I slowly opened my eyes. I blinked as the light was already bright in the room. I rolled on the side to look at my phone. I was expecting a text from him. Him is my boyfriend . We have been together for about a year. Since we are both idols, we can't go on dates or having a normal relationship. Moreover, we are both guys, it doesn't really help. Anyway, we are in love and the most practical way to talk is the phone. I often get scold by my leader because I stay hours on the phone talking to him instead of sleeping. But how can I help it? Love is love. I pouted as I remembered last time my leader scolded me. I unlocked the screen and saw that he had texted me. I happily opened the text and read them. He wanted to talk to me about a serious matter.

I sat up on my bed. What does he want to talk about? Does he want to let everyone know about our relationship? did our CEO find out about us? Those questions jostled in my head. I was really worried about what he wanted to talk about. The way he wrote it was so serious..  Does he... he may want.. I shook my head. No no no, it couldn't be that. It's impossible. I patted my cheeks to wake me up and get out of my bed. I was only wearing a boxer, like every day.

I walked to the kitchen. Everyone was already eating their breakfast, except our leader. I sighed. He won't change at all. He is an amazing leader, no doubt about it, but he hates mornings. Everyday it's the same things. He will wake up ten minutes before we go, and there are two scenarios. The first is, he will look at his clock, notice that he is late and say "Late for late.. I'll try tomorrow" before going back to sleep until our manager come and wake him up. The second, the rarest, he will jump on his feet, quickly dress up, pack some food to eat on the way and join us in the car. This only happened once or twice. I don't really remember why.

         I sat at the table. One of my hyungs ruffled my hair and gave me my breakfast. I ate happily, forgetting for a little while about my boyfriend's issue. We all couldn't believe our eyes when we saw our leader coming to eat with us. Although he was half asleep, it was a miracle that he woke up now. We thought that he was sick. He told us that he will discuss of our come back with the CEO and the manager this morning. He couldn't be half asleep during that talk so he set his alarm clock and he woke up early to let him some time to be perfectly awake. I couldn't help laughing a bit. When I say that he is a good leader. It's just that he leads his band his own way.

I went to the bathroom to prepare myself. I picked a black slim with a white shirt and a black hat. I dressed up. I looked at myself in the mirror. I must be handsome for my boyfriend. I put some eye-liner while humming something. I heard someone knocking on the door to let me know that we shall go. A last check on the mirror and I left the bathroom for my room. I took my white jordans and wore them. I grabbed my bag and walked toward my hyungs. I forgot to say that I was the youngest in my band. Sometimes it's cool and sometimes it's a real burden. I remember when we debuted. I was under aged and I had to watch my hyungs enjoying drinking while I couldn't. But well, now I'm a grown up so I can do everything I couldn't, so I don't really care anymore.

          Our car with the manager was waiting for us in front of our building. I got in first. I put my headphones and listen to music. My boyfriend's band's song was played. It reminded me about this morning. I started to worry again. I may worry for nothing. But what if he wants to break up? I mentally slapped myself for thinking about it. We talked yesterday and he told me that he loved me. It's impossible that his feelings flew away in the night. But still, who knows? Maybe he met someone else when he got home? And it was love at the first sight. And he can't leave that person anymore so he has to break up with me.

I shook my head so hard that my head hurt. It can't be true. I chuckled alone, I really hate that side of me who always thinks the worst. The hyung who was sitting next to me messed my hair. I looked up at him. He was worried. I then noticed that all of my hyungs were looking at me. They asked me if there was something wrong. I reassured them saying that it was just me imagining things. Since they know how I was, they all started to laugh. I smiled and faked being upset. I liked those time when everyone is happy like this. It makes my heart calm.

             We arrived at our agency. We got out of the car and entered the building. Everyone except our leader went to our practice room. It was there where we rehearse our choreography. I was lazy to train this morning. So I just sat down and looked at my hyungs. I thought that I would escape from the training but our manager suddenly popped out from nowhere and scolded me. I mumbled once he left and came to dance with the other. I was the main dancer of my band. I love to dance. Dancing is my life. Since little, whenever I felt upset or bad for some reason, I would turn on the music on my room and dance.

