Watched: South Park

      May 10th, 2009

May 10th, 2009

Echo was never a fan of school. She had memories she rather not remember. She was never a wonderful student and she always blanched at the idea of staying at school when it was dark out for the sake of studying. So the group having to go to an unknown school building at one in the morning because of their latest shows episode made her more than a little uncomfortable. And upon learning the school had been abandoned for ten years made the singer want to faint.

The opening filming outside of the school took literal seconds to complete, the girls and staff hurrying inside. It was pitch black out and the walk felt daunting, even with all the people surrounding her.

Seohyun and Echo ended up holding tightly onto each other as they entered the abandoned building's entrance.

"If I faint will you catch me?" Echo half-joked to Sooyoung, who was standing behind her.

"Not unless I faint first!" she threw back, hovering over the slightly shorter girl, feeling unease at the eerie building.

For being abandoned for ten years, the building itself was in good shape. The only thing was it desperately needed to be updated and get some new light fixtures. Seriously, it was incredibly difficult just to see your own two feet in the lack of light.

The girls were led to a classroom that was remodeled to fit the needs for the girl group's show. There were already staff members waiting behind the cameras, making last second adjustments to the, much, brighter lights.

Everyone got into place and the familiar red light of the camera blinked on.

The beginning of the recording was rather upbeat (especially for what the running theme of the variety show was), having the members perform different actions one at a time. Obviously, Echo gave it her all, trying to be as entertaining while still sticking to her stage persona as much as possible, secretly hoping she would get more screen time than usual.

The MC's decided (well it was scripted) that the members should get their aggressions out by having a one-on-one pillow fight.

"So we are going to practice expressing your emotions truthfully, we will practice this through a pillow fight," Jo Hyeryun explained to the members.

"I think this is too dangerous," Yuri admitted. "What if we bring in fists?"

"Then when you like to use them?" Hyeryun questioned with a straight face.

The MC's proceeded to give the girls a, hilarious, example of a pillow fight they wanted them to reenact. Throughout the entire thing Echo found herself furiously blinking, the outer edges of her sight was growing steadily blurry. Having perfect vision the feeling was incredibly unfamiliar, and unsettling.

The Girls' Generation member hadn't been feeling well the past few days, her stomach painfully cramping, feeling more tired than usual and she noticed her bones were protruding more than usual. She was happy she was finally losing weight but she couldn’t help but feel something was off.

It was after Taeyeon and Sunny's 'fight' - honestly Echo didn't pay attention at all, too focused on trying to remain standing and not sway - that Hyeryun suggested the skinship lover of Girls' Generation should go against her best friend.

Immediately, all the members reacted negatively.

"It would just waste time, they never fight," Sooyoung stated, waving her hand towards the two.

"We have nothing against each other," Tiffany said with a tiny smile, wrapping her arm around the taller girls back.

"Everyone argues!" Shinyoung fought back. "Even the glue member of Girls' Generation!"

"Really, I don't fight with anyone," Echo stated with a straight face, trying to look as believing as possible, heavily leaning on Tiffany now that the camera was on her.

"That's the only perfect thing about her," Sunny deadpanned, the room bursting into laughter. "Really, she's close to everyone and never has spats with the members but when it comes to cooking or cleaning it's a whole other story!"

Echo was extremely relived and thankful to her members, who knew what she might accidently blurt out since her and her best friend were in a real fight at the moment. It would destroy the image SM gave her to keep.

When Tiffany and Seohyun were having, what was supposed to be, their pillow fight Echo ended up tightly holding onto a surprised Hyoyeon's head. Her head was down, her eyes closed tightly as she fought off the latest wave of nausea.

Breathing was getting very difficult, just by looking at her you could tell she was putting a lot of effort into the, what should be, simple action. Hyoyeon squeezed the pale hand in hers, gently rubbing the younger girls arm in comfort.

The dancer jut her head up once she saw beads of sweat roll down the idols face, immediately making eye contact with Hajoon.

The manager didn’t react until the segment was finished and staff dragged out a prop for the girls to act as weather girls. The few minutes that the cameras were off, most members getting any necessary retouches on their makeup, Hajoon swiftly crossed the short room to reach the heavily breathing member.

"What's wrong?" was the first thing the manager asked while placing a large hand on the idols forehead.

"I don't know, I don't feel that well…" Echo uncertainly trailed off.

On her other side Tiffany was sending her a concerned look, Did I not act fast enough? was all she could think. Nervously biting her lip as she watched her best friend curl over.

