A/N: Prompt was Jinyoung comes back as a ghost, and Mark tries to convince him to stay. 

It’s warm. The warmth is soothing and comfortable and it feels safe, a snug cocoon of contentment. It’s bright, the light blindingly white but he isn’t sure how he knows. Are his eyes open? Are they closed? He’s not even sure he has eyes, and that revelation should be panic inducing but somehow it’s not. It’s only a semi-interested observation, of which the answer isn’t quite definite, but either way doesn’t matter.

He feels at peace.

The light becomes brighter and anticipation begins to stir in his chest (if he even has a chest but that’s unimportant at the moment) and somehow he knows that in just a few seconds, he will reach there, that in just a few seconds everything will be complete.

But he never reaches there.

He’s suddenly falling, jerked roughly out of his cocoon of warmth as he’s jostled and everything is mixed up now– his stomach is in his feet and his heart is meshing with his brain and his hands are attached to his legs but that’s not possible, but it somehow is. There is no way to resist, only to be yanked along by some unseen force.

He slams into something, finally coming to a stop as the light fades to complete darkness.

~~

It doesn’t seem real. It’s as if he’s stuck in limbo, caught up in an endless time loop.

Wake up to a cold bed, limbs tangled in the sheets rather than with the warm limbs of another.

Get dressed, wash up in the bathroom, a single, gaunt face staring back at him in the mirror.

Pour the cereal and sit down to eat, no laughter or teasing conversation filling up the silence between bites.

And then he’s off to another day at university, mind detached from body has his hand takes notes mechanically, his mouth rattling off answers robotically.

Go home. Do homework with no cuddle sessions or game breaks between subjects.

Order takeout, no debate over which menu item to get or which combo meal is the better deal.

Slip back into bed, the large space even larger than before as a slim body curls in on itself, without another to latch on from behind, to warm his back.

It doesn’t feel real. Mark feels as if he’s just waiting for Jinyoung to come home, and just a few minutes later he’ll hear the soft sound of Jinyoung’s footsteps padding up to the bed, the mattress dipping only slightly under his weight. He would feel Jinyoung’s arms snaking around his torso any second now, holding him tightly as his breath puffs up against his ear, whispering nonsense love words.

There are no tears– he hasn’t shed a single one yet.

Mark is in denial, and thus he’s stuck in this vicious, unending cycle of waiting.

~~

Jinyoung knows for a fact that his eyes are open this time. He knows for a fact he has a chest, that holy crap he’s dead and suddenly all the other memories rush back in a tidal wave of emotion that’s overwhelming. It stuns him, making him sway on his feet and nearly knocking him over from the force of it if not for the steadying arm around his shoulder.

“Whoa there, easy.”

“You’re not supposed to touch, Youngjae,” a different, deadpan voice sounds from somewhere to Jinyoung’s right. Or maybe it’s to his left, he can’t really tell. His vision is swimming, and for a moment he could’ve sworn he was standing on the ceiling.

“He was going to fall over!” the first voice replies indignantly and Jinyoung’s vision finally snaps back into focus, thankfully in time for the steadying arm to slip from his shoulders.

Jinyoung turns to look at exactly who’s talking, only to stand gaping.

They’re angels is the first thought that Jinyoung’s brain manages to churn out. Indeed, the two figures in front of him are clothed in white with the telltale gigantic, feathery wings sporting from their backs. However, while the customary white, their attire seems otherwise much too casual to be divine; they’re wearing white jeans, white tees, and one of them is even wearing white flip flops.

“Ummmm, who are–”

“Ugh this book is really starting to get on my nerves,” the second angel mutters, completely cutting Jinyoung off without even acknowledging him as he flips irritably through the large brown book he’s currently holding. “Where in the world…”

“Excuse me?” Jinyoung forces himself to be polite, only to be ignored again.

“I swear at Lucifer if this doesn’t just–”

“Hey, quit cutting off the poor boy,” the first angel, Youngjae?, pipes up, nudging the grumpy angel gently. He earns another grumpy grumble in response but pays it no attention, turning to Jinyoung with a blinding smile.

“Hey there, we’re angels. I’m Youngjae and that’s Jaebum, and he’s currently looking up your status because somehow you got pulled back on your way to heaven,” he says cheerfully.

Jinyoung immediately panics.

