Guilt

The Place You Left
Guilt
shut your eyes and keep kissing
 
 
 
 

Getting up from the table, he pulled her out of the kitchen and led her back to her bedroom. Looking around, he walked to the other end of the room where he spotted a full body mirror; noticing some dust on the glass, he used the hem of his shirt to wipe it clean before putting himself out of the way, leaving Lina to see her reflection.

 

 

Dull gaze, she was staring straight into her own eyes before letting her stare fall down until she was looking at the floor. “I still don’t see it. Just- let’s forget about this, okay? it’s not important.”

 

“It is to me.”

 

She sighed with her shoulders dropping, staring back at herself straight through her own orbs across the mirror.

 

Placing his hands on her shoulders, he gave her a light squeeze before trailing them down her arms until his fingertips reached her hands, softly interlacing their fingers together, his chin on her shoulder with his eyes looking at her through the reflection.

 

“Why do you feel so insecure about yourself? Look at you.”

 

“Yah~ I’m a mess, I still haven’t fixed my morning hair and my clothes are all wrinkled from my sleep.”

 

“You still look good.”

 

“You’re just saying this to be nice.”

 

“It doesn’t mean that I’m not being sincere.” He slightly turned his face to place a kiss right behind her ear with his eyes closed, and took in the scent of her hair, which created a faint wave of warmth traveling throughout his body. She silently watched him, her heart increasing its beat as she gulped down heavily, trying to regain the air that was escaping from her lungs.

 

He turned his head back to look at her, placing his hands back on her shoulder with his fingers lightly holding her from so she could properly face the mirror. “Let me tell you what makes you beautiful.”

 

With one hand, he ran his fingers through her hair, letting the softness of her locks glide across his skin. “Your long, wavy brunette hair, that looks so silky, it makes me want to run my fingers through them and feel its softness. I like the way it frames your face, especially your bangs; they cover your eyes at times but not the depth of your gaze.”

 

He let his hand down, his fingers caressing right under her left eye with his thumb. “Deep set, blue-grey colored eyes that when I look into them, I get so completely lost and mesmerized by the splendor of those orbs. I love how expressive they are with your emotions even when you yourself try to hide it. Whether you feel happy or sad, I can clearly see it all in your eyes.”

 

From under her eyes, he softly caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, going on with his thoughts. “When you’re happy, I love how they can easily glow and light up when your lips break into a smile and show your elusive but freakishly cute dimples on each of your cheeks. However, when you’re sad, it leaves me heart broken because they make your eyes dull, showing your sorrow, making me want to hold you close to take all of your pain away.”

 

He lightly taps the tip of her nose, earning himself a quiet huff from her lips, a simple yet faint smile showing. “Your nose, small and slightly turned-up at the tip makes you look more innocent and that’s one of the traits I love about you; your innocence.” He then lowered his head to look down at her lips, the tip of his fingers lightly tracing them.

 

“You want to know why I never want to stop kissing you?” Holding onto her right cheek, he gently turns her face so he could look at her directly in the eyes before staring down at her lips. He leans in and softly kisses her, lingering to enjoy the touch before pulling away, again, caressing her cheek. “Because I can’t get enough of the way your lips feel against mine.” He kisses her once again, this time he lightly nips her bottom lip and eventually kisses her deeper, as slightly parts for a gasp to escape.

 

He slowly turned her body to have her chest pressed against his and held her gently, one hand by her neck and the other one her by the waist. He pressed his lips harder against hers just to let her know how much it drove him crazy and she let him be, not having the strength to push him away because it tickled her insides with something warm and new.

 

She didn’t believe it was a good reason but she didn’t want him to stop either, so she let him sweep her off her feet.

 

With his eyes closed, he whispered against her slightly parted mouth, his voice making her breathing short and shaky, as the smoothness of his tone was reaching out to her, sending chills down her spine. “They taste sweet and are so tender. They feel so soft and are simply perfect to gaze at but are so much better to savor. Just imagining them, is enough to make me crave for a taste.” She breathes in shakily, letting his words sink in as she felt her skin burning up.

 

With the hand that was holding her by the neck, he let his fingertips graze as he looked down at it while her eyes were set on him, waiting to see what he was about to say. “Your voice… is honey-like. I just close my eyes and let that voice dance on my skin and whenever I do, I can just smile because its so beautiful to hear. It’s like music to my ears, like a perfect melody to listen to.”

 

He let his hands trace the shape of her body until he took hold of her hips and slowly pulled her further against him until his forehead was pressed against hers. “And such elegance from your body… You’ve grown into such a gorgeous young woman Lina, it’s starting to become hard to concentrate whenever I look at you.”