Echo was hunched over, making a perfect 'J' shape with her body to try and ease the pain in her stomach, her eyes screwed shut to keep the world from spinning anymore.

"What did you eat today?" Taeyeon was the first of the members to ask anything, her soft hand rubbing soothing circles on the younger girls back.

All Echo ate that day was an apple, when everyone else was snacking in the car to keep appearances up, and she couldn’t tell them that. They'd know her need to lose weight was growing worse, they couldn’t know. They'd try to stop her, try to make her fat. Then she would never have a chance to become a well known idol, after all, who idolizes a fat, unattractive, female idol?

"Just like everyone else," was all she said, hoping the manager just assumed she was referring to the usual pre-planned meals.

"Can you stand straight?" Taeyeon asked, stepping back to give the younger idol some room.

Taking a deep breath, Echo tightly placed her hands on either side of her hips, slowly straightening her spine, only to wince within seconds and retreating back to the previous position.

"Does she have to finish shooting?" Sooyoung asked, her eyes soft as she looked at the fallen girl.

"I'll see what I can do, get her to relax," Hajoon sighed, twisting on his heel and making a bee line for the PD.

"Have you been feeling like this for awhile?" Sooyoung softly asked.

"Yeah," Echo's dark brown eyes were focused on the ground beneath her, she felt her neck getting slick with nervous sweat.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Taeyeon questioned, her eyes growing harder. "You didn’t have to shoot today, we could have got you out of it like Yoona."

"And lose more screen time?" the vocalist spoke out of clenched teeth. Couldn't they just leave her alone? She didn’t want to talk to anyone, she just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry herself to sleep. Due to her lack of eating she's been experiencing more fatigue than normal, somehow fans hadn't noticed during performances, but this was the first time she's felt such extreme stomach cramps. They were way lighter than this before. Maybe it's because she's only had a few pieces of fruit the past handful of days? It's probably because she's been eating too much, yeah, that makes sense.

Echo endeared a few more moments of agony, dealing with her members unyielding questions, before Hajoon stood back in front of her and announced she would be leaving with Kim Jiwook, a side manager. After all, the head manager couldn't leave 80% of soshi on their own while recording a show.

It took, what felt like hours, awhile for Jiwook to lead the curved over idol to the van. He tried to pick her up at one point, but the idol screamed when his elbow dug itself into her stomach by mistake.

By the time it took for the van to reach to dorm, Jiwook only being able to let her in and leaving again since the van was needed for the other members, the brunt of the pains subsided, leaving Echo with a dull throb bolting up her stomach every now and then.

The idol situated herself on the couch, her eyes focused on the mind numbing kdrama in front of her, her tiny hand tight around her phone. Hajoon decided the girls could have their phone backs, since main promotions were over for now, and she heavily debated calling her mother. She would love to hear her moms soothing voice, the problem was that she knew the second her mom heard her voice she would know something was wrong.

She flipped open the old phone, fingers hovering over the keypad, hesitating to press the one button she needed to connect herself with her mother.

The idols ears perked up at a, insanely, familiar sound coming from the bathroom.

Was someone here?

Slowly, the girl rose from the couch, her eyes darting around the room for anything that could be used as a weapon if her fears came true and it was some sasaeng that broke in.

She hastily grabbed the lamp on the end table, its shade quietly tumbling to the ground, holding it in front of herself like a sword.

Echo slowly made her way to the bathroom, gently, she placed her palm on the cool wood of the door, effortlessly pushing it open to reveal something she never thought she'd see.

 Yoona, the perfect and pristine Girls' Generation member, was hunched over the porcelain bowl as she hurled her guts out.

A thousand and one thoughts flew through Echo's mind as she watched, disturbed, at what she saw.

Yoona throws up too? I thought she worked out a lot to stay skinny. I don't think she eats that much either. Do I look like that? Do I look just as pathetic when I force myself to throw up everything I eat?

It was like watching yourself through a television; it was surreal. And incredibly disturbing.

Echo didn’t move a muscle, not even when Yoona turned around as she flushed the toilet, her pale hand wiping her face of any trace of vomit. Her doe eyes widened when she spotted Echo staring at her.

"E-echo?"

She doesn't know how it happened. Hell, she's still confused as and is thinking she's in some messed up dream. But somehow, Yoona and Echo - the two most awkward members on the team - were sitting on the floor of the bathroom, both leaning against the counter, blankly staring at the tiled wall.

"How long?" Echo simply asked.

