, pulling him in for a hug.

"Your mom said that you locked yourself up in your room the entire evening. If there's anything going on that you want to talk about..." Joonmyun tentatively brushes his fingertips against the hair on the back of Jongdae's head.

"Oh, um, thanks, hyung, for your...concern. I was actually with Luhan last night." Jongdae coughs awkwardly and avoids eye contact.

"What?" Joonmyun whispers quietly. Then he quickly steps away. "In that case, I'm...glad that you were okay. I was...worried about you."

The stiffness in his voice has Jongdae's stomach lurching. Joonmyun's eyes are inscrutable and Jongdae doesn't like it.

"You okay, hyung? What's on your mind?"

"Did you and Luhan...kiss?" Joonmyun asks tentatively.

"What? Why would you think that?"

"I wasn't thinking about kissing you!" Joonmyun protests.

"What are you even talking about?"

"I, uh, mean. I wasn't thinking about you...kissing..." Joonmyun groans. "Never mind."

"Alright, weirdo, I'll see you at lunch."

“I- okay.” Joonmyun gives Jongdae a squeeze on the elbow, a wordless signal between the two friends. Jongdae isn’t really sure what it means, but Joonmyun does it every time he slips away from Jongdae, so it feels significant somehow.

“Was that Joonmyun?”

Jongdae looks up from his locker, and Luhan is leaning against the adjacent lockers.

“Oh, yeah. He was just wondering what I- we were up to last night.”

“Yeah, I couldn’t help but overhear,” Luhan giggles. “Sounded to me like he was extremely concerned.”

For some reason, Jongdae feels a peculiar squeeze in his gut that he doesn’t know the meaning of. “What do you mean by that?”

But Luhan just shrugs. “It’s cute, how much he cares for you.”

“I guess…” Jongdae acknowledges warily.

“You’re pretty cute, too,” Luhan says, pinching Jongdae’s cheek.

“Cuter than Joonmyun-hyung?” Jongdae pouts, and Luhan just flicks him on the forehead in response.

It's a balancing act, trying to maintain Joonmyun's friendship while trying to keep Luhan's interest. Except, Jongdae can't help but spill his latest advancements with Luhan to Joonmyun every time they hang out. Joonmyun patiently puts up with Jongdae's teenage girl confessions like a good friend, until he can't.

"Jongdae, I've never even met the guy. What makes you think I care what his favorite beanie color is?" he sighs. "Also, doesn't Luhan seem kind of...sketchy to you? Nobody knows who he is, and even you don't know anything about him."

"I know what his favorite color beanie is," Jongdae grumps defensively.

"That's...that's not the kind of thing I'm talking about, Jongdae. What I'm trying to say is that I just want you to be careful, okay?"

"What the is that supposed to mean?" If Joonmyun had actually met Luhan, it would be obvious what a sweet, gentle soul the boy possessed.

"I just...don't want to see you get hurt. Especially not when I could have done something to prevent it."

"Seriously, Joonmyun, you have nothing to worry about as far as Luhan is concerned. I have a greater chance of getting hurt by your unintentional douchiness than by anything Luhan would ever do," Jongdae says coldly.

Unable to comprehend what the hell Joonmyun's problem is, Jongdae slinks back into his bean bag chair. The comfortable furniture is one thing Jongdae's going to miss about studying at Joonmyun's house. He isn't going to miss, however, his supposedly best friend's behavior.

It hurts him more than he thought it would to tell Joonmyun, no, he doesn't feel like meeting up at the library over the weekend. Or having dinner at Joonmyun's house. Joonmyun never asks why, but Jongdae has a feeling that he can tell.

Yet, the small, pleased smile on Luhan's face makes it worth disappointing Joonmyun somehow. They always hang out in Jongdae's room, just the two of them. Both Jongdae and Luhan prefer it that way. When they're home, Jongdae's parents never even notice that Luhan's there. Which is convenient, not that they've tried to do anything wayward...yet. Jongdae's not even sure if Luhan is romantically interested in him, as the other has never explicitly suggested anything of the sort. But from the way he catches Luhan looking at him sometimes with a soft gaze and parted lips...he can't help but wonder.

One time, Jongdae asks if Luhan wants to spend the evening at Luhan's house.

"I...don't think that's a good idea," Luhan says with sadness in his eyes that tugs at Jongdae's heart strings.

He just nods understandingly, giving Luhan's elbow a comforting squeeze the way Joonmyun has done to him so many times before. It's true that Jongdae knows so little about Luhan's background, but he, unlike Joonmyun, understands that some things are better off buried. At least until Luhan is ready to talk about whatever it is he can't quite bring himself to reveal yet.

