“Hyung, will you just tell him how you feel already? All of this waiting is just frustrating to the rest of us members,” Baekhyun sighed, patting the older male reassuringly on the thigh as Xiumin sulked, his head in his hands, once again trying to wish away any fantasies of him being with Luhan.

“Yeah, this is just annoying. Anyone with eyes can see that you've been madly in love with him since even before debut. What the hell, Xiumin,” Sehun groaned, throwing his head back dramatically. Though he sounded harsh, he was only voicing what all of the members, save for Luhan, knew and felt. The eldest member only sighed dejectedly, too embarrassed of his feelings and inaction to even admonish the youngest member for not using honorifics; however, a sharp glare from Kyungsoo compensated for it.

“Sehun, do you know how hard it is for Xiumin to just break a strong friendship that's been going on for more than two years? He doesn't want to ruin what Luhan and he has and I can't say that I blame him,” he defended him kindly. The younger male only huffed, flipping his chestnut brown hair to the side. “Need I remind you how hard it was for you to finally confess to Tao? Ah, I remember it like it was just yesterday,” the vocalist smirked.

“Ah, yeah, he was so awkward that it hurt. He just sat there and stuttered. I could barely make out what you were saying between that and the lisp,” Jongin chuckled heartily, always one to mock the youngest member when he had the chance.

“So, that must be what our hyung here is feeling. Xiumin, I get it and I know you don't want to rush things, but in all honesty, you have to do something. You can't just wait and hope that Luhan comes to his senses and sees how you feel about him. We all know that he's a little... oblivious,” Kyungsoo cooed, flashing a comforting smile at the still abashed male.

“Yeah, he's not the brightest, hyung, so it's your turn to do something and hoping that your lips magically touch every time we do a concert is only torturing yourself. Do you need help with moving things along?” Kai added.

“No, I get it, but I don't want to ruin anything. I don't even know what I would say to him if I had the chance. He's just so perfect and I'm just the squishy weirdo. How could he possibly like me back?” Xiumin whimpered, wallowing in self-loathing.

“Hyung, that is ridiculous. You're absolutely adorable! You're so strong, caring, considerate, funny, and if I must say myself, handsome. Have you not seen the way that Luhan looks at you? That's the tell-tale sign of love, hyung,” Kyungsoo affirmed. “And pfft, you, squishy? Please, Baekhyun and I are the squishy ones. The only thing squishy is your confidence, which we can help you get back up,” he added, bright smile plastering his own handsome features.

“Me, squishy? Speak for yourself, Kyungsoo,” the other singer scoffed, “but seriously, hyung, there's nothing that you have to lose by at least acting on your feelings. The longer that you wait, the worse it will be for you.” Xiumin nodded slowly, knowing that every word the other members were saying was completely true.

“So, do we need to help you out, here, or not?” Sehun muttered, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his chair.

“No, I got it. I-I'll do something,” Xiumin promised, trying to convince himself that he could even try.

“Xiu-ge, can you come here for a second? I need some help with something,” Luhan's sweet, angelic voice drifted through the dorm, sending slight shivers down Xiumin's spine. He knew that the younger male, always wanting to be as confident and authoritative as possible, never attached the honorific when addressing him unless he needed help desperately. The other members that sat around his feet like children around a teacher scooted out the way to let the eldest through. Xiumin rose, his legs shaking slightly and his heart threatening to beat right out of his rib cage as he shuffled shyly to Luhan's room. He looked back at the bright faces for encouragement as he walked closer and closer. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun sent him cheerful thumbs up, trying to calm the other, more shy member.

“Yes, you called?” he muttered meekly when he finally stood in the doorway of Luhan's room. The younger male was tossing clothes off of his bed when the other appeared. He immediately stiffened, his doe-like eyes wide with a hint of emotion that Xiumin knew all too well, nervousness, before flopping down, somewhat defeated onto his bed. He tried to hide his sweating palms as he glanced up at the older member, who still stood awkwardly, afraid to so much as step foot into his room.

“You can sit,” Luhan offered, shakily patting the bed, ushering for the older member to join him. The elder moved shyly to the edge of the bed

“A-Are you sure?” Xiumin asked, voicing his skepticism, his cheeks burning with a light pink already as he stood before his crush, wondering what was bothering Luhan so much that he offered to give up part of his precious bed, which he protected by kicking anyone who dared sit on it, to him.. The other bit his lip and nodded silently. Finally, the older male took a seat, his nearly hanging off the edge since he was still shy about the action.

“You can relax, hyung, I'm not going to kick you, I promise.” Wow, something must be eating away at him if he's this nice about all of this. I wonder what's wrong, Xiumin mumbled to himself. “Ah, about that, hyung, I need help,” Luhan stated softly, brushing his hair back with his hand. Xiumin's eyes widened with shock that he could hear the near whisper. He looked up at the slightly taller male, eyes urging him to continue. One of the few things that Xiumin appreciated about how close he and Luhan were was the fact that the two could always communicate without words, without so much as a sound, but only with twinkling, melancholic, or confused eyes or playful winks or shy smiles. He would listen, knowing that it would be rude, and would probably worsen the other's anxiety if he interjected with his own opinion about whatever the younger member was struggling to say. “Well, for some time now, I've been thinking about one of the members,” Luhan began, his chest already started to heave unevenly to accompany his near erratic breathing. Xiumin, without hesitation, stretched out his hand to caress his thigh, knowing that it always calmed him down. Luhan flashed a weak, but genuine smile at the smaller male before trying to clear his mind to resume or start again. “Well, like I said, I've been thinking, and these thoughts just won't go away no matter how much I try to will them away. It hurts me every time I see this member with someone else, but I know it's not my place to do anything about it; however, I wish he were only for me. I know it seems selfish, but I want him all to myself, hold him in my arms whenever I want, whisper to him at night while the others sleep, and I know I can't do any of this because it just simply isn't my place. I feel so wrong feeling this way, but the only way I know I can feel right about it is if he knew, so I needed help with this,” he explained, his face growing red as he stared at the older male. Xiumin's heart sank, knowing that Luhan wasn't talking of him, but one of the other, more talented, more handsome, members; yet, he still painted a smile on his face, slowing his hand on the other's thighs as he thought of what to say next.

“Well, I guess the only way to fix it is to tell him. What's the worst that could happen?” he shrugged, channeling the other members' advice, though he refused to take it himself.

“That's the point. I've tried to tell him without using words and coming straight out with it. I always follow him and try to make him as happy as I can, but he doesn't notice anything that I do. He's always with the other members, trying to make them as happy as I wish I made him. He's always preoccupied and he never has time for little old me. Sometimes, I think that he's the appa of this group and I'm the black sheep, who never really gets noticed. I don't want to say anything about it because I don't want to make things too awkward, so I would rather drop hints, but like I said, he's not getting them.”

“Well, that means the only thing left is to talk about it. If he hasn't gotten the hint then you just have to tell him. There's no other way around it. I understand how hard it can be to love someone that doesn't even know,” he choked, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to break free, “but sometimes, you just have to lay it all on the table and hope for the best. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best and you can never be disappointed. Plus, who knows, whoever this member is, I'm sure that he would love to have you.”

“What do you mean? I'm nowhere near as good as the others. I may be a dancer, but I'm nowhere near as good as Kai or Lay. I can't rap. I'm the most feminine looking of the group, which probably won't work in my favor, and the only thing that I can really do is sing, but you know something?”

“Hmm?” Xiumin hummed absentmindedly, as he rejoiced internally that the other was narrowing his choices; however, he didn't want to get his hopes too high since there was still a chance he could like one of the other eight members, himself excluded since he knew Luhan would never feel the same way.

“Every time that I sing, I think of the passion I feel for him and it makes me sing even better. I think of how much I love him and what could happen if we were really have to have a happy ending and I just get so excited and confident.”

“Well, what happens to that confidence when you don't sing, or when you don't dance, or when you're not with him?”

“It goes away. Even when I'm with him, my heart beats wildly and I can't control it. I wish I could control it, but my mind goes blank when I see him and the only thing my body knows of doing is smiling, laughing, or grazing him with light touches. It's like my body is on autopilot and it's the one that processes all the emotions I feel and puts them into action when I'm with him,” he confessed, his eyes cast at the ground.

“And that's not a bad thing, but it's still not talking. I think you just need to tell him how you feel and I promise that things will get a lot better,” he assured him. Hypocrite he cursed himself mentally, angry that he was urging Luhan to do something that he was too cowardly to do himself, disappointed in himself for being so tepid, and defeated by the fact that Luhan's heart belonged to another.

“Can I at least tell you who it is so that you understand why this is so hard for me? I don't want to ruin our close relationship, so I get so choked up just thinking about talking to him about it.” Xiumin steeled himself, waiting for him to reveal his feelings for Sehun, who he thought he had the closest relationship with except for Kai or Lay; all the same, Xiumin wanted to remain strong and confident enough for the both of them, though he was anticipating how painful it would be and how many tiny shards his heart would shatter into once Luhan confessed.

