A/N: I know I need to write Ch 2 OTL I have it all written down in a notebook, but just haven't had a chance yet to type it up! It's been so busy. I'll try to update a little more often, so in the meantime enjoy this little bonus chapter!

This chapter will be in first person from Linda's pov.

-----------------------

I hate saying "I love you." It is one of the hardest things I'll ever say in my entire life because I am completely reluctant to show my vulnerable side. It's too mushy and the fluff just makes me want to kill myself. Sometimes it's even hard to say it to friends, even though I know I love them. It was so easy to say it when I was younger, when I had more love to share and go around. Now it just seems like I'm too afraid to love, scarred by the many times my heart was pushed down by the weight of betrayal and heartbreak. My heart swells with love and I can feel it within me when I see things that I love, but the action of just saying "I love you" seems foreign to my lips and I hate it.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

It makes it hard because when I don't express my feelings people might think the opposite of how I really feel; that I hate them or find them annoying, but in reality I don't and I love them to bits.

Why is it so hard to say those three words?

I can think it, I can sing it, I can write it, but I can't say it!

I just won't.

It's almost as rare as a blue moon.

The sad part about this is, I have yet to say it to the person I love most in the world.

It's just so awkward! It doesn't come out naturally for me. How does one say "I love you" and make it sound completely natural? I'm hesitant because what if they don't feel the same way? This is why I never say it first, I only say it when someone else says it first.

And that's exactly what's happening now.

I'm sitting here in my bedroom wondering different ways to bring it up, creating scenarios in my head and waving them away each and every time. Why am I worrying over this now? Why can't I just let it come naturally? Let's face it, it'll never come naturally. I'd rather sleep than tell him that I love him. It's too embarrassing, he'll make fun of me. But...

I can see the way his expression sinks whenever I say "I love you, too." My awkwardness makes it seem insincere, and I scream at myself to do something, anything to show him that I love him, but it's not the same as hearing the actual words first. I can tell that he wonders why he's always the one to say it first, and because I keep pushing him away whenever he says something lovey-dovey. His expression sinks again when I sing love songs and I point to everyone else in the room except for him, solely because if I look at him while singing I'd blush too much and fall to my knees in embarrassment. 

It'll never happen, I've just come to accept it.

A click of the security lock comes from the front door and I panic. He's standing outside my door and my pj's... MY PJ'S! I close the door and rush to look for a shirt and fuzzy pants, intent on not letting him see me in my pj's that I like to wear to bed. I finish changing and walk to the living room, meeting an exhausted Jongdae collapsed on the couch.

"Long day?"

"Yeah."

"Do you need your cuddle buddy?"

"Yes!"

He holds his hands out and grabs the air expectantly, hoping that I'd join him on the couch. However, a penguin was thrown at his face, his only option since I was not giving into cuddling with him so quickly.

"Hey!"

"What?"

"... Give me Chen."

"Really? You don't want to cuddle with Tiffany? She's the perfect cuddling size! Chen's too small."

"I need to speak with Chen, though."

"Then talk to yourself! Chen never leaves my purse."

I sat down on the floor and pulled my purse to my lap, looking for Chen to show Jongdae that he never leaves my purse. "See? He belongs there. I only take him out when I need to punch him because he's stupid."

"Which is exactly why I need to speak with him." A tickling sensation came to my ear as he whispered into my ear, forcing me to push his face away and whine in protest. His arms wrap around me and tries to grab for the small blue penguin residing in my purse.

"No!"

"Why not?"

"... H-he's mine."

"Isn't he me, though?"

"No."

"What?"

"He's Chen. You're Jongdae."

"But I'm also Chen!"

"Only on stage."

"True..."

"Mmhmm."

I poke at Chen's beak and happily fluffs him up while Jongdae looks at us in contempt. After cleaning Chen up a bit and putting him back in my purse I turn my head to face him and is met with a scowling Jongdae, probably jealous that I was treating Chen better than him. I giggle a bit and lean against the couch, poking Jongdae's cheek to get him to smile.

"What's wrong, frowny face? Why so sad?"

"My girlfriend likes a penguin better than she likes me."

"You should've known that going into the relationship."

"Why are you being like this to me?"

"Like what?"

Jongdae rearranges himself on the couch so that his face is suddenly really close to mine, the feeling his breath on my face makes my face heat up and I feel my own breath hitching as his eyes become locked with mine. We stay still like that for what feels like forever until he smirks and presses his forehead against mine.

"Tell me you love me."

"What? No! Gross."

"Oh c'mon, what's so gross about that? We've said it before."

"B-but you're making me say it first? No. Gross. No chance, no way, I won't say it."

