OK THIS CHAPTER WAS VERY HARD TO WRITE...I HOPE I DIDN'T CONFUSE ANYONE!

Mark stared up at his ceiling. He’d been laying there on the floor all day, he didn’t move unless he absolutely had to. Yugyeom had been gone all week. He didn’t know where the younger was and he didn’t even attempt to find out. He did know that Yugyeom had come back one day while he was at work and grabbed some more clothes, he’d noticed that about two days ago. 

Mark to his side, his dark eyes traveling over to the picture of them. He sighed and rolled over onto his other side. He wasn’t exactly depressed, more so stuck in a trance. He was trying to figure out exactly when he fell in love with the younger, if there was ever such a moment. Right now all the lines seemed to be blurry and some of them even intersected. 

He thought back to the day he met Yugyeom, he remembered everything all too vividly. Like a favorite scene from an old movie.

Two years ago, a 21 year old Mark Tuan stumbled onto the sidewalk outside his favorite diner. He cursed under his breath and stood up straight. His eyes fell on a figure huddled up against the wall. “Hey,” he called out to the person, he was half concerned/half curious. When he didn’t receive an answer, he shrugged and went into the diner. After he’d ordered his food to-go, Mark felt the need to check on the stranger. He made his way outside and was relieved to see that the stranger hadn’t relocated. Mark boldly sat down beside the shivering person. “Are you OK?” he asked. A head lifted to reveal a boyish face, “I’m fine,” he softly answered back. 

Mark was taken aback, he was not expecting to see someone so young. “Why are you out here?” Mark asked him. The boy shrugged, “The shelter’s full,” he simply answered. The kid was homeless. Mark handed the boy his hot coffee, “Here.” He didn’t know why, but he felt the need to protect the boy. Mark also handed over his food. “Um isn’t this yours?” the boy asked. Mark smiled at him and shook his head, “It’s yours now. You look like you need it more than me.” “Thank you,” the younger said graciously with a half bow. A hand over the lid stopped him from opening the food. He looked at Mark curiously, “How about you eat that someplace warm?” the elder asked. The boy stared at him in confusion. He watched Mark get up, “C’mon,” he heard him say.

Mark sighed again and rolled onto his back again. The kid came into his life and never left. It was his fault though: if he’d just kept to himself that night…then Yugyeom would probably still be homeless. Or worse, selling his pretty body for money and a warm place to sleep at night. Mark shook his head at the thought, his flesh crawling. Just the notion of some old ’s hands on his boyfriend’s body made him feel sick.

He remembered that Yugyeom was extra clingy the first few months after he moved in. He used to be afraid of being abandoned again. After he was sure that Mark wasn’t going anywhere, he began to open up and show his true self. Over the course of those two years Mark discovered how smart, funny, and open-minded the younger was. He also found out how strong Yugyeom was; despite being homeless, he managed to go to school and even pass all of his classes. He’d even managed to get into college on a few of scholarships.

Mark was still having trouble pinpointing the moment when his feelings changed for the younger. He did remember when he started seeing Yugyeom in a different light, though. He remembered when he started to see Yugyeom more as of an attractive male and less of an obedient dongsaeng.

One year ago, an 18 year old Yugyeom came crashing into the apartment soaking wet. “What happened to you?” Mark asked him looking up from his computer. Yugyeom pushed his wet bangs back, “I got caught in the rain,” he answered breathlessly. Mark chuckled and got up to retrieve a towel for his dongsaeng. When he returned he saw that Yugyeom had pulled off his wet t-shirt and tossed it aside. He swallowed and stared that the younger’s toned build. Was Yugyeom always this well-developed?

He averted his eyes and quickly handed over the towel, flashes of the younger’s wet jeans clinging to his thick thighs and amazingly long legs invading his mind. “Thanks Mark-hyung,” Yugyeom said with a bright smile as he accepted the towel. Mark was awed by the younger’s face this time. When did Yugyeom become so charmingly handsome? And did he always have that beauty mark beneath his eye? Were his eyes always so inviting? Were his lips always so luscious and pink? Had his jawline always been that strong?

Mark began to wonder what it would be like to feel those lips on his. He began to imagine what that soft white skin tasted like. Would it bruise easily if he nipped at it? He began to wonder what those long limbs would feel like wrapped around him. He began to wonder what kinds of sounds the younger would make when wracked with pleasure. And then he stopped, suddenly feeling disgusted with himself. Yugyeom was barely 18 and here he was having ual thoughts about him. He wasn’t even legal yet. “Mark-hyung are you alright?” he heard Yugyeom ask, but all he could focus on was the lips that said it and the hands roughly towel-drying soft hair. “No,” he answered shaking his head. He stood up and excused himself.