 

Once again, he trailed his hand up and down, from her shoulders down to her arms until her fingertips and back up to trail them down her waist as he spoke, ghosting over the sides of her s before letting his hands trail down to the curves of her hips and holding her there.

 

“I just want to touch every part of you, just to feel the way your curves perfectly shape your waist, from your… s to your hips. Your skin, feels so soft and smooth against my fingertips, like satin, I just want to caress them all day. I just want to hold you so tightly against me, and feel the way your body molds perfectly with mine, hiding my imperfections.”

 

He knew that he was getting carried away but he couldn’t help it; he couldn’t stop and just kept describing how he was seeing her, how breathtaking she was to him.

 

“Elegant and yet so delicate. The way you move, the way you touch, the way you gaze or just talk; everything about you is beautiful. It’s not even a strong word to describe how perfect you are… You’re simply flawless… Any men would be lucky… to have you…”

 

His words reached her ear from the whispers of his voice, sending chills down her spine, feeling his hot breath against her exposed neck. She closed her eyes, enjoying the little spark it sent through her veins before re-opening them to stare back into her friend’s eyes. “What if I didn’t want just any men? What if there was only a specific one I want?”

 

“Y-you met s-someone?”

 

“K-kind of…” He felt his heart slightly break at her words; he let go of her as he backed away,  making her gently bite her bottom lip with her arms hugging her waist. “I never see him so I guess it doesn’t really count.”

 

“B-but you met someone you like?” She looked down at the floor and nodded her head, leaving him hanging breathless with his stare, saddened by the news. They stayed like this for a moment until Mir broke the silence, as he lightly cleared his throat, his eyes looking up at the window.

 

“I think I should go… The others must be looking for me now.”

 

“Are you coming back?”

 

“Mhmm, of course.” A stiff smile on his face, he walked out of the house with Lina watching him from the living room as he left. With a sigh escaping from her lips, she went to clean herself and once she was done, she came back to find her grandmother sitting at her usual spot in the living room, the TV at a low volume while she was quietly knitting.

 

Lina came to sit on the other couch, next to her grandmother and stared at the TV screen, not really paying attention to what was playing at the moment.

 

“Darling, you look preoccupied, is everything okay?”

 

From the TV, she turned her head to look at Mrs. Choi who had gotten up from her chair to sit next to the girl, a hand on her thigh with a gentle pat. “Grandma… How do you know when you’re in love?”

 

The older one chuckled, amused as she knew the reason for that question. “This is about Cheolyong, isn’t it? If your grandfather saw this, he would throw such a fit~” A sigh out of the woman’s mouth, she looked back at Lina who was staring down the floor. “Are you in love with the boy sweetie?”

 

“I-I don’t know… I just- He’s driving me crazy!” She ran her fingers through her hair with her confusion starting to take the best of her as it drove her to be slightly irritated. “I mean, it’s Cheolyong! The boy I grew up with, my best friend! I’ve always seen him as a big brother but when I broke it off… When I saw him with her, grandma… it killed me.”

 

She could feel close and her eyes stinging from tears. She had her arms wrapped around herself with her grandmother’s hand on her back, softly caressing her as she sadly gazed at the young one, her heart broken at her sight.

 

“I thought I was overreacting but every time I would see them together, I could just feel my heart squeeze so tightly… I felt betrayed and so alone. A-and then h-he had to leave… He didn’t even say goodbye to me; he left without a word and then he comes back and pretends like nothing happened! I hate him so, so much-” She cut her sentence short from the cries that entangled themselves into her words before overpowering them as she started to slowly break down, leaning her body to the front with her forehead resting on her knees.

 

The soothing touch of Mrs. Choi was still on her back, not stopping the gentle caress. “Why do I feel like this? Hmm? And he makes it worse by kissing me! And I don’t even know why! It-It’s like he’s just there to torture me and I just… I just want to forget about him but… I’ve missed him so much. G-Grandma-”

 

Leaving her sobs to choke her words, she let her gaze land on her grandmother, having her cheeks held onto by the lady’s frail hands to have the young girl’s tears wiped away. “I-it hurts… He said he would be good to m-me; he promised that he would be there for me but he l-left. He a-abandoned me- Is there something wr-wrong with me? Is that why he left?”

 

“Oh my, sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with you! Do you hear me? You are such a perfect young lady, my beautiful jewel; don’t ever think like this, okay?” She wiped away the new set of tears that were staining Lina’s cheek before pulling her closer, kissing her forehead sweetly and embraced her tightly in her arms, calming her down.

