Summary: On a train headed for a big change in their lives, Minho reflects on how lucky he is.

The subway car swayed back and forth as it sped along the tracks, taking the young couple further away from their home in central Seoul. People’s conversations floated over their heads, but their subjects couldn’t mean any less to Choi Minho at that moment. His focus was only on his partner’s hand squeezing his in apprehension and how he could have been so lucky as to deserve this moment. Minho had made a lot of mistakes in life to get where he was today, but in this moment, he couldn’t regret any of them properly.

He met Lee Taemin, a bubbly red-head (“I just HAD to dye it now that it’s allowed, hyung!”) with almost too much personality, when he was a sophomore in university, but he wouldn’t fully appreciate him until at least 5 years down the road. During his college career, he dated off and on with a girl he liked well enough and when he graduated and was offered a high paying job at a local firm, he figured the next step in his life should be to marry her. Their wedding was small and nothing much to speak of, but their family and friends (friends including the newly brunette (“I’m almost 30, hyung, I can’t be so crazy with the colors anymore…”) man sitting by his side wringing the life out of his hand), were there and that was all that was supposed to matter, right? 3 years later, his marriage fell apart. He had come home from work one night and found his wife smoking a cigarette (one of his) on the balcony of their bedroom in her underwear with one of his co-workers who was in a similar state of undress. When Minho told her he wanted out, she said “you never loved me anyway” and she was bitter, but not surprised.

A year after his failed marriage, he kissed a blonde (“blondes have all the fun, hyung~!”) Taemin in a seedy alleyway outside a gay club and the younger boy had just smiled and said “I was waiting, hyung” and proceeded to show him just why blondes had all the fun. Minho quit his job at the big company and opened a small café with Taemin, it was his dream, he said, besides what else would he do with his huge collection of tea cups and pots from his worldly adventures while Minho was playing house with a wife he never loved? They had scouted antique shops with their friend Kim Kibum (who was a bit of an antique ) for some appropriate furniture and later reupholstered their finds together. And right before the shop was set to open, Minho surprised Taemin with an old piano which was now very well-used (almost more than the coffee-maker) and sitting in the corner of the café.

Minho had just turned 30 when he had gotten the call (“your ex-wife just called and told us the baby was yours…”) and he was so angry that his wife had been so bitter as to turn their child over to an orphanage without even telling him. He was devastated that he had let 4 years go by without knowing his daughter. After he hung up the phone he cried into Taemin’s shoulder telling him “she was mine and I didn’t even know; how could I not know?” and Taemin rubbed little circles on his back and cried with him and was the perfect rock in the storm that had suddenly overtaken Minho’s life. The next day he sat on the train alone, not even touching the kimbap that Taemin had made for him the night before (surprisingly not burning the house down as he did so, since he still hadn’t gotten the hang of the rice cooker), wringing his hands for the entire hour ride down to the orphanage Suwon where he saw her for the first time. She was just perfect. He spent hours playing with her, getting to know her quirks and what she loved and hated, but he couldn’t take her home until they finished the home study. So instead he visited her every weekend and sometimes during the week if he had time, showing tiny cell phone pictures of them wearing perfect matching smiles to Taemin later since he wasn’t allowed to come. And Taemin fell in love with the child that wasn’t even his.

When Minho was finally able to pick her up, he knew that he would be taking Taemin with him regardless of what they said to him. When he asked Taemin to come with him to pick her up while they were lying in bed, he was so nervous asking “what if she doesn’t like me?” and “what if I’m no good with kids?” and clutching at Minho’s pajama shirt. Minho had just held him tighter and said “no one could not love you” and it was true because even Minho’s parents couldn’t hate Taemin, even if they hated the fact that their precious son was gay.

And now they were here, only 3 stations away from the orphanage and Taemin was squeezing Minho’s hand like it was a life line. He looked up at Minho and there were a thousand worries in his eyes and it was Minho’s turn to be Taemin’s rock. He took his hand from Taemin’s and wrapped it around his shoulders. “It’s okay,” he said brushing Taemin’s too long bangs out of his face, “she will love you.”

“I just don’t think I can do this, Minho, I’m no good with kids, even my nephews…”

And right there in front of everyone, Minho brushed their lips together and whispered “I love you and I know she will too.”

“I just don’t want to disappoint you if she doesn’t” Taemin said looking down at his lap and playing with Minho’s free hand, “just because we love each other doesn’t everything can work out the way we want it to.”

“We’ve gotten this far, right?” Minho looked into Taemin’s deep brown eyes and nudged him up out of his seat, “I know we can do this, you can do this.”

“I just love her so much already,” he replied, tapping his transit card at the gate and passing through, rejoining hands with Minho when they came out into the front of the station, “I couldn’t bear it if she hated me.”

“She couldn’t hate you, I don’t know anyone who could” Minho smiled tightening his grip on Taemin’s hand. Taemin smiled back a little apprehensively and they continued their walk to the orphanage door in silence.

When they got in, Minho led Taemin up the stairs to his daughter’s little room that she shared with some of the other kids and opened the door.

“Daddy!” a little heap of black curls said as she darted toward Minho, hugging his legs and smiling up at his face.

“Minhee, there’s someone I want you to meet” Minho said, crouching down to be eyelevel with his little girl, “and he’s really special.”

“You mean Taemin, right?” she said eyes widening cutely and Taemin was surprised that she could remember his name when she’d never seen his face except in pictures.

“I told her all about you, Tae” Minho said smiling up at Taemin and holding out his hand, beckoning him to come down to their level.

Taemin crouched down and Minho put his hand in Minhee’s little one, but instead of shaking it, she threw her little arms around him, hugging him the best that she could.

“Daddy told me you like banana milk too,” she said as Taemin tentatively pulled her into his lap, “I love you already.”

And when they boarded the train hand in hand in hand to go back home, Minho still couldn’t regret any of the mistakes he had made in life because they had led him to this family that he loved more than anything.