“Of course,” he grinned weakly, hiding the intense pain that was gnawing away at his mind and causing his heart to plummet to the bowels of rejection and depression.

“Well, it's-it's,” Luhan stammered, shaking his head frantically and pounding his temples lightly as he tried to articulate the words; however, the possibility of the other male judging him or being disgusted was restraining him from finally setting himself free. Xiumin only stared and blinked slowly, completely understanding the type of torture that Luhan was putting himself through as he thought of the same anguish he created for himself with every second that he wasn't confessing to the younger male. Though his mind nagged at him to take the opportunity to admit his own feelings, he knew that the younger member did not feel the same way about him, if the erratic behavior he was exhibiting now was any indication.

“Luhan,” he whispered, grazing the back of his hand over the other's smooth cheek, getting him to immediately stop his thrashing. Luhan looked at him, eyes wide and body now relaxed at even the light touch. Xiumin beamed brightly, eyes turning into crescent moons that sparkled like the stars, betraying the hurt that still consumed him. Still, he had to support his crush. To him, Luhan wasn't just a crush, he was as caring as a brother, as supportive as a best friend, and as tender as the lover that he wished he was, so the least he figured he could do for the conflicted male was to stand by his side, no matter how hard Luhan made it for the both of them. “Take your time and just say it slowly. I won't judge you if that's what you're worried about,” he assured him, meaning every word. The younger male nodded, embarrassed for acting like such a fool.

“You must think that I'm crazy, huh?” he laughed weakly.

“Not at all. I know what it's like to have to deal with this kind of thing. I've been through it,” he grinned kindly, rising slightly to kiss the other on the forehead. “Take your time.”

“Well, I wanted to say that I am deeply in love with-” he started, much more composed.

“Xiumin, Kyungsoo needs help with the cooking. He needs you to taste something and he won't let anyone else do it for him,” Jongin called from behind the closed door. Xiumin sighed, wondering if he should get up and go or stay to hear Luhan's confession. He decided on the former, since, though he tried to create a falsely confident and calm demeanor, he knew he was not ready to have his heart trampled.

“Well, I'm sorry, Luhan, but you heard him. If I don't, the food will never get done,” he huffed, accustomed to having to help the chef with the food often.

“Of course, I'm pretty hungry, myself, so you better get to it,” Luhan chuckled, rubbing his stomach to emphasize his lie. Xiumin nodded, rose, and walked calmly to the door, though his heart was half relieved and half already broken. “Xiumin?” the other called as the other turned the knob, poised to go.

“Yes?” the elder asked, turning to stare and raise an eyebrow.

“Thanks for listening,” Luhan muttered softly before cracking a light smile.

“Of course, any time.” With that, the other disappeared and closed the door back.

“Xiumin, I love... you. Xiumin, I love you,” the younger male repeated to himself as he flopped back on his bed, staring at the white ceiling as if it held the answers to his dilemma. “Do you love me back?” he asked the emptiness. Does he love me back?

“So, wheres' the delicious food?” Xiumin asked excitedly, trying to distract himself from the ever -present pain.

“Kyungsoo is just starting on it,” Sehun huffed, nodding his head towards the kitchen where the vocalist hummed happily as he gathered the ingredients and cookware.

“Then why did you call me out here so early?” he asked, confused.

“I didn't call you. That was Jongin.”

“Jongin, what did you want?” Xiumin asked, slightly irritated.

“All we wanted to know was how it was going in there. So, what happened?” he chimed innocently, crossing his legs as if he were a child ready for storytime. Xiumin narrowed his eyes at the second youngest.

“It was going fine,” he lied, gritting his teeth, trying to ignore the swelling pain and the forthcoming tears. He didn't want the others to see him this way so he would charade through it.

“What did you guys talk about?” he prodded.

“Did you guys finally kiss?” Baekhyun chirped, more interested than he probably should have been.

“No, we were having a serious talk until you guys ruined it,” the elder muttered, averting his gaze from the group.

“What were you guys talking about?” Jongin repeated.

“Nothing. We were talking about nothing!” Xiumin snapped before briskly walking away to his room and slamming the door. Since the eldest member never made such violent outbursts, they knew it was best to leave him alone.