“Pulled back from heaven? What did I do? I swear I’m not a bad person I don’t deserve to go to hell I swear to god–”

“Hey!” The grumpy angel, Jaebum, cuts in sharply, shooting Jinyoung a warning look. “Don’t say that. Oaths to the Lord should never be uttered so casually. If you must, curse Lucifer.”

Jinyoung’s expression only becomes more stricken.

“Oh my go-gosh I’m so sorry I didn’t mean that I just–”

“Whoa, calm down, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Youngjae soothes, stepping forward with one hand outstretched placatingly. “You’re not going to hell, don’t worry. You’re just–”

“AHA! Found it!” Jaebum announces triumphantly, squinting down at the tiny text on the page. “Park Jinyoung, correct? Died in a freak accident at an amusement park?”

“Y-Yeah.” That statement suddenly brings back a flood of disjointed images from right before his death, and Jinyoung shivers.

“It would appear that you have some unfinished business on earth.” Jaebum skims a couple of lines quickly before snapping the book shut. “Don’t worry, it’s not malevolent, but seems something, or rather someone, is intent on clinging to you so we’re gonna have to send you back to fix it before you’re allowed in heaven, okay?”

“O-Okay?” Jinyoung finds himself agreeing automatically but his brain hasn’t quite caught up yet. Something pulling him back? Someone? He opens his mouth to ask his questions, but he’s once again cut off.

“Good. You don’t have much time, so good luck!”

And then suddenly Jinyoung is falling again.

~~

When Mark wakes up and sees Jinyoung’s face less than a centimeter from his, he doesn’t hesitate to reach over and pull him in by the neck into a desperate kiss. There’s no shock; it isn’t the first time he’s dreamed of Jinyoung, so why would he be? In his dreams, at least, Mark can pretend like absolutely nothing has happened. It never lasts long, though, so Mark has learned to waste no time, to spend every last precious second in a meaningful way.

So he dives in again immediately, tongue working furiously to lap against the other’s lips, coaxing the other to open his mouth and let him into his warm cavern.

But suddenly, Jinyoung pulls away and Mark is left blinking, confused, because this has never happened before in a dream. He may not have control over how long his dreams last, but he’s always had control over what happens. He reaches for Jinyoung’s face again, but he moves out of reach.

“Mark. Hyung.”

Mark freezes. Dream Jinyoung has never talked before.

“J-Jinyoungie?”

~~

Jinyoung feels his heart breaking at the expression on Mark’s face as he talks so animatedly. It’s so full of hope, relief, love, and just a hint of insanity, but Jinyoung can’t bring himself to cut him off quite yet.

“–and it doesn’t matter, really, it doesn’t. I don’t care if people think I’m crazy talking to the air or anything but if it bothers you I can try not to in public, it won’t make much of difference as long as you’re still here I mean as long as we’re alone like right now there’s no difference, right? I mean, it’ll be almost like nothing happened. Like, you look completely solid to me I can’t believe others can’t see you. And I can touch you too I thought your hand is supposed to go straight through ghosts or something but I can touch you Jinyoung and this is just so– I can’t believe this I mean I…” Mark finally pauses to take a breath, eyes shining with tears of joy. Jinyoung takes this opportunity to cut in, hands coming up to cup Mark’s face gently.

“Hyung, I’m so sorry, but I really can’t stay.”

Mark’s face falls, devastated, but he quickly brightens again.

“It won’t be a burden on me, I promise. I know what you’re going to say Jinyoungie, I should move on, that you’re–” Mark’s voice suddenly breaks, but he swallows, shaking his head and plows on, “that, that I’m alive and that just doesn’t work and it’s not fair to me, but I promise Jinyoungie I promise it’s all I want, please stay I don’t know what to do without you I missed you so much I can’t–” Mark is slowly becoming hysterical, and it’s only now that Jinyoung realizes what kind of a mental state Mark is in, has been in since his death.

“Hyung, I’m dead,” Jinyoung whispers and Mark stiffens, averting his eyes while trying to pull away from Jinyoung but Jinyoung keeps a firm grip on his face. “It’s no use trying to avoid it, Mark-hyung, I’m dead. You can say it.”

“But, but you’re here now,” Mark is shaking his head, breathing becoming irregular as he becomes more vehement in his denial. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters, right?”