Mark rolled back onto his side and stared at the picture again. He smiled at the picture. He and Yugyeom had gone stargazing that night with Jaebum and Jinyoung. Jinyoung had managed to catch a candid picture of them lying on the grass together. Yugyeom liked the picture so much that he had it printed and framed it. The younger had said that it captured the essence of their relationship. Mark thought back to how their relationship began, it may have been one of his fondest memories. Yugyeom was so nervous that it was almost comical.

Earlier this year, a 19 year old Yugyeom rigidly sat down across from the elder in their booth. Mark looked up from his menu, “What’s wrong with you?” he asked him. Yugyeom quickly shook his head, “Nothing Mark-hyung,” he softly answered back and flipped open his menu. Mark wasn’t convinced but he let it go. “Hyung, I have a question,” the younger quickly spoke up as he dropped his menu back onto the table. Mark looked at him again and nodded. 

“How do you know if you’re in love?” Yugyeom slowly asked. Mark sat back and masked his shock. He didn’t like this question. Had Yugyeom fallen in love with someone? Mark couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. “Why are you asking that so suddenly Yugyeom-ah?” Mark asked him. He needed to know if Yugyeom was in love. He needed to know if he should take a step back

Yugyeom stared down at his white knuckles in his lap, “Because I think I may be in love with you,” he boldly confessed. Mark felt himself riddled with shock again, “What?” he asked. “I don’t know, lately all I’ve been able to do is think about you Mark-hyung. I think about kissing you… and sleeping with you… and waking up next to you. I think about how much I miss you when you’re gone, even though I know you’re only at work. I think about how nervous you make me when you talk to me, or smile at me, or even look at me. I think about how much you make me smile. I think about how tight my chest feels when you’re around,” Yugyeom rambled, his face red and his voice uneven, “So please tell me that this is love and that I’m not some obsessed weirdo.” 

Mark stared at the younger with wide eyes, he couldn’t believe this full blown confession he was hearing. He couldn’t believe that Yugyeom was mirroring his own feelings. It was surreal, like a Disney story. like this just didn’t happen to him, and for a second Mark thought he was on a hidden camera show.

Yugyeom took Mark’s surprised stare as a sign of rejection, “Oh no, I screwed up. I shouldn’t have said anything,” he said shaking his head, “I have to go.” Mark caught; the younger’s wrist as he breezed past him. He yanked Yugyeom down beside him in the booth. Yugyeom squeezed his eyes shut, “Please don’t hate me Mark-hyung,” he cried out fearfully, “You don’t have to love me, but I can’t handle you hating me.”

Mark didn’t know if he could courageously blurt out his feelings like Yugyeom, but he had to do something to wipe away the fear on the younger’s face. He had to do something to prove that he wasn’t angry and that he was, in fact, in love as well. His fingers found the back of Yugyeom’s neck and he pulled the younger into a kiss. Message effectively sent.

Mark couldn’t figure it out. He couldn’t figure out that precise moment when his feelings changed. He did know that it happened after he became attracted to the younger, but before the younger confessed. Somewhere in between there, he fell in love. Somewhere in between there, Mark had stopped seeing Yugyeom as a baby brother and started seeing him as a lover and a boyfriend. Somewhere in between there, his intentions shifted from nurturing him to loving him. 

Was something like that even plausible? Was it OK for Mark to start out as a big brother-figure and turn into a boyfriend? He felt like it should it be. He felt like the feelings he had when he first met Yugyeom were just as genuine as the feelings he had about Yugyeom now. Though they’d developed into something more along the way, Mark was pretty sure that this was OK. Him being in love Yugyeom now, even though he wasn't in love with him in the beginning, it was OK. Though he couldn’t remember, Mark was positive that he took the proper steps through that transition period between brotherhood and lovers. He filled the role of big brother to capacity and now he had a new role to fill. A seprate role.

Mark slowly sat up as his thoughts fell into alignment with his feelings. Things were starting to unravel and make sense. Mark felt the necessary breakthrough he needed was approaching. Laying in the middle of his living room floor for 8 hours had helped him face-off against his own insecurities, concerns, and confusions. But now that he understood his feelings, was that enough to eliminate the guilt he had for taking Yugyeom at such a young age? He laid back down and let his eyes travel to the ceiling again, maybe he needed another 8 hours of solitude to answer that question. 

HERE'S THE PIC I WAS TALKING ABOUT:

IT'S FROM THE LATEST EPISODE OF REAL GOT7! ALSO HAVE A CUTE GIF:

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