Pairing: Jin (BTS) & RiSe (Ladies' Code) (Don't ask how I did this, okay, I literally needed someone to replace my OC because the OC)
Rating: G
Genre: Shameless fluffy cracked nonsense
Author Note: This isn't my intro. This is actually the fic that started my descent into this AU. Don't ask guys, just don't. That's RiSe by the way if you need the visual.

Seokjin started getting her gifts right from August 9^th. He insisted that something as sacred as the day of her birth must be celebrated for exactly seven days or else it was an insult to her flawless existence. Risae had proceeded to flush stark red and kick him out of her condo but that didn’t deter Seokjin one bit. He didn’t have a key for nothing, after all.

On the first day Risae woke up expecting the worst: Her entire room redecorated, her living room refurnished, a dog, or, God forbid, Seokjin trying to bake in her precious kitchen. What she didn’t expect was her house completely intact. Not a single chair was moved one centimeter out of place. If anything that served to worry her more.

After checking her car for any unwanted upgrades and the area around it for any possible landmines she drove into work with a heavy heart. She saw Seokjin almost 24 hours a day. While she was the head of distribution at the BTS Industries he was the (admittedly incompetent) secretary to the (admittedly more incompetent) CEO, Taehyung Kim . When they’d started dating, seeing Seokjin on the 15^th floor rather than on the 31^st where he should be was a common occurrence.

“Morning Tiffany. Is Jin here?” The petite floor manager looked up and smiled, leaving Risae temporarily blinded with how white her teeth were. “Not right now. He passed through earlier though. He had some strange, round thing in hands.” Risae’s eyes widened in horror. Good God, did he get her a bomb or something?

The reality was much, much worse than Tiffany's description and much, much better than Risae’s assumption. The package was round if round meant something vaguely ball shaped that was wrapped in gaudy orange wrapping paper that looked like it had been run over at least three times by a 16-wheeler. There was a handwritten scribbled note stuck to the object that reeked of Seokjin.

On the 1^st day of my birthday my true love gave to me…

Risae considered tossing the note but ended up tacking it to her notification board as a reminder of what a child she was dating.

She unwrapped the monstrosity carelessly, shoving the wrapping paper into the waste bin at her feet. In the middle of her desk sat a basketball. Just a plain, orange, regulation sized basketball if not for the scribble message written on it in permanent marker.

So happy you bounced into my life

She hid her smile with the receiver of her phone as she called her secretary.

The next day had an even worse wrapped gift covered in burgundy paper. It was only about the size of her fist and the paper note from yesterday was now a folded white card.

On the 2^nd day of my birthday my true love gave to me…

Risae tacked the note beside the first one and unwrapped the gift as carelessly as she did the yesterday. Inside was an apple. A regular old Granny Smith with a bruise on the side. What the hell? She didn’t even like apples. She un-tacked the card and opened it angrily.

You’re the apple of my eye

She tried to drown her smile in her coffee.

The next day’s gift required no unwrapping. It was obvious the very moment she walked in. Tiffany was wearing a thin, summer dress and flip-flops. Jongkook, the vice-head, walked by in a pair of swim shorts and a shirt that said Kingston, Jamaica on it and waved at her as if beachwear had become perfectly acceptable office fashion. Risae went through everyone’s office to check if the two were simply an exception. They weren’t. Every single employee on her floor was dressed as if they were on vacation. Some had colorful drinks replacing their usual coffees. Changsun, Jongkook’s secretary, wasn’t even wearing a shirt.

When she walked into her office it was completely redecorated. A gigantic picture of the beach covered the windows. One wall was completely taken over by Jamaican flag; the remaining wall had the card tacked to it. Her desk chair was replaced with a beach chair and a huge umbrella was covering her desk. There was a glass of mango juice on her desk with one of those adorable mini umbrellas on it and reggae music was playing from some unknown source. Where did Seokjin even find the time for this?

I had to let you know that Jamaican me crazy.

She snorted so hard her mango juice came out of her nose.

The next day everything was even weirder. Every one was dressed in a lab coat, complete with pocket protectors and khaki pants. When Jongkook walked by he even had Bill Nye written on his nametag. Tiffany smiled widely when Tamara walked in and pointed her to her office. “This is really fun.” She sounded perkier than usual.

Her office had been transformed into a chemistry laboratory. Her coffee was on her desk in a flask above a Bunsen burner keeping warm. There was a lab table in one corner with different flasks and test tubes all filled with the same pink chemical. The card was on the lab desk.

From the first time I saw you I knew we had chemistry

Tamara rolled her eyes so high she almost had trouble getting them back down.

The next day was the weirdest so far. She met up with Taecyeon, one of the sales analysts, right outside the elevator on the first floor. He was wearing a white wig and was hunched over a walker. His light green shirt was tucked into his brown pants that just barely brushed the top of his ankles. His shoes had so much support that it shot his already 6’2 frame up an extra inch.

Risae eyed him curiously as they both entered the elevator. He took as much time as he could possibly manage as he shuffled purposely slowly through the doors. “It’s a fine morning, isn’t it?”  He pushed his glasses further up his face and Risae raised an eyebrow. “I should go see my grandkids later. Take them out to the park.” He reached backwards and pulled his wallet out.
“These are my grandbabies. This is Johnny, the oldest. Here’s Amanda, oh, when she came out Marge was so happy. And this is the baby, Mattie. Caught him trying to take my dentures once.” Risae seriously considered sending Taecyeon home on account of having a mental breakdown as he showed her pictures of his three children, Jackson, Suzy and Mark. She reconsidered when the door opened for the 10^th floor.