Even though Jongdae feels terribly lonely sometimes, he can't imagine how Luhan must feel in his own home if he can't even invite Jongdae over. It hurts Jongdae to think about what dark, troubled thoughts may be lurking behind Luhan's easy, sunny smiles. He wishes that he could do something to lift whatever burden Luhan carries, but he also wants to respect Luhan's privacy.

Conversations with Luhan are easier than breathing. They talk about everything and nothing, and the incredible thing is how easily they are able to empathize with and understand each other. Even when they have different viewpoints, Jongdae doesn't find it difficult to adapt his own views to incorporate Luhan's. Unlike Joonmyun, who has several irreconcilably polar opinions from Jongdae. Where Joonmyun and Jongdae are hopelessly incompatible, Jongdae and Luhan fit together like different pieces of the same puzzle.

Somewhere between shy glances and hushed conversations beneath blanket forts, there's a different kind of ache that diffuses through Jongdae's chest when he looks at Luhan. Something that feels terribly like longing. He doesn't understand how Luhan can make him feel so complete, yet so alone at the same time. He wishes that he was brave enough to confess his budding feelings for the boy, but he's too afraid of losing Luhan's friendship in the process.

By some miracle, Jongdae is spared from the dilemma of having to choose between maintaining a safe, comfortable friendship with Luhan and going after what he really wants when Jongdae opens his locker and a neatly typed letter flutters out.

"Dear Jongdae," it reads. "I wish I was brave enough to do this in person. Except I'm not brave, and I don't see you nearly as much as I'd like to. I know we have seen each other many, many times, but somehow it still doesn't feel like it's enough. Love, Your Secret Admirer. (PS: Check the school garden, under the bench.)"

He's wary at first, apprehensive of the possibility of some kind of cruel joke. But he hesitantly approaches the said bench on his way home after school. And as promised, there appears to be a package under the bench donated by the alumni association. Jongdae quickly looks around the garden, making sure that there aren't any people around, filming him with their phones or anything.

The package is wrapped in newspaper, an issue of the local sports section that Jongdae recognizes with a bubble of excitement. It was the first and only time Jongdae had ever been featured in a news article, after an extremely promising finish at a cross country invitational during his freshman year. He remembers telling Luhan (if that's who the letter and package were from) about how he had to give up the team sport when it became too difficult to juggle grades, sports, and music all at once. He ultimately dropped cross country and track in favor of choir and a cappella groups, but it's not a decision he'll ever regret.

Regardless, Jongdae is touched by the fact that someone knows enough about Jongdae and apparently cares about him enough to dig through the school archive just to find this issue. It's a sweet gesture. What's even sweeter (literally) is the box of butter cookies wrapped inside of the newspaper, which Jongdae picks apart carefully to avoid ripping the article.

It's his favorite kind, the snack he always keeps a box of on his desk. At this point, Jongdae's certain his "secret admirer" is someone close to him. He can count the number of people who have been in his room on one hand, and it has to be an individual who comes over frequently in order to know about just how much he loves the cookies.

He's sitting on the bench, turning the brightly colored cardboard box over in his hands when he feels someone slip into the seat next to him.

"What's that?" Joonmyun asks, casually wrapping his arm around Jongdae's shoulder as if there hadn't been a weird rift between them over the past couple weeks.

"Just a gift from my secret admirer," Jongdae hums.

"Secret admirer, eh?" Joonmyun asks, lifting his eyebrows skeptically. "Who would ever find you interesting enough to admire you from afar? Or maybe that's the only reason, because they don't know you well enough to realize what a loser you are."

"Shut up, you're more of a loser than I am," Jongdae whines, elbowing Joonmyun in the ribs.

"Can't argue with that," Joonmyun chuckles.

"And for your information, it's from someone close to me, I know that for a fact."

"Oh? And who would that be?" Joonmyun asks with a smile in his voice, but a hint of worry in his eyes.

"I have an idea, but..." Jongdae wrinkles his nose. "I just didn't think he would be cheesy enough to use the term secret admirer."

Joonmyun laughs and leans his head against Jongdae's, giving his arm a familiar touch.

"Nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic though, right?" Joonmyun giggles. "Hey, I was wondering... We haven't hung out in a while. Want to go see a movie this evening or something?"

The hopeful light in his eyes flickers at Jongdae's hesitance. "I actually had plans with Luhan tonight... I don't want to cancel on him on such short notice... Would you mind too much if I invited him along?"

Jongdae secretly hopes that Joonmyun will say no, because he's afraid that introducing them to each other might jeopardize his chances with Luhan.