"Then can you help me with my pronunciation of it in English?"

"What?"

"I lub you."

That is the most adorable thing I've ever heard, and yet the most disgusting thing at the same time. I fall back onto the floor laughing, finding the way he says "I love you" the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"Thanks Jongdae, I know you love me, but what do you want me to help you with in English?"

"I lub you!"

I laugh again because I just could not contain my amusement, he tries so hard yet fails every time.

"No really! What is it?"

"I lub you."

A pause comes from his end before he realizes that I'm only having him say it so that I can have a good laugh and he gives my arm a light smack, yelling that he's being serious right now. I calm down a little and pet his head lightly, feeling a little guilty that I made him embarrassed over something he's slightly insecure about.

"You want me to help you say it?"

"Yeah."

"Good luck with that, I hate saying that phrase."

"What?! But you say it to me all the time! And your friends!"

"Stupid! I say it to you in Korean, not in English, and I never say it first. Friends are different, it's a different kind of love, but even then I don't say it often, just sometimes with a select few."

"Why is it so hard to say?"

"I-It just is, okay? It's... kind of hard showing that side of me."

"Can you still help me though? It's not like you're saying it to me, you're just helping me say it, right?"

I don't know if I can trust this kid, I get the feeling he's tricking me into something... but if he's serious about it, then I should help. This is a very fine line we're treading on, though I guess I could help him out. Nothing bad will come from it, right?

Right?

"... Okay."

"I lub you."

"Alright, lover boy. We'll start with the [v] sound first. Try putting your teeth on your bottom lip and- just copy what I do, okay?" I made him sit up and sat next to him on the couch, thinking back to Juhl's International Phonetic Alphabet lessons in college where IPA was a must in her theatre class. I place my teeth on my bottom lip push sound out, almost creating a vibration with my throat and chest. Jongdae attempts to do the same and is able to isolate the sound pretty quickly.

"Good job! Now let's just work on the word 'love'. Repeat the sounds with me-"

"[l]"

"[l]"

"[ʌ]" (a/n: in IPA it's like an "uh" sound on stressed vowel syllables or the 어 [eo] character in Korean)

"[ʌ]"

"[v]"

"[v]"

"Okay let's put it together slowly. [l]...[ʌ]...[v]"

"[l]...[ʌ]...[v]"

"Okay now try it together fast until you say the word 'love'."

Jongdae repeats the sounds until he says the word almost correctly, but sighs in frustration.

"Can you say the word one more time?"

"Love." I emphasized the [v] sound.

"Again."

"Love."

"Can you say it one more time, please?"

"You just like hearing me say the word, don't you?" I sighed, wondering exactly what he was up to.

"Yes."

"I'm not saying it then!"

"Please? One last time." Jongdae scooted closer to me and held my waist, holding his ear near my face and waiting for me to say the cursed word.

"Fine... 'love'." I blush a deep red and bury my head in his neck, too embarrassed to look up at his face. A thousand thoughts run through my head as I think of all the possible ideas as to why he's making me do this now at this very moment. At this point I wasn't paying much attention to what he was saying, just focusing on my thoughts, the feeling of being embarrassed, and the intoxicating scent of his skin. I didn't notice him pulling me closer to him either until he began softly playing with my hair.

"'Love', eh? So how do you say 'I love you' in English?"

I was so distracted that I didn't even notice the words that uttered from my mouth in response.

"I love you."

Jongdae's body froze as he processed the words that came as a whisper from my lips. I could feel him look down at me as I drift back and forth from dreamland and reality.

"What?"

"Hmm?" I rubbed my eyes and looked up at him drowsily. "What did you say?"

"Tell me you love me again."

"A-again? Did I just say it?"

"Yes."

"D-don't make me say it again then..."

"...Please? It sounded so beautiful."

"Only because the phrase is beautiful."

"No, because it came from a beautiful person."

"Gross." I nudged him. "Stop giving me fuzzies. It only makes me want to say it more." I froze, processing the words that were coming out of my mouth. My face heats up to a terrifying temperature and I could feel it in my ears, burying my head into his neck once again. Jongdae moves me so that I'm sitting in his lap, his hands moving to my face so that I look at him in the eyes. One look and my will is broken, not wanting him to feel unloved when in fact it was quite the opposite. My hands cover his as I hide my eyes and give him a small smile, saying the phrase one more time.

"I love you."

A pair of lips quickly met mine and I heard his voice respond shakily to my confession.

"I love you, too."

I'll try to say it more often, I guess.

------------------------------

A/N: Eeeeeek!! >////////////////////////<;;