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It is a Saturday and the night is still young, but all Kim Kibum wants to do is hurry back in bed and catch up with his favourite American television series. Yet, here he is, standing in front of the door to the apartment he shares with his best friend and checking the time.

8.54pm

Kibum sighs. Previous experience tells him that it’s too early to be back from a 7pm dinner date that Jonghyun, said best friend, set him up on with a colleague from work. Kibum has to admit that he never wanted things to work out from the beginning but this time, for Jonghyun’s sake, he has actually made the effort to put on a smile and entertain his date. Trust him, Kibum does try to drag the date out as long as he can, eating as slowly as possible and even allowing his date to send him home but to no avail. As much as it seems like the date has gone well, it only lasts for a time Kibum knows Jonghyun will deem unsuccessful.

Thinking back, it’s the seventh time Jonghyun has set him up on a date and Kibum has run out of excuses to explain to his best friend why things aren’t working out. Actually, Kibum doesn’t have to say anything for Jonghyun to understand that the problem has never been the person he has set Kibum up with. Once, twice, maybe, but if the blind date always fails, then the problem obviously can only be Kibum. Kibum knows this too. Yet, he understands Jonghyun has only good intentions and so he doesn’t have the heart to let his hopeful best friend down. That’s the exact reason why it’s the seventh time Kibum has allowed himself to be set up on a blind date and also the seventh time he is put into a dilemma.

Frustrated, Kibum grits his teeth and decides to be honest with Jonghyun. As his fingers finally enter the code to unlock the door, Kibum tells himself he is just going to admit that he is a hopeless case not worthy to be saved.

Opening the door and stepping into the apartment, Kibum finds Jonghyun sitting on the sofa as if he has been waiting for Kibum to come back (which of course, he has). As their eyes meet, Kibum takes in a deep breath and is about to say as he has planned but Jonghyun is a step faster.

“Let me guess,” Jonghyun sighs, “Your date went fine, the guy is alright but there won’t be a second date.”

Guilty, Kibum bites his bottom lip, “Jjong...”

“Kibum ah, it’s been almost a year since you left your job!” Jonghyun is clearly exasperated and he isn’t afraid to let Kibum know, “You and I both know it’s time to move on so why can’t you just, I don’t know, TRY?”

“Jjong, I know you’re trying to help me but honestly, I don’t want your help.”

“Rude.” Jonghyun pouts and gives Kibum his best kicked puppy look, “I really don’t like you right now.”

Kibum smiles bitterly, “Me too.”

“Kibum...” Jonghyun looks just about ready to pull his best friend into a hug.

Kibum shrugs and simply puts an end to their conversation before Jonghyun can shower concern over him, “I’ll be in my room.”

Dragging his feet against the floor, Kibum is making his way back to his room when his phone rings.

The name that appears on the screen of his phone causes him to stop in his footsteps. No matter how many times he sees that particular name flash across the screen, Kibum always feels his heart beat faster and the nerves set in. Taking in a deep breath as he tries to collect himself, it takes a few rings before he answers the call.

“Hey...” Kibum greets apprehensively once the call is connected

“Are you at home?” The caller immediately asks but then hesitates for a moment before adding, “I’m... I’m downstairs.”

Kibum’s eyes widen, caught off-guard by what he hears. Not at all expecting this to happen, he blanks out.

“Kibum? You there?”

“Y-yeah,” Kibum snaps out of his reverie and stutters a reply, “I- I’ll be right down.”

Ending the call, he turns around and walks back towards the direction he came from, speed quickening with each step.

“Where are you going!” Jonghyun calls out as he watches Kibum head out of their apartment once again but this time looking rather anxious, “Kibum?”

Jonghyun doesn’t get a reply though as Kibum doesn’t look back, leaving their apartment in a hurry, and the next thing he knows, the door falls shut.

⏩

“What are you doing here?”

“Get in.”

“I don’t think I should-”

“Get in, Kibum.”

Kibum swallows nervously, knowing his resolve is about to break any moment now, as he forces himself to shake his head and say, “Minho, I-”

“Please.”

It’s just one word but there’s something about the desperation in Minho’s voice that breaks down all of Kibum’s defenses and he finds himself opening the passenger door in the next second.

Once Kibum is safely in the car, Minho restarts the engine and begins driving.

Naturally, Kibum wonders where Minho is driving him to but he doesn’t ask. There are other things that Kibum is more concerned about, thoughts suddenly occupied with a thousand questions like why Minho is here to see him when their affair is over.

▐▐

It has been almost a year since Kibum quit his job because of the very person who is currently sitting in the driver’s seat. It had been his attempt to fall out of love with a person he shouldn’t be in love with; this much, Jonghyun knows, but what Jonghyun doesn’t know is that the story isn’t that simple. Kibum hasn’t shared what happens after. Needless to say, his attempt was a complete and utter failure because not only has Kibum fallen more in love with Minho, but it also has only been a few months since their affair ended. This is Kibum’s deepest secret and also his biggest regret.

Kibum will never forget the night of his farewell party. He had been drunk but that doesn’t mean he didn’t know what he was doing. Kibum remembers everything clearly. How can he not, when that marked the start of everything?

Kibum has pictured this moment – him in the arms of the one he loves – but never does he expect to feel this sad. Having lost his balance, Minho manages to catch him in time and is now holding him close, his hands securely on his waist. With their faces only centimetres apart, Kibum suddenly finds it hard to breathe.

This is it.

This is the final goodbye that Kibum never wants to say.