"Oh. Um, in that case, maybe we could try again some other time," Joonmyun says nervously. He retracts his arm from around Jongdae's shoulders to rub awkwardly at the back of his neck.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about that, Joonmyun. But thanks for asking, and we can definitely try to work something out some other time," Jongdae promises.

He tries to tickle Joonmyun in the spot on his side that usually makes him giggle and shriek like a baby, but Joonmyun just grimaces and pulls away.

"That's fine, see you around, Jongdae."

Luhan and Jongdae end up consuming the entire box of cookies while binge watching the kind of trashy reality tv shows that Joonmyun hates. Throughout the evening, Jongdae keeps sending Luhan surreptitious glances, trying to probe any shift in dynamic between them. But every time he looks at Luhan, the older boy just smiles back blissfully, leaving Jongdae in search of hidden meanings in the tilt of Luhan's lips.

He doesn't mention where he got the cookies from, but he can't help but hope that the sparkle in Luhan's eyes is a knowing one as he reaches for another cookie.

"Dear Jongdae, I hope you enjoyed the cookies. I thought you might like them. I hope you don't think I'm being too cheesy, but they make me think of you: so sweet and so irresistible. Anyways, I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me, but I'll have to settle for letting my next gift do the talking. Love, Your Secret Admirer. (PS: Same place as last time.)"

This time there's a clear jewel case with a homemade mix CD inside. In the front insert of the case is a track list typed in the same neat font as the notes.

"1. What Is Love

2. XOXO

3. Lucky

4. Baby

5. Love, Love, Love

(Think of me when you're listening to this, okay? ♥)"

Jongdae definitely knows who he's going to think about when he listens to the playlist.

Over the next few weeks, he continues to receive notes and gifts from whoever his secret admirer is (although Jongdae has a pretty good idea): sweet little items like chocolates or coloring books (Jongdae's most secret guilty pleasure), and even a teddy bear with pajamas that match a pair that Jongdae owns.

Every gift is so thoughtful and so Jongdae, that he can't help but be a little more brave around the Chinese boy who has captured his heart. He pushes Joonmyun to the back of his mind as he prioritizes his relationship with Luhan. Jongdae doesn't think that he wants to push Luhan into revealing himself until his “admirer” is ready, but he feels more comfortable with openly displaying his affection.

After receiving the teddy bear, Jongdae pulls Luhan into his bedroom and wraps his arms around the older boy's waist. He's the perfect height for Jongdae to bury his face into his shoulder, and a warm tingle diffuses through Jongdae's chest as he snuggles against Luhan, who chuckles softly and pats him on the back.

Jongdae almost jumps up and down when he receives his final note.

"Dear Jongdae, I wasn't sure I would ever be ready to confess to you in person... But the way you've been looking so happy over the past couple weeks is giving me to courage to finally reveal myself to you. You may have already been able to figure out who I am from the gifts you've received, but if you want to meet me for real, please come the garden after school. Love, Your Anxious Secret Admirer."

Quickly shoving all of his homework into his backpack, Jongdae races towards the courtyard, where the garden is located. He stops by a bathroom along the way just to check himself in the mirror.

When he steps outside, Jongdae's heart almost stops beating, because there's a person sitting on the bench. Except, as Jongdae approaches, he starts to realize that the figure is too slim, too small, and-

"Joonmyun?!"

Joonmyun turns around with a broad grin and a bouquet of white roses in his hands.

"You came!" he squeals, leaping up to run over to Jongdae. "You actually came-"

But he freezes when he sees the look on Jongdae's face.

"What's the matter, Jongdae?" he asks, confused by his best friend's perturbed expression.

"Where's Luhan?"

"L-Luhan?" Joonmyun's voice is soft and wobbly. "Why are you looking for Luhan?"

"Because he was going to confess to me!" Jongdae wails. He's too blinded by hysteria to even notice the bouquet Joonmyun is clutching onto with a white-knuckled grip.

"Jongdae... I know you're probably...disappointed, but there's something I have to tell you...about Luhan." Joonmyun sets the bouquet down to grasp Jongdae's shoulders so they’re facing each other. "I checked the school's records yesterday...and there's no one in our school named Luhan."

"Don't lie!" Jongdae snaps. "Why the would you say something like that!"

He tries to untangle himself from Joonmyun's grip, but Joonmyun grabs his jaw, turning Jongdae's head so they're breathing the same air.

"I'm serious, Jongdae. I don't know what this Luhan is trying to accomplish, but it can't be anything good if he's lying about who he is."

" you, Joonmyun! You don't even know Luhan!" Jongdae jerks his head away from Joonmyun's fingers. He looks over Joonmyun's shoulder and points. "Look, he's right there! Luhan! Come save me from this ing !"

But Luhan just stands there, by the entrance of the garden, not making a move.

