"I can't forget you even if I die. Feels like I'm losing my mind."

- Lydia (Eyes, Nose, Lips)

word count: 1.3k words

warning: unbeta'd & written in lapslock

he really should stop.

the dysfunctional relationship he has with jongin; it’s so feeble, hanging on a thread of thin string that could break any time. kyungsoo knows better than to try fixing this relationship of theirs. if only love is painless. it hurts him when jongin doesn’t remotely realize that he’s the cause of kyungsoo’s pain with every single action he does.

sometimes kyungsoo conjures up this scenario playing in his head like an old movie. jongin stabbing kyungsoo’s heart with a knife, leaves him open and bleeding without aid, leaves kyungsoo to die slowly by bleeding out all his love for jongin until there’s none leff.

then would he leave kyungsoo?

You never really got to lie

I just need you to say goodbye

eight months since jongin has bravely asked kyungsoo out on a date.

six months since they became a couple and moved in to live with each other.

three months since kyungsoo noticed jongin is drifting away from him.

two months since jongin turned into a stranger right in front of his eyes.

two weeks since jongin stopped touching him.

it’s been hard for kyungsoo.

too much of pain has accumulated in this short amount of time.

I wanna believe in your lies

“kyungsoo.”

jongin’s embrace is warm but kyungsoo feels cold all over as the taller male leaves a trail of kisses from his forehead to his cheek and down his neck. “you’re so beautiful.” he whispers in his deep timbre voice and kyungsoo falls in love with it all over again listening to jongin murmuring confessions of love to him.

he’s really such a fool.

“i love you.” jongin’s intense gaze meets his and kyungsoo promptly melts, going pliant in jongin’s arms. the younger laces both of their hands together and bumps his nose against kyungsoo’s forehead. he’s caressing the ring on kyungsoo’s slender finger and tracing the lines of kyungsoo’s palm like he’s drawing out words of love and adoration.

kyungsoo shouldn’t be happy but his heart is bursting from the overwhelming emotions.

“i love you too, jongin.” kyungsoo hums, burying his face into jongin’s chest and wishes that jongin would stop, just stop. with the wetness that seeps through jongin’s shirt, kyungsoo hopes that the younger has fallen asleep, so that he doesn’t know he’s crying, doesn’t know that kyungsoo cries himself to sleep every night in a cold, empty bed without jongin by his side.

lies, lies, lies.

jongin’s love is poison. it’s infecting kyungsoo entirely. it drags him into a web of deceit and false love until kyungsoo’s drowning in a bottomless sea of jongin’s dark eyes. he can’t breathe, it feels like he’s going to die from this.

You could’ve have it all but you broke my heart.

jongin chose her.

the girl who just moved in next door just a few months ago. kyungsoo thinks her name is krystal but that’s not important, the fact that she’s gotten too clingy with jongin has kyungsoo fuming every time he sees her brushing her hands not so subtly on jongin’s thigh. that’s when kyungsoo is there with his boyfriend, he doesn’t want to ponder what the girl tries to do when kyungsoo isn’t there with jongin.

kyungsoo would’ve never thought twice of accusing jongin of cheating. however, that’s a different story now that jongin picked has krystal instead of him. jongin has chosen a girl, whom he claims as a good friend over him, his boyfriend.

kyungsoo doesn’t need to hear from all his friends that jongin has been secretly going to the girl’s apartment every day and some nights. jongin doesn’t even come back to their home anymore. is it even called their home now?

he buries himself underneath the blankets that jongin once used before. he cries into jongin’s pillow every night, the strong scent of jongin is fading away quickly just like jongin’s love for him.

he wakes up the next time and with a heavy heart, kyungsoo checks his phone for any new messages. he finds none, his inbox is empty just like the hollow pit in his heart right now. kyungsoo’s not even surprised anymore. he knows jongin will come back today with more lies sprouting from his lips. the lies that kyungsoo chose to believe in.

but not this time.

jongin could’ve had it all but kyungsoo’s had enough. jongin has played him for a fool, has tricked him with his so-called love. at least, kyungsoo still has the dignity to stand up from all these problems - now, kyungsoo has got to do what he’s got to do.

jongin has always bring out the best in him; that was once upon a time when their love is still pure and strong. it isn’t enough anymore for jongin has used him, played him like a toy, made him wait for a love that he’s never going to return. kyungsoo feels really stupid, he knows jongin’s fooling around with another girl outside yet he chose to wait.

not anymore.

I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm so done

Before you wake up I will be gone

No more sitting home alone

Or waiting for your phone call

You don't deserve my love

jongin doesn’t return to their shared apartment that day.

kyungsoo is so tired. he’s so tired of sitting home alone, waiting for jongin’s phone calls that never seem to come. kyungsoo’s still crying for jongin even though he doesn’t have anymore tears left, all that leaves his mouth are silent whimpers. he wipes his red rimmed eyes and washes his face, stares into the mirror and tells himself that jongin no longer deserve his love anymore.

in an hour, kyungsoo packs all his belonging into a black suitcase. he leaves behind all their precious momentos; their photographs (the ones where he smiled so wide because he was too in love with jongin, back when he was too naive to believe in jongin), jongin’s oversized shirt that he always wore in their home, the matching shoes they had and the stuffed penguin that jongin won for him in a carnival.

Why'd you do that babe

It doesn't have to be this way

But there's no way I could stay

just before he walks out of the door, kyungsoo silently takes off the ring he’s been wearing. he can’t believe he’s willing to throw away everything they had for six beautiful yet painstakingly months but jongin should have known better than to hurt him like this. if he’s going to leave for real, then he must leave all his love for jongin behind him.

kyungsoo heaves a sigh and puts the ring carefully on coffee table. the pale silver ring is a huge contrast to the wood texture, it glints brightly from afar and he knows that jongin will be able to see.

there’s not an ounce of regret coming from kyungsoO. the burden on his chest is gone as he strides out of their shared apartment, no, jongin’s apartment and shuts the door behind him, shuts his heart from jongin once and for all. he even left the keys on the cabinet. he’s never coming back again for jongin.

this will be the end of their story.

but kyungsoo knows that jongin’s dark eyes, sharp nose and plump red lips; his handsome face and everything will be haunting his memories again and again. kyungsoo won’t be able to forget him even if he tried but it’s time for him to move on and get over jongin.

it’ll take some time but kyungsoo’s never been more sure of his decision of leaving jongin to start over.

perhaps it will do him some good. perhaps.

And your eyes, nose, lips. It haunts my memories I can’t forget you if I tried