When I dance, it's like I'm the only one in the world. Nothing matters anymore. Just feeling every muscle of my body moving in rhythm with the music. It's priceless for me. After having danced four songs without any break, we decided to stop for ten minutes. Someone knocked on our door. I glanced toward it and my face brighten as I see my boyfriend's head popping out from the door. I wanted to run and hug him but it would look like I'm desperate, so I just walked toward him. We walked out from my practice room and we looked for a private place to talk. We found an empty recording room.

            Once the door was closed, I jumped to hug him. I missed him. Even though we met yesterday. I slowly felt his arms wrapping around my waist. He pulled me closer to him and tighten our hug. I buried my face in his neck. I inhaled his scent. He smelled good.  I closed my eyes. He slowly rubbed my back. We stayed like this for a while before we had to break the hug. I looked at him in his eyes. He lifted his hands up and held my cheeks. He looked back at me in the eyes. His face came closer and closer from mine. I closed my eyes once again. Our lips finally met.

One of his hand slide from my cheeks to the back of my head while the other went down to hold my waist. I was squeezing his T-shirt. He my lips asking for the entrance. I gladly accepted and opened my mouth a bit. He didn't wait long to let his tongue explore the inside of my mouth, even though he perfectly knew every corner of it. Once my tongue met with his, we let them doing a beautiful ballet. They twirled together, one time mine was on top, the other it was under. Unfortunately, we had to break the kiss. We were out of breath. I looked at him while panting. I told him that I missed him. He chuckled and ruffled my hair. Then, his look changed. He was avoid mine and he was rubbing the back of his neck. I started to get worried. Was..was that a good bye kiss? So he really want to break up with me right?

I felt tears appearing on the corner of my eyes. He noticed it and immediately hugged my waist asking me what was wrong. So I told him that I knew he was going to break up with me and I asked him what was the reason. Did I do something bad? Maybe I said something wrong or he may have met someone else. He looked at me blankly for a few seconds before laughing. I pouted. What did I say to make him laugh like that? He ruffled my hair and said that I was cute. I then asked what did he want to talk about. He looked down and rubbed the back of his neck again before explaining.

-"Well, you see, it's been a year since we are together right? And I love you so much... But sometimes it's hard. When.. when I see you dancing on stage or during your rehearsal, or when you come to meet me while sweating.. it's..it's too much. I mean, you're so y and.. It becomes harder and harder to hold back. I often dreams about you and me doing things... But you're an angel and I don't want to force you so I thought I would tell you forst.. But if you want to wai.."
         

I prevented him from finishing his sentence by kissing him. He looked surprised but didn't wait much to reply my kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck while he was hugging my waist. We slowly broke the kiss. I looked at him while smiling and whispered in his ear.

-"There are a side of me that you have to know"

 I bit his earlobe and walked to the door. My break was almost finished. I winked at him before walking out of the room. I walked fast toward the restroom. Hopefully, it was empty. I leant on the sink, the water and washed my face. I couldn't believe what I just did and said. my heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode. I was excited and afraid in the same time. I have thought about it many times too but I didn't want to be the first to talk about it. I walked toward my practice room. I was smiling like an idiot. Now I know that we both want the same thing. Inside the room, there was our leader. He called me and the others. We all made a circle in front of him and he told us the details of our next come back.

He gave us the main song's lyrics. He said that we had three weeks to learn our part in the song and the choreography and the fourth week we would do the mv. I sighed. He won't be able to rest for a while. I love come backs and hate them at the same time. I love them because being an idol is my dream and we meet our fans again. I hate them because we worked like crazy for weeks until it's perfect. I don't exaggerate at all. Our manager is here at every come back song's rehearsal and don't let us rest until it's perfect. If one of us makes a mistake in the middle of the song. He stops everything and we have to redo it from the beginning. But well, the warned us when we were trainees and we were free to leave back then. I chose to stay even though I knew how it would be like. So I can't complain. But I still want. I like to complain. It annoys my manager and my members. They always say that I'm an angel on the outside and a real devil in the inside. But they still love me anyway so why shall I change?

        Our manager appeared and let us hear a preview of our new song. I immediately imagined some steps to do on the music. He then introduced the choreographer. He seemed to be cool but a bit severe. I didn't care. I don't have any problem with learning the choreography. The thing that I always have a hard time to learn is the lyrics. I don't know why. The words just can't print themselves in my brain. That's why I focus more on the lyrics than on the dance. For the first day, The choreographer showed us a few steps. It was easy ones. I was afraid that our dance would disappoint our fans. But the choreographer reassured me saying that these steps won't be in the choreography but they will help us to do these who will be in. After two or three hours of singing, dancing stretching, we eventually could come back home.