“But I can’t stay,” Jinyoung repeats gently, forcing Mark to lift his chin up. “I have to go. You’re the one who pulled me back, yes, and that’s the reason why only you can see me, but I still have to go. I can’t stay, hyung.”

Mark finally looks up at Jinyoung, really looks at him, and sees the reluctant truth in his eyes.

For the first time since Jinyoung’s death, Mark cries.

~~

“Shhhhhhhhhh.”

Jinyoung’s hands are running through Mark’s hair, fingers rubbing at his scalp comfortingly and Mark’s sobs finally lessen, weeks of pent up emotion finally let out in a flood that leaves him drained, and so so so tired.

“It’s just, it’s just not fair,” Mark finally murmurs, hand reaching up to latch onto Jinyoung’s hand and intertwining their fingers. “Why you. Why me.”

“Life isn’t fair,” Jinyoung responds, but it’s a fact of life they both already know. Mark sighs, wrapping his arms even tighter around Jinyoung’s torso. When he closes his eyes, it’s really as if nothing’s happened.  Except Jinyoung’s body is no longer warm, and the only steady heartbeat Mark can hear is his own.

An idea suddenly hits him and shoots up into a sitting position, startling Jinyoung.

“What is it?” Jinyoung asks, wary at the not entirely sane sparkle in Mark’s eyes.

“You said you got pulled back, right? That means you were going somewhere,” Mark’s voice is excited, as if he’s solved the puzzle. “It’s some place I can join you, right? Then I’ll just–”

“NO!”

The next thing Mark knows he’s been knocked onto his back, Jinyoung hovering over him with a furious expression his face.

“No! Don’t even think about it! Don’t you ever think about it, not now and not ever, okay? No!”

Mark is staring up at him, wide eyed and utterly shocked at the fierce look on Jinyoung’s usually gentle face. Cowed by his intensity Mark can only nod, but Jinyoung isn’t satisfied.

“Please, hyung, don’t ever think like that, okay?” Jinyoung’s voice has softened, the anger still present but now most of it has been replaced by worry, and even a desperate fear. “You have so much to live for, you can’t just throw it away. You said life isn’t fair, right? Then you need to live for the both of us, live for me too. Please. Promise me”

Jinyoung’s eyes are imploring, and Mark deflates, expression turning bitter.

“Fine. I promise,” he grits out, unwilling, but Jinyoung can tell he means it this time and he finally relaxes, moving off of Mark.

“But how am I supposed to live for you, if you’re not here with me?” Mark sounds defeated.

“I…” Jinyoung swallows. He doesn’t know this for sure, and knows it’s not a promise he should make, has the power to make, but he says it anyways.

“Live well, hyung. And when it’s your time, I promise you’ll see me again. And then we’ll have forever. I promise.”

Mark’s eyes, once again, are full of hope.

“Really?”

In response, Jinyoung offers his pinky with a tentative smile, and Mark laughs, managing a watery grin.

Their pinkies link and them thumbs press together, and Jinyoung finally feels at peace.

“I think…it’s time for me to go now,” Jinyoung says softly, but then winces at Mark’s panicked expression.

“Wait, this soon?!”

Jinyoung hesitates.

“Was there…is there something else you wanted to talk about?”

Mark takes in a shaky breath.

“I…I just…” he bites his lip, uncertain, but then meets Jinyoung’s eyes, determined.

“One last date. Then I’ll be ready.”

~~

It’s no elaborate event. It isn’t a romantic dinner out, it isn’t reliving their first awkward date at the movie theater, it isn’t sitting out under the stars on the rooftop or by the river.

They’re snuggled under the blankets on the couch instead, sheets wrapped tightly around the both of them as they cling to each other, cheek to cheek with their limbs tangled together. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets plays on their TV. But they aren’t paying attention to it and it's only serving as background noise, filling up the silence since Jinyoung and Mark aren’t talking either– just being pressed together is enough to communicate.

When the movie ends and the credits roll, Mark turns his head to press a chaste kiss against Jinyoung’s cheek, eyes fluttering closed as a single tear escapes.

“I’ll never be okay, not the way I am with you. But…I think I’m ready. I’m ready to let you go.”

Jinyoung smiles, eyes closing as well as he brushes his own lips against Mark’s one last time.

Bye Mark hyung. I’ll be waiting for you.

“Bye Jirongie.”

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