I'll Forget You...
When love goes away, another love comes again.
It definitely will. Even if it hurts now, it will heal a little later
It will forget, I will too...

Beads of sweat formed on milky white skin – pants of desperation and the need to feel alive and here sounded. Callused fingers grazed the floor trying not to succumb to unconsciousness.  Even when it would be so much easier to just slip away painlessly.  There wasn’t anything to live for.  He was alone and in pain.

He wanted to forget him.

It would be so much easier to forget and hate him.

But his heart had no othermelody.

No other rhythm.

No other song.

His breathing returned to normal – but the numbness in his veins did not desist. Each bone, vessel and so forth yearned for him. Yearned for acknowledgment, friendship and love. He wanted him, he needed him.

It’s my fault, it’s always been my fault.

The vocalist groaned and sat up off the wooden floor of the practice room.  His own broken and torn image mocked him.  All around the room the mirrors reflected the image of a forlorn beauty.  He wanted nothing more than to drown himself in an amber night because damn! He was supposed to be stronger than this!

I broke us…I broke us…

If he could cry he would.  To his heart’s content he would.  He would do anything to get rid of the pulsing and breathing ache in his heart. Nothing could compare to the pain he was in.

He could hear the distant calls for him.  He heard his name – concern lingering in the tone.  He picked up his broken pieces and stood up. 

He was sick of this.  He was sick of the noir smudges from sleepless nights, the pressure, the aches from instant ramen and dying for glory and fame.

The strong façade had cracks but he managed a smile despite the obvious tears lacing his coal irises.  He saw the faint silhouette and turned his back to grab his bag.

“Jae, what are you doing here? We’ve been looking all over for you.” Yoochun asked, his eyes gleaming of concern and fear.

Jaejoong smiled at his friend and turned around, the bag slung over his shoulder.  The traces and cracks of weakness had faded – for now.  “I was just practicing the new routine.” Perfect.  Everything was.  His expression, body language and tone.  Nothing could be suspected.  Nothing appeared to be wrong. Even when everything was.

&&&

A gasp escaped followed by a tirade of curses. Eventually the younger settled down as he stared at the darkened silhouette of the man.  “Jae, what are you doing here?” Yoochun asked – irritation slipped from his tone.  Jaejoong stood there moving from one foot to the other. 

“I can’t sleep…its too cold.” Truth. If there was one person he would tell, it would be Yoochun.  He hated the thought of facing the headboard, the walls and the night sky on his own.  Without his body next to him, everything was too cold.  Everything was numb.

Yoochun stared at the elder before scooting over and pulling the blankets up.  Jaejoong crawled under the covers and buried his face into the nape of Yoochun’s neck.  He muffled his whimper in the cotton and skin.  Yoochun patted the lithe man’s back attempting to sooth and mend. But even he knew that there weren’t enough pieces to fix the broken beauty.

“What did he do?” A tentative question.

Everything.

&&&

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years…

No longer did he have time to notice time fly away.

Numbness had settled in his veins.  No longer did he feel love.  No longer did he feel the need to feel love and loved.  Everything was over.  The person he loved…vanished from his sight.

All he lived for was work.  Keeping himself occupied because when he stopped for a breather – the ache swelled up again.  The damn tumor would swell against his heart and puncture, wound and destroy him.  He refused to succumb to weakness.  He refused to be weak. 

Yoochun and Junsu needed him.  His family needed him.  His friends needed him.

Even when there thousands of people supporting him he felt if he could only have that one person by his side, he would never quit.

They needed him.  But no one ever asked him who he needed.

Who he couldn't and wouldn't forget...