 

“I know your heart hurts and I wish I could take your pain away darling but the only one that can do so is the one you’re in love with… Only him will be able to heal you.”

 

“Can’t somebody else do it? Can’t you do it Grandma? I can’t face him anymore… I don’t think I can look at him without feeling my heart ache.”

 


 

On the other side of the lake, Mir had just walked back to his house, his mother in the kitchen while the others were outside, helping his father with whatever task that needed to be done.

 

As he walked inside the kitchen, a piece of paper caught his attention at the table. He picked it up out of curiosity and quickly scanned his eyes across it; he blinked his eyes as he shook his head before he started to properly read the wordings with his voice, in a soft mumbling.

 

“What the hell…” He looked up at his mother who had her back at him and called her out, with anger starting to boil inside of him. “Where’s dad?”

 

“Hmm, he’s probably out in the backyard with your friends.” At the mention, he quickly rushed out, his hand clutching strongly onto the paper. He loudly called out to his father until he found him on the other side of the field; he held the paper in the air before throwing it in his face, the sudden gesture leaving everyone present in shock.

 

“YOU WANT TO DESTROY HER HOUSE?! ARE YOU INSANE?!! I can’t believe you got more than HALF of the village to sign that stupid petition! WHY?! Hasn’t she suffered enough?! WHAT DID SHE EVER DO TO YOU?!”

 

Taking back the paper, he ripped it into pieces before letting them drop on the floor, a look of disbelief painted across his face as he stared at his father, frustration creeping inside his veins. “I can’t believe you would do this; I never thought you would be this cruel.”

 

No chance for protest from the older man, Mir ran out of the grounds, finding himself making his way back from where he left off. Once he was standing by the river, he stopped in his tracks as he was catching his breath from the sprint he just did. Along the way, he felt his anger subside to be replaced by another emotion leaning towards worry and confusion, both for the girl he was in love with.

 

Lifting his eyes up, he spotted her house and stared at it until a sense of determination to help her was stirring up inside of him. He didn’t want to let her suffer even more with everything that she had gone through and wanted to do everything he could do help her.

 

Slowly, he went back to his hike with only one single thought in his head, thinking of it as the best solution.

 

Once he was walking past the bridge and was standing in front of the door, he took one deep breath to calm down his nerves and knocked on the wooden door, waiting for an answer. ‘I’m getting you out of here Lina. I won’t let you suffer any longer.’

 

Hearing the click of the door, he found Lina standing in front of him. “That was fast.”

 

“Yea… Hmm, can we talk for a moment?”

 

“Sure.” She stepped out of the house as she closed the door behind her before turning back to face the boy who was looking nervous, catching Lina’s attention. “Cheolyong? What’s wrong? Y-you have to leave, don’t you?”

 

“It’s not that… it’s about your house.”

 

“What about my house?”

 

“There’s this petition going around-”

 

“I know.” Surprised, he stopped forming his sentence with his eyes wide, set on the girl who didn’t seem to be phased at all by the alerting news. “You knew and you didn’t say anything?”

 

“Why would I say something? It’s none of your business.”

 

“Of course it is!”

 

Anger was starting to strike every nerve inside her body, her hold onto her staff getting tighter by the second. She scoffed at his response with her gaze looking to the water before turning her head back to him, shaking it. “The hell it is Cheolyong. Now, leave.”

 

She was about to step away when he suddenly grabbed onto her arm, leaving her startled for a second before roughly pushing herself away from his grasp.

 

“I’m not leaving until you tell me why you didn’t say anything.”

 

“So now you care? Now you want to know everything about me and my life?! Get out!”

 

“I’m not moving until you tell me Lina! How can you keep this to yourself?! They are trying to destroy your home!”

 

“I KNOW THAT YOU IDIOT! You think I’m just sitting back and doing nothing?!”

 

“Of course! You didn’t say anything to me-”

 

“BECAUSE IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! IT’S MY PROPERTY! It’s MY responsibility!”

 

“Move in with me.” Her breath stopped, her body froze from where she was standing, and her eyes stared straight into his with shock written in them. The calmness of his voice as he spoke out those words was ringing inside her head, trying to wrap the idea about how serious he was.

 

Not being able to control herself, she started to laugh, a bitter sound coming out of . Once she calmed down, she tilted her head to the side with her eyes on Mir and thought that he might have gone crazy. “Are you out of your mind?”

 

“No. I want you to move in with me; come to the city with me.”

 

“The city?! Are you crazy?! Why the hell would I do that?!”

 

“So I can be with you! Take care of you!”

 

“No.”

 

“Lina, please-”

 

“After five f* years, now you want to take action? After having disappeared on me and not even having the guts to reach out and try to contact me, now you want to be the hero?! You’re crazy Cheolyong.”

 

A mixture of frustration, annoyance and resentment was piling up inside of her. If this argument was going any further, she felt as if she was going to explode and she knew that it was coming. She didn’t want to hold it in anymore but for the sake of her grandmother, who was just on the other side of that closed door, she kept it all in.

 

“I want you to leave… And don’t come back. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

 

“You can’t do that-”

 

“I just did. Now, get the hell off my property.” She turned her back on him and the moment she placed her hand on her door knob, ready to enter her house, she stopped in her tracks when she felt his hands on her shoulder, his voice begging. “Please, just come with me. Your life would be so much better if you just leave and come with me.”

 

She pushed him away and hit him a couple of times with her cane before giving him the final blow with a slap across his cheek. Her heavy breaths escaping her lungs, she glared at the boy sensing that she was about to break down in tears.

 

He turned his head to look back at her and felt so broken up, he didn’t know what else to say to convince her, but her next words are what brought him even further down, letting him to have tears stinging the corner of his eyes.

 

“You’ve changed. You are so selfish. I hate you and I want you out. I don’t want to ever see you again.”

 

“L-Lina, you deserve so much better than this! This is not a life for you! This is not how you’re suppose to be living!”

 

“DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT I DESERVE BETTER, BANG CHEOLYONG BECAUSE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT ME! Who says that I’m miserable, huh?! YOU DO! BUT YOU DON’T KNOW ME!”

 

“I KNOW YOU ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT YOU DESERVE A HELL OF A BETTER LIFE THAN THIS!”

 

She was about to answer when sudden loud clash was heard from inside the house. The abrupt noise caught Lina’s attention as she quickly turned around to the door, calling out to her grandma.

 

She opened the door to see where the sound came from and couldn’t find the woman where she had left her, inside the kitchen. “Grandma? Where are you?!” She walked as fast as she could to the room on the other side of the house and cried out when she saw the old woman with blood dripping out from her waist until her eyes had fallen on the knife with the stain of blood along it.

 

Panic was rapidly taking over her as she fell down on her knees trying to wake up her grandmother, crying out. She turned to Mir and yelled at him to call the ambulance, begging him to hurry up. Snapping out of his shock, he quickly grabbed onto his phone and dialed the emergency number before dropping down on his knees and taking the closest piece of cloth to place it on the wound, pressuring it to stop the bleeding.

 

Lina was becoming a wreck with her tears endlessly falling, her cries short in between her shallow breaths but desperate as she kept yelling out to her grandmother, her blood stained hands cupping her cheeks.

 

She finally earned a slight reaction as the lady fluttered her eyes open and smiled at her granddaughter, faintly muttering out an apology before closing her eyes once again.

 

Lina’s heart dropped, the rest of her world along with it.

 



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Mir-chu
#1
UGH I cried at the end of this story. This whole story from start to finish was written so beautifully, and the ending was perfect. I just really....*sighs* This was wonderful. I'm looking forward to more MBLAQ stories from you. Can you write one with Thunder or Joon next?^^
Mir-chu
#2
Chapter 7: This story touches my heart, the way you write is just something so special and unique. I love these moments between them, Lina...I just adore her. I love that we are finally at the present, and how he is still so kind to her. *sighs all fangirlishly* I love your writing so much. <3
Mir-chu
#3
Chapter 3: I love the font of this, I also like the size as well. It's very nice on the eyes and unique as well, pretty.<3 As for your chapter, I'm really enjoying all of this backstory. I find myself getting more and more into the story mainly because of the past and how well it is detailed. I'm starting to get to know more and more about Lina and why she is the way she is, which I love. Knowing about the character makes the story all the more personal and intimate. Great job as usual, dollface.<3
psycho_d
#4
Chapter 2: Poor Lina :( stupid damn that bullied her, u better go die already!
Mir-chu
#5
Chapter 1: Whoa I personally really like this chapter more than the first one that you write! I enjoyed that as well but this one cause my interest so fast! Wah! Great job! I seriously enjoyed this, your writing really is like water, you know? It just flows together...like water? Haha seriously I love the interaction between characters, the plot just pulls me in! Great job chingu~
psycho_d
#6
hello :D
hehehe XD