           I was walking out of the building when one of the staff member told me that the CEO wanted to meet me. I froze. What did I do? I liked our new CEO but he was really scary when he was angry.  I walked toward his office while trying to remember every mistakes I did during this week. But I couldn't find any worth being scold by the CEO himself. I knocked on the door and waited for his agreement before coming in. I stood up in front of his desk while looking down. I heard him sighing. I didn't dare to meet with his eyes. He asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell him. I looked at him, a bit surprised. He was sitting on his chair, his elbows on his deck and his chin resting on his crossed hands. He never had looked so serious. I shook my head and told him that there was nothing to tell. He sighed again and turned his computer to me. There was a video.

He played it and my eyes widen. On the CEO's computer were my boyfriend and me kissing. I felt my cheeks burning. I felt bad, really bad. I knew the rules about the relationship in the agency. The fact that it's a homoual relationship, I was afraid about the CEO's reaction. He looked at me and opened his mouth to talk. But I talked first. I told him that I was really in love with my boyfriend and that nothing would make me broke up with him. And if he wasn't okay with that relationship, I was ready to leave everything. I couldn't believe what I said. I never dared to say a thing against the CEO before. Now it was sure, I'm fired. He was looking at me, a bit shocked and surprised. He raised an eyebrow and asked me if I loved him that much. I nodded and added that I was ready to do everything that I said. He laughed and said that he never meant to force me to break up with him.

He explained that he had nothing against gays and that he had already accepted some other couples in the agency so why not mine? The issue was that our relationship won't be accepted by everyone and he was afraid that someone could use it to hurt my band or my boyfriend's one. Anti fans are really dangerous and I should be careful of them. He said that he had nothing against us meeting outside and doing fan service but it should never be too much. It's the same for inside the building. Some staff member would record us and post it on the internet and we would have a huge problem. I sighed and rubbed my head. So we would never be able to show our love to each other?

The CEO laughed a bit and told me that there was a room inside the agency where no one was allowed to go except himself. He opened a drawer and picked a key which he gave me. He explained me where the room was situated and begged me to be careful about it. I nodded and bowed many times while thanking him. Who would ever imagined that our CEO could be that nice? For a second, the thought of all of that being a trap crossed my mind. But I quickly abandoned this idea. Why doing something like that to us when we bring him a lot of money? No, it would be a too big loss for him.

          I walked toward the exit. I didn't know if my members were waiting for me or not. Well, I bet they are. When someone get called by the CEO, it's never good. So they must be waiting for me to tell us what the CEO wanted. I wasn't wrong. My car was parked just in front of the building. Fans were shouting my name. I waved and bowed to them while thanking them for the support they give to us. I suddenly make my heart beat more fast. Some of them are supporting us just for the hope to be one day in relationship with us. what if they discover about me and my boyfriend?

I shook my head while getting in the car. Some of them will hate us, the others will cry and the more extreme of them would even kill themselves. My members asked me about my meeting with the CEO. They all looked really worried. It was quite funny to see. I told them that it was nothing, just about me and my boyfriend. One of my hyungs screamed a bit and looked completely panic-stricken. He hugged me so tight that I could barely breathe and cried. He said that tomorrow he would go and see the CEO and begged for him to allow my relationship with my boyfriend. What is he saying? Well, we don't call him "mother" for nothing I gently pushed him away and smiled at him saying that the CEO accepted my relationship. They all looked at me as if i just told them that I had been kidnapped by aliens. One of them laughed and asked me to tell them the truth.

I rolled my eyes and said that yes, the CEO allowed my relationship. But he begged me to be careful. My leader nodded. We don't know what can cross a fan's mind. I could be dangerous for everyone of each band if that relationship would be discovered. I sighed and whined. But in the comments we always see fans saying that they want me and my boyfriend to be together for real and that they ship us. Our "mom" caressed my hair and explained that even if the number of fans who loves boys' love stories and ship me and my boyfriend together is superior to fans who dislikes it and wishes to be with me or with my boyfriend, those last ones are the most dangerous. They are ready to do anything to get what they want.

