“One more please”

“Miss, it’s your fifth glass already-"   “Look, if you’re worried about the money, I have it okay. If it’s not about the money, then shut the up and just do your job. One more!” I yelled at the bartender and he quickly left to get my drink.   As I watched him turn his back and walk away, I laughed at myself. How many times had someone turn their backs on me and left? They all walked straight out of my life as if nothing happened, like I didn’t matter.   But now, I wish that he could walk out of my life now. He who has caused so many pain in my life that I want him out. He who is also the only reason why I live. He… who I can’t keep my eyes off. I should have never attended this after party. I should have never even signed with YG in the first place. I should never have let myself fall into his hands. I keep telling myself to stop all of this, but I just can’t. I can’t stop loving him. I can’t stop wanting him. I can’t stop looking at him. Like how I am looking at him right now, watching how he holds his girl, whispers into her ears, how she giggles in his arm and the way he blushes. I just can’t seem to stop hurting myself. That’s all I am doing right now, hurting myself.   My thoughts get interrupted when Seungri suddenly drags me into the dance floor. Seungri smiled at me, his bright smile seems so foreign in my life. When was the last time I saw someone smiling like this to me?   “Hey, are you okay? You look so different tonight, gorgeous but what’s with the sad look on your face?” Seungri shouted over the music.   “Help me forget. Let me enjoy tonight.” I shouted back. Tonight, I want to forget. As the sweetheart Seungri always is, he didn’t question further. Instead he smiled at me and just started dancing to the music blasting in the club. I let out a laugh when I saw Seungri trying his best to seduce me (and make me laugh) while dancing to “ To Me”. He held my hand and led me to dance along with him.   I want to forget. I want to forget. I must forget.   I started dancing along with Seungri. I closed my eyes to stop myself from thinking or looking at him. I shook my head hard to the music and swayed my hips.   Then I couldn’t remember anything from that night.       I woke up to the annoying beeping noise of the alarm, my head pounding like never before. I forced my eyes open and didn’t recognise where I was. I looked down to see that I was covered in nothing but a man’s dress shirt. Déjà vu?   Suddenly, the door slammed open and it felt like someone slammed the door into my head instead. “Ahh” I let out a moan as I held my head.   “I’m sorry! I wanted to come switch off the alarm but ah, I’m sorry!” I squint my eyes to see Seungri standing at the door. Seeing the panic look on his face, I could not bring myself to be mad at him. Before I could even reply, Seungri beat me to it and said “Umm, you were really drunk last night and I didn’t know where your house was...so I brought you to this hotel! Ahh, nothing happened between us! I mean... I didn’t take advantage of you! I just didn’t want you to sleep in those uncomfortable clothes but, but I got jieun noona to help you change! I didn’t see anything or take any advantage of you!” Seungri’s half-shouting voice didn’t help my headache and I continued to squint at him. He must have thought that I was angry and quickly said “I’ll get you painkillers and ramen! I’ll be right back!” and ran away.   I laughed at him, still a kid as always. Kid, and he popped up in my head again. No matter how hard I try, I can never run away from him.   Right now, everything feels so Déjà vu, except that I have the sweet guy Seungri with me and not him. It's not Seunghyun. Yet, I actually wish I had bastard Seunghyun here with me instead. I can’t stop thinking of that morning, t