"Sometime around Girls' Generation," the visual admitted, her voice void of emotion.

She's been doing this longer than me, how is she still standing? "It's been sometime before Gee for me."

Echo half-expected the visual to give her a shocked look, to almost reprimand her for doing something so stupid, but she didn’t. She simply nodded, accepting it as if it was a normal occurrence.

"Being an idol is hard. Being an idol-actress is even harder," Yoona mumbled through chapped lips.

"At least you're loved," Echo snorted. "I would kill to have your popularity."

"Sometimes I would kill to not have it," the smile on her face was haunting, empty of any positive feeling. "Sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing is what I really want, or just mindlessly following the company's image for me."

"Why do you do it?" she didn’t need to elaborate, Yoona knew what she meant.

"You acted a few times, but not long enough to really get to become familiar with the sets," Yoona's dark eyes lifted towards the ceiling as memories passed through her mind. "The food is crap. Literally. It's all convenience store food, mostly instant ramen and some snacks. The weight easily piles on, even with all the dancing. It's all saturated fat and bad for you, it makes sense that it stays with you. Fans were beginning to notice, so I did something about it."

There was a small silence, almost comforting, between the two Girls' Generation members. Never, ever, did Echo see this day coming. She never expected her and Yoona to be having a heart-to-heart about forcing themselves to puke their guts out for the sake of beauty. "What about you?"

"I wanted to stand out more. I hoped if I got thinner I would become prettier, that fans would notice me more," she shrugged, the ache in her stomach coming back, stronger.

Yoona scoffed. "At least everyone isn't focused solely on it. I can gain a single kilogram and the media goes nuts."

Echo twisted her neck, her cheek pressed against the wood of the counter. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying," the visual took a deep breath, "that you may not like what you get. Popularity is only good for two things, pushing your group to the forefront and the money, and negative in a million more aspects. It's truly be careful what you wish for."

Yoona turned to meet eyes with her younger member, lifeless eyes meeting scarily identical eyes. " You still have time to fight. Don't go down without putting yourself out there. Whenever something is within your grasp, catch it and refuse to let it go. Blindly reach out and grab whatever you can if you need to, just to get yourself where you want to be. Be selfish, grab your future by the balls and don't let go until it gives in and you get what you deserve. Do something out of the companies comfort zone. The company would have nothing to reprimand you for if it's a good turnout."

The singer's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Are you telling me to alter my image without the company's knowledge?"

The taller girl smirked. "It's however you take it. Plus, kick this habit, please. If not for yourself, for the group. It's horrible, it's sickening."

Echo turned forward once more, eyes trailing down the light colored grout keeping the tiles attached to the wall. "Tiffany knows, she hates me for it."

"She wants to help, you should grab that when you can. Don't ruin a wonderful friendship because you want to lose some weight."

The front door opened. The familiar loud buzz of the dorm meeting the two female idols ears.

Echo quickly stood up, wincing when she moved too fast and a sharp jolt rushed through her stomach, it would be weird for them to be found in the bathroom together.

"Think hard on this Echo-ah. Be the better person, love yourself, don't get from anyone, don't be like me," Yoona softly said, her eyes never leaving Echo's wavering ones, even when she shut the door behind her.

The visual's eyes fell to where Echo was previously sitting, an eyebrow cocking in question. "What was she doing with this lamp?"

"Where's Tiffany?" was the first thing out of Echo's mouth at the first member she saw, Sunny.

The energy pill looked taken aback, momentarily confused. "Shouldn't you be resting? We have promotions soon, you need to be in your best health."

"Where's Tiffany?" the younger member repeated.

"Your room, she's about to hop in a shower," the shortest member's confusion only grew when the singer brushed past her without another word. Weren't they fighting? I really hope there's no bloodshed, that's killer to get out of clothes.

Echo threw open the door, Tiffany and Seohyun giving her identical confused looks.

The second youngest ignored Seohyun's presence altogether, instead, focused solely on Tiffany, her best friend.

Their eyes clashed, sharing emotions that only friends with years of experience together could understand.

"Unnie, I want help."

It’s hard to have Echo as a bias when she never even gets any screen time.

I love Tiffany and Echo's friendship, seriously, they've probably never even fought they're so close.

Why did Echo randomly disappear during the episode?

This chapter is almost 3000 words, I don't know how I keep writing such long chapters. I used to do 1,000 chapters and think THOSE were long haha.

Question, do any of you know any good SNSD fanfics? It's really hard for me to find good ones -_-