Most of them come from the wealthy families so they can bribe everyone they want. This brought an heavy atmosphere in the car. It reminded us about the bad side of our job. People may say that we are lucky to leave our dreams, it doesn't look like a dream everyday. I can't count the nights where we had to run for our life while being chased by fans. When you're an idol, there are things that you can't do. You can't walk in the streets and shoot in a can. People would think that you're not respectful. You can't go to night clubs. You can't walk and talk to a beautiful woman or man because medias will immediately assume that you're in relationship with that person. You can't be too thin nor too fat. You have to be perfect for the fans.

Most of the time you have to act when you appear on a show because your personality doesn't fit with the standards one. So yes we are lucky to live our dream but it has a cost. And sometimes, some idols can't bear the cost anymore and decide to leave. But I don't have the right to blame fans. Without them, none of us would exist.

 We finally arrive at our dorm. Our mom quickly went in the kitchen to cook a meal for us. I went in my room. All of that made me feel bad. The fact that I can't show my love for the one I cherish really make me down. So I decided to call my brother. He was the first one I talked to when I realized that I loved a boy. I don't consider myself as an homoual since it's only him. I mean, I don't feel exited when my hyungs walk in front of me shirtless. It's only him. I dialed the number and wait for him to answer.

I didn't waited long. He didn't have the time to say hello that  I started to talk and told him everything. I told him my happiness to know that we both wanted the same thing. My doubts about the fans and how dangerous it was. He calmly listen to me, without interrupting me. Not even once. With his sweet voice, he reassured me. He told me that I shouldn't worry. If he loves me, he will never hurt me. And about the fans, I should have known about it from the start and still I chose happiness over regrets. I should keep thinking like that. I should stop worrying about people I don't know. I pouted. I didn't agree with him. It wasn't just "people". It was my fans. Without them, we are nothing. He chuckled. How are they fans? I have to make a difference between my real fans who will support me no matter what and the other fans who just wants to be in the same bed as me.

Those fans doesn't deserve all the care that idols give them. If they were really my fans, they would accept everything if it brings me happiness. I smiled. He was right. I have faith in my fans. Of course some of the comments would hurt me but I know that more are supporting me. That talk brought my mood up. We talked happily for about a hour. Once we hung up,

I went to the living room. There was the hyung I'm the closest to. He was laying on the sofa while watching on the our sunbae's show. He was laughing. I walked to him and sat down on the floor, resting my back against the sofa. I felt a hand caressing my hair. I loved when he does that. It reminds me my brother and me when we were younger. I closed my eyes and let him playing with my hair. I started to imagine my boyfriend. He is so handsome. I'm really jealous when he has to be shirtless on the stage or when he does y dances. I mean, he is mine. There's no need to let the fans hope for something when it can't happen. Well, if we really worked like that, we would never have that much fans. I pouted.

I felt someone poking my cheeks. I opened my eyes. It was the leader. The meal was ready. I looked behind me. My hyung wasn't there. I walked to the kitchen and slapped the back of his head complaining about the fact that he could have told me that the meal was ready. He laughed and replied that I was having such a beautiful dream that it would have been a shame to wake me up. I faked not knowing what he was talking about and sat like nothing happened. We all laughed. Well, that dinner will be joyful. Everyone had lam to eat, except our leader who was eating chicken. Our leader is a fan of chicken. I swear if he could marry one, he would. Well, no really because he would end up eating it.

One day, he told us that when he would be old, his dream is to have a little farm in the mountains with cows, sheep and chickens. His wife and him would live a quiet and calm life. I remember that we all laugh when he told us that. Indeed, our leader is really clumsy and he always gets into silly little fights with everyone. The only thing you have to do is insult his friends or chicken and he gets mad. That's why we love him.

Our mother took my plate and put some vegetables on it. I winced. I dislike vegetables. It's not good. He noticed my face and told me with his scary smile that if I don't eat my vegetables, he would force me to and that would be terrible for me. No need to warn me twice. I finished my plate really quickly. Too quickly for our mom who scolded me. I whined. He had to know what he wanted ! He wanted me to eat my vegetables and so I did. Why does he complain again? As the only answer I received a glare and a gently slap at the back of my head. We chuckled.

