A/N: I wanted to update quickly even though I'm kind of going through a hard time. I don't want to keep you guys waiting and if you're reading the story please comment. I would be happy to see at least one comment (: -stef

My head is spinning. I'm lost. I need help. Help... Finding myself.

They were all being torn apart. Whether is was being in love with someone that they could not have or seeing their member, their friend in pain. Sure, they put on a tough face but they too cried. They cried when no one was looking, They pained too, they also wanted to run out and scream.

---

Taeil had spent the next few days in his room with Minhyuk. He did not feel like facing the world until he knew that he was ready to be strong and knew what he was going to do. He did not want to break down again. He wanted to be strong. He knew deep within him that he would make the right decision, the fair decision. The decision that would make him happy.

The door opened and Taeil was feeling too lazy to get up.

"Minhyuk-ah, I don't want to get up, five more minutes pleaseee." Taeil said as he rolled over pulling the sheets over his head.

There was an awkward silence and Taeil felt self-conscious when Minhyuk didn't say anything. He turned around and saw that it was not Minhyuk standing there but Pyo.. Pyo Jihoon. Taeil laid there baffled. How did Minhyuk let Jihoon enter his room. Why was he just standing there? Why was he not leaving? Taeil was not pleased seeing him there. In fact, Taeil wanted to stay as far away from him as possible, he began this feeling of despisement growing in the pit of his stomach. He did not look at him in the same loving way anymore, he knew it was to blame others but Jihoon was at fault for confessing his feelings, for thinking that they could have something.

What Taeil did next was unplanned for. In a swift motion Taeil got up and... slapped Jihoon.

"You do not have permission to enter this room. You do not have permission to enter my life either." Taeil said as he walked out the room and left Jihoon emotionless.

Jihoon felt a tear go down his cheek. His cheek did not sting, but instead it was his heart that was stinging. They had loved each other, they had spent time together. There were too many memories imprinted in his memory that made his heart ache. How could the guy who had loved so much at one point push him away like he was trash? He knew of the one place that would help alleviate the pain in his heart and so he left..

Taeil ate cereal and saw how Jihoon swiftly left. It had hurt every bit of him to do what he did but he had to push Jihoon away, even if it meant that Jihoon would end up hating him. This was not the way he wanted to fix things, and he was confused again but maybe soon he would find peace within himself... Soon this would be over. He looked out the window and saw the snow falling ever so delicately and covering the ground. The sky so white, yet so beautiful. Taeil smiled as he looked at the snow and saw how it perfectly complimented the city. He saw how people walked around admiring the snow. He wanted to admire the snow, admire the things around him. Christmas was coming soon and he wanted to enjoy every bit of it. Even if it meant that he would look like a kid.

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter