Watched: Ghost Whisperer

      December 19th, 2009

December 19th, 2009

Echo felt more frightened than excited for their first tour. Not only was she going to be constantly surrounded by her members without any chance of escape, but, she had to pretend that absolutely nothing was wrong with their bond for the fans. The last thing she wanted to do was disappoint her fans as well.

The past week has been filled with barely anything other than concert preparations and dry rehearsals.

Even after Taeyeon sleepwalking into her bed (which she believes the leader does not have any recollection of) Echo hadn't spoken to any of her members nor spoke a word to Jonghyun - even after numerous daily texts from the boy. She no longer went out at odd times and barely talked when a camera wasn't on her. She was the very definition of lonely.

The only thing she seemed to feel these days were sadness, fear, and anger.

Sad that she was alone and no longer had her small army standing behind her at all times waiting with eighteen open hands to pick her up when she falls.

Fear of life permanently being like this and constantly contemplating her future as an idol and as a part of Girls' Generation.

Anger at herself for not being able to vocalize any of her feelings about… anything. Anger seemed to be the emotion she felt the most often.

The managers attempted to do something about filling the clear canyon that is their relationship, wanting to fill it. But that didn't help and just ended up in all parties getting further irritated.

She found herself thinking more than usual. Whenever she was surrounded by others, and even alone, she would end up staring into space and just think. It was starting to become horrible for her mental health. Constantly contemplating if she should just leave the group or it up and apologize for what she does not know. Billions upon billions of possible scenarios filled her head, most of the turns outs she disliked, keeping her from opening .

Echo became a watcher. She watched the other members have fun and joke around. She watched the world around her continue on as she felt frozen in place. She was black and white while the world was in color.

She contemplated a few times if she was depressed. But what exactly was depressed? Was it just an increased sadness? Was it the constant feeling of being hurt? Was it being alone? Was it feeling unwanted or useless? Was it the constant contemplation of asking yourself if what you're doing is right? She wasn't sure. And she was terrified of feeling these few emotions forever. She wondered what happiness felt like. It felt like an eternity since she felt the slight joy of your hearts increasing beats in excitement.

"And then I went BANG! almost broke his jaw," Hyoyeon laughed in the waiting room, holding up a tight fist that she previously forward, most of the other members dressed with their stage makeup on.

"That's what sleazy men get," Sooyoung laughed, widely smiling.

"Weren't you afraid of getting in trouble?" Seohyun softly asked, her eyes wide with innocence.

The main dancer flicked her hand, uncaring. "What would he do? Go to the cops and say SNSD's Hyoyeon punched him because he touched her ?"

"That's the good thing about being famous," Jessica smiled, arms crossed. "If there's no witnesses you can get away with almost anything."

"Hey, hey, don't be like that," Tiffany frowned, sitting in one of the makeup chairs, being one of the last members to get her makeup done. Usually Taeyeon would chide the members, but lately she's been almost just as quiet as Echo, silently sitting next to the young singer on the black pleather love seat.

Echo couldn't help but watch her members in longing. She wanted to joke around with them. She wanted to smile and hold their hand. She wanted things to go back to the way they were. But, she felt toxic. She was terrified that her negative mood would affect them, she feared that they would push her away after discovering how broken she's become.

Was she broken? She wasn't sure about that either. Can someone become broken in such a short amount of time? Didn't this take years to happen? She didn't know. Even more reasons to keep her inner feelings to herself. She didn't want to be judged or laughed at for her feelings, and she really didn't want to be told she's being over dramatic.

"Girls' Generation you're on in twenty minutes!"

There's the inevitable countdown. Cheers met Echo's ears, neither her or the leader joined in. How she wished she could be happy with her members, it caused her heart to throb even more.

"Girls' Generation you're on in ten minutes!"

"Girls' Generation you're on in five minutes! Get to backstage!"

Robotically, Echo followed her members out of the waiting room, her eyes downcast as she stayed towards the back of the group.

The ten girls got to the backstage platform that would pull them towards the middle of the stage. Echo felt awkward, standing between Seohyun and Tiffany.

Lights flashed.

Fans cheered.

Adrenaline happily ran through Echo's veins, engulfing her with a new feeling.

Maybe this is happiness?

With a deep breath, Echo's body effortlessly moved into position for their first song 'Tell Me Your Wish', her perfect idol smile planted firmly on her face. Within seconds she was moving perfectly to the choreography, hitting every note with leisure.

She was a robot, going through the motions and extruding a happy persona, but none of it felt real. She believed once she saw and heard the loving fans something inside of her would click. But it didn't.

She only had one hope now.

It seemed like forever until it was her turn for her solo, she was performing her song after Sooyoung finished "Santa Baby". She nervously rung her hands as she stood backstage, alone.