          The rest of the meal was funny. My abs were burning because of laughing too much. Once the meal was finished, I helped washing the dishes. We were all tired even though it was early. And tomorrow we will start to learn the new choreography. We have to sleep early to be ready tomorrow. Our leader even set up his alarm clock for tomorrow. I walked toward my room and let myself fall on the bed after having closed the door. I undressed myself and hid my body under the blanket. Before closing my eyes and sleeping, I grabbed my phone and texted my love.

Good night my love. Sleep well and have sweet dreams.
Don't forget to dream of me of course kkk
By the way, tomorrow i'll show you something ;)

I wanted to wait his answer but dreamland took me away before.

I felt someone shaking me gently. I opened my eyes. It was mom. He told me that we had to go in thirty minutes but he wanted to let me some time to prepare myself so he woke me early. I smiled and nodded while sitting on the bed. He left the room. I rubbed my eyes and yawn. I had an amazing dream. I can't recall what it was about but the feelings was still there. I was feeling at ease, peaceful, happy, calm, secured... I hope that someday I will feel the same again.

I looked at my phone. He had answered me. He wondered about what I would show him. I giggled alone. Sorry babe, you'll know at the right time. I got off of my bed and directly went in the bathroom to take a shower. I took off my boxer and entered in the bathtub. I the water. I let it cold. Cold water was the best. I shivered a bit when the first drops touched my skin. I loved that effect. I let the cold water running down on my shoulder, drawing my thin muscles. I don't know why I love this that much. Since I was little, I barely use warm water to shower. And thanks to that, I always ended up watching a cold.

As I grew up, I fell less and less sick. Now I'm hardly never ill. I took the soap and rubbed my body with it. Once done , I rinsed it and got out of the tub. I took my towel and dried myself. I looked at the time. I had fifteen minutes left. It was the perfect timing. I dressed up with a blue jean and a purple shirt. I walked to the kitchen. Everyone was already here, even our leader. One of the advantages to be the youngest is that the mom of the band always let you sleep longer than the others. I ate my breakfast slowly. I was thinking about the choreography that we would learn today. And I have to start learning my lyrics if I want to be ready in time.

Once everyone was done, we closed our dorm and went to our car. The manager congratulated us for being on time. I rolled my eyes. I know that we don't have the reputation to be on time but there's no need to exaggerate like this. We drove to our agency. On the way, we sung some silly songs. Those silly songs that you sing when you're drunk. It's perfect to debut a day. It's full of happiness that we arrived at our agency. We got out from the car and entered in the building.

We walked toward our room. The choreographer was already here with the music. It was only the instrumental for now. Little by little we add the lyrics. He asked us to sit at the back while he shows us the choreography he made.  We obeyed and went to sit down. He the music and started to dance. I liked the dance he made but there were some steps that I would like to change. I will tell him later on. At the end he asked us if we liked it. We all nodded but I raised my arms. He asked what was wrong and I told him that I thought it would be better if we changed some steps. He told me to show me which steps I wanted to change. I got up and showed him his choreography with my changes. I heard some dancers mumbling that mine was easier and yet more powerful.

The choreographer looked at me and walked to me. The stared at me in the eyes and asked me what was my job. I told him that I was an idol. I was a bit confused, I didn't know what he meant. Then he asked me what was his job. I looked at him blankly for a few seconds before answering that he was a choreographer. He nodded.

-"Exactly." he said "So know your place".

I thought I would choke on my saliva. What was wrong with him? Why did he said that? Knowing my place.. Well, he wasn't really wrong. Indeed, the capricious idol who is allowed to do everything, who is mean with everyone but nobody says a thing only exists in dramas. The reality is really different. Indeed, a choreographer is expensive for the agency. They can't afford to lose money, even though they have a lot. So when there are some disagreement, the idol is always the one who is wrong.

It's the same for everything. We often see some idol helping the poor on the TV. But they can only do that because they have money. And to have money you have to shut your mouth and nod to everything without complaining. Money is the only thing that leads our actions. Well, I exaggerate a bit. Of course sometimes we can complain about our condition and we are listened. But most of the time we are just pawns that you move in a play. Fans ignore that. They don't have to know. They are one of the reasons why we endure everything without complaining. Without them, I don't know where we would be now. I had to hold our leader to prevent him from arguing with the choreographer. We just have to endure it. Three weeks.. It's nothing three weeks. I tried to convince myself but it didn't really worked.

