I fell in love with this guy.

He's intelligent, talented, good-looking, warmhearted, and he’s got a smile that shines brighter than anything in this world.

Well, he’s not perfect though. He can be stupid and weird at times. He laughs like a complete retard and he tends to hit the person next to him when he gets happy or excited about something. He can even annoy you to death. He’s kind of clumsy. And like other people, he also gets embarrassed, of course. He also lacks on something, but he’s very hard-working and he does everything he could just to improve himself. That makes me proud of him.

His flaws are amazing. He’s a human that ain’t perfect and ain’t always right. Every little imperfection never fail to make me giggle. I don’t know why I find it cute whenever he makes some mistake instead of thinking of the opposite. But what can I do? This guy is so wonderful that I fall for every single thing about him and his whole existence. His flaws and imperfections are the reason why he is beyond perfect in my eyes. And I love him for those imperfections. I swear I do.

But the problem is, I’m not his princess. 

I’ve always wanted to look right into his eyes and tell him how much I love him. I daydream every single day, imagining that we could be together and talk about anything and never get bored of each other even if our stories doesn’t even make sense. I have always imagined watching the sunset or spending the night stargazing with him. I long for him a lot which makes me hug my pillow so tight sometimes. I just want to feel his arms all wrapped around me while I listen to his heartbeat. That way, I would feel safe. —But I’m not the girl who was destined to do those things with him, you know? I’m not his princess. I’m not the luckiest girl that has ever been created.

Nor am I his so-called 'Wendy'.

Yes, he is my Peterpan. I would love it if he would take me anywhere in this world. To neverland, to the moon, to the stars, anywhere. Doesn’t matter how far, or how strange that place is, as long as it’s me and him together, I know everything is going to be fine. —But how is that possible if I’m not his Wendy? I told you, I’m not the luckiest girl. I wasn’t born to runaway with someone who owns my heart. —Well, he just ran away by himself with my heart in his precious hands. He took it, and left.

But despite of every heartache and torment that I had to endure, every teardrop that ran through my cheeks, every sniff I did while insanely sobbing, every piece of my heart that sank inside my soul and eventually fell to my stomach and onto the ground, He’s still my everything, just like a universe.

Are you calling me an idiot right now? Am I stupid for you because I’d rather continue to love him even if it hurts me to the every calcium of my bones? No. Please, stop. You don’t know how it hurts me every time. But I couldn’t help it. Everything is about him. No matter where I am or what I do, he keeps on running through my mind. I couldn’t think of anything but him. What is he doing? What is his favorite this, and favorite that? Is he doing fine right now? What if he’s with me and we’d go here and there and enjoy our lives and our time together and just be happy. —It hurts when I see or even think about him, it hurts when I don’t. And I’d rather get hurt because of loving him than getting hurt because I can’t love him even if I know I want to. I’m just drowning in love like most of the teens are. The only difference is, I’m in love with someone who doesn’t know my existence. 

He’s my sun that was supposed to give light to my world, but that sunwasn’t meant to shine for me. It shines for someone. His “special” someone. He would eventually find the girl who would make him feel like what I feel for him right now. Who will drive him crazy as much as he did to me. —Or maybe, he has already found her. —Whether yes or no, in the end, I will still be left hanging right here, not being able to love someone aside from him because for a long time, he has been my world and I just couldn’t get over. He’ll be happy, and I’ll be trapped forever.

But can I complain? No. Can I ask him to just love me back? No. Why? Because like I said, he’s a human. He has his own life and his own heart. He will fall in love with a girl, which is obviously not ever going to be me. He’ll find the love of his life. The one who will make him smile right after he opens his eyes early in the morning. The one who will serve as his reason to live. And I can’t do anything about that. I don’t have the right to do anything. He doesn’t even know about my existence, right? I’m just another fan. Just another face in the crowd. No special place in his heart. One of those girls who starves herself just to buy his albums, merchandises, posters, magazines and any other things related to him. I’ll always be that girl who stays up til 6AM just to stalk him in the internet. That girl who votes for him in every poll or anything.

I will always be that girl. No more, no less. But I’m willing to be like that even until I get older. I’ll continue to support him. And I will try my very best to accept that this is reality and I should just get over and forget about my fantasies. Because I’m just a fan anyway.