Tiffany was standing outside the elevator door with a folder in her arms. She was wearing a baggy, floral dress that fit her horribly. She was wearing , baggy socks and her shoes were… sensible. She reeked of the type of perfume Risae remembered smelling when she volunteered at the retirement home downtown and she was wearing a white wig pulled into a bun at the back. She even had on pearl jewelry. “Good morning. The boss has me running down these papers.” She bid in her best, shaky old lady voice.
“Imagine! With your back!” Taecyeon admonished.
“I told him I’m getting to old for this work. I can barely carry my grand babies.” Risae's was completely aware of the fact that she couldn't control her face at that moment. Who really could, though? Tiffany didn’t even have children.

On the way to her office every person she caught a glimpse of was dressed like they were all in their 80’s instead of their late 20’s. A few had canes and walkers. Jongkook had even gone all out and got an electric chair. Walking into her office Risae almost vomited at the smell of mothballs and perfume. Her desk chair was now a rocking chair, complete with a pillow, a quilt and a stuffed cat sitting on top of it. There were doilies on top of the computer and pictures of imaginary children that looked like Seokjin had used one of those computer programs that combined faces to create what he thought their children would look like. There was a basket of yarn and knitting needles beside her desk and there was even and gramophone playing polka music in the side of the room. Where the hell did Seokjin find a Goddamn gramophone?

The note was attached to the cat.

When I saw you I had to call Life Alert because I fell and couldn’t get up.

Her screech was heard outside the office.

The next day Seokjin caught her as she exited her car. “Hey baby.” He cooed as he handed her a coffee and a McDonalds bag. She kissed him on the nose and eyed the coffee warily. “One milk, three sugars. I swear.” He promised. Risae’s face broke into a smile and kissed him on the nose one more time.
“Where the hell did you get a gramophone?” She asked as he walked her inside with a hand on her waist. He ignored her completely.

“It’s your birthday tomorrow! Don’t make any plans!” He commanded the moment they were in the elevator. He was jumping like a puppy and Risae was almost tempted to lie that she’d already made plans just to see if he would start whining. Her natural aversion to his crying face stopped her though. Seokjin crying was a combination of the ugliest and most beautiful things she'd ever seen. “I never make plans. You’re the only person I ever have time for on my birthday.” He flushed red and Risae smiled. As her floor came up she skimmed the top of the flush with her nose and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. “I’ll see you later.”

In all honesty she should have stayed in the elevator and ridden to the 31^st with Seokjin. Tiffany was sitting upfront in a McDonalds uniform - the entire uniform. The black shirt, the visor, the nametag. When she stood up to say hi she was even wearing black pants and hideous non-slip shoes. “Welcome to BTS Industries, can I interest you in our size 6 inner tracheostomy canula's today?” Her perky voice suited the spiel perfectly and Risae had a brief thought that the young woman was in the wrong profession. “I’m okay thank you. May I have my schedule for the day, please?”
“Would you like to Super Size that?”

Risae’s office looked like Ronald McDonald had diarrhea all over it. The chair this time was one of those benches with a creepy looking Ronald McDonald statue sitting there with his legs crossed and his arm along the back of the chair. She was supposed to sit comfortably in that how? Everything in the room had the McDonald’s logo on it - the computer, the monitor, and the water cooler, even the windows. Seokjin had found the time and energy to change her usual desktop picture to a Drive-Thru screen. Probably not without Yoongi's help though. What do they pay Yoongi for anyways? The usual white water cooler cups had been replaced with medium McDonalds drink cups. There was a Sausage Egg McMuffin meal sitting on a tray on her desk and the card was beside it.

I always thought you belonged at McDonalds because I’m lovin’ it

She didn’t even try to get rid of her smile this time.

Risae didn’t think that anyone was luckier than her. Of all days to fall on her birthday fell on a Saturday. The one-day of the week where she didn’t have to come into work. The one-day where Seokjin couldn’t do anything to mess up her office. She’d discovered yesterday after coming back from lunch that Seokjin had bribed Jongkook $50 and a plate of chicken to spray perfume that smelled like McDonalds fries all over her office and the stench was still there when she’d left.

But today there would be none of that. She made sure that she locked the door to her room so Seokjin couldn’t get in. She left a note detailing exactly what would happen if her house were messed up in even the slightest. She’d even put a lock on the bathroom just incase his next note would be detailing how he thought she was ‘the s***’.

She woke up with complete inner peace. Her room was safe. When she walked into the bathroom it was safe too. Even the kitchen was safe. Her living room, however, was not safe. There was a gigantic box just dropped in the middle of the small room. It was at least 6-feet tall and a meter across both ways. It was wrapped with stereotypical Happy Birthday wrapping paper that was way too neat for Seokjin to have done. There was a note taped to the front and Risae rolled her eyes. Knowing Seokjin he’d probably gotten her a refrigerator to keep all of his lobster and kale smoothies.

On the last day of my birthday my true love gave me the best gift of all…

            “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Risae's heart spent at least 30 seconds flatlining and another 45 thumping wildly when the box swung open and Seokjin hopped out. She sat on the couch clutching at her chest as she took the man in. He was dressed in a horrible looking sweater that looked like it itched terribly and read Happy Birthday across the front. He had a bow in his hair and another wrapped around his waist. His smile was so wide and innocent that it threatened to break his face and come on. It's impossible to hold a grudge against that. “You’re crazy!” She shouted as she flailed her hands against his chest. If her heart was going into a dysrhythmia then so was his. “Happy Birthday, baby. I love you so, so much.” He ignored her hits to his (very muscular thank you) chest and pulled her into an inescapable bear hug. She head-butted him in the chest before pressing a kiss to the exposed skin of his collarbone.
“You’re literally absolutely damn crazy.”
“Crazy for you.” 
“Yeah, so no more cheesy for the rest of our lives, please?”