unedited!

There are mornings where Jung Hoseok would simply lie in his bed as his eyes were set up on his ceiling but his gaze was out of focus. His dark brown orbs were hollow and laced with the bitterness of the new day he would face. His thoughts ran miles a minute as fragments from his cruel memory would blaze past his line of vision. The light radiating from the mid-afternoon sun would seep through his curtains and acted as a sign to get up. But he would just lay there, his empty arms spread out and an even emptier space on the bed that haunted him.

And that morning was just like any other.

Slowly and in a hazy daze, Hoseok heaved himself off his bed and dragged his feet out to the kitchen where his answering machine beeped irately. Message after ignored message filled the poor machine because he did not even bother to answer the worried calls of his friends and family. It had actually been days since he last heard from any of them…

Was it days? Perhaps it was weeks?

With an eyebrow arched, Hoseok craned his neck over to the calendar that hung on wall beside his fridge.

It actually has been months.

Honestly speaking, Hoseok should have felt guilty but he did not. He stopped keeping track of time. The seconds grew too long and the minutes were stuck in what Hoseok could not even imagine to be an hour. He let the batteries to his clock die and not even think about replacing them. His days would pass by within two blinks and allowed himself to be left behind in an unforgivingly fast-paced world.

After a cup of coffee that had gone cold and a half eaten sandwich, Hoseok would simply sit there at his dining table and stare blankly off onto a fresh Word document. And that was when his ritual of half self-medicating and half self-pity would begin…

Hoseok was not sure exactly when it started, but it was a habit that slowly crept into his lonely routine. He would write letters he would never send. He would start typing out the great moments they shared together and let his slim fingers dance across the keyboard in a passionate and aggressive tango. The rapid-fire and constant punch from the keys sounded throughout the room. Hoseok was lost in that world.

He was so lost in the yesterdays that the todays had him stuck and the tomorrows were too hazy to have any sort of meaning. His body ached and although his fingertips would eventually grow numb, they would always remember the feeling of tracing up and down her spine. He would remember how the chords screamed at him as he took in her every curve and journeyed through every valley. The gentle tumble of her hair that the snow upon the tallest and most peaceful mountains would envy. The ever so slight lift of the corners of her lips once his eyes met her immaculate and deep gaze. Her scent that wafted through the air as she seemingly glided by, a scent that the winds themselves would crave to carry on their voyage across the world. And God, those beautiful hands that could reach the darkest and most jagged pieces of his soul.

Yes, Hoseok remembered it all.

She was the perfect song. Every chord was carved into his bones. The beat timed perfectly to match his heartbeat. Every note ingrained into his existence. She was a resplendent harmony that brought more comfort to his ears than the ambiance of a mid-spring day in Seoul.

But he did not realize that like all songs, she would eventually come to an end as well.

Hoseok would recall the events of that day. It was the day where the reality he was too enamored by what was ripped from him, right before his very eyes. Of all the things he could not forget, this is what pained him the most. And it was only in that moment where her beautiful irises locked with his: cold, foreign. Her fists were clenched and her lips pressed into a thin, somber line. That was what so mercilessly murdered his heart ceaselessly with each new day.

“I think it’s best we go our separate ways.”

Then she ever-so gracefully walked off without a second glance. The clanks of her heels only proved to create a deeper crack in his heart with every step she took farther away from him. She spoke that sentence as though it were such an easy thing to utter. It was as though his happiness did not lie within the moments he lied next to her or his joy buried between the times where their fingers were interlaced.

Hoseok had only broken down once in his entire prior to that moment, but the pain he felt during that first time could not even hold a flame to the absolute torture he felt inside. He never found out why she had a sudden change of heart. He only learned that she disappeared off the face of the earth. There were rumors that a year after their split, she had gotten engaged and moved to America.

But despite hearing all of that, Hoseok never seemed to have recovered.

“You’ll love it, man! It’s so fast-paced and urban. You’ll get so lost in your life that you forget all the trivialities of your daily routine.” Hoseok’s brother chimed as he pulled into a random parking space that someone was already waiting for, ignoring the violent honks and screams of dissatisfaction. Hoseok could only smirk at his elder brother’s one-track gaze.

For the past few months, Hojoon has been trying to convince his sibling to start anew in Seoul. He kept talking about how he could find more support for his dancing and music hobby in the metropolitan jungle. Hojoon’s also been careful to present the possibility of Hoseok finding a new flame since he sincerely hopes he does. The amount of pain that he had to witness his precious dongsaeng to go through was far too much.

And finally, Hoseok agreed.

The preparations were finalized and done with a couple weeks back, wherein Hoseok would be living in the same apartment building as their overly affectionate aunt. It was not too far from the hustle and bustle of the popular Myungdong district. It was a perfect place for Hoseok to reignite that spark his life needed.

And so, the Jung brothers exchanged their goodbyes. A round of “man-hugs” and proud smiles and pats on the back and reassuring of communication through call or text messages kept going on for a good two minutes. Hoseok never felt so thankful to have someone so supportive in his life to give him that push to get him back on his feet.

Once their last embrace was broken, Hoseok gathered his things and made his way to the entrance gate of the station. His headphones were on but he did not bother to turn on music so he was able to listen to the footsteps of his brother steadily make their way back to the car. Hoseok’s grip tightened on the straps of his bag after he finally arrived at the platform for his train ride to his new life. Sighing, Hoseok lowered his stare onto the cement grounds.

Though despite Hojoon’s efforts, part of Hoseok will never forget her. A part of you will never forget someone you dedicated your entire heart to. It is hard at first, but you learn to accept it. A taste of love will always leave you wanting more. Maybe it was that Hoseok had become greedy or perhaps she did not feel as though she had enough to give to him during that time…

Either way, Hoseok admits to being stuck between the fleeting moments he so desperately tries to keep from slipping past his fingertips and the over-packed duffel bag slung over his shoulder with a train ticket to Seoul. There on that platform, he wonders if he can stop himself from searching for her smile at every corner even though he knows damn well that she will not be there.

It is a false hope that he cannot help but feel… that is because he has to wait 9 minutes for his train to arrive.

But for her, he knows he is willing to wait an eternity.

merry christmas, everyone! ♥