Before she left the waiting room she checked to make sure the members were keeping their eyes on the screen.

With shaking hands she straightened out the mid-thigh length black layered dress she wore. A simple black microphone was pushed into her hands, her heart thumping heavily in her chest as she realized this meant she was going on in less than thirty seconds.

A lump hung in , she hoped it would fall down when she had to start singing.

The lights onstage dimmed.

She walked past Sooyoung, looking up into the taller girls eyes. To her ever increasing sadness Sooyoung's own brown eyes were firmly on the ground in front of her.

With a deep breath she walked out.

A single stool was put on the center of the stage by the swift actions of a backstage worker.

The lights and twisted to shine on the single idol on stage.

Music started.

With surprising renewed energy, Echo lifted the microphone to her lips.

"Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battle-field"

Are you listening?

"One word turns into a
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can’t go back now"

Please, just listen…

"Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now
I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for"

Backup dancers flooded the stage, rhythmically moving to the music.

"Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love feel like,"

She slid off her seat, moving forward with her backup dancers, towards the very center of the stage.

"Can't swallow our pride,
Neither of us wanna raise that flag
If we can't surrender then we both gonna lost what we had, oh no"

Let's put the past behind us.

"Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now
I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for"

 Do you care?

"Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?"

I don't know what else to do…

"I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor
I guess you better go and get your…"

Can we go back to what we were?

"We could pretend that we are friends tonight (oh-oh-oh)
And in the morning we'll wake up and we'll be alright
Cause baby we don't have to fight
And I don't want this love to feel like..."

I'm tired of fake smiles.

"A battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield,
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield"
The center stage began to spin, the dancers surrounding the platform.
"I guess you better go and get your armor..."

I don't want us to be over.

"I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for (fighting, fighting for)"
The lights dimmed as the music stopped for mere seconds.

BOOM!

Bright fireworks blossomed into the air as the lights turned back on.
"Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?"

I'm sick and tired of this loneliness.

"I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor, (get your armor) get your armor"

Please come back.

"Why does love always feel like...
Why does love always feel like...
A battlefield, a battlefield..."

Let's end this battle.

"I never meant
To start a war
Don't even know
What we're fighting for"

I love you.

"I never meant
To start a war
Don't even know
What we're fighting for"

I'm sorry.

Echo doesn't know if her song reached the ears or hearts of her members. There was no time to speak to another as the concert progressed.

She was shocked to see that her sister's group was there to perform. Has she been so in her own world that she hadn't even noticed that her own sister was going to be there?

Even though Echo felt that she would have a renewed and fresher feeling after spilling her feelings through her song, she felt even heavier. All she could think about was how the members reacted. Did they even watch? Did they understand the meaning behind the lyrics?

"Oh it's true ojik saroman bomyo geudae gyute itgo shipo"

At the end of Jessica's line the girls all turned in, gracefully taking the members hands in their own.

It became just them. The sounds of the cheering crowd were drowned from all of their minds.

Here it was. The sadness. It used to be a flicker, now it was in full bloom, ready to spill over in the form of tears.

Slowly, Echo pushed her head up, biting her lip to keep the tears from leaving her eyes.

Ten pairs of eyes met.

The tears fell.

She felt Sunny's hand squeezing her own.

"Man heun shigan soge-"

They turned back to the crowd, their personal bubble being popped as they descended back into the present.

"You make my life complete," Echo finished, her bottom lip trembling.

Confetti fluttered in the air, the girls joined hands once more and bowed to their audience. This time the cheers met Echo's ears.

As they pulled away and stood straight to walk back to the main stage Echo felt an arm wrap around her shoulders. She lifted her tear filled eyes, feeling more tears fall when she saw it was a sadly smiling Tiffany.

A pale hand that wasn't her own affectionately brushed the tears that fell from her eyes.

The simple, loving action caused even more warm tears to fall down her reddening cheeks. Due to embarrassment, she tried her best to hide her face when they gave their final bow, half-hiding herself behind Tiffany's body when they gathered off stage.

Once more the girls made a circle, ignoring the bustling going on around them. Their hands tightly held two others, they heads inclined, their breathing was in sync.

"I'm sorry," Echo simply stated, eyes tightly closed to try and stop the never ending tears.

"Me too…" Yoona chocked out.

The vocalists head snapped up at the unexpected apology. The other members all had their heads down.

"I'm so sorry," Tiffany cried out.

Eventually, each member, one by one, spoke a simple apology through their own tears.

Ten became one.

Echo's tears break my heart 3

I'm surprised Echo cried during Complete instead of Dear Mom

FINALLY SOME ECHANY AT THE END OF THE CONCERT. JESUS.

I had to explain to my boss what fanfics were... definitely not our strangest conversation.

The song is "Battlefield" by Jordin Sparks! LINK