After three hours of training, we finally had a break. A hour break. Normally, it would never be this long but the choreographer was called for another band of our agency. I walked out of the room and went to my boyfriend's one. I knocked on the door. One of opened. He smiled as he saw me. I smiled back and he called him for me. I saw his face brighten as he saw me. I pecked his lips quickly and grabbed him out of his room. I remembered where the room was and pat my pocket to make sure that I hadn't forgotten the key. Once in front of the door, I looked around. The CEO didn't lie. The was no one here. No CCTV. Here, we could love each other without any worries. I opened the door and we entered. I the light. It was an old practice room.

I felt some arms wrapping on my waist from back. I threw my head backward and rest it against his shoulder. He kissed my neck. He told me that there was a rumor about this room. I looked at him and asked him if he could tell me about it. He explained that before this building was bought to be our agency, it was a ballet school. Love between the students was forbidden. But a boy and a girl fell in love while dancing together. They knew that they had to hide their love if they wanted to live their passion. So every night, at the same hour, they would meet up in this room and they let their love exploding. Soon, they found out that they only lived for that hour that they could share every night. It wasn't a life. Their love surpassed their passion. They couldn't ask to leave the school. They had nowhere to go. Their parents wouldn't accept such a failure. So on the 5th of October, at the same hour, they met here. The girl was crying. She didn't want to leave the boy she loved. So they held their hands, they closed the door. Their hands were shaking. They were afraid. They opened the window and climbed on it.

They looked at each other and kissed for the last time before jumping. I turned myself and looked at him. Such a sad story. Why people should die when they love each other? Why when two people love each other there are always things in front of them preventing them from showing their love? I sighed. He chuckle and kissed my nose. I wrinkled it and chuckled to. I told him that the CEO accepted our relationship but we had to be careful. He nodded. I wrapped my arms around his neck and asked him to kiss me. I didn't have to ask him twice. His lips were so sweet. I never tasted lips like his. I opened my mouth a bit more as he started to such my tongue. His hands slid inside my shirt. He started rubbing my abs and my waist. The places he touched felt hot. I began to moan a bit in his mouth.

            He placed his hands on my tight and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kept kissing him. I let my fingers running freely in his hair. He walked and laid me on a bench. He was on top of me. He broke the kiss and looked at me. We were both panting. He silently asked me if he could continue. I nodded. I wanted more. He kissed my neck while sliding his hands on my waist and rubbing it. He slowly stopped and took off my shirt. He took off his too before kissing my lips passionately. Our tongue didn't want to be separated. We broke the kiss, out of breathe. He kissed my neck again before it. I moaned. He from my neck down to my tummy. He stopped a bit to take care of my s.

With one hand he was pinching one and he the other one. He made circles with his tongue around my before nibbling it. I was rubbing his back while from pleasure. Once he got tired of my s, he continued to down to my tummy . He stopped at my jeans. He slowly ed it while looking ily at me. I covered my eyes. Don't look at me like this, you idiot. He touched my covered . I shivered at his touch. Then his touch slowly became rub. I panted heavily while . Then nothing. I pushed my arm that was covering my eyes away and looked at him. Our eyes met. He smirked and said a "Finally". I didn't have the time to do anything that he was leaning down and started to my . I arced my back and let a long moan coming out from my mouth. Hearing that, he started to it faster. I was breathing heavily and thought I would die from pleasure. I slide my hand down and caressed his hair. I pulled it sometimes when the pleasure was high. I felt close and told him to stop. He didn't listened to me and I ed in his mouth with a long and loud moan. I was trembling. I tried to catch my breath.

I sat up and looked at him. He swallowed my . There was some on the corner of his lips. He never had looked  ier than now. He stood up and pulled down his pants and his boxer down. His was big.. really big. It attracted me. Without knowing why, I crawled to him and took his in my hand. I heard him sighing from pleasure. I kneeled on the bench and started to his . As deep as I could I looked up to him. he was looking at me too. He caressed my face. He was wincing from pleasure. I could hear his touching the back of my throat. It didn't hurt. His was delicious..

