It’s already been a few days since you haven’t called

Do you know that it’s my birthday soon?

But time keeps ticking without concern

Because I was more worried than annoyed

I went to the entrance of your street without planning it

I didn’t think I’d see you but you greeted me with a smile

 

Actually, I worried about this a lot

Because I had nothing I could do for you

Even though I lack so much and I don’t have much

Will you still accept me?

 

For you, only for you

I might not be able to give you the whole world but

Now I will promise only to you

I will be a person who is only for you

 

It’s only for you just wanna be for you

You just need to stay by my side just as you are right now

Even if I’m born again, I want to look at only you forever

 

You don’t know but it was a bit hard for me

Am I the right person for you?

And even if I’m not the one but it’s another person

I want to throw away that feeling now

 

(Love – in my small heart – oh love – I want to fill it up with your scent)

So even if I’m eternally trapped inside

I can be happy

My J,

Hey you.

How do you do it?

Making my heart flutter with just your presence, even after all these years.

How do you do it?

Knowing when I'm screaming inside for your name, because I need you, and there you are, standing in front of me, as if you heard my cries for you to come and hold me when I need you the most.

All this while I thought I've made you believe that I'm okay, that we're okay, that you need not worry, because I don't want you to worry about me. But who am I fooling? I know you can see right through me, just like how I can see right through you. You have so much in your hands right now and I don't want to add myself to your worries.

I know you're tired, you're exhausted. And instead of being there for you and support you and give you lots of energy, here you are doing that for me.

You said you want me happy. But you always do, you are my happiness.

Seeing you standing there, in front of me when I least expect it, I wanted to just jump on you and hug you and cry on your chest and never let you go.

It's not the first time you did this, but every time you do, it always feels like it's the first time.

Whenever I'm crumbling inside, whenever I close off, whenever my insecurities are eating me up whole, you would always feel it. You would always know it. And just right then, you're there, behind me, being just the wonderful lover that you are and offering comfortable hugs, gentle kisses, soothing caresses, whispering just the right words to make me calm down. To lighten up the heaviness I feel.

I've never felt so safe whenever you're holding me. Whenever your arms are wrapped protectively around me.

You are my safe harbor, Ji. You've told me over and over again that you're nothing without me, when in fact, it's the other way around. I would be nothing without you. I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't mine, and if I wasn't yours. I can't envision it, can't fathom a me without a you. You've become a part of me, a part so large that losing you would also mean I'll be losing myself too.

You tell me you're dependent on me, that I bring out the best in you, when the truth is, I'm as dependent on you as you are with me, and maybe much more. You brought out the confidence in me, make me forget all about the insecurities I feel. You made me feel that I can do everything, that I can be who I want to be and get away with it.

You changed me, Jagi. Changed for the better. The past me thirsted for attention, for affection from people, but now, as long as you're there, it's more than enough. Your love is enough for me to feel confident, for me to feel loved and cherished. You showered me with the love and affection I've been yearning for, enough to have my fill. Or maybe not, because I don't think I would ever get enough of you, would never get my fill of you.

You are my pillar of strength, Jagi. This moment now makes me realize how true this is. You being here is all I need to put on a genuine smile to the people who love and cheer for me. Just then, smiling didn't feel painful anymore. Smiling now made me feel genuinely happy.

You were grinning when you showed up as you pulled down your face mask. A tell-tale sign that you perfectly knew I'm squealing inside when I saw you, as if you were hearing them. A grin which you perfectly know that I love and adore. And I do. I really do. I love it when you show me that gummy smile of yours. It makes all the unpleasant thoughts and feelings go away instantly, and I feel all sorts of fluffy and cottony inside, and beckons me to grin back at you. It's hypnotizing, it's dizzying, it's blinding. And that's what I love about it. I love it when you say it's only for me, and mine only. That whenever you show that in cameras, for your fans, it's me that you think of.

You've always made me feel that I'm your everything. But now, in this letter, I want to make you feel that YOU are my everything. All the things you did for me, all the love you showered me with, all the support you gave me, I cherish them all. Sometimes it makes me feel if I'm even worthy for you. I might not have said it out loud, but it's the truth. Sometimes, I question myself if I am really able to make you feel how you make me feel. Sometimes I question myself, am I enough for you?

I always ask myself, what have I done in my previous life that I deserved this beautiful, wonderful guy? Contrary to what other people might be saying, I want to let you know that I'm lucky to have you. Cliché as it may sound, but I am one lucky girl to have someone like you love me and take care of me and protect me. But I promise you, every single day of my life, I'll be doing everything in my strength to make myself worthy of you. You are my everything and I swear that I'll make you feel that way as well.

I'm just thankful to you. Grateful that I have you. I wouldn't want anyone else but you.

I can't wait to finally tell the whole world that I, Sandara Park, am grateful that I have Kwon Jiyong beside me. That I, Sandara Park, am nothing without Kwon Jiyong. That I, Sandara Park, don't care about what you say or what you throw at me, I won't be hurt, as long as I have Kwon Jiyong.

And that I, Sandara Park, am in love and always will be in love with Kwon Jiyong.

Soon, my love. Soon. We'll be ready soon.

With you I ride or die, baby. Always.

Forever grateful,

Your D

A/N:

I'm on a roll this weekend LOL. Thanks to your comments for Jimotmi, here I am again posting a short one.. This was inspired by one of my beloved unnie's real life love story. Plus, I think this is also a fitting oneshot with all that's happening around. :)

Hope you enjoyed! Leave me some love guys! ^^

-aui-