OK GUYS I FIGURED OUT WHERE THIS THING IS GOING AND I GOTTA SAY I KIND OF LIKE IT!

“You think we’ll be able to actually make it to the bed next time?” Yugyeom asked, his back pressed against the cool frame of the aforementioned object. Mark laughed deeply, his cheek resting comfortably in the younger’s lap while his chest and right arm was carelessly thrown over his crossed knees, “Half of me was on the bed…that counts,” he said with a small shrug. 

Yugyeom ran light fingers through the elder’s damp hair, “I’m surprised you let me top this time, you’ve been in a dominating mood all week,” he said through a small smile. “Hey you may have topped, but I was in control the whole time,” the elder replied firmly.Yugyeom shrugged, it was true, Mark set the pace and every demand he made the younger followed obediently. 

“Mark-hyung?” Yugyeom’s voice had all of a sudden become timid and his fingers fell from the elder’s hair. Mark rolled over onto his back and looked up at the younger, “What’s up?” he asked, the change in tones had him slightly worried. “You love me right?” the younger asked staring down at him, his eyes held uncertainty. Mark’s brows furrowed, of course he did, “Of course I do,” he confirmed. He sat up, “Why are you asking all of a sudden?” he queried.

Yugyeom shrugged again, “I don’t know,” he said looking away, “Sometimes you look at me like I’m the worst mistake you’ve ever made. Like you’re ashamed to be with me.”

What could Mark say? There was definitely some regret and shame hidden deep inside him and it had every bit to do with Yugyeom, but it wasn’t his fault. What could he say to make the look of insecurity vanish from the younger’s handsome features? He didn’t want to lie to him, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to reveal the truth either. “You’re hesitating,” Yugyeom stated, “Are you ashamed of me?” “I’m ashamed of myself,” Mark replied almost automatically. 

The truth it is.

Yugyeom looked at his boyfriend in confusion, “What?” “Look you’re still just a kid, and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with that,” Mark revealed. “Why?” the younger asked. It was Mark’s turn to shrug, “Sometimes I feel bad for loving you and having with you because you’re just a teenager and I’ll be turning 24 in a few months. It makes me feel like I’m robbing you of your innocence or something, like a creep,” he explained. 

“Mark-hyung there’s no reason my age should make you feel like a creep,” Yugyeom said with a shake of his head, “I’m of legal age and when November rolls around I won’t even be a teenager anymore. I knew what I was doing and what I wanted when we got together, you didn’t blindside me into being in a relationship with you. Just because I’m young doesn’t mean I’m naïve, I know how I feel about you.” He pulled his knees to his chest and waited for a reply.

Mark nodded, “Yes, I understand all of that, but sometimes it still bothers me,” he answered twiddling his thumbs in his lap. “So what should we do then?” Yugyeom asked slightly upset, “Postpone our relationship until I get to an age you’re more comfortable with? Are you still going to feel this way when I’m 24 and you’re 28? I’m always going to be four years younger than you.”

Mark swallowed, Yugyeom was right. He would always be younger, but would Mark always feel bad about it?

“I mean I can move on campus if it bothers you so much, maybe I should be living with other 19 year olds,” the younger said hugging his knees tighter. He didn’t want to make his boyfriend uncomfortable and since he couldn’t change the age difference he could at least make himself scarce.

Mark placed a reassuring hand on the nape of his boyfriend’s neck, the tips of his fingers smoothing down his tousled hair, “You’re not going anywhere Yugyeom,” he told him with a shake of his head. Even though he was the cause, he wanted to do his best to ease his boyfriend’s uncertainty. He pressed his forehead to the younger’s, “I’m sorry, it’s not your fault that I have a small problem with the . I’m trying to work through this moral block I have going on and I need you here to help me,” he said his hair. 

Yugyeom reached up and unhooked his boyfriend’s hand, “How can I help?” he questioned, “I’m the problem. I don’t want you to have any issues with our relationship and maybe the only way that can happen is if we end it. You can find someone your age and I can find someone who won’t have a problem with my age.”  

How quickly Yugyeom’s concern for the elder switched to anger.

“I never said I wanted to end things with you,” Mark said shaking his head. He watched Yugyeom stand up and grab his discarded clothes, “No, only that you have a problem with me being a teenager,” the younger growled back pulling his t-shirt over his head. “I’m just being honest with you, why are you getting so angry?” Mark asked as he shoved his suddenly annoying bangs back. 

“Because we get so much hate from so many people because of my age. You’re the one person I trusted to be as confident about our relationship as me; and now I find out you have these deep seated problems with my age, too,” Yugyeom yelled as he buttoned his jeans. “They aren’t deep seated,” Mark denied, he clutched the sheets around his hips and sat on the bed. “Oh really hyung?” Yugyeom asked in disbelief, “How long have you been bothered by my young age?” 

Mark was silent because, truthfully, it had always bothered him. Since the beginning he’d always felt a slight disgust for himself for wanting someone so young. An inkling of guilt for selfishly ignoring his moralities in favor of being with Yugyeom. It was a constant battle; every time he felt like what they had was OK he’d see the judgmental stares from the onlookers. Yugyeom’s angry voice pierced through his trance. 

“That long?” he heard the younger ask. Mark’s silence was more than enough confirmation, it was like he could hear exactly what the other was thinking.

“Why did we even get together? If it’s always been a problem, why waste my time with all this false confidence?” Yugyeom asked in frustration, “Why make me think that we were OK?” “Because we are OK Yugyeom,” Mark exclaimed, “I told you I’m working through my problem.” Yugyeom shook his head as he stuffed his wallet into his book bag, “You shouldn’t have any problems Mark-hyung. I don’t have any problems with you being older. Age shouldn’t matter if you love me,” Yugyeom said.

Those were his last words before he left the apartment. Mark didn’t follow behind him because he was very and because he knew the younger needed time to cool off. It was the first time the younger had ever yelled at him. It was also the first time Mark had ever seen his boyfriend so angry; he didn’t think something like this would set off the good natured boy. ‘Age shouldn’t matter if you love me,’ echoed in Mark’s mind. 

Did he actually love Yugyeom? Like really love him? Or had his brotherly affection for the younger evolved into some twisted ual relationship? Maybe this fight was a good thing, he needed time to sort himself out.

I KNOW I PROMISED FLUFF...BUT CLEARLY THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. DON'T WORRY EVERYTHING WILL COME TOGETHER SOON, THE STORY IS COMING TO A CLOSE SOON!