I lifted up my hands and rubbed his balls. I heard him groaning and he begged me for more. So I him faster. I felt his hands pulling my hair and he came in my mouth. He came so much that I hardly kept everything in my mouth. I looked at him and swallowed everything. It tasted good... He stared at me and said that he couldn't hold back anymore. He made me stay on the bench doggy style. I bit my lips. I knew what was awaiting me. I felt his hands separating my cheek-butts and I felt weird. His tongue was my hole. I moaned again. I felt weird. It was so good. Suddenly, I felt fingers in my mouth. I them. I humidified them with my tongue. Once he judged they were wet enough, He took them out and rub my hole. I tensed.

I closed my eyes as he inserted the first finger. It hurt. It hurt badly. He kissed my back and rubbed my with his free hand to make me feel better. After a little while, I started to enjoy it. I moaned to let him know. He slowly inserted a second finger. But this time, he didn't move it. He waited for me to be okay. We stayed like this for a bit when my hips started to move. Noticing it, he inserted a third finger and moved all of them inside of me. At first, it hurt. But then, the pleasure replaced everything. It felt so good. After a few minutes I looked at him and begged him.

-"P..please, me."

         He smirked and slowly inserted his inside of me. I arced my back. I started to cry. It hurt. It hurt! it hurt! He leant on me and whispered in my hears that everything will be alright. He stayed like this a few seconds without moving. I finally got used to it and I moved my hips. As soon as he felt my hips moving, he started to in me. He was doing it slowly, to intensify the pleasure. Bit by bit, he started to faster. My mind went blank. Each brought me so much pleaser. My moans were filling the room. I tried to hold my moans but I couldn't. My mouth was wide open to help me breathing. I was drooling. He started to bang my hole. I could hear the noise of his waist hitting my cheek . I slid my hand under my body and rubbed my own . I was louder and louder. He gave me two deep bang before ing in me with a deep and long groan. I came soon after. My whole body was shaking from pleasure. My hole was still hot. He held my chin and turned my head to face him. He kissed me. I replied his kiss. It wasn't a passionate one but a sweet one. Those that say everything that words can't. He laid on the grown while catching his breath. I stood up and laid on him. He slowly caressed my hair. I closed my eyes and mumbled a "I love you" before falling asleep.
       

 Some voices woke me up. I opened my eyes slowly and remembered about the moment I had with my dear boyfriend. I frowned as I didn't feel his body next to mine. I focused on the voices that I heard. I smiled as I recognized my boyfriend's one. I tried to hear what they were saying.

-"Yes, I told you that I just did it. Yes it was awesome. I already sent you the picture of him. You just have to call the media. Yes , yes. Now please, can you leave my band alone? Don't worry, that idiot is completely in love with me. He won't doubt anything. Yes , yes bye.'

         After that last word, I heard the door closing. I covered my mouth to prevent me from screaming. My cheeks were already flood by my tears. How could he? I loved him so much..Kai...kai.. I was worrying about the fans and forgot about him. I just couldn't think that he could hurt me. I tried to stand up but I fell on my knees. I was still covering my mouth. I couldn't breathe. My heart.. My heart.. why? It hurt. Please someone... Anyone.; Please help me. I'm going to die..unbearable. I finally stood up and sat on the bench. I kept crying. I couldn't stop. Why? just why? I trusted you. How am I supposed to live now? I dressed up and poorly walked to the door. I punched it twice before opening it. I was angry at myself. My members.. They will be disappointed in me right? I helped myself with the wall to walk. I saw one of my members at the end of the corridor. He ran to me and asked me what was wrong. I ignored him and kept walking while crying. I climbed upstairs. The higher I could. I was crying so loud that everyone. Every idol stopped, every staff member, every people that was down stairs looked at me. My members ran toward me. They were worried about me. I climbed on the ramp and looked down. It was high. My heart... I saw him. He was looking at me. He kept calling my name.

-"Taemin ! Taemin ! Don't do that ! I'm sorry. I love you"

         I laughed nervously. Loving me? Bull. You never had. Kai...why? I loved you.. You didn't just destroy me. You destroyed my whole band. Now I can't live anymore. Not with what you done to me.Now I understand this couple's feeling. When you can't be with someone you love. I couldn't stop crying. It's funny.. Sometimes you think that you know someone, you think that you're sure about this feeling, but you were all wrong. I looked back at my members. There were all crying and begged me not to jump. I moved my lips into a "sorry" and let myself fall down. The fall seemed long.. very long. And finally I felt the freedom coming close. The last Thing I heard was "I love you". Dying with a lie.. What's better?