“Excuse me?” I was still trying to comprehend what he had just told me, and I needed some confirmation.

“Junsu has enough to deal with right now, he doesn’t need any more complications.”

Complications...

“So is that what I am?” I started at him unbelievably, feeling even more offended than before, “I’m just another complication?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“You didn’t need to,” I packed my things and stood up, “Fine, tell Junsu that our deal is off and that I want nothing to do with him,” and without any response from him, I took my leave.

____oOo____

I slipped through the doors of the faculty lounge of the Chemistry department. Mr. H₂O wasn’t there like Sunny had said he would be at this time. It looks like something else was using up his free time now...or someone else. I sighed again. What was I doing lurking around corners again? It wasn’t healthy, Nichkhun had already reminded me too many times that I would be like this... Obsession as he called it. I was not obsessed with finding out. I was not obsessed with her.

I checked my watch, I had fifteen minutes to get to the Music department, meet up with Nichkhun, and re-mix his song. Why he needed me there, why I even agreed to be there, I don’t think I’ll ever figure out.

As I made my way around the corner, I spotted a familiar head up ahead, and I called out to her, “Sung-Jin!”

She continued walking, didn’t she hear me? I ran up to her, hooking my fingers on the strap of her bag, jerking her back. She glared at me, and I smiled. “Where are you off to in such as hurry?” I asked.

“None of your business.”

None of my business? Are we back to that again? “We need to talk. Have you completely internalized my Guide To Success yet?” I was referring to my master plan, the same plan we never got to talk about again because Ms. Jung apparently enjoys playing teacher. Either that, or she has read said plans and is skittish about them.

“No, and you know what, let’s just forget about the deal. It was nice knowing you.” she spat her words out as she violently shook her bag to dislodge my grip. She scowled at me one last time before spinning on her heel to leave.

What was her problem this time?

“Junsu, I need you to focus.”

I gave Nichkhun a sideways glance as I put the headset back on, “I am focused.” I told him. I rearranged the sheet music on the stand before me, marking my parts with a pencil. Nichkhun had rearranged the track so it was a little faster, even giving Jae-Beom a few meters for his rap.

“Well you need more focus.”

Nichkhun switched the music on again and I wait for his cue to start singing. Why did I agree to this again? Right. Because Wooyoung apparently had some blackmail information on Jae-Beom and Taec, and these two were literally on their knees begging for help. Also, because in my mind, doing this may serve the original purpose of this song. If only I could find her again.

The familiar music had started to play through my headset. I started to move my head in rhythm for the timing, waiting for my cue to start singing.

“Leave me, leave me, even if just for a single day, get out of my life-”

And the music had been paused. I ceased to continue singing, Nichkhun’s voice going straight through my headset, “Yah, you’re still flat. This is your third time.”

“I didn’t go flat,” I sighed, “I’m trying, really...” I mumbled.

“I didn’t mean a flat note...I need more emotion..more...longing, more pain. Just one take Junsu, I only need one take.”

I nodded in reluctant agreement and heard the music start up once more time. I take a deep breath and closed my eyes. An image had flashed in my mind, a very familiar playground suddenly appearing with two people at the swing set, the guy pushing the girl with a huge smile on his face. I couldn’t see their faces clearly, but I knew who they were. I tried to conceal my tears under my bangs as my voice came out, nearly strained, wailing out the lyrics through the microphone.

Baby, I’m losing my mind, I can’t breathe...
Where exactly are you?
I know that this is the end, but please...

My heart and my eyes have gone crazy
My tears won’t stop falling
The tears need to stop
My heart cries out...
dduk...dduk...dduk...dduk...dduk...

I felt my heart become heavy, but I held back the any of my would-be sobs from making their way into the recording, continuously singing at the higher key that the song had just shifted into.

Come back to me...come back to me...
My pleas are never ending, please, come back to me...
My heart cries out...
dduk...dduk...dduk...dduk...dduk...

I sang the last few lines, my voice seemingly straining even more as I struggled to stay on key, that single image not leaving my head. It wasn’t until the song had finally ended when I finally opened my eyes to find everyone staring at me, some wide-eyed, all in awe.

“What?” I wiped my tears away, trying to provide comic relief, “Do we need to re-record?”

“That’s a good take, I think you’re done now, we just need to record Jay’s part. After that we can send this to Wooyoung...and my adviser for grading...” Nichkhun looked straight into my eyes and I nodded at him, telling him I was alright. Nichkhun was the only one present at that time...he was the only one who knew what this song really meant.

____oOo____

“GOOD MOOORNING COMEEEETS~” I almost cringed at the sound of Wooyoung-oppa’s voice as my alarm for when I woke up the next morning. I now curse Yoo-Jin for setting this station as my alarm.

“Due to insistent public demand, live at the studio, singing a song he wrote with the Music Department’s resident Prince Charming, Nichkhun, ladies and gents, but most especially ladies, Kim Junsu!”

An electronic melody with a piano backdrop started playing, and Junsu’s distinct vocals flooded my ears. He wasn’t even singing the lyrics yet, but he already sounded so pained and...in so much...need. The familiar first verse had finally started as Junsu’s voice flowed out the radio speakers...more strained than usual, but it was obvious he was singing live. There were no indications of using autotune, and his husky voice now filled the dorm in an almost haunting mood as his lyrics were brought to life...in an undead way...if that makes sense.

You told me that my love wasn’t love
But I’m a fool still waiting for you
How can your love change just like that?
Why won’t you even look at me?

Everyday I’m missing you
Everyday I cry
Why can’t my heart just forget about you?

Every word that came out of Junsu’s mouth was filled with with so much pain and hurting. Hearing them being sung with actual music created an even bigger impact than when I had just read the lyrics on their own. Was this really Kim Junsu singing? Where was all this emotion coming from? It seemed so out of place with this regular stoic self, calling out to someone to come back to you? Begging her to not leave? This was not the holier-than-thou Kim Junsu I knew. This was not the same Kim Junsu who lurked around corridors watching people, smirking at them, looking down on them...This Kim Junsu was human.

Can’t you hear my tears screaming for you?

I gasped hearing that one line. Junsu was literally screaming his heart out...and lumps began to form in my throat. I could hear Yoo-Jin’s sniffling in her side of the room, mumbling to herself that she was going to hunt down whoever broke Junsu’s heart.

“I am so going to hunt her down and tear all her hair off! How dare she hurt my oppa? Who does she think she is?!”

Yoo-Jin continued her monologue, one, I suppose, no one would really want to hear. I was curious, I had to admit. I wanted to know this person as well...this girl, but there was no way to find out. Not when I just called off our little arrangement.