Xiumin cried into his pillow, biting the edges, hoping that this would somehow relieve his anguish, but his heart reminding him that what he needed the most to feel better was Luhan, himself.

 

 

“Xiumin, do you love me, too?” Luhan muttered over and over again as he rolled around in his own bed.

Luhan, why do you make this so hard?

 

I'm sorry, Xiumin, I really wanted to tell you this earlier. I just never had the-

 

Some nerve. What am I doing? Why am I pining after someone who doesn't love me back? Why is he so-

 

Perfect. I really want you to love me back, but why would you choose-

 

Me? Why won't you love me, too? Why is it so hard to just say that-

 

I love you with all my heart.

 

 

Starting with that night, over the next two weeks, the two tried their best to avoid each other, not even giving each other as much as passing glances. They, unlike usual, sat on opposite sides of the table, hoping that the distance would help them. Though they never talked it over, they somehow had the same idea and the same wish. They both struggled with the distance, but they knew, since their talk, and annoying encouragement from all the other members, who apparently noticed their intense love for each other better than they did, neither could find it in himself to handle talking. The dance sessions were heavy with a tense atmosphere, and in their free time, unlike always, they weren't seen together. Whenever they would have to be paired for their rendition of “Gee”, they would hardly get close enough for their illusion to be called a kiss. The other members, also suffering from the thick tension, knew that they would have to take it into their own hands to aid the confused and poorly misled oldest members.

 

 

 

“Uh, do you know where Kyungsoo is?” Luhan asked Lay innocently the day of their Hong Kong concert for The Lost Planet tour.

“Yeah, of course. He's in the last dressing room down the hall,” Lay answered, flashing his signature and common dimpled smile at the singer. “Is everything alright?” he asked, always showing concern for everyone.

“Yeah, it's nothing. I'm just a bit nervous and he and I always do these special exercises that calm me down and help me sing better,” he admitted. “Thank you for all your concern. You're the best unicorn ever,” he joked, giving a quick hug to the younger male before walking briskly to find the shorter singer.

“Of course, I am,” Lay called proudly. “Good luck,” he chimed before finding something else to do. As he walked away, a rare, evil smile curled onto his face.

“Ah Kyung-” Luhan began, bursting cheerfully through the door of the dressing room Lay pointed out, before his smile dropped when he noticed the blond haired man standing before the mirror, trying his best to compose himself.

“Luhan? W-What are you doing here?” Xiumin stuttered nervously, his eyes darting all over the room, except for the taller male before him.

“Sorry, I came here looking for Kyungsoo. Lay told me that he would be in here. I had no idea that it was your dressing room,” he mumbled, his eyes drilling holes into the floor.

“Ah, he's next door, but is everything alright?” Xiumin asked, his eyes widening with concern. I know that we haven't talked in a while, but don't think that I don't still care about you,” he whispered, just loudly enough for the other to hear.

“Yeah, I'm just a little nervous is all. No matter how many performances we do, I always get nervous and it doesn't help that this is part of our first tour,”he admitted, his heart fluttering partially from anxiety and partially because he knew, despite the awkwardness, the other still cared for him as much as he cared for him.

“Ah, don't worry, all of us are a bit nervous. It just comes with the job,” he chuckled, his laugh starting a rush of butterflies to swarm Luhan's stomach. “Come here,” he ordered kindly, outstretching his arms for a hug. Not wanting to be rude and needing the comfort, Luhan shyly shuffled towards the other, anticipating the hug with all of his heart. It had been so long since the two had shared a touch.

“Wah~” Luhan wailed as he stumbled over the carpet that he didn't notice. In an instant, Xiumin's strong arms were wrapped around his frame as the other heaved frantically, his heart beating at the speed of light.

“Are you alright?” Xiumin asked after moments of silence, still holding tightly on the younger male, not wanting to let go for anything in the world.

“Ah, yeah,” Luhan managed, his face burning bright red. “Thank you,” he choked, breaking free of the other's grasp to stand up straight.

“Luhan,” Xiumin began, figuring he had to take the opportunity to reveal himself now.

“Guys, it's about to start. Get out here,” the manager boomed as he made his way through the hall. Immediately after, there was a knock on the door. “Good luck, you guys,” he chimed.

“Looks like it's time to go,” Luhan smiled weakly, nearly rushing to the door, anxious to leave before he embarrassed himself further.