Kibum blinks and when he opens his eyes, the concern on Minho's face disappears and is replaced with a shocked, almost frightened, expression. Although there is confusion in Minho's eyes, he instinctively raises his hand to Kibum’s face and brushes his thumb under his eyes. It's then Kibum realises he is crying. He knows he should push himself away from Minho or at least wipe his own tears away, anything to maintain some distance between them and end this moment. Yet, Kibum has an overwhelming urge to hug Minho; and so, he does. In the next second, he wraps his arms tightly around Minho and hugs him like he never wants to let go.

Minho is shocked, to say the least. Kibum knows. He can feel it in the way Minho’s entire body tenses up. It doesn’t take an idiot to figure out he’s making this really awkward for the both of them but Kibum can’t bring himself to pull away like he should. In fact, he even tightens his hug around Minho. Kibum thinks this is all he can do for himself before he puts an end to this unrequited love.

It takes a few moments before Minho finally breaks the silence.

“Kibum?” Minho tries to turn his head to peek at Kibum but Kibum’s hold on him is too tight and all he sees is the back of his head, “You alright?”

Kibum takes this as his cue to let go. Hesitantly, he releases Minho from his arms and takes a few steps back, almost stumbling on the street.

“Sorry…” Kibum mumbles as he meets Minho’s eyes, “Yeah, I’m alright. I should get home.”

“You don’t look alright…” Minho says worriedly while he moves closer to Kibum and reaches out to hold him, “Let me-”

“Don’t!” Kibum immediately refuses Minho’s help, afraid of Minho’s touch and the things it does to him, “Please don’t.”

Minho stares at him, puzzled.

“It hurts…” Kibum finds himself saying before he can stop himself from talking, “-so much… to love you…”

Just like that, he lets Minho in on his secret. And Kibum can only stand there, hopeless, helpless, waiting for some sort of response from Minho as he stares at Minho’s feet.

Surprisingly, Kibum feels calm, almost relieved, after he bares his heart to Minho. He may not have said much but he thinks it’s enough. He wasn’t supposed to tell Minho anything in the first place. Right now, Kibum’s not even asking for much; all he wants is to hear Minho reject him. That way, it’ll be much easier to move on.

Minutes pass before Kibum sees Minho’s feet move towards him. Kibum holds his breath as he slowly looks up and prepares himself for what is about to come.

Of all the things that can happen, what Kibum doesn’t expect is for Minho to simply hold his hand and lead him away from the bar, towards where Kibum thinks Minho’s car is parked.

“Let’s get you home.”

Caught completely off-guard, Kibum can only stare at their hands as he silently follows Minho and obediently gets into his car. This is how it’s going to end, Kibum thinks; And so he lets himself enjoy the ride back home because once he leaves Minho’s car, it’s going to be the end of this chapter of his life.

It is silent throughout the drive back to Kibum’s apartment but Kibum has no complaints. He is happy with just being able to sit in Minho’s car like this. Having Minho care about him this way is more than Kibum can ask for. He thinks it’s a nice way to fall out of love.

When he gets out of Minho’s car after thanking him, Kibum says goodbye and never looks back.

⏩

It feels weird to be alone at home on a Monday afternoon.

Having two weeks to himself before he starts work at his new job, Kibum is lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, wondering what he should have for lunch. Usually at this time, he will be at work and most probably counting down to lunch hour in the office but now that Kibum has left his job, he fits the true definition of a couch potato. Mind you, it’s only the first day after Kibum’s last day at work and yet, he still has the Monday blues.

The weekend has gone by in a blur with Kibum doing everything he possibly can to distract himself from thinking about Minho. It’s hard to stop loving someone who you loved for so long but with time, Kibum knows he can move on. And he must say, right up till this point, he has done a fantastic job.

But now, things aren’t going too well. Kibum blames Jonghyun for leaving him all alone in their apartment and letting this feeling of emptiness wash over him. It’s normal for him to feel down, in fact, Kibum thinks it’s alright for him to feel sad but he doesn’t want to be drowning in misery. And so, Kibum decides it is best for him to go out and get some fresh air. He rolls out of bed, changes his clothes into a simple outfit and leaves the apartment in search for a café to relax.

Just as he opens the door and steps out of his home, Kibum gets a fright when he finds an unexpected visitor standing near the wall beside the door to his apartment. He instantly stops where he is and lets out a huge breath before taking a closer look at the person. Their eyes meet at the same time and Kibum thinks he’s dreaming. Why in the world is Choi Minho at his apartment?!

Clearly, Kibum’s expression says it all as Minho turns towards him, blocking the way down the corridor, and breaks the awkward silence.

“I, umm… got your address from the office.” Minho tries to explain but he himself knows it’s not enough.

“Why are you here?” Kibum frowns, “Don’t you have work? It’s office hours, you should be at work, or grabbing lunch… just anywhere but here. I don’t understand-”

“I can’t understand anything either, Kibum!” Minho interrupts as he raises his voice, obviously frustrated, “I can’t stop thinking about you… what you said last Friday, it’s been on my mind and I- I don’t know, I just needed to see you and sort this out.”

Kibum is dumbfounded by Minho’s sudden outburst but he still manages to answer in his confusion, “There’s nothing to sort out, Minho…”

“But you… love me… right?”

“So?” Kibum stares at Minho in disbelief, “Nothing can ever happen between us.”

“What if… it can?”

When Minho closes the distance between them, Kibum knows he should step back.

But he doesn’t.

That’s when he realises he will never be able to fall out of love.

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