I've come up with a theory that if you were to have a perfect person then they may as well not even exist. It may seem like a blessing to some people but to be truthful it's against nature. Having someone around like that would only ever hurt everyone else as they realise how full of imperfections they are themselves. People may like to pretend that they have everything going for them, but it's just an act. A plain, stupid act. It's a facade they put up so that they can put down others. Show how far beneath them they are. It took me a while to figure that out and by then I was already broken.

Back in the day when Kyungsoo wore blazers and ate a packed lunch each day, he was a cheerful little bundle of joy. He had this 'wonderful' group of friends and he paid ever so much attention in class. Everyone liked him. Well at least, he liked to think that they liked him. Every day was a new start, a positive beginning. Kyungsoo loved life. I hate life. I said bye bye to that person a long, long time ago.

Now people call me mean and self-conscious and impulsive but I highly disagree. It's how people interpret what I say that changes their opinion. My psychologist tells me to think before I speak, but I've figured out a long time ago that she doesn't understand. She’s paid to listen and offer advice, but she has probably heard it all before. It’s like a re-run of a show she’s seen a hundred times already. It most likely gets boring after the tenth time. But I go to the appointments anyway. It makes mum happy. I like it when she's happy.

Every time I came home with a new boyfriend she’d give me this sad look like she couldn’t believe I’d done it again. She’d ask me all these questions about them and I’d get so angry and defensive. Mum never trusted them and I couldn’t understand why. At one point she said she just didn’t want me loving a bad person. I’d stared at her because that couldn’t be true. They were all good people. They needed to tell me what I could fix so I could make them happy. If they said I was too fat, then I probably was. If they said I was too hyper, then I knew that I needed to sober up a bit. I like making people happy. It’s like my life’s purpose.

On my first appointment with the psychologist (Miss Keun I think her name is) she had given me this sheet of paper that I had to fill out. It was full of useless questions that made my head spin as I scanned the page. Then we talked over the answers. She asked me why I was so obsessed with the importance of other people’s happiness and I simply replied that it made me feel good. The expression on her face told me she was curious. I shifted uncomfortably. I hated this. Miss Keun jotted down a few notes before querying to whether that made me feel good. My reply was no. I’ve never felt truly happy in my entire life.

Back when I was so naïve I thought that I was on Cloud 9 half the time with having all these loving and caring boyfriends that supposedly looked after me. By the time, I’d been dumped by my third boyfriend I realised how true mum had been. And I’d just sat on my bed for ages, staring at that dream catcher by the window for what seemed like hours. It had never been anything but a trinket that mum had bought for me from a business trip to America. I’d never wondered the actual purpose of the strange decoration.

Kai told me that it’s used in the belief that bad dreams will be caught in the outer webbing of the circle and the good dreams will slip through the hole in the centre. At first, I'd called him silly, but he insisted that it worked. I've never understood Kai.

He appeared out of nowhere at the bus-stop one day as I was waiting after school with this huge smile on his face. Part of me wondered if you anyone could actually muster up that much happiness. The other part, just thought it was downright creepy. I mean, the only person that actually smiled at me was my mum. Most people tend to avoid a boy dressed up in all black with messy, dyed red hair. I used to be all innocent and wear full school uniform and have my hair neatly styled but those days are long gone. So there was this predicament. I felt like telling this smiling idiot to piss off but he sidled over and sat down next to me anyway. In the end I decided to discretely send vibes of uncomfortable tension in his general direction by moving away.

Call it rude if you like, but people like him are what got me into this mess in the first place. I always fell for the trap of the nice guy. Now I had learned my lesson and I was paying the price.

“Are you new here?” I asked stiffly.

The boy shrugged and flashed me another smile. He was definitely the type I tried ever so hard to avoid. Perfect hair, perfect handsome face, probably perfect body too. He was 'perfect'. On the outside at least. It's what's inside that hurts others the most. “Guess so. I'm new to this suburb. Not to this country.”

I nodded and fixed my gaze on the cars driving past in the hope this was the end of our short conversation.

“My name's Kai,” he continued, obviously oblivious to the signs that I didn't want to talk. “Or Kim Jongin, which ever you prefer to call me.”

“Right,” I said.

Kai's smile returned. God, I just wanted to tell him to stop it for just one second. “What's yours?” He pushed some black hair out of his eyes.

“None of your business,” I replied and stood as the bus rounded the corner.

“Aw that's kinda rude,” Kai whined, that smile never leaving his face. He folded his arms.

“Whatever,” I mumbled.

First impressions, as you may have gathered, are not my greatest strength. Kai says, if I try harder to be nice on purpose then more people will like me. I scowled and told him to shut up.

He then pointed out that telling his friends to shut up is considered not very nice. I told him to shut up again.

Kai is like a pesky fly sometimes. Always buzzing around your head and never leaving you alone. So, perhaps, our friendship is more dysfunctional than I would appreciate but having a dysfunctional relationship is better than none at all. It's always been boyfriends or else. I doubt they even considered the option. Now little innocent Kyungsoo is gone. And that's what scares them away, but for some unknown, incredibly annoying reason not Kai.

I sat by the window looking out over the street and I saw Kai waving at me. I turned my back and slumped further down into the seat.