"What are you doing? Get this jerk away from me!" Jongdae howls.

"Jongdae..." Joonmyun says, his voice low and stricken. "Who are you talking to?"

"Luhan! He's right- oh." Jongdae's eyes widen when he sees that Luhan is no longer lingering by the entrance. "He was just there a second ago, I just saw him!" he babbles until he feels warm, gentle hands on his waist.

"It's okay, I'm here now," Luhan murmurs from behind him.

Jongdae twists his neck to look back at Luhan, but he feels Joonmyun's grip tighten. He tries to wriggle free, but Joonmyun just pulls him in closer, wrapping his arms around him so that Jongdae's back is pressed flush against Joonmyun's chest.

"Let me go! Luhan, help me!"

"Jongdae..." Joonmyun says slowly. "I need you to listen to me... There’s…there’s nobody there. Luhan isn't real, Jongdae."

"What the , Joonmyun, of course he's real. I'm looking right at him! Luhan, why aren't you doing anything?"

Jongdae continues to struggle, but Joonmyun is a lot stronger than he looks. Meanwhile, Luhan just stands in front of them, silent, with a sad smile playing at his lips.

"You have to believe me. Luhan isn't real. Look, he's not in the school's record, nobody knows him, and he doesn't have a family or home. Have you noticed that he doesn't even have a last name? He's just...in your head, Jongdae."

", Joonmyun, how do I know you're not just in my head?" Jongdae seethes.

Joonmyun turns Jongdae around so they're face to face again.

"Jongdae, please, you have to believe me," Joonmyun begs in a low, desperate voice. "My name is Kim Joonmyun. I live with my mom, my dad, and my older brother. You've known me since we were in elementary school together. And-"

Jongdae's stomach lurches, and he stops trying to struggle out of Joonmyun's grip. "Wait. You're ing with me, right?" Jongdae whispers. "You have two brothers- one older and one younger. And a puppy. Don't you?!"

Joonmyun stares back at Jongdae, alarmed by the hysteria in the boy's eyes. He tries to answer as calmly as he can. "No, Jongdae, I only have one older brother, and we don't have any pets… How...long have you been seeing this...younger brother?"

"Since the first time I visited your house. He's always chasing that puppy, and- oh god. Oh god, oh god." Jongdae's chest starts to shake, and his limbs threaten to collapse. "The...the puppy...has always been a puppy. . For six years he's been a puppy. Oh my god, I'm crazy. I really am crazy."

It feels like Jongdae's world has been inverted, everything looks the same, but feels so wrong. He looks around and Luhan is still standing there, but his slim shoulders are trembling, and there are tears streaking down his ethereally beautiful face. And Jongdae realizes that tears are dripping from his own eyes, so he turns away to bury his face into Joonmyun's shoulder.

"I...can't believe it..." he sobs. "I'm actually insane. I'm so ing insane."

"Shhh...shhh..." Joonmyun murmurs, rocking gently from side to side. "It's okay, you're going to be okay..."

"...They're going to lock me up and I'm never going to see you again..." Jongdae continues to babble, clinging onto Joonmyun as though his life depended on it.

"Whoa, wait a second. Nobody's gonna lock you up. Not if I can help it," Joonmyun promises. "I love you too much to let that happen."

"R-really?" Jongdae asks, lifting his head from Joonmyun's shoulder with a soft hiccup.

"Of course," Joonmyun assures him with a comforting smile. "You're still Jongdae, and Joonmyun loves Jongdae forever and ever. Remember that, okay?"

Jongdae nods, electing to dry his tears on Joonmyun's expensive polo shirt. Joonmyun just rubs his back and hums quietly. The gentle vibrations from Joonmyun's chest help soothe Jongdae's nerves a bit. But after a few minutes, he feels Joonmyun chuckle softly to himself.

"What," Jongdae says with a muffled voice.

"Nothing, I...I just can't believe I got so jealous over an imaginary person," Joonmyun confesses with a nervous laugh.

"I hate you."

"You love me," Joonmyun corrects.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

With Joonmyun's love and support, Jongdae feels like there's nothing he can't overcome- from the fear to the stigma of his diagnosis. The most difficult part ends up being his prescribed ban on sweets as a precaution of his new medications. But Joonmyun helps him indulge in sweeter treats than chocolates or butter cookies- namely, soft kisses and even softer confessions meant for Jongdae and Jongdae alone.

A/N: ok so i really wanted to write something inspired by great expectations and this?? happened??? this is actually a revamped version of a lusuchen (my new holy trinity ;~;) that i almost abandoned. it went on a completely different trajectory than the original though, so i'll probably be posting that one in the near future.