14 July 2014 3:38 pm

Haekdonghaek: So... nervous?

Eunhyukkie: Don't even remind me...I couldn't even eat anything this morning.

Haekdonghaek: At least you look great..!

Eunhyukkie: Are you sure about the pink shirt, Hae? I don't want some big shot uni representative judging me for it, that's all.

Eunhyukkie: (can you tell I'm panicking again?)

Haekdonghaek:It's not pink! It's... pastel fuchsia... ^^

Haekdonghaek: and stop panicking, you'll get stress lines!

Eunhyukkie: Ok ok, I'll check for stress lines~ how do you always make me feel better?

Haekdonghaek: Remember: deep breathes and smiles, those are the keys to successful interviews! Because you fuss too much and I'm god damn therapeutic ^^ now, go knock those university deans dead... Fighting!

Eunhyukkie: I'll remember that! Oh god, I'm next, I'm going to forget how to say 'hello' in English or something. I'll...talk to you later?

Haekdonghaek: Just don't say YO, whatever you do...let me know how it goes! I'll be waiting by the phone!

Eunhyukkie: Thanks for Everything, Hae x

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I guess everyone expects me to be fine by myself, right? Alone in a foreign country with nobody to turn to, unfamiliar food and roads and shops when I've lived a sheltered life in Seoul since I was born...They don't know how wrong they are. Oh, I've heard them all whisper about me during english class, watched rumours spiral out of control until people's expectations are higher than what anyone could live up to. I know they all overestimate me, except Donghae.

He knows my every pitfall like the back of hand- as I know his- and is the only person I know to pick up on my bad habits. Chewing my fingernails, folding over book pages rather than grabbing a bookmark; telling Shindong and Leeteuk that I'm studying when really I'm rereading One Piece. Who else would criticise me for such trivial flaws? But that's exactly why I need him.

We make each other better, compensate for each other's weaknesses. Do the things the other can't. He helps me in music class, I help with maths homework, he pushes me to run faster, I cajole him into finishing that boring book we had to read for cultural studies.

...But I suppose that's over now. We're not babbling toddlers or confused adolescents anymore, and we need to stop relying on our friendship to live our lives. I'm moving 6862.5 miles away from the home I've grown up in, from my family, from my ditzy best friend. It's time to leave the boy who's been my safety blanket. My plane to New York City is in 1 hour. After that I'll leave my old life and vices, and try my best to live up to all those expectations.

A hesitant tap on the shoulder focused my mind once again on the gentle early morning bustle of Incheon airport, and I blinked up at the small female flight attendant who was smiling in that polite and detached way all flight attendants seemed to have mastered. She was holding a clipboard and she smelt of a cheap musky perfume.

"Hello, sir. Are you by any chance catching flight 751 to New York today?"

Sitting up quickly and scrambling to pull my headphones out my ears, I nodded, self-consciously fixing my fringe out of habit as I returned her smile.

"Yeah, I am. Is there a problem?"

"I'm very sorry for the trouble, but the gate your plane will be arriving in has been changed due to technical difficulties, which may delay your take off."

"No, no that's fine!" I hurried to stand up and grab my backpack. To think that my whole life from now on was shoved into a backpack and a decent sized hard suitcase scared the hell out of me. "Just tell me the gate and I'll make my way over."

"I came over to offer you a discount at our own duty free airport gift shop as compensation, optional of course. Would you like the coupon?"

Grinning at her, I repositioned my bag before holding out my hand, "Sure, thanks I guess."

Waving goodbye and tracking down the gift shop she'd talked about, I scanned the contents. Your average airport goods: magazines, canned drinks and sweets, head cushions...but a particular area caught my eye. The  shelves dedicated to random trinkets and tourist goods.

Running my fingers pointlessly over the items on the shelf, I smiled gently. If I was going on holiday to Japan for a few days or going to Paris again, I would always buy something for Donghae over there. He loved useless things, especially if they were duty free, and even more so if somebody else bought them for him. It was strange but, seeing that gleeful spark in Donghae's eyes as he examined a brand new fridge magnet or small plastic figure...more than made up for the money I wasted buying it.

But of course, this wasn't a holiday. Even if I bought him a gift, I wasn't sure of the next time I would see another Korean- let alone Donghae or my family.

I eventually decided it would be better to buy a few presents in New York and send them home once I'd settled in. Cringing internally, I remembered the charm bracelet from the expensive jewellery brand my big sister Sora had been fawning over for months online. It was her birthday in a couple of weeks, and I'd been saving up money from my Tutoring sessions with the neighbourhood kids in order to buy it. I suppose to make up for the fact I wouldn't be there this time- or next year, or the year after that. I planned to send it along with the letter I promised to write my mum. Maybe not the most modern way of communication, I know, but...my mum was always one for traditional methods, and I knew she'd prefer to have something physical rather than pixels on a screen.

As I settled on just picking up snacks for that long journey ahead of me, a call for my flight and repetition of the gate was relayed over the large speakers. It took me by surprise, the delay wasn't as long as I'd expected; and my eyebrows furrowed while I now hurried to the checkout to buy what I'd picked up. Strawberry bubblegum, some cheap energy drink, a packet of crisps and a fridge magnet with a miniature picture of Namsan Tower. Even now, I couldn't break the habit of buying something for that .

When I reached the gate we could walk straight through, but I was glad- In a way, I'd been waiting for years for this, and no more waiting suited me just fine. I settled into a window seat, popped bubblegum into my mouth and squeezed my eyes shut when the plane started to position itself on the runway. I'd been to a lot of places, but I could never quite get used to the unpleasant sensation of a plane taking off. Only once we were above the clouds did I open my eyes. The wing teased the edges of the water vapour and sent it swirling up into beautiful patterns over the sea of cotton candy white. It was a view I'd never tire of, and in fact most of that long as hell flight I spent leaning my head against the hard plastic of the wall and admiring the changing views. My fingers toyed with the case of my phone as if I expected a message to come through despite being miles from any dream of signal and my phone firmly switched to airplane mode.

Donghae had made me promise to text him as soon as I arrived, and if there's one thing I pride myself on, it's keeping promises. As soon as we touched down my phone was ready in my hand, and once I got to the arrivals lounge with my suitcase I immediately sat down; taking a deep breath, I flicked my phone off of airplane mode.