The concert seemed to drag on for the both of them, the tension settling over them again. Though the others danced and sang as if nothing was wrong, they knew their plan had failed and that the two were still ages away from confessing. They once again noticed how awkward the two were and all thought how terrible it would be for the both of them when it was time to perform “Gee”The two wished desperately, that somehow, miraculously, the song would cut off or be cut out completely and they wouldn't have to get that close. Xiumin beat himself up for being so shy and Luhan wallowed in self-loathing at how difficult he was being. Finally, the moment came. The two froze, ready to be moved by the other members, Luhan dreading the close proximity and Xiumin determined to finally show Luhan. As the two neared each other, Xiumin's will broke, and before it was time for the two to get assaulted by pillows, without thinking, he pecked his lips quickly, effectively stunning the younger male. The crowd howled with joy at the fanservice, having no clue the underlying story. Luhan's mouth flew open, along with a few of the other members'. All of them froze for a split second, take aback that it had finally happened, before Sehun attacked Luhan with a pillow playfully, signaling to the others that they all had a performance to finish. As the concert raged on, Xiumin felt relieved and rather proud while Luhan had still not yet comprehended what had transpired.

 

 

“I told you, Kyungsoo is in the next room. I'm not good with calming you down. I only make things worse,” Xiumin sighed, the aftermath of what he had done finally settling upon him as he glanced up at the mirror to see Luhan standing in the doorway of his dressing room after the concert concluded and they had all changed into their normal clothes. He continued to wipe away the makeup until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He stood up, ready to face the other male, and ready to apologize. Though he had felt elated at first, he knew that he had put the friendship in jeopardy and that was the last thing that he wanted. “Look, I'm so-” he started before Luhan wrapped his arms around his neck and crashed their lips together in a passionate kiss.

“Madly and uncontrollably in love with you, Kim Minseok,” he stated proudly. Now, it was Xiumin's turn to be surprised.

“What?” he croaked.

“You heard me. I love you. I love everything about you and I now know from tonight that you feel the same way. Kim Minseok, I've been such an idiot, hiding my feelings from you and to be honest, these last few weeks have tortured me. I wanted to be with you, but you wouldn't even look at me. I thought you hated me. I'm so sorry. I should have said this sooner,” he confessed, shaking his head at his own foolishness.

“You're not the only one to blame here, I've been struggling with myself, too. I just didn't want to ruin anything.”

“I know, neither did I, but it took me until you made the first move to realize that we don't have forever and I had to do something.”

“We may not have forever, but I want to spend the rest of my tomorrows with you,” Xiumin stated shyly, before changing character and crashing their lips together for a third time that night, his tongue swiping at Luhan's bottom lip, begging for entrance. The other gladly allowed him access, dancing with his tongue once he felt it. Luhan moaned shamelessly into the kiss, finally letting himself be free as his hands s over Xiumin's sculpted chest, abs, and sinful hips.

“Mm, I know that you're excited, but not here, not now. We have the rest of forever to get that far. Can we take things slow?” Xiumin asked, huffing for air once he pulled away from the kiss.

“Of course, now that I don't have to rush things. We can go as slowly as you want, baby,” the younger male assured him. “I love you so much,” he whispered, pressing their heads together. “C'mon, I think I hear the others. It's time to go,” he whispered, grabbing the elder's hand to lead him outside.

“It's about damn time, you guys!” Sehun yelled once he saw the two walking down the hall, fingers still intertwined. The two only blushed wildly.

“Ah, so maybe it did work after all,” Lay smirked, nodding in approval as the group walked out to the car.

“You had something to do with this- or rather, what happened earlier?” Luhan asked in disbelief.

“Of course I did. We all did and I must say that our plan may have failed, but you guys are together now and that's all we ever wanted,” Lay responded nonchalantly, mischievous smirk still on his face. “We're all happy for you two.”

“And happy that you guys aren't acting like babies anymore!” Jongin chortled.

“You're one to talk,” Luhan snapped back as they climbed into the car.

“Baby, forget about it, they were only trying to help, childish as they were. Just hold me,” Xiumin whispered, drowsy.

“Of course. I love you,” the other cooed, cuddling the other male in his arms the best he could in the back of the van.

“I love you, too, for now and for always.”

---

A/N: Well, it's been a while since I did a pairing fic, but how fitting that my first one back would be a xiuhan. I got this idea from a lovely little pic a friend sent of them at a TLP concert and it looks like they get closer and closer every time they have to do the song. So, what do I do about it? I write about how close they could get from it. Seriously, that part always gets to me and gives me the MOST INTENSE xiuhan feels. About time I wrote about it. Anyhow, thanks for reading ^^